The bucket of water pulled Zenji from his restless slumber, the aches in his body slowly returning, but not as intensely as before. Before what? He thought. How did I get here? He looked around to see his raiding party standing around him. By the smell, he knew where he was, the familiar smell of urine, dirty bodies, and rotting food. Zenji looked around him and noticed there were more kids than just the raiding party standing around him.

Slickknot stood above him, a slight look of fear on his face. In fact, many other fearful faces surrounded Zenji. The unusual silence in the gang’s warehouse brought a mounting fear to Zenji. He slowly sat up, causing everyone else to quickly back away. He frowned at them.

“What happened?” He looked around, noticing the daylight slowly peaking through the cracks and broken windows, but it was the smallest light. Perhaps barely sunrise? Zenji saw the food they had gotten from the haul were placed in bags and sitting along one of the walls. The bags were full to bursting. That made him happy. He smiled slightly, getting a kick in the foot from Slickknot.

“Hey, kid! Don’t go getting distracted.”

Zenji glared at the man. “We got the food. Why are you whining?”

Slickknot growled fiercely. “You rat!” He nearly kicked Zenji, but stopped himself and smiled. “Doesn’t matter. I want you out of the gang. Now.”

Zenji stared at the man. “What? But—”

“You heard me.”

Zenji looked at the man, then the rest of the gang as they huddled and stared. They still had that fearful look on their faces. Fragments of the raid returned to him then, bringing despair with them. Then, he understood. Regardless, Slickknot had gotten what he wanted.

This is not how I wanted it to happen. Zenji thought. I was supposed to beat him. Another thought occurred to him.

“Do I at least get my share of the raid?”

Slickknot smiled wide, a bestial smile that sickened Zenji. “No. You don’t, you monster.” Then, he looked at Zenji like he was the one that made people sick to look at. The rest of the group began to slowly back further away from him.

Zenji looked at the kids, some as old as Zenji, some much younger. Only one face was showing anything but fear. Beni showed fear, of course, but he was also sad, maybe guilty as well.

You better feel guilty, thought Zenji. Your fault I’m getting kicked out, not winning my freedom fair and square. As soon as he had thought it, something tugged at Zenji’s heart. A feeling of sadness himself. Of course Beni wanted Zenji to use his powers. He wanted to succeed just as much. How could he blame him?

Zenji stood, then walked over to Beni, and placed his hand on his shoulder.

Then, he smiled. Beni’s face twisted, then reddened. He placed a hand on Zenji’s, then nodded in thanks, a deeper gratitude to allow him to remain, being not old enough to really make it alone out of the gang. And with that, Zenji looked around at all the kids in the warehouse, a smile on his face.

And then he left. Right out the door and into the alley.

The sun was up and so were all the people. Some looked at him in disgust as he exited the alley into the thoroughfare. Smells of all kinds wafted into his face, a good amount coming from himself. It had been a long while since he lucked out to get a bath of any kind. Most of the time the rain was sufficient, but occasionally gang members were allowed baths, more of just water dropped on them, as a reward for the exceptional.

Along with all the smells were the colors. Tokeyama was still very staunch Controlite, it being the capital where most of the nation’s power resided, but it was also a popular trade destination, being one of the first cities encountered within the borders of Control. Many of the citizens of the nation had moved inward, in fear of Destructionite raids at the border to the west. So, not many settlements sat between the border and Tokeyama. Thus, lots of colors of people and fabrics shifted through the crowds. Zenji even spotted some Dispersionite nomads with their sheepskin clothes, some dyed in deep purple and reds.

Zenji never had time to really look at the people, to really see them. Though there was sadness in him for not being able to execute his plan, the freedom he felt was nearly breathtaking. So was the pain of his stomach.

What to do now? Zenji thought. I should have thought this through. I was so focused on getting out that I didn’t have any plans for when I actually got out. Zenji looked around at the people walking past him, a few getting frustrated they had to walk around a lanky young man not moving on the road. As he felt the freedom of being out of the gang, without pressure to steal food nearly all day to meet his age quota, another feeling began to creep in, slithering up his spine and strangle-holding him with anxiety. Though the gang was terrible and stifling, they also did something important for young kids.

They protected them from real monsters.

Zenji saw a pair of city guards moving along the edge of the road, people giving them a wide berth. A panic rose in Zenji, making his feet move before he realized what was happening. He didn’t quite run, but walked as fast as he could to gain distance on the guards. They hadn’t pegged him out of the crowd yet, but there was no telling that they would ignore him if they saw him. The gangs kept to themselves and the guards occasionally turned an eye away, but around mid-morning gang members weren’t out and about. The guards might get suspicious and question him.

And there wasn’t anything you could hide if one of them was a Mystic. Zenji didn’t entirely know what a Mystic did, but knew they could somehow see into your mind. It had gotten a few of the gang members captured and “dealt with” by the city guards and soldiers. It’s not as common for mages to be in the city guard, but the Emperor was cunning and horrible, so it wouldn’t surprise Zenji that mages were sprinkled in everywhere. Better to not find out anyway.

Zenji walked past droves of people, eyeing alleys as he went trying to figure out where to hide.

I need to sit and think. Zenji thought. I need to plan! Zenji wasn’t terribly confident in his ability to plan, since his education had amounted to knowing what kinds of fruit were best to store in the warehouse long-term and which ones needed to be eaten quickly. He was no Kurinai. He had been trained since his youth, being a noble and all. Zenji, well, he didn’t know anything, really. And that thought deeply concerned Zenji, bringing on a new fear.

I’m going to have to steal food anyway, he thought. That brought on a new level of sadness, one that slowed him, nearly making him stop. He stared at the ground and realized he had no idea how to survive outside the gang. And eventually, he did stop, causing a few people to curse him as they walked past.

A muffled voice spoke in his mind, but he couldn’t understand it. It was as if it was wrapped in a sack and thrown into a haybale. The sound made Zenji jump, then panic again.

No, not again! Zenji began to run this time, making people cry out. Fortunately, the soldiers behind hadn’t seen and were now out of sight. He ran and ran, the voice continuing to make sounds in his head, but too muffled to understand it. Zenji’s heart pounded, not just from running.

Images of the day his mother died pervaded his mind, relentless and ever-present for the few moments he was running. He darted down an alley, then sagged into a pile of trash startling some rats and another vega, who scampered away farther down the alley. Once he had hit the ground, he let his body fall the rest of the way and slumped over to lay on the trash heap, not caring for the smell. It was better than the thoughts that filled his head anyway.

In that moment, Zenji couldn’t pull himself up and out of the slump, so decided to just lay there, tears escaping his eyes, all the while hearing the muffled voice in his head, the demon trying to talk to him. There he cried until exhaustion took him for lack of food. He decided in a moment of lucidity that in the evening after he calmed somewhat, he would have to try stealing some fruit from a stand he passed earlier.

He would have to steal food again.

At least it was for himself this time.

His mind still a mess of emotions, Zenji let the exhaustion pull him into sleep, hoping his rested self would have better ideas when he woke.