Mika sat on the back porch, his knees up to his chin, the letter from Jolene in his hands. He had been sitting that way for a half an hour, the summer breeze playing with his hair, the midday sun already hot. Kana was going to give him a haircut today when she got off work; she wanted him to look his best for his birthday tomorrow, she had said. Gen was already at work, and wouldn’t be home for another couple of hours. Don was in his garage working on his truck like he usually did on his day off. Mika was left alone with Jolene’s letter.

He had thought about tearing it up, about burning it, about throwing it away. After everything she had done to him, what could she possibly have left to say? Was it an apology she didn’t mean? Or a threat to keep his mouth shut? Maybe it was one of those letters from a thriller or a horror movie that just had the word DIE written all over it in blood. At this point, he wasn’t putting anything past her.

What if it wasn’t even a letter? What if it was that insurance policy she always taunted him with? That would be a real spit in the face if it was. What if it was just an empty envelope just to mess with him? He mentally shook his head. No, he could feel something inside.

He turned it over, his finger lifting the closure from where it was tucked inside. 

He could stop here, he didn’t have to do this.

No…I need to…it’s closure.

He took a deep breath and pulled the one piece of paper that was neatly folded into three parts from its casing. He opened it, barely noticing when something fell out, fluttering to the ground under the chair.

My dearest son, it began. But it wasn’t in English…this letter wasn’t from his mother…it was from Yuki. With trembling hands, he continued to read the flowing characters his father and grandfather had so patiently worked with him to learn when he was a child. As he read, his eyes filled with unshed tears, blurring his vision a few times. He wiped away the tears as he read the last words his father ever wrote to him.

My dearest son,

I write this letter to you with a dual heart. First, with joy because you are my son. You are my treasure, my life, the only thing I would live and die for. There is nothing in this world or the next that will tear you from my heart.

Second, with sadness as your mother has decided to ask for a divorce. After all this time, after all my failed attempts to win her heart back to me, she has finally had enough. However, she said that I will get to have you permanently! This fills me with great joy! 

Mika, the day you were born was the happiest day of my entire life. I remember having to tell my captain that I wouldn’t be returning to duty for a while and he was very understanding. Especially after I sent him pictures of you. So beautiful, he said! Mika, you have always been beautiful. You have been blessed with a beautiful soul and a beautiful heart.

I write this to you to express how proud of you I am, my beautiful son. I pray to the gods and Buddah that you will never know extreme sorrow or ugliness in your life. I wish for beauty and light to follow you everywhere you go. Someday, you will find someone and capture them in that brilliant light and they will share in your beauty. I wish that lucky someone to have as great of love for you as I do, my beautiful, beautiful Mika.

I am sorry that your mother is so unkind to you. I will make sure she will never be that way to you again. Anywhere you want to go, I will take you, no matter how far. You are my life and I cherish you.

Love, Papa

On the back was written in Jolene’s handwriting, At least one of us knew how to love you the way you deserved. 

Mika read and reread the letter over and over, hearing his father’s voice speak the words he carefully wrote, each one with the utmost love. He imagined his father at his desk as he wrote this, his heart heavy but hopeful for a bright future for just the two of them. 

There was no date on it but he knew it was written between those few days Jo asked for a divorce and when he was killed. He heard the sliding glass door open and close softly, heard the flick of a lighter, and saw out of the corner of his eye Don sit in the seat by the other wall.

“So, what’s it say?” Don asked.

“Would you like to read it?”

“Can I?”

Mika smiled and handed it to him. Don’s eyes went wide as he snorted and grinned. “That’s definitely not from your mother,” he said.

Mika shook his head. “It’s from my dad,” he said sniffling, wiping away the last of his tears with a wistful smile. “I can read it to you if you want.”

“Maybe another time,” Don said. “Gen should hear it first, I think.” He pointed under the chair. “What’s that?”

Mika lowered his legs and reached under the chair. He picked up the small rectangular piece of paper and, after inspecting it for a second, nearly burst into tears.

“What?” Don said, suddenly concerned. “What is it?”

Mika handed it over and pulled his legs back up under his chin, wrapping his arms tightly around them as he rested his cheek on his knees. “What do I do with that, Don?”

Don’s eyes were like saucers. “If it was me, I’d buy a new engine for that truck of mine.”

Mika laughed as he took back the check. He held it in front of him, his eyes spilling over with tears. He stared at the number for several minutes and then the memo line where, written in Jolene’s handwriting, were the words: From Yuki.

“Thanks, Dad,” Mika whispered, and for the very first time, cried tears of joy.

-*-

Gen held Mika around the waist, his chin on his shoulder as they sat under the tree in the backyard, Mika reading to him his father’s letter. When he finished, he folded it up carefully and held it between his hands. 

“Not all of his wishes came true,” Mika said. “I’ve known way too much sorrow and ugliness in my life, all thanks to my mother’s…’unkindness’.”

“True,” Gen agreed. “But his greatest wish for you did come true. You caught me in your beauty and light and I get to share in it.”

Mika turned his head, his hand going to Gen’s cheek. “You’re just as radiant, Genya.” He kissed him, his tongue gently sliding between Gen’s teeth, flicking his barbell.

“You guys have a room you can do that in, you know that right?” Kana said. Both of them flipped her off. “And he was such a sweet boy, too!” She said, throwing her hands in the air.

They smiled and Gen helped Mika to his feet. “Did you want me to grab the dye?” Gen asked, referring to his own hair.

“Nah, I got it. We’re doing the yellow right? Or are we waiting until Halloween?”

