I expected to hit something hard as I fell. I expected to die, too. Instead, ice-cold water crashed and surged all around me. As I fought against the pressure all around me, I couldn’t tell which direction was up. Which direction had air? 

When I opened my eyes, coldness burned at them and murky gloom surrounded me. A current pulled at me, but it felt fickle and cruel. One moment, it felt like one direction, and then it seemed to pull me in another. It was stronger than me, and my limbs felt useless as they fought through the force of the river's froth. My legs kept kicking though, if out of desperation and nothing else. Solid thoughts were gone. All I could do was kick and kick. My knees pounded against the restraints of my skirt and I tasted dirt. The water forced its way up my nose and for the first time, I learned what suffocation felt like. 

Then air broke against my face. The first inhale was still only water and I let out a choking noise. More water slapped against my body. My face barely made it above the water and I heaved as many breaths in as I could. But the water pulled at the sides of my face, as though it didn’t want my skin to fully break free from it. It was thicker than the water I knew. Like honey. When I tried to thrust my arm out into the air, the water pushed back. 

But I could breathe and so I did only that as the water tried to hurtle me elsewhere. When my lungs weren’t burning, I realized despite the constant motion of the water around me, it wasn’t pulling me anywhere. If I blinked through the sentiment-heavy water, I could see the bridge towering above my head. It rippled and churned as though it was fluid. 

I’m in the reflection.

There was no victory in this thought. 

“She knows, she knows,” I heard from the water in my ears. I kicked a little harder to try and bring my whole head up. I wanted to get my bearings and see where the riverbank was. The current of the water began to feel like fingers. They crawled up my legs and tangled themselves into my hair. One closed over my face and pulled me back underwater. 

It burned just as much the second time as it had the first. But now I knew where the surface was and I kicked against the hands. I tried to squeeze them, to try and force them to go away. But my fingers closed around nothing and I saw nothing solid around me. No figures, no faces, no limbs. 

I broke above water again. This time, spitting out whatever muck had gotten into my mouth.

“Let me go!” I wasn’t crazy. There was something in the water with me. Each time it filled my ears, the rushing splashes turned to vindictive whispers. 

“We’ll never let you go, Esther,” the water said back to me. It sounded garbled and buzzing. If I let myself really listen to it, it sounded like everyone I had ever known. Bernia and Correen were somehow laughing at me from underneath the water. Shoving at me and pulling all at once. The whispers and gossip of all our neighbors. They stared at me from under the translucent foam.  

“You’re a guardian now,” a voice that sounded like Old Maggie said. 

“If you let us pull you down, you can come back home,” my mother’s voice said. 

“Come down here with me,” Ella said.  

Temptation ate away at my muscles. If I let them pull me underwater, would I go back to my side of the reflection? Was it too late for me to decide I didn’t want to do this? The river itself felt alive as I was tossed about. My mother’s voice hummed comfort to me, and I hesitated to kick my legs again. That was enough for the hands to pull me underwater again. All these familiar voices harmonized around me into a crescendo of screams. They fought with each other over who would be the one to drag me down.

My eyes remained open and I tried to look up. The bridge blocked out what light was from the moon. But I drew something close to strength from its imposing stone visage. Just moments ago, the ocean had felt within my reach. Now I wanted to go back home? I was going to let the voices of Bernia and Correen pull me down? 

“I’m not going back!” I yelled out the water. The bitterness of the depths ate my words. But they were for me, not them. I shrugged off my backpack and focused. I wasn’t going to sink. I wasn’t going to cross the bridge. Not yet, not until I did what I came here for. This time, when I broke out of the water, I squeezed my eyes closed and kicked. The hands recoiled and the whispers lamented the strokes of my arms. I reached out and forced myself forward until the next drive of my hand sunk into the mud.   

My resolve felt duller once I was back on dry land. I couldn’t stop shivering as I fully pulled my feet out of the water. Collapsing onto my side, I looked out at the coursing waters. The silence was uneasy, and while the mocking voices were gone, it felt like they were still watching me. 

If this was what Auden was trying to avoid, I understood why. Bravery or not, I might die of the cold before I ever even saw a troll. 

A glow caught my attention. I thought the moon might be reflecting off the water. Then I saw it was coming from me, or from the thrice-damned velvet bag. My rock was glowing? It moved and I was too tired to do anything but gasp. The bag wiggled and struggled against its cord. Then the cording tying it closed broke open and a beak peeked out. 

“Aren’t you going to help me?” A small voice asked. 

“Oh!” I sat back up. “Sorry.” I don’t know why I was apologizing to the bag that almost killed me. But I tugged at the top of the bag until a dark bird’s head popped out. With my mouth agape, I watched as it shimmied its way out of the bag and settled onto my knee. It was as wet as I was and shook out its wings. Crimson feathers were centered on its chest and spread up onto its face. 

A robin. A tiny little robin. 

“Why would you come here at night?” It tilted its head at me and puffed out the red feathers at me. My mind was too drained to fully absorb this new existence, and its a question to me. 

“Who are you?” More importantly, what was he? 

“I’m Breckin.” 

“You’re breaking?”

“I’m Breckin.” He said as though that was all the answer I needed.

“Ah,” I replied. Then stared at him. 

“You really don’t know what I am?” As he asked that, he flapped his wings enough to take flight and then hovered in front of me. I held out my hands so that he could land on the back of my fingers. Then we could talk face to face. “I’m your robin.” My robin? 

I don’t think that Breckin understood just how exhausted I was. The cold had seeped into my strength and I was hungry now, too. 

“I almost drowned. I think I’m about to pass out. You’re going to have to explain more clearly.” I pushed slimy, wet hair out of my face with my other hand. Then I inspected my limp legs. I’d ripped my skirt right down the center. That was probably part of the reason I was able to swim out of the river at all. 

“You passed a trial. Witches must pass a trial to earn their companion.” Desperately, I wanted to be excited by that statement. But every part of me, body and soul, felt listless. I wanted to sleep and be dry.  

“Why did you come out of my rock though?” I looked inside the bag and saw shards of the rock. It had always looked like a robin’s egg, but I’d never taken that literally. Breckin pecked at my fingers lightly, not enough to hurt, but more like he was testing out what my skin could take. 

“Why would I know?” True. I guess he’d just been hatched. Since he’d known what he was, I just figured he knew everything else, too. I wiggled my hand so that he flew back into the air. It was hard to see his feathers against the dark sky, so I just laid back down on the damp bank. There wasn’t any snow on this side of the reflection. It was still bitterly cold, though. “You’re just going to sleep here?” He asked as he landed on the side of my head. 

“It’s too dark to see anything.” My teeth chattered as I informed him of that fact. I was pretty sure robins couldn’t see in the dark either.  Breckin already felt easy to talk to, or I was too tired to care. “Besides, I’m exhausted.” And everything hurt. This wasn’t giving up. This was just taking a reprieve. 

“Well… I’ll keep you warm during the night.” I didn’t understand what he meant until he nestled into the fabric of my sleeve. A warmth that reminded me of the wine in my tea at Maggie’s spread out from him. I was still soaked, but my whole body felt like I was standing under the summer sun. It was cozy, and I was so very tired. So I closed my eyes.