Sleep didn’t really matter to me as long as I could function. The toad’s words had to be heeded. Time passes differently in reflections. I didn’t know if that would truly apply to me, as I wasn’t a reflection, but I had to figure if he was warning me, that it would. So I lived and breathed by the thread. I couldn’t leave my mother ruined by my actions, which meant I had to do commissions by day and Ella’s dress by night. My spare moments were spent spreading my mother’s aloe salve onto my cracking knuckles. I didn’t remember anything I ate. The hours I would usually try to fill with some sort of talk with my mother were silent and focused. In candlelight, I pulled the threads so tightly that they cut into my flesh and drew drops of blood from me. There was no time to worry about that, so I just made sure that any bloodstained seams remained on the inside of the dress. 

When I finished, it was beautiful.

There had been more than enough scraps of green thread and fabric to stitch vines, leaves, and stems along the skirt’s hem, the sleeves, and the bodice. The tulle was delicate to embroider but easier to layer. I ended up using much more of it than I’d intended. But I had a hint of a plan for that. Sort of an apology for my mother. It had seemed a shame to have the skirt end at the ankles. But I’d hardly be helping Ella gain royal favor by ignoring the trend set by the Queen. I was already pushing it by making the dress blue instead of green. With any luck, it would make her stand out instead. I tugged at the flowers I’d stitched together with scraps of tulle and other pieces of fabric I’d scavenged. They should hold tight with how much time I’d spent on them. While there had been red fabric scraps left over, I thought it would suit this dress I’d poured my heart into. So aside from blue and white, I’d only used the lightest pink coloring to further embroider florals.

If it looked lovely just lying on my bed, it would look perfect on a standing body. Just in case, I set a note on top of it that said to give it to Ella. There was a good week before the ball but I wanted to be prepared. My mother would probably honor my wishes...

In past nights, I would have been careful when I walked down the stairs. 

“Mama?” I asked at a normal volume. She’d fallen asleep in her chair at the table, unfinished lacing dropped from her hands. I hadn’t called her ‘mama’ in years but it felt right at the moment. She didn’t stir and I pulled her shawl up around her shoulders. Then I threw another log on top of the fireplace. “I love you,” I said with a soft kiss to her hair. There wasn’t a lot of kindness in her anymore. But she was still my mother, and I loved her. If I had any wishes left to chase after, I’d have wished that she could be proud of me. 

The air was cold enough that I could see my breath as I closed the front door behind me. It floated up towards the distant light of the moon. I had my wool cloak wrapped over my warmest dress. My backpack was stuffed with some stale bread, an apple, and some beef jerky. My hope was this wouldn’t take more than a night. It shouldn’t, right? I couldn’t really carry more food than for a few small meals of bread and jerky. 

“Huh,” I mused up towards the waxing moon, “it might be a full moon for the ball.” 

Smaller moons seemed to drift softly down from the sky. 

The season’s first snowflakes.

They fell and settled against hair and clothes. They were cold and gentle and then they were gone against the heat of my skin. It was an eerie feeling. But I felt like I’d never be home again. I stopped to look back at my home. The fireplace caused a glow from inside that felt mundane in the best sort of way. Lanterns and the moonlight kept the village alive, even when everyone was asleep. There wasn’t enough snow yet to muffle my footsteps, but I don’t think anyone would have investigated even if I had woken them. 

I liked the chill in a way. It woke me up as I trod along the road. 

“Excited?”

Right away, I picked up a nearby stick with the full intention of whacking it across the speaker's face. I should have brought the frying pan with me. When I turned it towards Auden, seated on a rock by the road, he put his hands up.

“Give my mother money.” He looked between me and my mock weapon incredulously. 

“What?”

