ADHD = Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder = I can try all I want, but sometimes my brain doesn’t do what I want or need it to do. It will focus too much or too little on things, making mundane tasks difficult to complete and even conversations hard to follow, but also allows me to shift my focus around in videogames so I always know what is going on where. I guess it could be a reason why I’m a pretty decent healer.

I feel a little strange. I try to wrap my head around the idea that the Alex I was talking to, the one I thought was a boy, is actually a girl. I know I didn’t behave nicely to her, and that troubled me, especially when I saw how upset it made her. And it wasn’t even Alex’ fault. I was the one who had different ideas about who she was than what she told me, I filled in the blanks about her in the wrong way.

But at the same time... Seeing her that upset. I felt so bad. Because I knew that the person who made me laugh so hard for the last few weeks was now in pain. And it was by my own hand. So I plucked up the courage and apologised. Because if there’s one thing I’m good at these days, it’s apologising. I’m too impulsive and a little socially awkward at times, so I have to apologise on a regular base.

Only, when she looked at me again, when I saw that pain in her eyes, not only did I feel bad, I felt a little flutter in my stomach, a little bit of that same feeling I get when I talk to Alex online. But that was just relief, right? Relief that she didn’t actually hate me.

We start digging into the plate with ribs. I’m hungry, really hungry. But it seems that Alex is just as happy to keep munching away, to keep eating and digging through the stack. I think I may have grabbed a few too many ribs, but I couldn’t help myself. When I read jalapeno ribs, I just had to have them, and when Alex also wanted them... Well, I guess I got a little too excited. Not uncommon.

I take a deep breath, trying to wait a moment for the food to settle, and then I take a sip from one of the bottles with water that Alex grabbed us. I lean back a little, looking at the girl sitting opposite me.

Alex’ eyes flit up to mine for a few moments, but then she looks back at her hands, at the way she’s pulling two ribs apart. Then Alex’ phone starts beeping and she nearly lets out a curse, quickly looking my way before she cleans her hands and taps at the screen. She takes her phone and sends someone a message.

A few tables over, I see the guy she was sitting with, Troy, grab his phone, and then look around. Alex also looks around for him, but he’s already coming over to us, holding a bag.

“Bag?” Troy puts it next to her on the bench, then he sits down, looking at me for a moment and smiling.

“Thanks.” Alex flashes him a smile, grabbing a little bottle with pills from the bag, taking one out, and then putting the bottle back.

“You good?” Troy stands up again, apparently done here.

“Yeah. Thanks.” Alex nods at him. “Thanks for always taking care of me.”

“No problem. Better this than the alternative.” He winks. “Okay, I’m going back. You two have fun.” He smiles and walks off again with the bag.

Alex eyes the little pill in front of her, sighing and then taking it with some water. She pulls a face and then grins at me, a little mischief in her eyes. “Gross.”

“Are you okay?” I’m not used to people being this unfazed by having to take medication.

She nods, taking a deep breath. She opens her mouth for a moment, then closes it. She seems to try to say something, but at the same time…

“You don’t have to tell me.” I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable.

“It’s not that. Just...” She shrugs, sighing. “I guess I can tell you. You’ll figure it out soon enough anyway, and the others already know. It’s not a secret.”

That makes me worry a little, my stomach constricting.

“I have ADHD. I take meds so I don’t do stupid stuff, or so I can actually focus on what is going on, like, having conversations.” Alex doesn’t look at me anymore, instead looking at the table. “Things like this exhaust me, so many impressions, so many people all talking at the same time. So, I take my meds to make things a little easier.”

I reach out, touching her arm as a laugh bubbles up in me.

“What?” She looks a little confused, and a little annoyed.

“Me too.” I can’t help the relief that floods me. “I also have ADHD. Well, without the hyperactivity, technically.” The words all run together a little, and I swallow hard, taking a deep breath. “I get it.”

Alex grins, she turns her arm, sliding her hand into mine, making sparks rush all the way up my arm. “Really?”

“Yeah.” I look at our hands, at the way she holds mine. “I took my last dose on the way here. Didn’t want to have to deal with it surrounded by strangers. But I totally get it.”

Alex nods, then she lets go of my hand, instead grabbing her phone. I don’t know why, but I wish she hadn’t let me go just yet. “Look.” She shows me a screen on her phone. It’s got a lot of different timers on it, all set for different hours. “My secret to taking meds on time.” She winks and I laugh. Of course, the one funny thing about taking medication that helps you focus and remember things, is that you kind of need reminders to remember to take it…

“I have two computer screens so I can watch TV series while I play videogames, otherwise I get distracted.” I shrug a little, my own way of refocusing my focus.

“Smart. I just have the voice chat in the background, so there are usually other people around while I’m doing things. But the second screen is a good idea too.” She thinks for a moment, her eyes sparkling. “To think that the girl who is naturally good at being my healer, would also have the same attention span issues I have... Interesting.” She looks at the now empty plate between us. “Want more?”

I shake my head. “Too full. But maybe dessert later.”

“Good call.” She pushes the plate aside and then the girl she was talking to before comes over too.

“Hey. I don’t think I’ve introduced myself yet.” She holds out her hand and I take it. “I’m Cerise, I’m a mage. And you must be our new healer?”

I nod. “Fleur. Brand new healer and a little overwhelmed by the amount of people here.” I smile at her and she nods as she sits down.

“So you decided to sit with our ball of energy? Makes total sense.” She bumps her shoulder into Alex, who pushes back.

“You’re just trying to flatter me.” Alex grins, then she leans over, her eyes shining. “Okay, so I read that...”

