The next morning, I was awoken to the sound of pittering rain and the crashing boom of thunder. My head vibrated with the rumble and I squeezed my eyes shut to fight the sudden wave of nausea. I just laid there, listening to drops fall in a repetitive pattern as lightning flashed everything white-hot for a split second, followed by another boom of thunder that seemed to shake the ground. I breathed softly, studying the grain of the wooden walls. I began counting after the third strike, trying to remember if that whole urban myth about counting between the strikes was true or not.

Boyd scurried under my blanket, a trembling ball of warmth against my stomach, I gave some scratches and curled around him. Sleep settled at the edge of my brain, urging me to relax and just let it take over.

“It's okay bud, the rain won’t hurt you with me here.” I mouthed at him. A few minutes passed and I heard soft footsteps-Gretchen's, she walks carefully to not make much noise, Hans will walk with a heavy gait and their grandmother has a bit of limping shuffle-padding to the door and true to my observations, it was Gretchen who knocked and took a peek inside with the help of a candle, she seemed relieved by something and opened the door wider.

“Morning sleepy head.” I sat up, Boyd clawing into my lap as he looked outside, tail twitching. Something had him on edge. I stood and stretched, bones cracking as Boyd switched to clinging to my shoulders while I changed into a fresh shirt and a pants-skirt combo, wrapping my arms to hide the fresh marks. Gretchen made no comment when she noticed, only handing me a jar of salve. I felt sluggish, nearly tipping over when I went to slip my pants and skirt on. Thunder cracked overhead, the lightning that followed making my head ache. I sometimes got affected by the weather, usually when it was a day or so from my monthly.

“Welcome to the first official spring storm.” She spoke softly, just enough over the heavy clattering. “We need to pick up our outfits and get some extra items, might even stop by the bookshop?” I perked up a little, shifting Boyd to a better position as Gretchen helped with my hair.

“The flowers are blooming nicely.” She touched one of the lilies. I snuck a peek at myself in the mirror and quickly looked at the corner of the mirror, still finding my face unnerving. It was similar enough to my old face that I was starting to handle it but still enough of that sort of Uncanny Valley that threw me off when I wasn't paying attention. I chewed on some dried mint to distract myself. But she was correct, they looked healthy, soft baby blue and pink petals with rich yellow centers. It was a splash of bright, crisp color on me, I attempted a smile after she turned away from me only to look down when she came back. I studied myself, attempting to find anything else from my old life other than my moles and the high cheekbones. I didn't have dimples nor that weird indent in my chin in my old life. I still had my eyes, a rich earthy green brown.

I shuffled after her, not trusting myself to walk properly at the moment and was handed a cloak as I thought about what Vervain said yesterday.

“Do you know about the line of Elrod?” I asked. Gretchen stepped sideways as she adjusted her own cloak. I touched the fabric of my cloak after adjusting the pins to accommodate Boyd curling around my neck like a scarf, feeling a waxy substance rub off slightly onto my fingers. A whiff of honey and I recognized what it was, beeswax. I never expected it to be able to be used to protect fabric. I only ever thought it was made for candles and lip balm, hmm, I’d seen a few hives during my treks into the woods, some loaded with honey but didn’t risk going too close in case I got stung. A bag was handed to me, full of quick to eat food and some canteens of water.

“Not really, but I think they're the ruling family of the North, I know the other royals change the ruling family to a different Noble bloodline every hundred years or so to ensure a fair ruling for the common people but they haven't stepped down in the last, five hundred years or so?” She pulled her hood up. I followed and exited the house, the sky was still dark, flashes of lightning illuminating the woods around us. I yawned and exhaled slowly, squeezing my eyes as sleep threatened my brain. Gretchen lit a lantern-the flame was blue oddly enough-and hooked it to the end of a pole she grabbed from the side of the door. The air smelled sweet and pungent, the ozone I smelled last night clinging to the air with a stubbornness as the storm crashed around us. I looked up to the sky, marveling at the lightning dancing its way through the clouds to meet the ground. I swore I could see figures hiding.

“I think we have enough to finally get a horse, with you helping sell and make more of our items, we can probably even get two, we'd have to travel further to another village though, hence the extra food.” I like riding, does Gretchen know how to ride? No, focus on just walking right now, you're too tired to think of anything else!

The cart was pulled out, a large tarp stretched over the poles to protect us from the rain. The drops thud dully against the stretched animal skin, coated in beeswax as well. Hans stood in the barn and I was startled a bit when the lightning flashed again and his eyes reflected the light like an animal's caught in mid-flash. Boyd dug his claws into my skin and I winced.

