"I know I have been…really rude to you…and…I'm sorry."

He seemed to take a deep breath till he answered. "No worries." He half smiled. "I'm actually sorry too. Maybe I have been too much in your face. And if you need your space then I won't demand it. I meant all I said, but maybe I was just a little too eager to be there for you. It's just…after my dad left us, I didn't want to be anything like him." 

It was strange. I had always felt the same way with my parents—not wanting to be like them. But part of the reason I had hated my mother so much was because I was like her, and it couldn't be helped. It was inescapable.

"But I promise, Avery, I would never be like him. I would never leave you in the dust. Just so you know… Take all the space you need and when you're ready…I'll be here."

His words seemed bold to me considering it almost made it sound like we were a thing. But I suppose that my bipolar actions had pushed him into trying to reassure me. He must have thought I was pushing him away because I feared losing people. And maybe that was partly true. There were a lot of reasons why I had pushed everyone away. I knew I could lose people. But it would be because of me not because of them.

There was also the fact that it wasn't safe. The fact that I didn't want to be loved selfishly. The fact that even though I had hated my mother, I had hated myself even more. The fact that my dad had been so dependent on my mother, then when she died, it destroyed him. All those years, there were too many reasons behind my seclusion that it was too much to plow through to decide if it was ever alright to be different. I still wasn't even sure now.

My own mind was too full of thoughts to know how to answer him. What could I possibly say to that? His words brought an ever fresher warning signal in my head of a possible future of doom.

I didn't have to be rude to him, but that didn't mean we should be friends. Another fresh mind-chase cycled in my head between any options I had. Maybe I should just trust my aunt and get her advice. This was too much for me.

I knew I should have responded to him, but the silence had grown too long to answer now, so I tried to focus on breathing and not crying again.

Minutes passed before he spoke. "You don't have to say, but it would be nice to know what you're thinking."

My brains were already hurting with too many thoughts and figuring out which ones to share was sabotage.

"It's really…complicated," was all I could manage to say.

"It's okay. I can bring you home now."

I wouldn't have minded more time in his car but didn't say anything.

Moments later, we were back at my dad's, and we sat silent once again. This was becoming the story of my life.

"I can still drive you to school, but if you don't want that, then that's okay," he finally spoke, studying my blank face.

I dared to look back at him. "To be honest, I hate the bus." I still wasn't sure what the best thing to do was, but at least for now it might not hurt to let him drive me till I got everything sorted out.

"Alright, I will see you tomorrow then," he said.

Pulling myself away from his car felt like I was leaving something important behind as well as a million unanswered questions. The wind chilled my skin as I plodded up the stairs. His gaze stayed on me, and he didn't drive away until I disappeared behind the door. 

I felt unsettled on many levels and partly because I knew I had left him without any clues. Pulling out my phone, I texted him real fast: Thanks for the drive and being understanding and sorry about your dad.

It felt somewhat silly to say, but I had to at least give some kind of appreciation.

It didn't take him long to text back: I'm always here if you need anything.

I stood a moment, taking in small breaths as my mind struggled to believe that he actually cared about me.

My dad turned the corner, joining me in the kitchen.

"He seems like a real nice guy," he said.

"He is."

I still never knew what to say around my dad, and things still felt awkward. Clearly, even my own dad felt more comfortable talking to Donavon than to me—understandable though considering our complex past. My dad shortly left, and I attempted to sleep.

The uncertainty in my gut wouldn't rest. It still seemed much safer keeping away from Donavon for his sake especially. The future was so unknown. He had been so kind to me, and I feared hurting him. But I also started to fear him not being in my life.

~*~

The next day, I went back to my extreme makeup. Until I knew what to do, I would attempt a balance. As Donavon drove me to school, I could tell he made effort to talk about neutral topics such as Alexander, and that him and his mom were finally almost done unpacking.

I didn't say much, but I was becoming very curious about him. Perhaps asking one question wouldn't hurt.

"Why did you move?"

He seemed a bit surprised that I had asked him something. "My grandparents live here and are getting older so my mom, her sister and family decided they all wanted to move to be closer to help them out in their old age."

