“Humm~”

As I helped my mother wash her hair so did I had to bear and listen to her croaked humming of a song. You know mother, if only you had a pleasant singing voice you would’ve sold higher.

She continues to sing and hum no matter how many times I am begging her not to in my head. If I blurted that thought out, she well probably drown me. This day is the rarest I had spend with her. I do help her with the chores around the house, although gravely since all the chore she does is washing her own clothes and neatly folding them so that she’d at least look presentable. But this early morning, she came home with a terrible hang over and asked me to make soup for her. And now, she even asked me to help with bathing her in the river. After yesterday’s hunger fiasco, I stole food yet again since they wouldn’t let me ask for it nicely and only then did my desperation subside.

“Ohh! How sad”, mother splashes the water as her shoulders loosened to a mournful rest and my attention snapped back to her.

“It seemed like it was only yesterday when I used to sing you songs to sleep, my little angel”, she turned and looked at me with puppy eyes almost as if admiring me and pitying me at the same time.

“Oh how time flies so fast, look at you now you are already 6 years old”

“4 and a half”, I corrected as I bubbled her hair with soap.

“Close enough”

And no, throughout the time when I was yet able to fend for myself, you would sing me lullabies indeed but only to put me to sleep so you’d go to work. Leaving me in my crib with a small bottle of hot water mixed with a bit of sugar that would be cold for the rest of the day and my unchanged nappy until you came back home after work. I was a baby then but I learned to hold my shit in so I wouldn’t get filthier.

I know how entertainment houses work, mother. Considering a small place like this, there’s hardly ever customers so you would be occupied for a maximum of an hour and basically be free for the rest of the day. Unless you work side jobs, which now, I know you definitely do. This isn’t your only station but also the town below this village. You’ll end me if I were to spoil that to father.

Keeping up with my character’s duties as a daughter, the chores, playing family and try avoiding beat ups. I do whatever I can in order to keep busy because if not, I’ll over think to the point where I start to recall my past memories and be stuck reliving it in my thoughts, a daytime nightmare perhaps. Is thinking too much a disease? I love to think but sometimes I’d like to rest from it. I can’t help but calculate every bit of possibility there is in this life, present or future but most especially the future. I have decided that I will be giving all that I can in this life. This shall be my last gamble.

This is the sanest life I had ever have. I look around and I am in awe, whoever the fuck came up with this story, I am in their debt. I don’t have to be on edge all the time and there is little danger. All the troubles in this story is one I could easily predict. I don’t undermine how dangerous the situations can get but at least I have control over it.

“Okay, it’s your turn now”, mother orders and we switched places. Now, she is the one bathing me.

I am facing her this close for the first time since I was a baby. Come to think of it, this woman’s face is flawless. I get to see it up close and considering how poor we are we barely have proper hygiene let alone skincare. Truly a beauty no one here can par. I pray god that my skin condition will be as flawless as hers in the future, my beauty would be unfathomable.

“Your hair is really rare, just like your father’s. It’s what made me notice him in the first place”, she blabbered but I was busy admiring her beauty.

“But you look nowhere near like him, we even have the same mole placements”, she points to the mole under my chin and hers.

She examined my face for a solid minute as her gleeful expression suddenly turned into a serious observation. Then she stared at me even more closely. I thought I looked deformed in her eyes or something but the beam in her eyes, suggested otherwise.

“Say, Lupa, wanna come to work with me today?”,she happily suggested as she held my face close to hers and looked at our reflection in the water.

I didn’t even get a say in the conversation but she hurriedly finished my bath and continued on blabbing about how I will love it there. How the girls are all nice and how the food is free. When she mentioned food, I couldn’t disagree more.

She dressed me up as best as she could and we went on our way to the entertainment house. I expected it to be somewhere secluded considering this is a small village but I found it to be in the middle of the marketplace around some bars.I’ve passed by the place many times but I didn’t really know what it was until now. Once we were at the entrance she instructed me about some rules I had to follow and we went inside but I couldn’t care to listen. My eyes were enamoured by the lovely choice of luminous colors on every brim of the entertainment house the moment we got in, but the main theme was red. The scent of flowers and cheap perfumes intoxicates your nose and in almost every corner is adorned with decorations. And all the ladies, decorated with glimmering jewelries, even when it’s fake, it still made them look expensive and their clothing even the more alluring. I can hardly believe that I am still in the same old shabby village. How did the temple allow such a place to exist in the same territory as theirs? Good thing their religion does not discriminate.

I recon a child mustn’t be here but my mother led me through the noisy halls of loud moaning, laughter and a band of music.I expected there to be only a few customers but I guess they are quite busy today considering there are many caravans and wagons outside. She greeted her colleagues and chatted with them for a little, while I waited for the free food she promised until I was finally led to a room in the furthest back of the house under the stairs. It was quieter than outside and who awaited us was the madame, the owner of the entertainment house who used to be a whore herself but gained enough power to establish herself. That was what my mother told me but all I see is some chubby old fat lady with very pale make-up and a bold lip with a severe tobacco obsession as the whole room was almost fuggy with smoke.

“Here she is madame!”, my mother announced and the lady slowly got up from her chair and looked at me.

“You’re here!”, yet another chatter began between my mother and the madame as I explored the vision of the interior of the room.

“ Let me have a good look at you”, I thought their talk would last longer but the old lady said and  smiled with a stick of tobacco in between her lips as she leaned over from her table to examine me with her spectacle.

She turned my head from side to side and lifted my arms, then touched my hair before going back to her chair and tapping her arm as she crossed them. Her old teary eyes creeps me as I turned my attention elsewhere.

“Well, how is she?”, my mother excitedly asked.

