Seagulls cry. The smell of salt in the air. Standing in the middle of the empty train station, Ha Yoon wonders whether he should really be here. He is a murderer, yet the incident was closed off as an unfortunate accident. Everyone involved has moved on. Perhaps everyone but him.

And that’s why he’s here.

“Ha Yoon,” Ki Tae steps off the train and joins him. “Are you sure about this?”

Ha Yoon simply nods.

Only the seagulls answer the heavy question Ki Tae has meant.

“I’ll be here with you.” Ki Tae links his hand with Ha Yoon, a conflicted expression on his face. “Always here for you.”

For a moment, Ha Yoon contemplates on pulling away but the firm grip on his hand almost shatters his heart. Even in this situation, how can he be elated at a physical touch of someone that is not Dae Won? Has he always been this starved of affection?

Before his mind can spiral deeper, Ha Yoon tugs Ki Tae by the hand and exits the station. Bright blue sea greets them beyond the coastline and if it wasn't for the pain in his heart and the venom in his stomach, he would have stood here for a long time admiring the beauty. Ha Yoon bites his lip.

They walk in silence.

The clear sky gazes down at them.

Ten minutes from the station, they finally reach the residential area. A small slope up leads them to the address Ki Tae has in his hand.

Ha Yoon stops.

The sudden realization and dread drops onto his shoulders and he has to lean against the brick wall to support himself.

“I can’t do this…” he mutters.

“Ha Yoon.” Ki Tae holds onto him. “You don’t have to.”

“I have to. I need to.” Ha Yoon tries to control his breathing to no avail. “I… I have to. I can’t live like this. After what I did to him…”

Ki Tae carefully holds Ha Yoon, letting him lean on his shoulder for support.

The house is just right in front of them. Ha Yoon steadies his breath and pulls himself away from Ki Tae to stand tall at the door. He swallows, brings up his hand, and knocks.

A moment passes. Two.

Then footsteps.

Ha Yoon’s stomach drops again and he wants to turn and run away. Take the train back home. Back to the lonely apartment. He turns to face Ki Tae.

“It’s okay,” Ki Tae says in a soothing voice. His brows are furrowed and he can’t keep a smile on his lips, but he continues to hold onto Ha Yoon’s sweating hand.

Before Ha Yoon can say another word, the door opens to reveal a woman. For a brief moment, she looks confused, then her eyes widen and her lips tremble.

“Ha Yoon…? Ki Tae…?” Her voice shakes.

“Good day, Mrs. Park.” Ki Tae says, “Sorry for the sudden visit.”

Ha Yoon wants to run. He can’t speak. He can’t look at the woman, at Dae Won’s mother.

“Oh, I didn’t expect to see you boys here.” Mrs. Park gestures for them to enter and Ki Tae bows politely.

“We’re here to… pay a visit.” Ki Tae mutters loud enough for her to hear.

Her face softens. Five years have passed and out of everyone here, she is the one who was hurt most, but she is also the one who has the strongest heart. Without a word, she leads them to the living room where a small altar sits in the corner.

Ha Yoon’s resolve weakens.

Dae Won is smiling in the photo. A bright, cheerful grin that crinkles his eyes. Time has eternally stopped for him, forcing him to go to a place he never intended to. And the reason is him.

Ha Yoon.

Now sitting in front of the last remains of his love, the man who murdered Mrs. Park’s only child.

It’s as if Mrs. Park is looking straight through his lies. The guilt suffocates him. Ha Yoon clenches his fist and drops his gaze. How dare he come to this house to apologize? Will an apology bring back a lost one? Will an apology erase the sins he committed? No one but him knows the truth. No one.

Perhaps he has to live the rest of his life with this guilt. Perhaps this is how he can atone his sins.

Ki Tae places his hand on top of Ha Yoon’s. A cold, comforting touch that Ha Yoon has grown to be familiar with.

He’s not alone. He was never alone.