“Tabby, that’s just what I’m trying to say! Life is so short; you must make the best of it, darling!”

Mom always had a way of guilting me into seeing things her way. It was her 50th birthday in a few weeks, and if I didn’t know better, I’d say the sky was falling.

“Oh, Mother,” I sighed heavily into the phone as I tried to buy some time. I knew it was her life’s wish to see this reunion happen, but I could think of ten thousand better uses of the precious time I had left.

“I’ve started this job, and I’m still sort of new here. It’s going to be really hard to tell my boss that I’m randomly headed home.”

“I’d hardly say it’s random, Tabitha.”

Disappointment filled her voice. Coupled with her only using my full name when upset, I could also see where this was headed.

Leaving New York wasn’t especially easy, but staying there would have been a lot harder. It wasn't that I didn’t love them, all of them. But, at the end of the day, it was adversarial—me versus their craziness.

To be fair, they were an odd bunch, but not serial killer odd. It wasn’t as if they had a secret taxidermist hobby, and I had grown up staring at the specimens of my childhood pets. But they were more than skilled in projecting their outlandish ideas on me to the point of suffocation.

When I came to LA, it was just as much about emancipation as figuring out what life would look like for me.

One day, I got up and chose myself; things have never been the same.

As I rolled my eyes, I glanced at the stove clock and realized it had been a solid twenty minutes of parental-inspired shame I’d been chewing on.

“Mom, listen.” I decided to try the softest tone I could, hoping it would bring her back to planet Earth. “There are plenty more chances for us all to see each other. This isn’t the end of all things.”

“No, it’s not. But I will tell you what it is. . . .”

I roll my eyes.

“This is a chance for you to reconnect with the family that adores you, Tabby!”

The pressure in my head built, yet I couldn’t help smiling. Of all the adjectives I might have used to describe the dynamic between the family and me, I’d hardly say any of them adored me. Though I’d give her points for effort, I was even less convinced that attending this party was the right play.

“Mom, when’s the last time we all connected?”

I felt my blood start to boil. Even though her intentions were not likely as nefarious as I made them out to be, the thought of making the journey home gave me the ick.

“Oh, Tabitha, you always were dramatic.”

Oh great, we’ve made it full circle; we’re back to calling me Tabitha again, I thought solemnly as I sipped lukewarm tea. I could tell by her brief silence that she, too, was frustrated. Once upon a time, practically a lifetime ago, little Tabby was much easier to manipulate.

When she used to pull these maneuvers a few years ago, it was never more than ten minutes and a few tears before I completely caved.

“Besides,” she continued, seemingly oblivious to my dissent, “now that you’re alone out there, doesn’t coming home just make sense?”

Ah, there it is, the punch line.

“Mom, please don’t start all that. Things happen, okay? People change. It happens.”

“Yes, they do, but what that young man did is much more than a simple ‘it happens.’ How can you ask a beautiful young lady to make a grand gesture like leaving her family and then turn around and leave her? Please tell me how that makes sense, Tabby?”

My mom was genuinely working on my last nerve, but she wasn’t entirely wrong. The situation with Jason wasn’t matching for me either. I couldn’t decide if that was the most annoying part of this conversation or if it was the idea of explaining the whole scenario to my siblings all over again.

“No, no, I can’t, Mom. You know as much as I do. But it doesn’t change anything. I’m still here, and I’m supporting myself. It’s honestly going well for me, I promise.”

There was no knowing whether this undercover plea for peace would have had an impact. Mom was a tough cookie to crack.

Nearly impenetrable on the emotional front. But as of ten minutes into the conversation, I had already decided to use every trick in the bag.

“Money isn’t everything, Tabitha. Family is! How can I have this birthday without you? How can I go on knowing that all of my precious babies are with me except my Tabby? It’s my birthday!”

“No, it’s going to be the difference between living the rest of my life happy, Mom.”

“I know to you it seems like we have all the time in the world, but try to see things from my side. This is one of the few chances I’ll have to see all of you together in one place, and God only knows when that will happen again.”

Clearly, the conversation was headed in the one direction I’d been trying to avoid my entire life and the one thing Agatha never let up on me about.

“What would be nice is to have some grandchildren!”

Boom! There she goes.

“Do you know that most of my same-age friends all have grandchildren? That means their children are married, and they are big happy families. Why can’t I have that too? What is it with you kids?”

“Mom, I’m hardly to blame for your grandchild deficit,” I chimed in, anxious to find a spot to share my opinion. She never had issues dominating a conversation, especially when she thought she was right.

