The moonlight illuminates the night sky, casting a faint glow on their faces.
Ha Yoon keeps his widened eyes on Ki Tae. A cold dread sinks inside him and the familiar coil in his stomach churns into a bundle of thorns. His lips part with an empty silence. The memories trickle into him like a leaking tap on stagnant water. He can’t breathe. He can’t feel his hands.
The same hands that pushed Dae Won down the hill.
“I… I killed him.”
He remembers the warm body.
“I…”
The smile that turns into a look of shock.
“I killed Dae Won.”
Ha Yoon drops his head into his hands as the uncontrollable sobs shake his body. That’s right. Back then, he lost his mind. He broke into pieces. He refused to believe that Dae Won was gone and desperately told himself that Dae Won was with him, that Dae Won held his hands, that Dae Won loved him back.
But he’s wrong.
This apartment. The mornings they spent together. The smiles directed at him.
The physical touches that never happened.
It’s all just an illusion.
A trick his broken mind played.
“No…” he sobs, “No, Dae Won will… he will…”
“He won’t be here.” Ki Tae interrupts, “He’s no longer here.”
“It can’t be–” Ha Yoon lets Ki Tae pull him into an embrace, quickly tangling his hands in Ki Tae’s shirt. “I didn’t– I just–”
“It’s not your fault,” Ki Tae whispers, “I made the plan. If not you, I’m the one who would kill him.”
At that, Ha Yoon flinches. He looks up at Ki Tae’s solemn gaze. “You… you’ll kill him? Why?”
“Don’t you remember?” Ki Tae mutters as he wipes the tears away from Ha Yoon’s eyes, “I’m prepared to do anything for you, to take all responsibilities. So that you never have to cry again, but I didn’t realize that my obsession led you to a worse demise…”
“But I love him. I really do.”
“I know.”
“So why–”
“Because I love you.”
Time seems to stop. The moon gazes at them from behind the thin clouds, a witness to the madness unfolding.
“I’ve never hidden my feelings for you,” Ki Tae says, “I know very well that you are aware of it but that you also chose to ignore it because… you’re in love with him. I know that I stood no chance, so I resigned to only stand by your side.”
Is this the first time Ki Tae has said it all out loud? The truth? Despite the many times they shared a bed, the obvious touches and kisses, Ha Yoon puts it aside as simply a physical relationship. A casual fling to satisfy them both. But would Ha Yoon have done it with Dae Won if their roles were reversed?
No.
Dae Won is far too perfect to be chalked up as a sex friend. There’s no way he can stain such a pure being with his dirty desires.
But Ki Tae accepts all of him. Ki Tae indulges in all his lust and messy feelings. If it wasn’t Ki Tae, would he have done the same?
No.
He could only do it because it was Ki Tae.
Because even if their relationship is one built upon sex and depravity, Ha Yoon trusts Ki Tae. So much so that he is willing to kill Dae Won.
Because even if his mind broke in the aftermath, it is Ha Yoon’s decision to kill Dae Won.
Ah, they are truly a pair of broken souls seeking comfort and acceptance in this twisted winding road of toxic love. A series of obsession, denial, and madness. Will they ever break out of this cycle?
Ha Yoon drops his gaze.
“Everything is a lie that I made myself…”
The image of Dae Won smiling at him in the kitchen. Watching a movie together. Sharing laughter. If he accepts that this is all a self-made illusion, will he lose those peaceful days? But are they truly peaceful days if they are just afterimages of Dae Won’s death?
Ha Yoon sniffles and finally looks up to meet Ki Tae.
“Ki Tae… what should I do?” Ha Yoon mutters, “I don’t know what to do… how to live now…”
“Stop,” Ki Tae interrupts as he grabs Ha Yoon by the shoulders, “Your life isn’t tied to Dae Won. Not everything is about him. He’s gone, so stop… stop living in the past.” Ki Tae’s voice trails off.
Ha Yoon breathes in the quiet passing.
Ki Tae leans in close, his voice a gentle whisper, “I’m here, aren’t I?”
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