“Did Principal Yamaguchi make you fight to the death in a cage match?” Momo asked immediately upon Emi’s exit from the principal’s office, coming close and searching for bruises.

“No,” Emi shook her head. “No cage death match.”

“How about a dungeon? Did you both get tied up and tortured and whipped?” Asami chimed in immediately, seeming oddly excited about the prospect. “Did it hurt? Can I see the marks? Tell me where it is! I want to look at it!” Asami clenched her fists in front of her excitedly, leaning forward slightly. “Was there an iron maiden?!”

“None that I saw, no,” Emi shrugged, patting Asami’s shoulder as the girl drooped in disappointment.

“That’s sad,” Asami sighed. “I was sure Mrs. Yamaguchi had a dungeon.”

“Maybe she does, and I just didn’t break the rules badly enough,” Emi said in encouragement. “You and I need to have a talk at some point, I think, Asami. You just keep getting more and more fascinating every day that goes by.”

“No cage match and no dungeon,” Momo shook her head. “What did you get?”

“I have to write a letter of apology,” Emi scowled, walking down the hall while the other two fell into step beside her.

“To who?” Momo tilted her head to the side.

“I…I don’t really know,” Emi confessed. “She didn’t say.”

“Do you have to mean it?” Asami asked.

“Yesss,” Emi hissed in frustration.

“Ugh,” Asami sighed dramatically. “That’s the worst!”

“Think of a dog you forgot to give breakfast to at the right time and apologize sincerely to it,” Momo suggested.

“I’ve never had a pet, but I see where you’re coming from, Moo. I like it!” Emi grinned.

“What’s your problem?” Haia demanded, stepping around the corner and folding her arms across her chest, her flunkies flanking her. Momo and Asami took a quick step backward in surprise while Emi sighed deeply, shaking her head in exasperation and strode forward.

“My problem is you’re being an Equus hemionus,” Emi snapped, glaring up at her.

“A…w-what?” Haia stammered in confusion.

“An Asian ass,” Emi sighed. “Science is no joke. Those poor people spend years making up new Latin words to name things. You have no right to lessen their struggle. You think Wunderpus photogenicus just magically appears? I think not. Those people had to think for months before that one made it through committee.”

“You think you’re so smart?” One of Haia’s minions sneered.

“Well, smart, charming, pretty, delightful, rather sexy and, honestly, just all around a great catch,” Emi shrugged. “Any of those descriptors works.”

“I don’t appreciate you getting involved in things you have no right to interfere in,” Haia scowled, ignoring Emi’s flippant response.

“And I don’t appreciate you making life a living hell for people who’ve done nothing to you,” Emi snapped back. “So, I guess we’re at an impasse. You can’t tell me what to do and I can’t make you exhibit empathy or normal, well-adjusted human emotions.”

“I don’t care who your family is or what my uncle wants, stay out of my way, Seto,” Haia glared at her.

“Three problems with that… yeti,” Emi fumbled. “Sorry, I forgot your name. Unimportant things slip my mind so easily. Three problems with what you just said. The first is that I’m not afraid of you so you’re negotiating from a position of weakness. The second is Tom Joad said it all in the Grapes of Wrath, so I don’t need to go over it again but remember it! And the third problem is that you bringing up your uncle creeps me right the hell out and makes me think you’re some kind of uncle-con. Which…is…not ok. Not to mention staggeringly gross. Not gonna lie.”

“Just know, you’ve been warned,” Haia seethed, turning to walk away.

“You should just know that the milk which ran down your tights from your expansive butt makes it look like you peed yourself,” Emi called out to her as she strode away. Without a word, but moving a bit faster than before, Haia and her lackeys vanished down the stairs at the end of the hall. “You’ve been warned!” Emi called out to her vanished form.

“We are so doomed,” Asami muttered miserably. Momo nodded silently in agreement.

“Bah! She’s just a sociopathic blowhard,” Emi shrugged, sliding between Momo and Asami and putting one hand comfortingly on each of their shoulders.

“’Sociopathic’ denotes dangerous behavior, Flatty-chan,” Momo glanced down in no small amount of alarm.

“Eh, if she gets out of hand, we’ll take her to Mrs. Yamaguchi’s dungeon and let Asami have a session with her. I’m sure our girl’ll straighten her right out,” Emi shrugged.

“I knew she had a dungeon!” Asami balled up her fists triumphantly.

“Again, going to have to have that talk, Asami,” Emi chuckled. “Anyway, we have bigger cutlets to bread, deep fry and serve with a tasty sauce and shaved cabbage.”

“Momo is unsure if that is the proper saying,” Momo glanced down with some confusion at her.

“It should be,” Emi was suddenly very hungry, only now becoming aware she hadn’t been able to finish what passed as lunch. She would have even devoured the dog food beef bowl at this point, she decided.

“That does sound good…” Asami muttered, trailing off, a wild look of hunger passing over her face.

“Anyway! I must know! Who is that winsome mammal what’s her face was torturing?” Emi directed the pair down the hall, steering them gently with her arms on each of their shoulders.

“She is Suyin Park,” Momo answered. “Momo believes she comes from China. And Korea.”

“At the same time?” Emi asked, picturing the poor girl growing up on a houseboat floating on the Yellow Sea, half on the Korean side and half on the Chinese. A diplomatic mermaid.

“I think she’s Taiwanese,” Asami tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Or…Thai?”

“Taiwanese, Thai, proud citizen of Atlantis, either way, she is our target, ladies,” Emi grinned.

“Target for what?” Asami asked.

“Expansion, conquest and domination,” Emi’s grin broadened.

“We’re going to dominate her?” Asami’s eyes lit up with an unholy light.

“Easy there, Mistress Asami,” Emi shook her head. “No need to get the latex catsuit and flail out of the steamer trunk just yet.”

“Is that not just bullying? The same as Big Butt chan?” Momo glanced down at the ground in what passed for alarm from her.

“No, no!” Emi sighed. “We’re not going to bully her! We’re going to recruit her for the Flower Appreciation Club!”

“Oh!” Asami smiled, Emi detecting a hint of disappointment in her eyes. It was always the ones you least expect, Emi thought to herself.

“We should change the name to the Flower Appreciation Society,” Momo intoned. “It sounds fancier.”

“Oh, yes!” Emi gasped. “You are 100% correct!”

“Momo will have to re-design Garr, to make her even more impressive and regal.”

“I need to get a different set of paperwork so I can change the name! I wrote it in pen,” Asami gasped.

“And I will seek out our mermaid and reel her in!” Emi declared, hooking a finger in her cheek for emphasis. “We have our assignments ladies! Let’s get to it!”