Currency = Most games have different types of currency, there is the global system that is basically ‘money’. Depending on the game this can be a system with bronze, silver and gold or other metal coins, basically Euros and cents, other games use only one type of coin, like how the Japanese Yen works. But on top of that, most games also have special currencies that gamers collect from quests, dungeons, raids and other things and those can be exchanged for special gear and items at specific NPCs.

What? How am I even supposed to answer that? Especially to Fleur... Especially when I have no idea what she thinks about me right now, how she feels about me... Would it ruin even the little bit of friendship we’ve started to build?

She looks so surprised by her own question, but I can also see the curiosity in her eyes. She does want to know. I don’t know why, I don’t dare to hope to know why... Arg.

I move in my seat, the hall is filling up with more people, and I don’t want to make a scene. “I don’t know.” It’s the best I can give her right now.

She looks at me, her face falling a little, and then she sits back in her seat, staring ahead. The silence stretches between us and I don’t know how to fill it. This just got a whole lot more awkward, more awkward even than when she saw me for the first time. Just... It feels like I may have ruined any chance I had at shrugging this off. At acting like the question means nothing to me.

The silence between us keeps stretching and the hall darkens, the screen lighting up, starting to play commercials.

I glance in Fleur’s direction and she keeps looking ahead, her eyebrows drawn up and her eyes appear to be looking in the direction of the screen, but I can see how she’s not actually seeing any of it.

I gave the wrong answer, didn’t I? I lean in and Fleur looks at me, a little surprised. “I’ll be right back, need to use the toilet.”

She nods, her eyes on my face. “Okay.”

“I’ll be right back.” I stand up and make my way through the rest of the row and then out of the hall. When I’m in the hallway, I take a deep breath, trying to calm my heart a little, and grab my phone. I send a message off to Cerise. ‘She asked me if I liked girls more than boys. I totally closed up. Help!’

Then I go to the toilets, locking myself in a cubicle. I can’t believe I totally closed up. I can’t believe I freaked out like that. I should have just answered with the truth. It’s not like me to freak out about my sexuality…

My phone buzzes and I see that Cerise has sent a message back. ‘What did you say? How did she react?’

‘I told her that I don’t know. She went quiet after that, like she had to think about that.’ The way she went quiet, the way she started thinking, lost in her own brain, that’s what’s making me worry most.

‘You don’t know?!’ Cerise adds surprised emoticons to her message and I can’t help but smile I little.

Of course, I know. I’ve always liked girls the most. There is no surprise or question about that for me.

‘Was she thinking in a doubtful way, or in a confused way?’ The message makes me look up again.

‘I have no idea. I can’t read her right now. I don’t know if I even want to know. What if it’s bad?’ I don’t want to lose Fleur, I realise more and more that I really don’t want to lose her. Not as a friend, but also not as potentially something more than a friend.

‘Don’t you think she would have responded differently if it was bad?’ How can Cerise be so sensible about this?

‘I have no idea.’ I keep repeating myself. But I’m just as confused about myself. There is a fine line to walk between not telling and actively hiding who I am, and I don’t know if I can really walk that line...

‘Why are you talking to me instead of to her?’

‘I locked myself in the toilets. We’re at the movies.’ It’s childish, but at least here I can message Cerise.

‘She’s still in the hall?’

‘Yes. I left her there during the commercials.’

‘Go back in. Don’t be a wuss. She didn’t freak out from your answer. So just go back in.’

‘What if she hates me but doesn’t want to say it? What if she now thinks I’m just here with her to hit on her?’

‘Aren’t you?’

‘Not in a predatory way. I just like her. I want to be with her.’

‘Then, go be with her. Go have fun together and stop freaking out. I’m going to ignore any more messages you send.’ Pushy. Pushy. She’s right, but I don’t feel like I have the courage to go back just yet.

Then a new message pops up, not from Cerise but from Fleur. ‘Are you okay?’

My heart skips a beat, just from receiving the message. Am I okay? ‘Yeah. I’ll be right back.’ Suddenly I feel both so much more scared, but also so much more... in love. She sent me a message because she was worried. She cares, even if it isn’t in the same way that I do.

I stand up, leaving the stall, and washing my hands, just to have something to do as I make sure I’m not going to burst out crying. I don’t want to be this emotional over just a question. But I’m still kind of scared, and it’s hard not to get all worked up over it.

“Alex?” The door to the toilets opens and Fleur steps in, she looks around and then sees me. “Hey.” Her voice is soft.

“Hey.” I come over. “I said I was going to be right back.”

“I know. You just seemed a little off after my question.” She looks around and then steps back out, she looks to the side and walks a little off, to a corner where few people will be able to overhear us.

I follow her, my heart sinking. This can’t go well. How am I supposed to keep calm? How can this situation get even worse?