Hans looked away and I slipped away to walk inside, he looked up at my footsteps. I heard the coo of a few pigeons up in the rafters followed by Edgar's croak before he settled to my shoulder in a rustle of feathers. Boyd grumbled his displeasure as he was forced to readjust himself on my shoulder.

“You’re still human to me, Hans.” He looked shocked before placing a hand on my upper arm and hugged me.

“You're family, Rán.” I lowered my head, wondering if it would be okay to call him that as well. He patted my arm.

“Get going.” He said softly, sounding like a brother. Did my brother ever sound like that? I turned and climbed back into the cart. The ride was mostly silent save for the sound of the bell of the oxen and occasional flap of their ears when they shook their heads to dispel water.

“Hans is, not mortal, is he?” I asked as the village gate was in sight, Gretchen pulled the reins, heading for the river. I did a double look out of utter confusion.

“He, got bit by something when we were children. Ever since that happened our parents loaded him onto our grandmother and then shoved myself out when it turned out I was not attracted to any of my suitors.” I looked at Gretchen, pulling my hood back to really get a look. She seemed a lot more composed than her normal bubbly self.

“You're from a noble family, aren't you?”

“My mother married into a Robber-Baron family who ran one of the ports up North. Though the money's been on decline since the ports were taken over by the army.”

“So, your cousin who disappeared, she was on your father's side then?”

“Yeah, she was.” Rain fell in an almost wall of water, tapping with an incessant rhythm on everything and anything.

“But enough about me, what about you? Any hope you’ll see your family again?” I shook my head. They were back home. A drop fell on my nose, startling me and I wiped at the drop with my sleeve.

“Well, I hope you consider us family too like what Hans said.” So, she heard that. I kept quiet as we entered the outskirts of the village.

“Why didn’t we use the main gate?” I asked as she guided the oxen to a nearby barn a bit further up on the bank, grabbing a crate of medicine and bandages that had been freshly made the other day. She covered it with more of the beeswax cloth.

“We’re not selling anything today, though we might have to exit through the gate if the river swells.” I thought about the times we had to wait for them to look through the crates, checking everything off. “Then what’s that for?”

“Bartering, for Margret’s skills, in return she’s getting some medicines and salves to aid her when she has her son.” I followed after her, Edgar croaking from above, hopping across the roofs and lantern poles, each lit with the same blue flame.

“The blue light, what’s it for?”

“This is the only color flame that doesn’t burn out in the rain, there's a specific ore needed to get that color but it's pretty neat, right?” I stared at the flames, remembering my old science classes that said the hottest colors were blue. I reached for it, my fingers tingling-Gretchen gripped my hand, face stony as she stared at me. Thunder roared above us, a flash of lightning lighting the world with a second long flash.

“No, no magic right now.” Her eyes darted over to a pathway where a couple of guards were walking by. The lightning flashed again, showing the star engraved into their shoulder plates. The Northern Army.

Right.

Gretchen led me into the house, where she exchanged pleasantries with Margret and we did a last-minute fitting, my skirt had been changed to accounts for the pants underneath, the slits exposing itself when I spread the fabric, feeling the difference in the cotton and threaded design of the vest she included. I avoided my face, redoing the lacing of the corset underneath.

“Lovely isn’t it?” She cooed. Rain fell in heavy thuds just outside the windows soothing white noise even with the crashing thunder and flashes of lightning. I nodded, my eyes drifting to her swelling belly.

“Would you want to feel him kick?” My eyes darted back to her face. “Would you be okay with me touching your belly?” She smiled and nodded, grabbing one of my hands-I wasn’t exactly happy she just grabbed me like that-and placed my palm on the top of her belly. I waited a few seconds before feeling something, it was like a pulse, much quicker than a breath intake but slower than a normal heartbeat. I lowered my hand to try and figure out what it was and jerked away when something pressed against my palm.

“He’s just saying hi.” Margret laughed softly. “Ever felt a pregnant woman’s belly?” I shook my head. She laughed again.

“Ever thought about having kids?” Weird change of subject but I still paused before answering, giving myself time to work through the complicated feelings that were brought up.

“There was a lot of risk to have a child but the pressure was there since I’m a girl.” I rubbed my hands. “And a lot of stuff happened that had me scared the kid was gonna wind like me and it would be my fault.” Margret took my hands and smiled at me.

“Being a parent is no easy matter, just remember every child needs a parent but not every adult can be one, trust yourself.” I slowly nodded.

Next was the bookshop.