I only nodded, though I found it a nice thought. I had never met my own grandparents and didn't know anything about them or if they were even still alive. I only knew that my dad and aunt had lived on their own from a very young age—basically alone in the world. 

I walked through the school hallways independent of Donavon and sat at my own table at lunch. He didn't try to sit with me this time. It was probably for the best, but it felt weird this time. I couldn't help from time to time, glancing over at him as he sat with his cousins and a few others. It was a lively table, but Donavon didn't seem very talkative.

He looked over at me, and our eyes locked. It almost made the space between us feel like miles. I couldn't read his face, but I almost could envision a puppy dog begging for a treat. It was true that I could have joined them at their table, not being alone, being accepted. But why would they accept me?

It was still hard to imagine he had meant all he had said about me and actually…liking me? My heart heated a moment, and I looked away. I didn't want my imagination to run too wild, making me believe that he could possibly be romantically interested in me. He probably meant it like a friend.  

The rest of the school day felt like my mind was in a boxing match against itself. Neither side was winning but only left me fatigued and confused. Thankfully, I could talk to my aunt soon. I would just have to trust her. Trying to figure everything out alone was just too messy.

This time around, Donavon was much quieter while driving to the hospital. He didn't speak till we pulled up to the parking lot.

"When your aunt gets better, you will be going back to live with her, right?"

"Yeah."

"So I guess I won't be seeing you very much pretty soon," he said.

"Almost every day at school doesn't count?"  

"Well…" he kind of laughed softly, "I'm not really sure yet." His thumbs lightly tapped on the steering wheels. "Sorry, I don't want to put pressure on you. Anyway, you better go see your aunt. Stay as long as you need."

"Thank you," was all I said then left. It was true what he said. Things wouldn't be the same anymore. He wouldn't be driving me to school or to see my aunt or Alexander. Would he soon become only the guy that I stared at afar from my lunch table at school?

Before going up to see my aunt, I went to the restroom to wash away as much makeup off my face as I could.

As always, my aunt looked lively and cheerful.

"Hey, there's my favorite niece," she said as I came closer and sat on the nearby chair.

"Hey, Aunt Lil."

"Good news," she said, sitting herself up more in her bed. "They said I can leave tomorrow."

"That's great," I said a bit stiffly, smiling only a little. It was true, I would be really happy to have my aunt back, but it also came with some losses as well.

"Is everything alright?" she asked, always being able to pick up my mood.

"I just…I don't know what to do anymore…I mean…" I paused. I really didn't know how to word it. My aunt's soft eyes gave their full attention to me as I went on. "I know what's supposed to happen to me—basically become a monster. And monsters shouldn't make friends." 

"Oh sweetie," my aunt's tone truly sounded sad. "Please don't call yourself that. It's more of a medical condition."

I forced out a dry laugh. Yeah, tell that to a little girl whose mother never cared.

"No, really. I have been meeting with a specialist."

"What? A vampire specialist? Those exist?" I asked, skeptical.

"Technically called an Erythro-vardiologist. And yes there is at least one in the world."

"Sounds made up to me," I answered.

I knew my aunt didn't care for the word "vampire" since the world's fantastical ideas of them were not very nice nor accurate. My kind was very rare and hardly anyone knew of their existence. Since the idea of drinking blood was strange, gross, and barbaric to humans, it made sense that our kind liked to keep it a secret.

"So as you know," my aunt went on. "People with your condition need to drink blood to live. This is because of, I suppose what you could call, a mutation which causes the body to have a hard time being able to make its own blood. Of course, due to very little experimental studies, there is still so much to learn."

"Okay, so I went from monster to mutation…not sure if that's any better…"

"Avery, please…" My aunt said, wanting me to not be so depressive.

"Alright…so…we both know what this means. It doesn't change my future." I knew I held a bitter edge to my voice.

"We don't know for sure," my aunt said. "There has been reported one unaffected of your kind so far. The specialist thinks she has reason to believe that depending on how well one's body can process animal blood, that they can remain at stage one possibly forever. She also is experimenting with different kinds of animal blood that might be more efficient for long term."

"You mean it's possible...that…things won't necessarily change for me?" I asked, wanting to believe that was true. My aunt nodded slowly. Hope seemed to glisten in her eyes as well.

