CHANDLER

I’ve never had the best luck in life. But sometimes life gives you a difficult problem and all of a sudden you end up with the right answer.

My name’s Chandler Armstrong. I’m 24 years old and an Accountant. I’m a pretty overweight guy with a height of 5’11”. I have a round face with an embarrassing double chin and wear glasses. 

My hair is pretty short and black and I have brown eyes that you don’t get lost in. I usually wear formal clothes since I hardly go out and my life consist of waking up, eating, working and sleeping over and over again. 

I’m what you would classify as a nerdy guy who loves numbers and books. I’m pretty shy and introverted and find it difficult to socialize with people. 

To make it worse I have zero confidence due to the constant bullying I faced in high school and still face at work.

I’m also really self-conscious about my weight and have learned that the best way to deal with it is to just completely avoid social gatherings. 

The only thing I would say is my good quality is the fact that I have a great sense of humour and love to make people laugh. 

And I’m always ready to help anyone that needs it including my colleagues even if they don’t want my help or even look at me remotely. 

Ever since I was a little kid I’ve always been the target of bullies. In High school it was pretty bad especially since I was at a very high weight for my age group, had braces and was the most shy person you’d ever meet. 

I spent most of my time reading books and solving math problems.

I liked math because no matter what method you use to solve a problem it can only have one answer. For a kid like me who craved consistency it was refreshing seeing something that made such logical sense. 

I excelled in my academics and graduated with honors.

But as life had it, I struggled to find a job due to my lack of social skills and confidence. Eventually, I landed a job as an accountant but continued to face bullying due to my physical appearance.

More than anything I want to become physically fit and overcome my shyness. I want to improve my social skills and be able to talk to women without feeling self-conscious. 

But my lack of confidence and fear of rejection holds me back. I have a hard time putting myself out there and I’m really afraid of getting humiliated. 

I wish people could see me for my strengths. I’m a pretty intelligent guy and have a great work ethic. I’m awesome at crunching numbers and have a sense of humour that is bound to make most people laugh.

But even your greatest qualities get ignored just because of your physical appearance. I was always jealous of the guys at work that looked better than me. They were so much more confident. So much happier than me. 

I’ve always felt like an outsider. I just really want to be liked and accepted by others. But I’m afraid that my physical appearance and social awkwardness will always hold me back.

To make matters worse I have a crush on a woman at work, Charlize Huber. I wish I could go up to her and ask her on a date but it’s been really hard. I’m not good at it and I don’t know how to even start a conversation with her.

Sometimes I daydream about talking to her. My best friend, Patrick Walton, always tries to encourage me to talk to her or any woman for that matter. 

But it’s not easy and I don’t have his confidence although his is lacking as much as mine sometimes. 

Patrick knows how difficult it is to not be seen as handsome according to societal norms. Although he was a tall, lean guy he had a little bit of a hunchback and severe acne ever since he turned thirteen. 

So he’s had his fair share of being rejected and put down by women. But he always took it like a champ. Although it hurt and I could see it did, he was always still so positive about it. 

He always gave others the benefit of the doubt, and he always believed that somewhere out there there was a right girl for him and me. 

I wished I had that same confidence. 

But more and more my hope wasted away. 

HARRISON

I carried the biggest secret in my life for years. I never thought I’d ever have the guts to reveal it to the world and finally be myself. And I probably never would’ve... 

But then that day happened. 

And I met him.

My name’s Harrison Finch. I’m twenty five years old and I work as a Sports Therapist in the Sport industry. 

I’m a pretty confident and bubbly guy. I’m very  care-free and always try to see the positive side of things.  I have a great sense of humor if I can say so myself and I love to make people laugh. 

I’m also very empathetic and love helping people. I’m a great listener too and always try to understand people’s problems. 

I grew up in a very strict house. 

My father was the coach of my high school basketball team. He put a lot of pressure on me to perform well on the court, often yelling at me during games and practices. 

Because of that I developed a fear of failure and a need to constantly prove myself. My mom was very supportive of me, but she passed away when I was in college.

I wish more than anything that I could’ve told her the truth. 

About the secret I’ve been hiding.

I like to think she would’ve understood. 

You see, I’m secretly gay and struggling with wanting to come out. 

I have always known that I was attracted to men, but I have been too scared to tell anyone. I worry about how my friends and family will react. 

I’m also really afraid that I may lose their support. I’ve been struggling with this for a long time and it has affected my self-confidence and relationships.

Right now, I really want to come out to my friends and family and be accepted for who I am. I want to be able to live my life authentically and not have to hide my true self. 

But I can’t help but think that’s never going to happen. 

If I can’t overcome my fear of coming out and be sure that my family and friends will accept me, I don’t think that day will ever come. 

And that was both terrifying and depressing. 

I mean, anyone would feel that way. 

The thought of being stuck in a life you don’t want...

That was worse than death to me.

In fact, that was death itself. 

CHANDLER

And then my worst nightmare happened. One eventful day at work, dumb me decided, 'Hey, let's ask that girl who's way too attractive for us out on a date.' Well, I guess you can figure out how that went. I walked up to her desk feeling so nervous I might just have puked right there. I know, gross.

Well, I guess I'm gross then. 