“No, but come on already! Can none of you find a mate and stay with them?”

As much as I hated to admit it, that last one stung. Fiddling with my tea bag, I considered what to say. Though things with Jason hadn’t worked out, I still felt his loss. Over time I’ve found some solace in my surroundings. It was one of the only things that gave me strength.

I knew it wasn’t easy for her to know I’d been in Los Angeles alone, but I couldn’t give in to her. I couldn't go home.

“Mom, I’m still recovering from the last one. That took a toll on me.”

“I never did understand why you had it so bad for that boy. He was never anything special.”

Perfect. Let the judgment begin.

“Mom, we were kids. I don’t know what to tell you. I thought things would have been different, and I guess they are. Just not how I expected things to turn out.”

“Well, have you met anyone new since he’s been gone? The best way to get over this is to throw your best self out there, Tabby!”

I smiled at this, but not because I felt comforted. There was something oddly funny to me that she wasn’t hearing a damn word I was saying.

“You know what, Mom, you’re right,” I offered placidly, taking a slight enjoyment in stunting her argument for children. “I should find a nice guy, or nice enough anyway, and just go for it. Babies, weddings, you name it.”

I was certain she could detect the sarcasm in my voice, but I doubted she would let me know.

“Oh now, Tabby, I don’t mean that.” I sensed that she, too, was switching gears in this cat-and-mouse game we’d been playing for the better part of an hour.

“All I’m saying is that it would be so nice for you to come home and say, ‘Mom, I’ve found the one. I’m getting married.’ Or, ‘Mom, we’ve been trying for children.’ I had my life sorted by your age, and I knew what I wanted.”

She was telling the truth. By thirty, she’d had my two siblings and me.

“Mom, do you bug Ryan about this?”

Ryan was mom’s golden child, her firstborn who could do no wrong. Though he’d brought home many girls for her to meet, none of them were quite up to snuff. Agatha was as picky as she was persistent for her cause.

“Oh, never mind Ryan. He’s very busy with work. The right one will come along.”

“Okay, well, what if I said I’m waiting for the right time? I know you want us all to be married off, and I’m okay with that.” I sighed, feeling exhaustion set in. “But I need to feel ready. Love isn’t forced.”

“Love isn’t found either if you aren’t out there looking! Can’t you just see it? Beautiful little babies running around? The joy of their laughter?”

Her Hallmark vision is unprecedented.

“It must be your star sign. You’re an Aries, like your father. So thick-headed.”

While all I could think was I’m not the only one, I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

“He doesn’t need to be a millionaire for you to have a family, Tabby!”

“So, I should lower my standards then?”

“No! If anything, we need to raise them after that business with Jason. But all I’m saying is that I will be 50 in two weeks. What I wouldn’t give to be able to tell everyone that my little girl is getting married! How marvelous!”

As if she hadn’t put enough pressure, she gave me a deadline too.

“Mom, be reasonable,” I pleaded. “Can you imagine how insane it would be if all of a sudden I come sauntering into your birthday with a fiancé on my arm? Auntie Shelley would have a field day with that!”

I hoped that a little reminder of social taboo might end this debate because I’d run out of fresh material.

As the sun beat into my apartment, I felt the heat starting to make itself known. A delightful hum overshadowed her voice as the air conditioner kicked into gear. It was a small win, but I resolved to take what I could get.

“Your Auntie Shelley has more than enough grandchildren. She would surely understand.”

No matter what I did, I kept stepping into shit with this woman. I wondered if she would ever realize that was part of the reason I left in the first place.

Autonomy.

“Mom, I know you really want this, and I get it, but I’m just not ready. It’s way too soon.”

“But it was perfectly right to move to LA, though? You’re making no sense, Tabitha. If you wanted to start your life so badly, fine with me. But why there?”

“You know why, Mom.”

I could hear in her voice that she was still sore about my life’s decisions, but she seemed to be coming around.

“Jason and I had plans. It’s turned out differently, but it’s honestly okay. I’m okay. One of these days, yes, I will settle down, just not right now.”

“That’s the trouble with you young people these days. No one knows what they want anymore. There’s no rhyme or reason.”

The fact that I had not been looking for a husband wasn’t sinking in. Now, the only play to be made was a clean break.

“So, who have you planned to have on the big day, Mom?” I asked, trying to refocus our conversation.

“Well, now, does it even matter?”

“Mom! Come on! Stop it! I love you, all of you. It’s just too much right now. I need to stay focused on building my life in LA.”