“My, my, I must say, she’ll grow up to be quite a fine young lady. She most definitely takes after you”, my mother squalled after the praise as she clapped her hands together and bumped me to the madame’s table with her hip so I’d be closer.

“My, What a beauty she is”, the old lady excitedly chuckled and raising her hands up in the air as if she was braced by a miracle. But while they were discussing about me, I couldn’t help but notice the left over cookies on the table of the old lady, I haven’t eaten the whole day so I snuck up at it and stole some while they weren’t looking. Cookie brown with a strawberry jam on top. Even when she saw the cookie in between my bite, the madame didn’t seem to mind as she forced me to look her way and open my eyes to examine their color.

Just then the door was knocked and came inside a man carrying boxes. The noise from outside temporarily enters the room as it disappears again when the man closed the door.

 “Oh madame you are too kind!”,my mother laughed over a comment I was too distracted to hear.

“Hose! Perfect timing. What do you think of this girl? Isn’t she an eye candy?”, the madame exclaimed and quickly dragged the man to also aspect me.

He put the boxes on her table and hold unto his knees so he’d level with me. A momentary silence passed as I let the man stare me down while I chugged down more cookies. I know I took after mother but what is this all about?

“Yeah, she is quite lovely”,he praised and looked at me up and down, heavily judging me. I could tell right away that this man was gay.

“Such rare colored hair and that face. How old is she?”, he turned to my mother.

“Eight years old and a half”, she proudly lied.

“Well, she’s quite small for an eight year old but”, he cut mid sentence and played with my hair.

“Both you parents are tall right? Guess she’ll have her growth sprout”, my mother nodded and he concluded.

“Okay then, take off your undergarment and lift up your skirt”

I paused from eating another cookie. What?

“Come on now, show us some skin”, he rushed me. I turned to look a my mother with a concerned look but she was happily awaiting for me to follow orders.

I guess this world isn’t so sane after all.

The longer I took to respond, the more my mother’s pleased expression slowly turned serious and her threatening eyes stabbing me from the distance so I did as I was told and stripped my garment and lifted up my skirt.

“Perfect skin condition! She’ll be at a very high price once she grows up madame, so many men will be after her”, the queer praised as if he just made sure that his pig will be an excellent breeder and both the madame and my mother exclaimed in excitement as I hurriedly rushed to put my clothes back on. Chills suddenly started running down my spine as I was appalled by the sight of them cheering on how much worth I’ll get when I grew up to become a prostitute.

“You’ll start working the moment you turn 12 but for now, you’ll just be an errand girl”, the madame announced.

“How wonderful!”, my mother was delighted.

“Do you like these cookies, dear? Here, this whole box of cookies is all for you!”, the old lady chuckled as she handed one box. So it was a pastry box after  all but I don’t think I can eat another bite when I now know my mother had just sold me off to become like her.

The next thing I know, I was taken to a different room and suddenly, the bright aesthetic of the entertainment house suddenly became a dark ambience in my eyes. Its colors dull and my hearing muted even when I could tell that their expressions were jolly and noisy. The madame appeared uglier than she already was and the prettily adorned whores, along with my mother, looked like vipers that were trying to bury their venomous fangs into my skin.

The whores  rejoicing as they gave me a bath with scented flowers in a bathtub full of lukewarm water. Whilst expressing congratulatory remarks to my mother, can’t they see that this is immoral? They began to change my clothes into a prettier dress without the undergarments, they must have forgotten because they were in a hurry. Decorated my hair with a seemingly expensive hairpin and I was yet again taken into another room. This time I was ordered to smile and try not to cry, my mother’s face melting in my eyes and her voice becoming horrid in my clouded hearing. There might have been something in those cookies because suddenly I was seeing things in a slow manner and hearing things as if I’m in water. From hearing almost nothing to the noise becoming  blaring and now I am in front of curtains on a stage. I tried to look for my mother but she was busy receiving some money from the madame, a down payment for my employment I guess.Am I suppose to sing or dance for them? Is that my job? My head is getting really dizzy when finally, the curtains were lifted and my eyes widened into stupor. The image in my head froze at having my mother’s face blurred as if seeing her in a reflection of broken glass.

 The room was full of men. The lot of them excited for their next bit of entertainment. Their loud voices and the music violating my eardrums,  at first it looked like they were cheering me on until I was finally able to make out the words they were actually crying out loud for.

“Strip!”

“Strip!”

“Strip!”

The room was full of men or much rather, hungry men that looked like pigs squealing demanding for their next meal.Their loud voices becoming somewhat eerie.At first, it looked like they were cheering me on but they were actually cheering  on me.

I am in this room full of men.

They weren’t demanding for an entertainment from me, I am the entertainment.

It took a while for me to just stand there until I suddenly felt a sting on my head, my mother had shot-thrown at me with a solid candy and it stung. I looked at her to get me out of this stage but all she muttered was, ‘Lift your fucking skirt up’. It was followed by another threat to hit me with her sandal so by fearful instinct I quickly lifted my skirt without thinking and I was glamorized even more. I was forced to stood there, dumbfounded with my lower half bare naked for all the world to see, with these men throwing money and trinkets at me, drooling to get their hands on me. They were calling dibs and even asked if I was  a virgin. No. I am a child…

‘Lupa had a very rough childhood’. Bullying, abuse, ostracization, that’s the cliche in every story but this one…this isn’t a cliche at all.

After what felt like hours I was finally let off and the very moment the curtains fell, I threw up.

That night when I got home and my mother went back to work, my father had heard of the news about what had happened at the entertainment house and severely punished me. In perfect skin condition, that queer said, but little does he know about the amount of herbs and ointments I had to make for myself in order to heal the bruises and wounds I get from both my parents.My mother sold me off for some dime and my father didn’t believe me.

The very next day, I ran away from home.