But anyway, so I managed to get the words out through long incoherent sentences and a lot of rambling. She looked at me, this shocked look. And I thought, maybe she was just surprised, you know? Maybe she was so happy that I finally told her I feel the same way. I mean, she's been touching my shoulder when I make a joke. She says hi to me every single day when I walk by her desk. Sometimes she chats to me about her day. That must mean she likes me too. Everyone else just ignores me. 

Except her. 

But then, then she did something. Something I didn't think would ever happen. Maybe in my nightmares but surely not in real life. 

She laughed. 

Like it was the funniest thing that anyone has ever told her. 

"I'm sorry," she said through laughter. "I just... what?" 

"I... I just thought maybe you'd... like to go..." "Chandler," she said. "Look, don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not interested in dating you." 

I blinked. 

I didn't know what to say. 

"Uh, o..okay. I'm..." 

"You're a nice guy, but you're a little..." 

She thought for a moment then said the word I never wanted to hear. It's the word I've grown to hear in school. Hell, even my cousin once called me that. Every single time someone said it, it made a dent in my self-confidence. 

"You're a little weird." 

At that moment, I must've looked horrified because I sure as hell felt it. She smiled this tight fake smile and then turned back to her computer and ignored me. 

I walked back to my desk, hearing snickers. By lunchtime, the news had traveled. Some of the guys came over and made fun of me. I just stayed quiet. Then I found out I had to work overtime tonight. 

That sucked.

So I was stuck in an empty office. 

Alone. 

While all my coworkers were out drinking and having fun and having sex and dating women. Why couldn't I just ever fit in? 

That night after work I had to go to the Seven Eleven to buy some bread and milk. 

As I was walking towards the checkout, I saw a magazine. It had a hot guy on it with muscles. I tried to ignore his face and picture myself looking like that. 

I talked to Patrick over the phone and told him about what happened. 

He said, 

"If only we could magically turn into a hot Chad, huh?" 

And then I knew what I had to do. 

I needed to get buff and work out. 

So nervously the next week, I joined the gym and made a commitment to exercise as much as I could. 

As I walked into the gym for my first session I was nervous. I'd bought clothes just for this and was carrying a water bottle. I looked around at everyone, thinking they were gonna stare at me. But no one was staring. It was as if I was invisible. And that made me feel so much better. I cycled for a bit. Did some running but that felt awkward. Then I gazed at the weightlifting section. 

Maybe I could try that, I thought. 

Well, I thought wrong. 

The next moment I found myself sweating profusely as I struggled to lift the weight towering over me. The thing was gonna choke me any minute. 

God, if this is how I die I wouldn't be surprised. 

I saw my reflection in the mirror as I was struggling. I looked with hatred at my overweight body, especially how I looked at the gym around all those skinny and muscled guys.

I envied the lean and toned bodies of the other guys who came to work out. 

The weight was about to squash my neck, when I saw a guy rushing in my direction.

He looked like a fucking angel. 

A Bay Watch angel. 

This guy... all the girls were ogling him at the gym. 

"Oh, crap! Let me help you!"He said in a worried tone as he lifted the weight back into place. 

"Thanks," I responded, relieved that someone was willing to help me.

I saw a couple guys laughing at me. They'd watch the whole thing. 

I felt like an idiot.

The guy seemed to notice me look at them. 

"Hey," he said. "It happens to everyone. You did good."

I turned to him and was blown away by his looks again. 

Damn, that face. 

Those eyes. 

I felt my breath escape my body. 

All I could do was nod. 

I was speechless.

How did a guy like him even exist?

I know I sound dramatic but I really felt mesmerized by this man. 

"The name's Harrison," he said and held out his hand. 

I looked down at my sweaty hand and tried to swallow the lump in my throat. 

"Chandler," I said and hesitantly took his hand. 

"Nice to meet you, Chandler," he said.

And then he smiled at me. 

Damn. 

"You look like you need a spotter," he said. "I can be one for you if you'd like."

"Really?" I asked shocked. 

"Yeah, sure," he said. "But I'll advise you to go with lighter weights first. First time?"

"Yeah," I said and then laughed nervously. "And yeah, you're right. That might be a good idea."

"Well, I usually come to the gym around this time every night so if you're here at that time whenever just come and find me."

"O..okay," I said and nodded a little too eager. 

And then as if some magical dream came true, this guy, Harrison decided to gym with me. 

When it was time for him to go we waved goodbye and went our separate ways. 

To say there was a spring in my step on the way to my car was an understatement.

As I fastened my seatbelt, I breathed out. 

"He's so hot,” i said to my empty car. 

I looked down at my clothes.

"I need to go shopping again," I said as I started my car. "There's no way in hell I'm wearing this again."

CHANDLER

So from that day on, Harrison became my spotter, and with his help, I started making progress in my workout routine. We would meet up every day at the gym, and Harrison would encourage me to push myself further. 

Eventually, we started getting to know each other pretty well too. We’d hang out at the gym during our breaks and just talk about everything going on in our lives. 

He told me about his family, his job, his hopes and dreams, and I told him about mine. We talked about the weight loss journey and how important it was to me. And he told me about how proud he was of me. 

I couldn’t help it, but the more I started getting to know him, the more time we spent together, the more I realized that I was starting to feel something. 

It was scary. 

Heck, it was terrifying. 

Because it meant I had to realize something, something about myself I’ve never even realized could be a possibility. But I knew it was true. 

I could feel it. 

Every single day, more and more, I knew. 

I was in love with Harrison.