It did not upset me nearly as much as I thought it would to discover that I had crash-landed on Earth and had been communicating with a race known as Earthlings the entire time.

Since my original goal had been to leave Tau regardless, at least I could now rest easy knowing that I had discovered a planet that not even my superiors were aware of. It would have taken them eons to track me down, if at all, and I highly doubted they would waste that much time on someone as disposable as I was.

"Well," Alan says, swinging open the door to his apartment after setting me down. "Here we are. Home, sweet home. It's kind of a mess right now because I'm in the middle of a breakup and I moved in like three weeks ago, so ignore all the random boxes and stuff lying around."

Alan talks so fast that I barely understand half of what he says before my eyes are diverted to the interior of his house and all his belongings. It was such a shock to see this creature—earthlings, living quarters—that I did not know what to physically do with myself.

It seemed as if Alan had decorated every inch of the place for morale. There were images on the walls and a green seating arrangement stuffed with soft cushions in the middle of the room. A random table sat directly in front of that, but not for eating. Instead, several scholarly books were laid out on top. Stars above, Alan had even brought foliage into his home!

It was such a stark contrast to my living quarters, which had only been for resting, consuming meals, or reporting to my superiors, that I could not believe what I was seeing.

"You want to sit down for a minute?" Alan asks me and tosses his keys onto a smaller table near the door, "I'm going to fish out a first-aid kit from the bathroom. Go ahead and make yourself at home, okay? Just don't use that ray gun thing on any of my walls like you did earlier or like multiply into a million versions of yourself and set fire to my apartment."

As soon as Alan's gone, I wander into his resting area and pick up what looks like a younger version of him, enclosed in a glass and wood frame. He had been quite the adorable gherkin, a wooden weapon in one hand hoisted over his shoulder, a very large smile on his face with a gap between his fangs. He appeared sunny and cheerful, not at all like a Tau child would have looked at his age.

I place the image back down and continue to explore until I come across a controller resting on yet another table up against the wall. There were many colorful buttons on it, so I decided to press all of them at once just out of curiosity. 

A black window on the wall comes to life, and the next thing I know, a human appears on the screen in a large hat, dancing and singing wildly. "Come on down to Tony's used car lot and find a car! We have out-of-this-world prices that you'll only find on this side of the galaxy!"

I press the button again.

"If you want to look like all the other guys, get a cheap haircut. If you want to look like a real man, come to Super Duper Cuts and get a ten-dollar haircut. We have professional stylists!"

My eyes open wide when a handsome human male comes into view, a huge smile on his face as he rubs his newly shaved head with long pieces left on top. My natural reaction is to reach up and touch my own long, singed hair, which had grown out during my stasis and then subsequently been partially burned off in the crash.

I was still very much an alien compared to the humans here, both looks and personality-wise. And while Alan had proven to be trustworthy as of now, the cab driver and the peasants who ran the front counter at Burr-Garr had shown me otherwise. Fortunately, I had managed to absorb DNA from several individuals and had the ability to form a proper flesh suit.

I drop the remote, and a glow begins to start in my toes, then travels upwards.

"Alright!" Alan announces sometime later as he rounds the corner, "I don't know if you're allergic to Neosporin or latex, so I got these organic bandages and some plant-based ointment. Even though you might be allergic to plants, I guess? Anyway, I thought--"

He stops when I pop up from the sofa, a huge smile on my face.

"I thought I should change into something more suitable for this environment," I inform him. "Does this form please you?"

Alan takes one look at me. 

His eyes travel up and down my naked body, and then he screams as loud as he can.