When I look in the mirror, I was happy to find myself still with blonde hair and blue eyes, I was a little worried that I would be someone else, somewhere else again, but no Matt was the face looking back at me. I feel a moment of relief in being able to remember what happened this time. I got to watch her closely and she looked at me too. I always have a strong connection to her presence, but what she did today was amazing. I’m not sure how I knew to comfort her, but I did, she enthralled me from the beginning, but as I stood there watching her heal that man, I could feel pieces of myself start to return as well. I began to feel more whole; I wish that feeling could have stayed with me a little longer. At least I do not feel as lost or broken as I did before and the fact is, I remember what occurred and her face makes it all worthwhile. Before I move on and forget everything, I will leave myself a note and then start looking for my savior, everyone’s savior to be honest. I need to know who she is and how she seems so familiar. First, though I need to get out of this building and back to Matt’s apartment. As I leave the men’s room, I make a beeline for the elevator and before I can walk through the doors run into a man who visited earlier.
“Mr. Sobin, excuse me, I did not see you there.” he states.
I try to ignore him because every time I get around him, I feel this unexplainable rage. I do not know this man, but still, he seems familiar somehow, Matt knows him, he is the one that doesn’t like this guy. It would make sense that I might have some of Matt’s feelings. I learned so far Matt is not the type to get overly upset so I wonder what this guy did to piss him off.
“No worries, it happens. If you excuse me.” I brush off.
I try to move past him and he holds me in place by stepping in my way.
“We didn’t get a chance to really talk earlier and if we are going to work together, we should.” He says with a tone littered with derision.
Great, why does he want to talk, it’s not like we will be spending any time working together, this is bothering me. I can’t spend time with this guy, I can’t work with him. The hatred I feel for him is so intense, I’m not sure if it’s Matt, could it be me? Do I have a connection to this man? I move closer and look down at him.
“Mr. Kader, I cannot talk right now, something came up and I am leaving, can we discuss this another time?” I implore.
Why is he clenching his fist, is he upset, I know he doesn’t like me either. He sneers and then covers it with a fake smile.
“Oh Yes, Matthew, and please call me Seth, Mr. Kader seems so old-fashioned.” He states.
“Seth, sure ok, well Seth I really need to go, let’s talk later.” I say urgently.
The moment I say his name “Seth” I know it was not Matt that hated this man, it was me, these were my feelings, and it was not that I just hated him, I loathed him, but I also pitied him too, why would I feel that way? It was a familiarity just the same as it was with that woman, I could feel her before even traveling to where she was. I would watch her heal someone, it was the same powerful emotion but with her, there was passion, desire, love, and a sense of possessiveness I didn’t fully understand. With Seth it was the complete opposite, I believed I could kill this man, and not on a whim either, oh no the rage I felt would not be appeased until I tortured and killed him in the most gruesome way possible. Just as I knew how I felt about him, I instinctively knew that whatever I did would not affect him, he was too vile for that. I would add him to my list, so I did not forget his name and the feeling he provoked in me. I need to find both and finally learn who I am and where my body is.
I walk out of the building, thinking about what I need to do next to investigate this, and who to start with. I should start with him, who is Seth, since I know his name, I’m sure I can learn other things about this person. I will also continue to visit her, I can feel when she travels to other planes, so I will follow. I knew time was not on my side though, I would need to work quickly. Just as I could feel pieces of myself returning, I also instinctively knew I would forget everything again soon. I would not be staying with Matt for too much longer and I wasn’t sure where I could end up next.
I need to find a connection between my life and my past. I will learn more about Seth, I could check Matt’s office at the apartment and his desk at work for any clues as to who Seth is and what kind of connection he has to Matt. Once I find Seth I will figure out who he knows and see if I have any strange feelings towards them as well. I will do the same with her, I need to find out her name, I think the people who call for her say it, I will listen more closely the next time I’m near her. So first let’s see what an internet search will pull up for Seth Kader. I will just take a quick peak, as I reach for Matt’s phone, I feel the vibration. Why is Matt’s boss messaging on his lunch, I better check these.
Matt, I know you needed to leave, but I just spoke with Seth Kader, and he is going to work on the Spint’s account with you.
