Gen was sitting up against the wall, one knee cocked, the other leg swinging out over the edge while Mika sat in front of him, both legs out over the edge. He stared out over the city below, hazy in the afternoon sun. Summer is definitely creeping up fast, he thought. 

“So, what’s up?” Mika said. “You’ve been quiet since the house. More quiet than usual, anyway.”

Gen sighed and rested his head back, keeping it turned toward the outside world. Mika saw he did not look at all happy, had even noticed it when he pulled up to the house to pick him up. He barely even reacted when the kids greeted him.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Mika asked, a note of fear in his voice.

Gen shot him a look, noticing the evident panic in his eyes. “What, no!” he said, his voice sounding loud in his own ears. “I’m dumb but I’m not that dumb.” He let his knee fall to the side and he sat forward, his fingers fidgeting with his shoelaces. “For future reference, never think that again, okay? I’d die if I lost you.” He turned his gaze back out the window, chewing absently at his lip rings. “So, my family has this thing we do every year where we take a trip to see my grandparents.”

“That’s cool,” Mika said, sounding excited. “Where do they live?”

Gen told him. “We fly there.”

“Well, yeah, the drive would be a nightmare.”

“Tell me about it. We did it once and decided that was too ridiculous to do again. We fly every time now.” He looked back down at his shoes. “Anyway, it’s next week, after the semester ends.”

“That’s soon.”

Gen nodded. “I asked my dad if you could come with us this time…” his fingers knotted in the laces. “He said no.”

Mika looked at him, his eyes dancing over the top of his head and hooded eyes. He turned his head to the outside. “Oh,” was all he could think of to say.

“It isn’t like he doesn’t want you to come, he does and so does Kana, it’s…” Gen let out an exasperated sigh and closed his eyes, his head back against the wall. “My grandparents don’t know.”

Mika said nothing. He sat there silently, his eyes dancing out over the skyline below, watching as the birds flew on the updrafts over the hills.

“It’s not that they’re violently homophobic or anything like that,” Gen said, his gaze also turned outward. “If anything, I’ve never heard Gran say anything past, ‘those poor souls just need Jesus.’”

Mika had to grin at that. 

“My dad is worried that they’ll freak out on us, that’s all.” He went back to messing with his shoelaces. “I tried to say that we didn’t have to tell them anything, that we could tell them we’re just friends, but Kana said it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to do that, and Dad said that even if we did try and play it off, they’d see right through us.”

Mika’s fingers tapped on the ledge, his hair blowing around his face. He ran a hand through it, pushing it back. Even now, he was still getting used to it being so short.

After a minute of silence that hung heavy between them, Mika said, “She’s right.” Gen looked at him. “It wouldn’t be fair.” After another pause, he said,  “I’m not going to sit here and say that playing pretend is something I don’t know how to do; I’ve become a master at it. But having to hide our relationship is not something I’m willing to do. Ever.” He gave a very pointed look at Gen who looked down. “Look me in the eye and tell me that even when you suggested such a stupid idea, you believed it was a good one.”

Gen couldn’t and Mika knew it. 

“I understand why you may have thought that option was on the table, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t even in the same restaurant.”

“Mika–”

“Are you ashamed of me?” Mika demanded angrily. “Or of who you are?”

Gen glared at him. “Are you fucking serious right now?”

“Are you? You wanted to hide what we have in front of your grandparents just so I could be with you, and then lie about who I am to you.”

“I’ve had to lie about who I am to them my whole life!”

“So that makes it better?”

“No, it doesn’t,” Gen sighed. 

“We both know we’re not into that ‘look at me, look at me’ Pride shit that gets thrown around, but I’ll be damned if I have to hide who I am just to be accepted by your grandparents. If they don’t want to acknowledge that you’re in love with me and that you’re happy, then that’s their problem, not mine.”

“My dad threw my truck in my face,” Gen said, instantly regretting saying that. Mika’s eyes went wide as he tilted his head.

