1. JACK

So who’s Jack Farrell?

Well, first off, that’s me.

I’m 24 years old. Pretty tall and athletic with short dark hair, a chiseled jawline, and bright green eyes. I’ve got quite a muscular build that I’m pretty proud of and often dress casually in sports attire. So yeah, if you’d see me I guess I’d look like your typical Jock.

I work as a personal trainer and enjoy helping people achieve their fitness goals. Fitness helped me as a kid deal with depression. I didn’t have depression because I was lonely. Well, not in the natural sense. I had a lot of friends in high school but yeah, I guess they never really knew me at all, did they? Sometimes you can be in a room full of people and still be lonely.

I grew up in a small town where I was raised by my conservative parents. My parents were your typical southern family. Very traditional, very Christian.

I still remember once when I was in middle school I wanted to take part in the school play and my parents band me from doing that because it was too girly and not what a man should do.

I quickly learned my lesson after that.

But luckily for me, I loved the one thing that made my parents the proudest.

Sports.

I was always interested in sports, particularly basketball, and found an outlet in personal training after college.

Sounds pretty great, right?

Well, not quite.

I struggled a lot growing up. I always felt like I had to hide my true identity from my family and friends out of fear of rejection.

To me, even right now, that seems like the scariest thing that could possibly happen to me. And that says a lot.

I still hope in some way that maybe one day I’d finally be able to be who I want to be in front of my family and friends and live the life I want to live. But I doubt that. The chances of that happening and actually being accepted is basically none.

The last thing I want is to lose the relationships I have right now.

People can push the narrative of just being who you want to be and being unapologetically you. But it’s not as easy as they make it out to be.

My family isn’t perfect and they’ve said and done a lot of ignorant things. But I love them and they’re my world.

As much as I crave being myself, I know giving up my family for it isn’t worth it.

Sometimes I looked at my friends and wondered what they would do if they were me. They’re always so brave in what they believe in. Would they struggle to come out? Or would it be easy for them?

And how would their families react?

As much as it was interesting thinking of it, I knew they would be too proud to come out. All of us had the traditional American family. We were raised on sports and got tips from our old man about how to pick up girls.

Telling your dad you liked guys wasn’t something any of us would do and survive it.

Pretending was all you could do.

DYLAN

I was tired of being lonely. I just wanted to meet someone that I could really connect with.

And to be honest, I was starting to give up hope that I’d ever find that with online dating.

All the people I met on there were so superficial. They gave one look at you and judged you already without trying to get to know you.

For me personality was always a big thing. That’s what I judged a person by.

Not on their face and body.

But anyway, I’m Dylan.

Dylan Noble.

I’m a tall and slender guy with short, curly brown hair and light brown eyes. I have a small nose and a warm smile that makes me approachable. I usually dress in casual clothes, but I always try to look neat and stylish.

I’m a pretty friendly and outgoing person. I enjoy meeting new people and making new friends. I have a good sense of humour and love to laugh. But I can also be serious and thoughtful if needed.

I’m very empathetic and compassionate towards others, but I struggle with anxiety and self-doubt.

I grew up in a conservative family where being gay was frowned upon. I had always known that I was attracted to men, but I kept it a secret from my family and friends.

I went to college and got a degree in graphic design, and now I worked as a freelance designer.

I still struggle with the fear of coming out to my family and facing their disapproval. It’s the main reason I’m still trying to find a woman to marry instead.

I know staying in the closet with be an internal death for me but I had no other choice. It was either that or be completely thrown away by my family. I didn’t want to lose everyone I loved at the expense of being able to be myself for a chance.

But yeah, that went dark for a moment.

Anyway, I’m very passionate about art and design, and I spend most of my free time working on new projects or exploring different creative outlets.

But to get back to more serious stuff, I really want to overcome my fear of coming out to my family and live my life as an openly gay man.

I want to find love and build a meaningful relationship with someone who accepts me for who I am.

I guess apart from that I’d really like to grow my career as a graphic designer and establish myself as a successful artist. I hope to inspire others with my work and make a positive impact on the world.

But I know if I want to do that I’ll have to overcome the hurdle with my family and my sexuality.

But I didn’t know how to do that.

So instead I went online and created an account for a new dating site that came out looking for a woman that I could at least see myself pretending to be in love with.

Maybe I could be like a friend to her.

The idea of being intimate with her terrified me, though.

Like that one time I tried to sleep with a girl I met in high school. I just couldn’t go through with it.

But I knew that somehow I was going to have to get used to this.

This was my life now.

Whether I wanted it or not.

The choice wasn’t mine to make.

JACK

It was just another night of post-football game drinks when the dare was proposed.

My friends thought it would be hilarious if I created a fake dating profile as a girl.
“Come on,” my friend, James said. “Let’s see if you get any takers.”

“Hey, I have an idea!” Daniel another friend said. “What if we photoshopped you as a girl.”

“What?” I said. “No!”

“Come on!” Mark said. “You’d make a cute girl.”

“Yeah, you got those lips for it,” Ben said and the others laughed.

“All you got to do is pout and you’re a girl.”

“Daniel, can we use your T-shirt?” Ben asked.

“What for?” I asked.

“You need boobs, dude!” Ben said. “Can’t be flat-chested if you want the boys to fall for you.”

“What!” I said. “No, I’m not doing this.”

But I was bullied into it and before I knew it there was a picture of me as a girl.

“That’s me?” I said shocked.

Mark whistled.

“Man, I’d tap that,” he said.

The others looked at him and Mark laughed.

“What?” he said and shrugged. “Wouldn’t you?”

Daniel shook his head.

“So?” he said and asked me. “You in?”

I looked from him to the others and then back at him.

I guess, feeling the liquid courage coursing through my veins, I said,

“This is ridiculous. But... sure.”

They cheered and started creating a fake profile for me and I swear to god, within minutes I was starting to receive messages.

“Dude!” James said. “They’re literally spamming you.”

“Oh my god!” Ben said checking the messages. “One guy literally asked for feet pics!”

“What?” I said. “Gross!”

“Hey, the man spoke,” Mark said with a grin. “It’s time to pay up.”

He pretended to grab for my sneaker.

“Let go!” I said. “I’m not sending pics of my feet to some creep.”

“I mean, I’ve seen your feet,” Ben said. “They don’t look like a girl’s feet.”

“They don’t smell like it either,” James said.

“Hey!” I said and we laughed.

JACK

The matches kept coming in as I swiped.

I didn't tell my friends this, but I felt kind of bad doing it.

Especially when I read the messages and saw how into the girl-me the guys were.

But at the same time, it also showed me what girls go through every single day on dating apps.

There were a lot of very inappropriate messages that made me roll my eyes. I couldn't imagine being spammed with messages like that all the damn time.

It was hard for a girl out there.

Every creepy message made my skin crawl.

And you know, when I thought about it like that, I felt the guys deserved it, really.

It was a harmless prank anyway. It's not like anyone would get hurt since I'm not planning on talking to any of them further than needed.

So yeah, I'll swipe a little more than I'm done.