***

It’s interesting to watch Alex interact with people, and also to meet all the other members of the guild. After the odd start, it seems that the rest of the evening goes much smoother. I really like talking to them and it seriously makes me consider getting a headset so I can talk to them in-game too. Especially now that summer break has started and I’ll have a lot more free time to actually play with them. And having finally met them, it’s no longer as scary.

Alex has stayed close by all evening and she seems to really include me when she talks to other people, making me feel welcome. I like talking to her, watching her react, looking at her as she enthusiastically talks about things. I thought she was talkative before, but she is really talkative in real life too, probably even more so.

“Fleur?” Alex looks at me, her eyes curious.

“Yeah?” I’m sure I missed something.

“Are you good?” She smiles, coming a little closer. She’s pretty, and so bubbly.

“I’m good. Just a long day.” I check my phone. “My mom is picking me up in five or so minutes.”

“Ah.” Alex’ face falls. “Let’s get your things then, I’ll walk you to the front.”

I nod, standing up, addressing the whole group. “I’m leaving. See you all in Elysium.” I grab my bag and my hat, holding it instead of putting it on, the sun is too low to really matter anymore anyway, and it keeps my hands busy.

“See you!” A lot of people wave at me, calling their goodbyes.

I see Alex wait a little bit away, and I catch up with her before we go through the restaurant to the front, there we stop.

“Thank you for coming. I loved meeting you.” Alex’ eyes don’t shine as much anymore, but I guess we’re both a little tired now.

“I loved being here. Again, sorry for all the mess at the start.” I play with the rim of the hat in my hands.

“It’s okay.” Alex lets out a little laugh, putting a hand over mine, stopping my movements. “At one point, we’ll laugh that this ever happened. Don’t worry. I’m just glad you enjoyed yourself.”

“Yeah, I did.” We fall quiet for a bit, Alex’ hand still on mine and I turn it around, taking it carefully as my heart beats like crazy.

Alex looks up, her fingers tensing around mine, her gaze surprised, confused, and maybe even a little scared, but I can also see the happiness. I feel like that too. I don’t know what or why. I never felt like this around a girl before, or, really, anyone. I thought I liked Alex, back when I thought Alex was a guy, but now... Knowing that she’s a girl... It complicates things a little.

“I...” We both look up and speak at the same time, making us burst out laughing and the tension is broken.

“You first.” Alex smiles.

“I’d like to meet up again.” I look behind us. “Maybe not as a group, though.”

“Me too.” Alex’ smile grows. “And it’s not like we live that far from each other. I live just on the other side of the city from here.”

I reach up, pointing either way.

“East.”

“Oh. That’s actually closer to my place...” I meet her eyes, and then look down again.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” My heart does a little flop at the hopeful sound in Alex’ voice. “Which makes meeting up even easier.” I can’t help smiling at the idea of just spending time together with Alex. She’s smart and funny and so easy to be around.

“Definitely.” She takes her phone. “We should exchange numbers and stuff. Elysium is great and all, but I’d like to be able to just talk to you...” Her voice trails off at the end, uncertain. “If you’re okay with that…”

“Sounds good.” I grab my phone and add her number to it, then we also exchange friend invites in the voice chat program that they use. I may not have a good microphone, but I’ve had an account for a while, usually just for text-based chatting though.

“We’ll have to see when we can meet then.” Alex looks my way and I nod.

“Yeah.” My stomach does weird things under her gaze. “We should.”

“Actually. If you’re into movies... There’s an action movie coming out this week or next week. We could go together.” Alex immediately starts tapping at her phone, looking for something. I can’t help but laugh at it, so familiar to see. “Yeah. It comes out at the end of the week. Starting on Thursday. We could go...” She looks up, raising an eyebrow. “What?”

“Nothing. I’d love to. I’ll have to ask my mom.”

“Of course.” She lets out a breath. “I’d really like it, though.”

“Me too.” I reach out, touching her hand and she slides it into mine, holding on. I like this, it feels good.

Then I see my mom’s car drive up and we walk to meet her in a spot just down the road where she can easily park. A few steps before we reach her, Alex lets go of my hand, instead stuffing it into her jeans.

Mom opens the door for me, looking at Alex, smiling. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Alex nods, I can see she’s a little uncomfortable.

I climb into the seat, organising my dress, hat and bag in a way that leaves me some space to sit.

“Did you make new friends? And did you get to see the Alex guy that you really wanted to meet?” Mom immediately starts with the questions. “Did you thank him for inviting you yet?”

Alex steps a little closer. “I’m Alex, actually.” She puts on a polite smile. “And thank you for letting her come here. We had a great time.”

“Ah.” Mom looks between Alex and me, a little confused. “Well, I’m glad. It’s never easy to meet new people.”

“No, it’s not. Which is why we do this.” Alex is putting on her biggest charm, now that I know her a little, it’s easy to spot. “This way new members can meet other people, makes playing together more fun. And you get to meet face to face, instead of just an online persona.”

“That is definitely true.” Mom nods, thinking. “Well, we have a drive home to make. We should get going.”

“Have a safe trip.” Alex smiles, stepping back, her eyes on me. “And I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Talk to you soon.” I can’t help my own smile. “And I’ll message you about that thing.”

“I’ll check with my parents too.” Alex nods.

Then mom drives off and I wave at Alex until we round the corner.

“She seems like a very responsible and thoughtful person.” Mom looks my way for a moment. “And kind too.”

“She is.” I look at my phone, at Alex’ contact that I just added, my head a little light. “She really is.”