“Waiting,” Gen said. “Green’s fine for now.” He passed Mika off to his sister, threatening to cut her hair off if she went too short on Mika’s.

She made a face and mocking voice behind his back and brought Mika into the kitchen where her chair and supplies were set up for him. She snapped the apron around his neck, sprayed his head with cold water, combed his hair out, and set to work.

“So I heard you opened the letter Jolene gave you.” 

“Yeah,” Mika said with a smile. “It wasn’t from her, though. It was from my dad.”

Kana stopped and tilted his head back so she could look into his blue eyes. “Can I read it?” 

“Can you read Japanese characters?”

She gently tilted his head back and resumed her task. “Will it make me cry if you read it to me?”

“It will, yeah.”

“Read it to me later. I’d love to hear it.”

“I’ll wait till you’re done with Gen’s hair so you don’t mess it up.”

Kana snorted. “With how thick that damn mohawk is, it’s gonna take a while. Plus, the dye takes time to process so I can cry at that point.”

“Question.”

“Answer.”

“You guys said Gen used to get migraines because of his hair? But it’s still long and really thick with the mohawk.”

“Doesn’t make sense, right?”

“Not at all.”

Kana laughed. “We thought the same thing, actually. I figured if we cut it short like yours, that would be enough but he didn’t want that. He wanted the mohawk he has now, dyed black. His migraines essentially stopped for the most part and we figured the quantity of hair played a major role, not just weight and length. It’s been this way ever since.”

“You said dyed black?”

“Mhm.”

“So that’s not his natural hair color? I mean, I know it isn’t but…”

“I know what you mean,” Kana said, clipping some hair up to focus on the bottom layer. “His hair is naturally dark brown like my dad’s. My mom was blonde,” she added bitterly.

“You don’t like it?”

“It isn’t that,” Kana said. “I just don’t like that’s all I got from her. Dad’s eyes, Dad’s nose, Dad’s chin, Dad’s skin tone, Mom’s hair.” She shook her head. “I should be glad that really is all I got. If I had her personality and narcissism, Gen would really have hated me growing up.”

“He said you weren’t always this close.”

“Oh, no, not at all. Remember, we’re four years apart. I was sixteen when Mom left and those kids messed him up. I’d already dealt with puberty and middle school drama, and even lost my virginity by that point. Having to deal with a miserable brat wasn’t what I wanted. But, we grew up, things changed, and now here we are.”

“How did you deal with your mom leaving?” Mika’s hands began to fidget under the apron. “How did you accept that she wasn’t the person you thought she was? I mean, I know how Gen did it and it wasn’t great but, what about you?”

Kana said nothing for a minute, just tugged on a few sections of his hair, making sure she was getting the length right. Finally she said, “I ran away.”

Mika would have spun around to look at her but she had scissors to his head.

“It wasn’t for very long,” she said. “A couple months, maybe. I was almost eighteen and thought, fuck it, why not. I partied a lot, slept around, crashed at different friends’ houses, essentially tried to drown my pain. It was hard having to learn that my mother never really loved me. We all knew she never cared for Gen and that was awful to watch. Even as I was being a bratty big sister, I still loved him and it still hurt me to see him so sad all the time. But for me, it was a total one-eighty. She went from spoiling me and doting on me and taking me to all these nice places, to, ‘you’re not worth my time.’ She never called me names, never insulted me. Just said it was essentially pointless to have me around. I’d served my purpose, she told me. That was after she had called my brother a nasty slur. I ran after her, trying to beg her to stay but she just waved me off. I never saw her again.”

Mika was quiet, processing this information. Both Gen and Kana went down some dark paths in trying to deal with their mother’s betrayal. Both got into drugs and alcohol. Kana was the only one to sleep around but she hadn’t disconnected the way Gen had. 

Am I going to do the same thing? Even though they had a loving support system, they still went off the rails for a while. Mika had Gen and the Parkers, but would he still fall like they did?

His head dipped slightly and Kana gently tilted it back, her eyes catching his. She smiled and kissed his forehead. “Want some advice?”

“Sure.”

“If you ever feel angry or sad or like life just sucks, go find somewhere out where there are no other people, and scream. Scream your head off. Break stuff, throw a knife at a tree, cry until there’s nothing left within you. When you’re done, come home and eat dinner, curl up with Gen, and remember how much we love you. Sometimes, that last part isn’t enough and you need to let it all out. This way is a hell of a lot healthier than what Gen and I went through.”

Mika smiled. “I’ll take that under advisement.”

“See that you do.” She smiled and tilted his head forehead. “Now, stop moving. I don’t want to hear it from your boyfriend if your hair is two centimeters too short on one side.” 

When it was Gen’s turn, Mika worked on his psychology homework at the kitchen table.

“What’s the lesson today?” Gen asked.

“How to psychoanalyze your formally self-destructive boyfriend.”

“Ha ha.” Gen’s phone buzzed and he checked the message, showing it to Kana who nodded. 

“Cool deal,” she said. She whispered something in his ear and he nodded, tapping out a reply to the original sender.

She returned to his hair, the cut complete, the dye process ready to begin. Mika watched the exchange, wondering what it was about, but wisely decided it was best not to ask. 

It was several minutes later when Kana flicked Gen’s ear and sent him outside to process. He complained about the ear flick and she waved him away, sitting down at the table next to Mika.

“Okay, Mika dear. Make me cry.”

Mika smiled and pulled out the letter from his father. When he was done, Kana sat there, tears in her eyes, hands over her mouth.

“Remember what I said about screaming and breaking shit?” she asked.

Mika nodded.

Kana pointed at the letter. “Read that instead.”

-*-