“All right. Fine. That’s just fine,” she huffed. “Your brothers will be here, and he may bring the new woman in his life. Auntie Shelly and Uncle Bucky will be here, their grandkids.” She sighed.

“I just can’t see the day without you, Tabby. I really wish you would reconsider. It just wouldn’t be the same. It’s been so long since I last saw you. What on earth will I tell everyone?”

At this point, I’d given up and realized she’s probably won this round. As much as I could do without the trip, I didn’t want to leave her with a broken heart on her birthday of all days. It was bad enough that I was attending as a single woman with no babies and no foreseeable relationship prospects.

“Okay.”

Silence resonated through the phone before she said, “Okay?”

“I’ll come out, Mom. I’ll try booking a flight out as soon as possible.”

Are you happy now?

“Tabby, are you sure? I don’t want to make it an issue.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. After all the effort she had just put into getting me to agree, now she was backpedaling.

“Mom, it’s fine. I’ll try to work something out with work. I don’t think I can stay too long, okay?”

In my mind, as long as she understood upfront that I intended to return to my new home here, that was an issue less to struggle with later. If I knew anything about Agatha, it was her inability to let go.

“Oh! Dear! I’m so excited! Everyone will be so happy to see you!”

I could practically see her clapping her hands together in sheer delight. Moments like that made her feel like she was on top of the world.

I wasn’t sure what my dad would have had to be proud of, but I took whatever compliments she was willing to give. I did really miss them in my way, but I knew I’d have a very short window where I could reasonably tolerate them.

Ending the call, I walked my now stone-cold cup of tea to the microwave. In truth, I had no idea how I would pull this off and pay rent, but I couldn’t stand to disappoint Mom any more than I probably had.

I opened my laptop and searched for last-minute deals and flights to New York. If I booked two days before the party, maybe I could get a ticket that would be a little kinder to my budget.

It took me a few minutes before I realized I was about to embark on one of the most expensive adventures of my life.

By some wicked curse, my eyes discovered the deal of a lifetime: flight, car rental, and with my unfortunate luck, accommodation for under $3,000.

My heart lightened at this sight because although it was still a huge chunk of my pay, I could navigate the New York hillbillies much better knowing I had an escape route.

Scrounging in my purse for my wallet, I decided that if I was going to do this, it had to be now.

Suddenly, my phone rang with its delightful tune from the window sill. It was odd for work to reach out so early on my day off, but perhaps I was luckier than I thought, and they were calling to give me a bonus.

“Hello?”

“Tabitha? Hi, Jerry here. Sorry to bother you so early.” He hesitated, and instantly, I felt the vibe of the call was off. “Do you have a quick minute to chat?”

I racked my mind, wondering if there was something I’d goofed on over the last shift, but as far as I could remember, everything was great when I left the previous day.

“Yes, yes, of course. Is everything okay?”

I wondered if he could hear the fear in my voice. The air conditioner kicked on again, and I approached the living room.

“Well, Tabs,” he started with the office nickname he gave me, “I want to start by saying you’re one of the best secretaries we’ve had here at the firm. Since you started with us, you have been nothing short of miraculous, really.”

I appreciated the pleasantries, but I also wanted to know what was brewing underneath all of that.

“I’m speechless, sir. Thank you! Coming to LA has only been great because of this job; it’s really helped me get my footing.”

“Well, I’m happy to hear, happy to hear.”

I’d only known the man a few short months, but I’d have to be dense not to notice that there’s something wrong.

“There’s no easy way to say this, Tabs, so I’m just going to jump in.” He sighed heavily, and anxiety began to creeping up my chest.

“As I’ve said, we’ve really loved having you work with us over the last few months, but there have been some major changes recently.”

“Changes, sir?”

I knew the partners had a big meeting Friday morning, but I didn’t realize the type of meeting.

“The partners met Friday, as you know. Though it wasn’t what any of us wanted, we decided that we will have to make some layoffs, effective immediately.”

As soon as I heard layoff, my stomach catapulted into my throat, leaving me lost for words. Of all the times, this was the worst point to be without a job. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.

For the risk of sounding like a whining child, I bit my tongue until the urge to cry had passed.

“Tabs, I really am sorry, but we must let you go. The bottom line of the firm calls the shots, not me. I want you to know that if it were up to me, I’d never be okay with this.”

He meant well, but for my bottom line, having no job was not an option. As I ended the call, my eyes fixed on the open screen of my computer, sitting innocently on the adjacent desk.

New York was getting farther by the moment.