"It is possible, and I wouldn't short change your life just because you fear the future."

"But when it involves others?" I questioned.

My aunt gave a small smirk. "You mean like a young gentleman named Donavon?"

"Well…maybe…" I answered slowly. "But I just don't know… I'm scared." I also admitted.

"I think it will be alright," she tried to reassure me again.

"But you can't promise that. There is always a risk."

"Avery, life is always a risk, but one worth taking."

I wondered why my aunt seemed so confident and wanting me to not stay away from Donavon. Was it because she wanted me to have the romance she never had? 

"However," she added. "It would only be fair to let him know."

"Tell Donavon that I'm a vampire? I couldn't do that…"

"Don't forget that your father was very happy with your mother."

"You mean sucked in because she was beautiful?"

My aunt's expression sank. "I don't think that's fair to assume of him."

"And she didn't really love him either did she?" I more stated as I felt my heart beating a little too fast now. The topic of my mother usually brought bitter and unsettling emotions.

I looked away from my aunt's distressed eyes as she spoke to me. "Avery, I know you have many unresolved feelings regarding the past, especially about your mother. Maybe it would help to talk about it."

I shook my head. There was a lot I hadn't known about my parent's past and even how my mother had died, but I had always stuffed away any thoughts or feelings about all of that.

"Anyway," she changed the subject back. "We can keep learning more about the condition and hope for the best."

~*~

From afar, I stood staring at Donavon's car. After all the sudden burst of so many different emotions that had been brought up with my aunt, diving into a whole other realm with Donavon seemed too overwhelming. And my aunt was right, I still had much unresolved about my mother. But was it silly to still feel bitter over the neglect when my aunt had been there all this time?

A new uneasiness was also arising. If I did indeed listen to my aunt's advice and let the walls down around Donavon…that would mean sharing my true self with him—something in itself that seemed frightening. I had hardly even started to let my own self hate go; how could I let in another?

Donavon soon spotted me from my spying spot and got out of the car. He seemed confused as to why I only stood there, but we simply stared at each other for a minute. Just like in reality—there was space between us, but I could at any moment break the gap. Wanting both, to be close and far, was way too confusing.

He opened the passenger car door, and I finally made my way over.

"She will be coming home tomorrow," I stated.

"That's great," he said with a genuine smile, but I still sensed his sullenness. "I'm sure you have missed her a lot."

I nodded as I entered his car.

"When shall I return Alexander?" He asked as we pulled out of the parking lot. 

"Tomorrow I guess," I answered, glancing towards him but not directly at his face.

"I know he misses you, it's been a few days."

I nodded slowly. With everything that's been going on, I hadn't thought much about Alexander or even drawing—the only two things that I used to hold on to so tightly as if they were all I had. But now things were very different.

Donavon kept on tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel. I suppose he was waiting for me to tell him where to take me. Seeing Alexander did sound nice, but I would be seeing him tomorrow. I didn't want him to feel abandoned, but I also wasn't sure about Donavon. I think I just needed to be alone for a while and process.

"Tell Alexander I will see him tomorrow."

"Alright, I will take you home then." There was a tinge of defeat in his voice.

I didn't want him to think that I wanted to get away from him but also was clueless as how to act around him.

Silence remained until we pulled up to my dad's apartment. Many ponderings swam around in my head. Could Donavon truly accept me after knowing what I was? Why did he even like me in the first place?

"Well, I guess I will see you tomorrow then," he said with a low tone looking down at the wheel. His low spirits were unusual for him. Was this all about me or maybe something else going on? I didn't want to be silly and assume anything. He couldn't possibly be so attached to me could he?

"Are you alright?" I asked.

His eyes went to mine looking a bit surprised. "Uh yeah, I'm great." He managed a smile.

"Okay skater boy, see you tomorrow," I gave him an unsure smirk as I shut the car door behind me.

For a moment, I stood glancing back at him before going inside. Part of me wanted to go back. From the kitchen door window, I spied on him. He simply sat there for the next minute before he drove off. Being alone didn't seem to suit me much anymore.

Entering my room, I collapsed on the bed, trying to shut out all thoughts for the moment.