Shouldn't I answer with my mouth?  But what does it mean? I can't answer without talking. That doesn't matter, I just know that I don't have to answer with my mouth. As long as I don't do it, it's fine.

Why am I like this?  Like what? Cold?  Direct? I looked down at my body and analyzed it very well. I have looked at every part and I remember every thing that has happened to me since I was born.  Seconds ticked by as I made thoughts in my head, after seconds we reach minutes. It took about 10 minutes before I could gather all my thoughts about myself to answer the questions. If I could breathe here I would exhale the accumulated air, but because there is no air here I decided to answer.

I am like this because that was my only defense. After that incident happened...with my mother, I had to be like that. I waited a bit to recreate myself because every time I remember that scene I fell like a small, helpless child. I'm still not over that phase and that's why I'm still like this.

I had no way of knowing if I answered the question or not, so I tried to go to the next question.

Why do I think I am so superior to others?  I don't consider myself higher than others. I consider some people much, much lower than me. Even if I am the way I am, I try to change, I don't try to do more harm than good, and I don't try to be better than I am either.  I'm trying to just be me, fight my personal battles and "live" normally. I know I didn't succeed but I tried, I would have keep doing it until I succeeded.

I got no answer so I went to the next question.

I want to become a man so that people respect me, understand my decisions.  To be strong..emotionally and physically.  To protect others, to have fun with others or even to love someone. I want to be somebody.

Again, no sign was given by the sphere.  That's why I went to the last and easiest question.

I want to feel the life.

Time was passing and I thought it wasn't enough. Maybe I should say it out loud? I wondered in my mind. I opened my mouth to give him the same answer but when I made a sphere it turned completely yellow. In the color that was the first time. To be honest, this surprised me because I did not expect this change. "Did I say something wrong?" I asked out loud but once again got no response.

The sphere went back a little, about 10 meters from me it stopped and started to increase in size.  It became a kind of cinema screen for me to watch. The size was perfect for me to see everything there is to show. Here I really felt like I was in a cinema. Maybe this is that moment when people say they saw their whole life before their eyes?

I could not continue as the sphere started to show an image. An image that I didn't think I would ever see so clearly.  Pictured was a toddler's room. Some toys, such as cars, could be seen on the wooden floor. Next to the toys was a small white bed. The bed had on each side some white wood that rose up from it. That was to keep me there.  Here was my room and that was all there was in the room. A bed, 3 toys and a window above the bed.

This room reminds me of so many unpleasant things.  Especially because of Astaroth, my father.

It seems that this video or memory is from my perspective because I was leaving the room. Without knowing it, I instantly realized what the sphere wanted to show. Even though I was 10 years old I still remember it well. I was leaving the room and was in the hallway. The hall which was big and long to me at that age looked like a castle. With pictures on the walls, small and large wardrobes and even a coat rack. With such big place and the fact that I was a child, the imagination went to a higher level and this is where I had the most fun...until a scream was heard from the living room.

As a curious child, I wanted to know what was heard and what happened.  My mistake was that I went. I slowly walked towards the glass door that divided the hall from the living room. I know very well that in the middle of the room was the table where I ate with my parents... and there I saw, through the glass door, the figure of my mother and Astaroth could be seen.

What I saw there I will never forget in my life. The mother was pushed onto the table and Astaroth was tearing her clothes off one by one. The mother tried to struggle, to fight with all her strength, but Astaroth was stronger than her.  Through the glass door you could see some clothes falling to the floor or being thrown into the air as Astaroth continued to hold the mother by her hands, neck and hair. At that moment the mother shouted as much as she could.

,,N..no...please!!  Please stop.  I beg you Astaroth!!!  Don't do it, please!"

These words, which I recognized as coming from my mother, made me open the door. When I opened my mother's back was on the table. between her legs was Astaroth with a piece of clothing in one hand and her hair in the other hand. They were both looking at me.  The mother had bruises all over her body.  From red bruises on the neck, to purple bruises on the hands and arms.  Her once long and beautiful brunette hair was now all messed up, all over the room and even on her bare body.  Her green eyes, once full of joy and pride, were now puffy, red and wet with tears.  Those hands that were on Astaroth's arms to stop him were shaking uncontrollably.

Astaroth on the other hand...was in a black suit. There was no scratch on his body or his coat. All this time he had a smile from ear to ear. His red hair was a little long and because of the battle he also had hair on his face. Apart from his red eyes I could see no change in him.

It took me a long time to realize what was happening but when I did it was too late. A small child to see such a thing is too much. The misunderstanding about this situation made me not know what to do, which is also normal.

,,D..daddy?  What are you doing to mommy?" I said, voice shaking and tears already forming in my eyes.

Even though I was scared I knew exactly what to do, so I stepped forward.  Astaroth, smiling even more, said,,Hoo?  Did you come here too? Perfect!"

I then ignored the atmosphere created by Astaroth, I didn't even care that I felt suffocated by his presence. After he finished his words, I started running towards him and punching him in the leg and back. Naturally, Astaroth didn't feel anything, but that didn't interest me, I just wanted to protect my mother.