“So, because of your truck, you agreed to continue to hide me…” He stood up and started to walk away. “Real classy, Eugene.”

“Fuck, Mika, it isn’t like that!” He jumped up and hurried after Mika, grabbing his arm. “Will you just listen to me?”

Mika spun around and slapped Gen in the face…hard. Gen stood there, head to the side, a small trickle of blood running from the corner of his mouth. With tears in his eyes, Mika said, “I have never felt so insulted by you…ever. That you would choose to keep your precious fucking truck over being exposed? Do I mean that little to you, Eugene?”

“Stop calling me that,” Gen growled, his eyes blazing as they filled with tears and anger.

Mika gritted his teeth as the tears began to fall. “Take me home.” He turned and marched out of the power plant, leaving Gen standing there with a split lip, clenched fists, and tears falling between his feet. 

As they drove back in silence, Mika staring out the window, Gen gripping the steering wheel, his knuckles white, all he wanted to do was apologize. He had no idea the conversation was going to turn so wrong. All he wanted to do was explain why he would be gone for a week. How did he fuck it up that bad? To the point where the one person that mattered to most to him was so hurt and offended he wanted nothing to do with him?

One thing he did know, however, he wasn’t going to take Mika home like this. He was going to fix what he had done, no matter what it took. He swerved down the road that led away from Rockwood toward his own neighborhood. Mika recognized what he was doing immediately.

“What the hell, I said take me home, Eugene!”

“We’re not done talking,” Gen growled. 

“Yes, we are. You want to be a pig about this, then I have nothing to say to you.”

Gen’s knuckles lost all color as he sped down the road toward his house. He only prayed there were no cops around, including his father. 

“Mika, I wasn’t trying to hide you!” he yelled.

“Really, then what do you call it? What would you tell your grandparents if they ask if you’re seeing someone?”

Gen’s jaw clenched. 

“Exactly. You’re hiding me. Like I’m some sick little secret you need to keep in order to keep this fucking thing!” He punched the dashboard. “Because this is so much more important than me, right?”

Gen screeched to a halt in front of his house. He turned in his seat to say something but Mika jumped out and stomped toward the front door. Kana was opening it just as he reached the step and he stormed past her and up the stairs. She heard the loft door slam behind him.

Gen slammed his truck door shut and stomped in the house. 

“Gen, what the fuck is going on?” Kana demanded, closing the door behind them. “What did you do?”

He stopped and turned on her. “Is Dad home?”

“No, he got a call. But Gen, seriously what–”

“What did I do?” he bellowed. He stabbed his finger up to his loft door. “I just broke his fucking heart, is what I did! I opened my fucking mouth and said something stupid, without thinking, like I’ve always done! And now, I have to sit outside my goddamn door and grovel and plead for the man I love to forgive me and give me a chance to explain myself, even if it takes me six lifetimes to do so.” He turned to the stairs, wiping the tears from his face. “But I really hope it doesn’t take that long because I would really like to see him smile again before I fucking die.”

He got to the top of the landing and pounded on the door. He jiggled the handle, not surprised that it was locked. “Open the door, Mika!”

“Fuck you, Eugene!”

Kana’s eyes went wide. “Ooo, you fucked uuuup,” she said in a quiet voice.

“I swear to god, stop calling me that! Open the door so we can talk, please!”

“Why? So you can keep justifying your keeping me a secret? Not happening.”

“I’m not justifying anything, goddammit, now open the fucking door before I break it down!”

“Yeah, ‘cause that will change my mind.”

“Mika!”

“NO!”

Gen crouched down, grabbing at his hair, trying not to go completely mental. He didn’t want this…he never wanted this. He was acting like a lunatic and he knew it. He just wanted Mika to talk to him..he wanted him not to look at him like that, his heart broken because Gen couldn’t be honest with his grandparents. He really fucked it up when he brought the truck into it.

He stood back up, the tears continuing to coarse down his face. He pounded on the door again. “Mika please, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean for it to go like this, I just…” pound “Just…” pound “Mika, please look at me!”