Five days in a row…

Edin really bought Yuel lunch every single day this week. Of course, he refused any sort of payment in return.

Yuel’s guilt was catching up to him. He had a feeling Edin would continue this act into the following week and perhaps the week after that and after that… If he wouldn’t be able to pay him back for it, there seemed to be only one way out of this situation.

“You eat it,” Yuel said, sliding the bread and soda back onto Edin’s desk. It was pizza bread this time. Yuel had no idea the school store offered so many different types of bread.

“No.” Edin slid the food back. “I don’t want you to starve.”

That’s not something for you to worry about. Yuel wanted to say that, but then Edin would probably respond with something like, But I want to worry about it. It was strange how Yuel could already make predictions about the kinds of things Edin would say after just a single week of knowing him.

What Yuel actually responded with was, “I’m not going to starve. I’ll eat at the cafeteria today.”

“Really?” Edin’s face lit up like a dog about to be taken out for a walk. “Okay, let’s go.”

Yuel didn’t mean he wanted the two of them to have lunch together. But there was no point in correcting Edin’s misunderstanding. The two were headed to the same place, so whether Yuel liked it or not, he was stuck with Edin the whole way there.

He could have parted ways the second they reached the cafeteria, but Yuel completely lost the right timing. Soon, he was seated at the edge of a long, rectangular table, facing Edin.

Yuel thought Edin would strike up some ridiculous conversation right away. But to his surprise, the boy ate in silence. That made Yuel realize that while Edin did say outrageously memorable things, the number of words he spoke to him was actually not that many.

It was mostly a single “Hi” in the morning, a few sentences at lunch about not starving himself, and a single “Bye” at the end of the day. Just from that, it didn’t seem like Edin was interested in Yuel at all. And yet, Yuel couldn’t forget how Edin blatantly said he liked him. And the fact that he always made sure to get him a different type of bread every day was hard to ignore as well.

Yuel peeked at the boy across from him, wondering what his deal was.

Edin lifted his head up and smiled. “You can stare at me all you want. I don’t mind.”

Yuel immediately dropped his gaze. “W-What are you talking about? I wasn’t staring at you…”

“Okay, if you say so.”

“A-Anyway, what about your friends?” Yuel said to quickly change the subject. “Don’t you always have lunch with them?”

“Euiheon and Hamin?” Edin just realized he had left without even telling those two earlier. He scanned the cafeteria for them. “Oh, there they are.”

Hamin found Edin too while searching for two empty seats. He made a beeline for his table, where the two students right next to Edin and Yuel conveniently got up after finishing their lunch.

Plopping down in the seat next to Edin, Hamin said, “Wow, you ditched Chewie and me to have yourself a little date?”

Date. Yuel froze the second he heard that word. He wondered if that meant Edin had told his friends about all the weird things he had said to him.

Yuel had recognized Seong Hamin from the very first day. It was hard not to, considering they were in the same class during their second year of middle school and Hamin was just as loud back then as he was now. It was likely that the boy still remembered the rumor as well.

Yuel couldn’t take another bite of his food, beginning to feel sick. He wanted to stand up and leave, but the exit seemed so far away. He would have to go through dozens of students to get there. Who knew how many of them also went to the same middle school as him? What if they saw him and remembered the rumor? Would they start gossiping about him all over again?

Yuel came to live with his dad to get away from the person who kept reopening his past wounds. But he failed to take into consideration that this school was filled with people who were capable of doing the same.

Yuel’s heart raced faster and faster at just how loud his surroundings were. He imagined all that noise was about him. Everyone must have been talking about him, asking the same humiliating questions as back then about whether he was dating some older man.

It’s not true. It’s not true. It’s not true…

Yuel repeated that sentence in his head over and over again. But the noise wouldn’t go away. His heart wouldn’t calm down.

“Yuel?”

Yuel heard the voice coming from right in front of him, but it felt like it was echoing from a mile away. He saw the hand of the boy across from him reach out toward him, but it seemed impossible to grab. He was surrounded by so many people, but a frightening sense of isolation overtook him.

Yuel felt powerless and defeated once again by the worst mistake of his life. It seemed four years did nothing to heal his scars. He was still the same pathetic person.

“Yuel, let’s go. You’re okay. It’s going to be alright. I’m sorry.”

Yuel heard these words and saw two pairs of feet rushing out of the cafeteria. By the time he came to, he was sitting in his classroom with Edin hugging him and rubbing his back. No one else was around. It actually sounded like the entire floor was empty with how quiet it was.

And befitting of the silence, Edin whispered ever so gently, “I’m sorry, Yuel. It’s going to be alright.”

Yuel just realized he was crying. He had no idea what came over him. Though he would have moments of incredible anxiety in the past as well, it never got this bad.

As embarrassed as he was to be in Edin’s arms right now, Yuel really appreciated his company and comfort. If Edin hadn’t helped him out of that cafeteria earlier, he wasn’t sure what would have happened to him. Perhaps his heartbeat would have spiraled out of control and he would have passed out right then and there. That would have been even more embarrassing.

“You’re okay. I’m sorry, Yuel.”

“Why,” Yuel mumbled, “are you sorry?”

“Because I took you to the cafeteria.”

“Like you knew this would happen…”

“I know now. You don’t have to eat at the cafeteria ever again. I’ll make you lunch every day if you’re sick of bread.”

Yuel chuckled as if he didn’t just have a mental breakdown a few minutes ago. Now that that intense episode was over, he was beginning to feel lethargic.

“You really say the weirdest things, Edin.”

“Wow,” Edin said, hugging the boy slightly tighter. “I think that’s the first time you’ve said my name. Could you say it again?”

“Are you serious?”

“Please?”

Yuel hesitated as if the boy’s name suddenly became the hardest word in the world to pronounce. He felt his cheeks blush, and it didn’t help that he was currently chest-to-chest with the name’s owner, either. Their chairs were turned toward each other, so the two boys were leg-to-leg as well.

But Yuel tried to think nothing of how close they were. Why should he when Edin and he were merely a classmate helping out another classmate? There was no reason for Yuel to get nervous here. He knew that, yet his heart really wasn’t cooperating with him today.

“…Fine.”

Yuel paused, and he could sense the boy’s anticipation for his next word. It’s just his name, he told himself in his head.

“…Edin.”