Did this Seth guy run to Matt’s boss because I couldn’t stay and talk, what was this guy’s problem?
Oh, sorry Matt forgot you were not in the last collaborative meeting, Seth works with Sun Jo Financial, and he will review all the financial transactions for us. He may be a good source if needed later though.
I was not sure how to respond, but did not want to cause Matt any trouble, so just replied with something vague to appease his boss.
Yeah, that makes sense, thank you for the update, I will work on the reports we pulled so far this evening.
Ok, that would be great, thanks, have a good evening.
So, Seth is a finance guy, I wonder why this is the first time I had any interaction with someone I’m familiar with. Did this ever happen when I was Haden or Dean, and I just didn’t notice? Or is this all because of her, I can feel her right now, her spirit must be on the other plane again, once I get to a quiet place I will go to where she is. I just need to get into the apartment. I need to relax and close my eyes, breathe slowly, clear my mind, and fade away.
I don’t know where I am, I expected to see the silhouette of orange flames or a town submerged in water, but this time the only color I see is a bone chilling white. The sting from the wind makes me wonder if she is staying warm enough. I think I can hear her speaking with someone.
“What happened here, how old are you?” I hear her ask.
“Oh, sacred one, I am ten, we were collecting wood and they fell, can you please help them?” a child pleads.
Yes, that’s a kid she’s speaking to, as I walk into the clearing, I am caught up short by the sight. How does one see this and not question the world they live in? Two children lay still on the ground, they are a purplish, blue color from the cold and don’t appear to be breathing.
“Please goddess, they fell in, it was so cold that I wasn’t able to get to them quick enough.” The child begs.
“It’s such a feat that you were able to pull them safely out at all.” She states.
As she kneels down next to the child, she takes his small hands, and blows across them, she says something I cannot hear, but when she releases his hands, the boy starts to sob and his hands are no longer blistering red from the cold.
“But goddess, what good is it to be able to pull them out if I will never be able to speak to them again? No, I should’ve been there watching over them, I should’ve moved faster, it’s my job to keep them safe.” he admonishes.
“Child do not be too hard on yourself; I can feel how much love you carry for your siblings. You were able to call me here for that reason. The children will be fine, they will speak to you soon.” she advises.
She looks up over at me and I can sense her fear, she is worried, how do I comfort her at a time like this, I rub my hands together for the friction and smile to reassure her. She grins at me and turns back towards the boy. I watch as she pulls a cover from the boy’s bag and drapes the cover over both children with it, she got down on her knees in front of the prone children and placed her palms over their chests. The foreign language that felt familiar anymore fell from her lips and a glow grew from her palms. I watched on in fascination as each child’s chest began to rise and fall in a breathing motion. As the last line floated above in the air, I once again felt a significant part of myself set firmly into place. She glanced up at me and stared for a minute almost like in a trance, then she blinked and rose up. She turned towards the child. He ran to her and wrapped his arms around her tightly. I wished I could do the same.
“Thank you, goddess, I am forever grateful, thank you for bringing them back, for saving them!” He yells.
“They are still healing, so leave them covered, it will keep them warm, you will need to stay warm as well, so sunlight will shine on you all.” she explains.
I watch on in awe as the sun pops out from behind the clouds and shines on all the children simultaneously.
“Thank you, again goddess, you truly are the sacred one, a blessing, our Eset, our queen.” the child calls.
She smiled sweetly at the boy and patted his head.
“You are welcome child, go be with your loved ones.” she intreats.
She looks over at me with a coy smile, and mouths thank you. Before I can say anything, she’s gone. The boy turned toward me and looked right at me, I was shocked he could see me, that has never happened before. I grin at the boy, close my eyes, and slow my breathing.
“You will be with her again soon, sacred one.” The child says.
I stop and look over at the young child, he’s no longer watching me, but he was speaking to me and he called me sacred one. Still before I can ask him what he means or if he knows me, I feel a rush pull at me and a fog envelops around me. When I open my eyes, I could see the normal high-rise ceiling, the stucco walls surrounding me. That was different from other times, I hope she is doing okay. Eset, the boy called her Eset, such a sweet sound. Her name is Eset, I will find her, I can feel our connection and that kid recognized me, he said I will be with her again, then she is the answer, and I must find her.
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