“Give my mother money.” I shook my stick at him in an attempt to be threatening. “Or whatever she needs.” Like fabric or beads or something. He was a magic merchant. I doubted he had difficulty with any of those things. “You tricked me.” Just in case he wasn’t aware that I knew. “You tricked me.” My grip tightened around the stick and it snapped. So I threw both halves at him. “You said I could get a guarantee and I can’t. So you owe me.” The sticks, little more than twigs, rather ineffectively flopped against his shirt and then onto the ground. I looked at them bitterly. “Maggie said you were a coward, and I believe her.” 

“I could be.” I heard a flap of wings, and a large orange bird dove down and landed on Auden’s shoulder. It shook itself before pecking at its wings to either clean them or an itch. 

“Do you all have strange animals?” Though I thought this one was much more handsome than Humphrey as Auden scratched at its chest. 

“Witches? Yes.” I suppose the term was familiar. I expected ones a bit more ordinary than what I’d seen so far. These were as fantastical as they came. 

I’ll admit Auden looked rather fantastical at the moment as well. The snowy moon behind him, a vibrant creature of magic on his shoulder, richly colored clothes resting around him. 

“You’re a crook.” All curtains and slights of hand. 

“I’m not a crook; you have that book, don’t you,” he said with a point at me. Then he stood up and brushed his hands against his pants to get the remnants of snow off. I expected his bird to add something witty, but it just blinked sideways at me. “I’ll even walk you part of the way there.”

He didn’t wait for me as he started down the path that left the village. 

“Give my mother money!” I practically shouted it. And the empty sky echoed it back to me. “Or I’m not going.” Auden sighed heavily at my insistence.

“I don’t think she’d take it from me.” His words hummed in the air. 

“What?” It was my turn to ask.

“Nothing.” He waved his gloved hand above him. I trailed after him with stomp after stomp. “Fine, fine. I’ll pay off a bit of debt I may have earned from you.” His words didn’t make me feel very confident. I caught up enough to grab the back of his cloak.

“And give this to Ella.” I pulled out a sealed letter from my bodice. It was my real ‘just in case’. I may not trust Auden. But unless he just outright didn’t give it to Ella, she’d make sure everything worked out. 

“I didn’t realize I was a messenger,” he stated. But he took it from me anyway and then outstretched his arm. “After you.” 

There was no real need for an escort. I knew where the stone bridge was, even if I had never been there myself. Only one way out of the village. Auden walked a bit of the way with me. The trees were just as silent as the village had been. Unlike rain, snow fell without any real noise. And it seemed to keep the rest of the world with it quiet as well. So it was nice to hear Auden’s footsteps along mine. But at some point, there was only one set of footsteps again. When I looked behind me, there was only an empty road and trees. I adjusted my cloak to fit snugger. If he was magic, couldn’t he have given me a magic cloak of “no cold” powers? Considering I was going to walk all this way by myself in the fresh snow.

Dear Ella, I had written in that letter I handed over to the man-witch. 

I am doing something remarkably stupid. But I suppose that is necessary in order to achieve something remarkable and amazing. I’m not going to tell you what or how, and I know you’ll be angry at me for that. I really wanted to be your fairy godmother. Except maybe the godmother part. But I liked how it sounded because I’d like to think your real parents would want someone to take care of your future, even if it’s just me doing the caring. And if I was a fairy, then I could do all those magical things we could do in stories.

If I’m late, or Auden tries to leave without doing anything, make sure he gives my mother some sort of compensation. Money, preferably. Just so you know, he cheated me quite thoroughly. So don’t believe any of the horse shit he tries to tell you. Also, don’t make any deals with him. 

To explain the letter, a toad told me time might work differently than I expected. So if I show up tomorrow perfectly fine, you can yell at me then. But if not, I’ll be back soon. I want to try and change our futures enough that we might end up happy. I don’t think I’ve been explaining myself enough. It’s that I’m afraid if we wait too long, the world will take away whatever chances we have to make our lives our own. I’m going to try and make my own magic. 

I don’t know if the dress can be considered real magic. But if I have any, it’s made with all I got. So if you care about me, you’ll wear it to the ball. And I’ll see you there. Because I promised I’d take you there. 

Love, Esther.