Yes, gay guys can have crushes on straight guys.

I never fell for a high school jock or a best friend. My first boyfriend was my prom date and we lost our virginity in a car, the old-fashioned way.

In college, I was having casual sex like a "regular" person and I assumed that crushing had been permanently replaced with... fucking.

When I started my first job, I found a beautiful apartment in a perfect part of the city. Subletting the spare bedroom helped cover the rent.

I spoke to three potential roommates before Otto walked into my life. He was smart and had a great sense of humor. His native German often led to some curious misunderstandings. Otto was also gorgeous, he looked like a mix of an anime character, a Viking, and an underwear model.

And of course, Otto was straight!

I first realized how bad of a mistake I made when he casually walked out of the bathroom wearing... nothing. Just a white towel slung over his shoulder. Apparently, where he came from people didn't make an issue of nudity.

I definitely wasn't complaining but I hadn't even told him that I was gay yet. Would that be a problem for him? Would he decide to move out?

I promised to tell him well before my next hookup but for some bizarre reason, I kept postponing.

Fuck!

Just when I thought the time for crushes was over, one grabbed me firmly by the neck and squeezed hard enough for me to thoroughly enjoy it.

***

Three weeks later, the holiday season was upon us. I hadn't had sex in forever and Otto was still walking around naked.

He seemed very excited to witness his first American Halloween. Apparently, they celebrated something similar in Bavaria called "Hexennacht" but it traditionally took place in April.

When I suggested we dress up, go dancing, and get shamelessly drunk with a couple of my friends, he enthusiastically agreed.

I still hadn't told Otto about me, so I warned Eddie and Jay to keep their skanky traps shut.

Who would have thought that a six-foot German would get giddy like a little kid about planning a Halloween costume? I wasn't even allowed to look, like a groom before his wedding day.

We were already fashionably late when he walked out into the hall and asked, "What do you think, Roy?"

Holy shitcakes!

His perfect torso was wrapped in a tight white shirt above matching leather pants, and shoes. I adored the white, fake fur jacket but the highlight of his costume was a pair of massive jet-black wings held in place by barely visible shoulder straps.

"I am... Der Teufel in sheep's clothing," he said, his eyes gleaming red. Was he wearing colored contacts?

I intuitively knew what he meant but my brain had stopped working, so I asked, "the what?"

"The Devil," he said, pulling on a subtle cord. It made the wings spread wide enough to touch the walls on either side of my corridor.

I swallowed audibly and said, "You look amazing!"

"Danke," he replied with a dimpled smile.

***

"Otto meet Eddie and Jay," I said, staring daggers at my friends.

Otto firmly shook both their limp-wristed hands and said, "Otto, nice to meet you."

Eddie was biting his bottom lip, and Jay clearly wanted to touch some part of my roommate. Was Otto really oblivious to his effect on us?

The superficial conversation was quickly drowned out by the DJ and after three tequila shots and a cosmo, I suggested we move to the dancefloor.

Otto liked to dance and moved like he was at a rave with glow sticks. Only when he went to the bathroom, did my friends finally explode.

"That's your roommate?!" Eddie yelled above the music.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Jay demanded.

"He's like a walking wet dream and you have him at home? Like all the time?" Eddie seemed to have lost the grasp of the word "roommate".

"And he doesn't know you're gay?" Jay added. "Why would you do that to yourself in your own house?"

I'd been listening without saying a word. They were right and I knew it. What was my problem?

"Shall we take him to a real club and see how he reacts?" Eddie asked, looking suddenly inspired.

"Is this not a real club?" Otto asked, having returned from the bathroom without me noticing.

Did he look disappointed? Shit!

I decided to take a chance and said, "He means a gay club. Eddie and Jay are a couple."

"Ach so," Otto said calmly. No surprised stare or raised eyebrows.

"Are you OK with that?" I asked, making sure I wasn't misreading his reaction.

"Sure," he said casually. "Do you think they would like my costume?"

***

Otto's alcohol tolerance was off the charts and he hadn't paid for a single drink during the last three hours... "Pretty Privilege" at its best.

He was surprisingly comfortable with all the guys trying to grab his... attention, as much as I tried to keep them at bay.

Otto was having fun in a gay club and laughed with my friends but would he be equally fine with a gay roommate?

Why did his opinion even matter so much? Like my friends, I hardly recognized my own behavior and vowed to fix things...

But not now.

***

A few days before Thanksgiving, I was still using porn and a toy to... scratch my itch.

I'd tried to convince myself that he could be bi or pan or anything that included the possibility of him letting me do all sorts of wild things with him.

My hopes were temporarily crushed when he asked if it was OK for him to bring a girl over. They had very loud sex, which he actually apologized for! I never saw the girl again, so could Otto still consider switching teams?

"I know you don't celebrate Thanksgiving but you're welcome to join our family dinner," I said, sipping my third coffee.

"Really?" he asked, suddenly smiling.

"Of course," I replied with a shrug. "Although my parents might think that you're my boy..."

Holy fuck, talk about a Freudian slip!

"Your boyfriend?" he said, finishing my sentence.

My hand shook my mug way too much so I put it on the kitchen counter. Was he weirded out, angry, cool, confused...?

"Would it help you if they thought I was?" he asked delicately.

Thank goodness I put my mug down, it was my favorite one. "Why would you ask me that? Are you...?"

"Offering to keep the parents busy, so you can enjoy dinner without an inquisition?" he asked matter-of-factly. "It's the least I can do for you."

Was my mouth now hanging open?

"My parents always drove me crazy on Heiligabend," he said, cheerfully. "I used to have a pretty turbulent dating life."

What the hell did turbulent mean? A whole slew of girls, and a couple of boyfriends, maybe a dominatrix or perhaps a leather Daddy? I had a head full of questions and I ended up asking the most boring one.

"How long have you known about me?"

"Since the beginning," he said calmly. "The only other guy who gives me that look after my shower is married to my cousin Frank."

"Holy shit!" I cried, not knowing where to look. "I'm so embarrassed!"

"Why? I work hard to stay in shape, it's nice to have someone notice every once in a while."

I did a hell of a lot more than notice but now was not the time. He knew and he was totally cool, so I could finally breathe.

"Screw it! Let my parents assume all they want," I said, needing to switch topics. I was digging myself into a new, even deeper hole.

"Can I ask why a handsome typ like you, doesn't have a boyfriend in the first place?" he said, pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

He thought I was handsome? Holy shit!

I couldn't tell him the full truth, so I said, "I actually prefer hookups, no strings attached."

"Ach, so. You are an updater," he said.

"A what now?"

"An App Dater," he enunciated slowly.

It was such a cheesy joke that I nervously laughed. My straight crush was now my fake semi-boyfriend.

This was so messed up!

***

Of course, my parents LOVED Otto. He was the perfect guest and they never asked any real questions because neither of them wanted to know the answers.

Acknowledging that their son was gay and being comfortable with it, were two completely different things for my Mom and Dad. The only one who didn't assume anything was my sister, Gwen.

"He really is just your roommate, isn't he?" she asked, as we cleaned up in the kitchen.

"Yes," I answered truthfully. "He isn't even into guys... supposedly."

"But you like him, don't you?"

"How did you...?"

"Be careful you don't let it get out of hand," she said, handing me a plate to put in the dishwasher.

"I think it might already have," I confessed with a sigh.

"Then maybe you should... remove the temptation," Gwen said, simply.

Was it really that straightforward? Should I ask Otto to move out?