"Leave mommy alone, please, it's bad, it's bad!" Mommy! Let her alone! Let it go!" I kept shouting as if he was listening to me and would let it go. But the more I gave, the more tired I got. When I had no more energy and because of the fear I started shaking.

"Ohoo are you already tired? Thats so sad butttttt... hahaha thats good! Amazing! Really." Astaroth started shouting and laughing like a maniac. "More food for me! Haha" and pushed me to the floor with his foot. He kicked me like he kicked the air, and I went flying, rolling into the first wall. The pain was so great that I could not bear it. At that age I thought I would die. I also find it comical that a child would think this.

,,NO! ALEX!!" My mother shouted. My face was on the floor, I couldn't get up because of the fatigue and pain. I still tried, but I didn't succeed.

"You bastard!! How dare you, Astaroth!  You son of a bitch!! If He finds out what you've done you'll be destroyed, you know that!" Mother continued to yell at Astaroth, I still didn't understand what she meant by that. Astaroth didn't answer but I could hear his mad laughter throughout theroom. That laugh, that I'll never forget, is the laugh of the person who killed my mother.

,,To find out? Who would know about this my little angel?" Astaroth asks. Something annoyed me, my father always said this to my mother. How dare he say this to her now?? I don't even know if he is my father, he looks like him but I know it's not him. My mother started laughing through the pages and said, "You know very well! Who else but Go-" and here I couldn't hear anymore. At this moment everything around me felt like I was in water. My ears felt like they were going to explode and my brain hurt, it was such a big pain that I kept crying from this trauma but also from the pain. And the next words I heard sent and still send shivers down my spine.

"As if He will find this out. He does not exist for me or for us."

The voice was Astaroth's but the voice was so dark, so thick and so hungry for blood that after I heard it I fainted instantly.

*********

When I woke up it was night. I could tell this from the moonlight that was settling all over the living room. And with the help of the moonlight I could see my mother's lifeless body, or what was left of it.

The entire right half of her face was taken, as if she had been bitten. Her eyes were missing, her tongue was also bitten and the blood from her face was running into her own mouth, or her skull, which was also bitten. Even the affected hair did not last as it also looked eaten. But that wasn't the worst but her body...from the neck down to the abdomen was eaten, remains and blood was on her body, on the table and the blood was falling off the table and on the floor. The pool of blood and this scene affected me. It affected me so much that I started crying and throwing up at the same time next to my mother's body. I held her left hand, because I could no longer hold her right hand as it was torn from her body, what remained is the bone that connected the arm.

I held that hand tight and cried beside my dead mother.

And then everything went black. The sphere closed.

Huh? I wondered in my mind. I put my hand on my face and realized two things. One, I can move my hands and body. And two, I can cry.

I can cry! I said to myself again while the tears fell on my fingers and then down into the white abyss.

I was happy that I could move my body and that I could feel but... the scene I saw marked me again.

"Off what am I doing now?" I said out loud as I looked at the sphere.

The orb that hadn't moved at all since I started looking at that memory was gone. As it appeared it disappeared. No sound and no special effect. But this time there was something in the place where the sphere was that remained 10 meters from me. I got closer to that something and I realized right away what it was. It was that old lady's white jacket.

,,What the? How is that possible?" I said in wonder. How did this happen? What does this mean? How is this jacket here? Many, many questions had formed in a short time. But how can I answer them?

The jacket was not more than 50 cm from me, that means I could have it, right? I asked myself again.

"Oh well, it's better to be wearing something than naked I think." I said and decided to have it. But the moment I touched it, a light appeared in front of me. Such a strong light  so even if I could close my eyes it couldn't help so I turned around.

When I went back to where the jacket was, I was surprised to see that it was no longer there.

"Ah now I've really seen them all" I said with a sigh but it's been a long time since I've been so wrong. In front of me... I saw something. Something gigantic, something unimaginably big that was heading towards me. In front of me everything was yellow, as if a yellow wall of pure light was coming towards me. It was on all sides, right, left, up and down. It was fast approaching until it suddenly stopped. The yellow light stopped beside me, so  so close that if I stretched out my arm I could touch it.

I looked up, there is no difference compared to left, right or down, but I had a feeling as if it was telling me that up is where I should look. The emotions started to flow and made me ask myself even more questions, but I gathered courage and said in a light voice.

"Who..or rather, what are you?"

Without a second passing I heard a voice. Not just any voice, but a voice so divine that I thought I could hear it from 10 meters, from 200 meters and even from behind me at the same time and in the echo. It gave me such a strong feeling that I have never heard it before.

["Beyond the bounds of time and space, in the heart of eternity and within the depths of all things, I exist, unbounded by any beginning or end. I am the essence of creation, shaping every atom and every constellation, weaving the threads of destiny and guiding the courses of lives. I am the source of supreme wisdom, the light that penetrates every soul, answering your prayers and guiding you in your search for truth. I am God."]