She turns to me, looking at me for a moment before looking down at her hands. “I’m sorry for what I asked. I know it’s not my place to ask things like that. It’s not right. It has nothing to do with me. Please, just forget I said anything.” Her voice is rushed, wavering a little.

“It’s okay. It was a valid question to ask at the time.” I was going a little insane over actresses, in a way that most girls who primarily like guys probably wouldn’t do.

She nods, then shakes her head. “Still was stupid of me to ask. I didn’t want to ruin the mood. And I totally did. I’m sorry.”

My heart breaks, just a little, from seeing her this upset. “I...” Tears start forming in my eyes, I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to freak out. But I can’t just let her think that I took offence to her question. I didn’t. I just freaked out a little because it came from her. And now I made the whole mood weird. “I...”

She looks up, her eyes watery too, and her lip wobbles when she meets my eyes. We’re a bunch of crybabies. Is this just who we are anyway, or is this one of those bad emotional regulations that sometimes comes with ADHD? Or is this something else? She reaches out and I take her hands, squeezing.

I lick my lips. “I do like girls. Almost exclusively.” I look at our hands, and instead of pulling away, as I’d feared, she squeezes them tighter, holding on.

“Thank you.” Her voice is thick, and I look up at her, but her eyes are also on our hands. “I...” She swallows. “I...” Then she lets out a soft laugh, looking up and flashing me a half-smile. Then she pulls a face. “I haven’t before.” Her hands loosen and I step closer, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her close. She wraps her arms around me too, holding tight as her breathing is uneven.

It’s only then that I realise what she just said. She likes a girl, for the first time. My heart starts beating loudly, so loudly that I’m scared she’ll be able to hear it too. She hasn’t had a girlfriend before, or liked girls. Although, it would be egotistic of me to assume she’s talking about me right now...

“I think I like you.” Her voice is soft and her arms around me loosen, allowing me to pull back if I’d want to.

But I don’t want to. I don’t want to, ever. I tighten my arms around her a little. “I know I like you.”

Getting confessed to in the middle of the theatre, that’s unexpected. That’s new.

Then she lets go of me, slowly stepping back and looks up at me. Her make-up is streaking on her face a little. “I have no idea how to do this, though. I’ve never...” She shakes her head. “I’ve never felt like this before. It’s scary.”

I nod. I know. I get how scary really liking someone is. How utterly frightening falling for someone can be. “Let’s get you cleaned up and we can go see the movie. Yeah?”

“Are you sure?” She looks a little confused.

“We came here for the movie. I want to spend time with you. That’s all. Unless you want to go somewhere else?” I can do either. I’m not that fussed. I’m just a little too glad that she doesn’t hate me and that she even thinks that she likes me.

She shakes her head again. “I want to see it.”

“Well, then. Let’s go back. After we’ve taken care of your make-up.” I reach out to her and she takes my hand. Holding on.

My heart is still beating like crazy. But I think this is a good thing. I think this could work out alright.

I think...

***

The movie was pretty good, though I haven’t really watched all of it. I was a little distracted by Fleur’s hand in mine. I was a little distracted by this new feeling going on.

I never realised that my feelings could be returned by Fleur and that this could get even more scary than when we were just trying to be friends.

“Alex?” Fleur turns around. “When is your mom picking you up?”

I check my phone, I got a message from mom about half an hour ago. “Twenty minutes, half an hour. Something like that.” I wish I could make this date take longer, but I know that I can’t. There will be an end to tonight.

Fleur confessed. She confessed to me, at least, that sounded like a confession. Right?

I look around, trying to find a place where we can sit or something.

“Let’s go get my bike, and then come back here.” Fleur looks at me.

“Good idea.” That way we still get to spend some time together, and I won’t have to think about leaving her behind just yet.

We start walking in silence. The streets are not as busy as they were when we walked here on our way to the theatre, but the air is still nice and warm.

“What does this all mean?” Fleur’s voice is low, slow.

“What does what mean?”

“This? Between us?” She stops and looks at me, her eyes a little scared.

“I don’t know. What do you want it to mean?” I take a deep breath, pushing my feelings to the side. This is totally new to Fleur, and I can’t force this now. “You said that you might like me. That sounds like you may not be sure just yet. I already know that I like you. This means that it’s up to you to decide what it all means to you.”

She nods, her eyes guarded. “I don’t think I can… like... do anything right now. I don’t know how.” Her voice wavers again and I take her hands.

I want to take that pain away, but I know that that takes time, not me actually doing anything right now. “I’m happy just being with you, talking to you. Holding your hand, or even giving you a hug, that’s all extra for me. I just really like being with you. I don’t expect anything that you’re not comfortable with giving me.”

Why does the little flicker of relief in her eyes make me angry? Has anyone actually forced her to do things she wasn’t ready for? Anger grows in me, but I push it down. That’s not for now, I can only show her that it doesn’t have to be that way.