I woke up remembering the last words Kyson said to me. Why did he now care about caring about me? Had it been what Donavon had said to him? If so, it made it feel, in a round-about way, that Donavon was taking care of me. Though even with Kyson's sudden change, he was still far from who Donavon was. 

I was now thankful for the fact that I could lose my mind and not have to remember what I had lost. Even now, my emotions were more settled than the days before. I wasn't sure if that was because of the effects taking over my mind or just from the overload of events.

"Good morning, Avery," my aunt greeted me in the kitchen.

"Hey, Aunt Lil." I sunk into a chair next to her.

"How are you holding up?" She asked. 

Blankly staring into the distance, I answered slowly. "I feel like part of me is dying. And I'm starting to care less and that scares me even more."

She put a warm hand on my arm. The look in her eyes almost gave me hope.

"Why did my dad marry her?" I asked. There was now a lot I wondered and wanted to know before I totally lost all interest.

My aunt leaned slowly back into her chair. "He was young—too young to fully understand life at the time. He first came across your mother when he was no older than thirteen. We were pretty alone in the world at the time, and she knew how to make him feel important. He didn't know how to find worth without her."

"It didn't bother him that she only cared about him because of his blood?"

"He didn't know about that for a long time. But yes it did."

For a moment, I pondered asking about how she had died. Did it matter that I ever knew?

"What about my future? What about you and Jeff? How do I fit into everything with a lost mind? And Kyson… How is he supposed to be with me forever just because of guilt?"

"Don't worry about those things for now."

"How can I not when I'm affecting so many people? I know you care about me and want what's best, but I also care about others as well. And I feel there is nothing I can do for them."

"I know you have a loving heart and that's enough."

"But I won't be able to show it once I've gone totally crazy. I won't be able to love. Just forced to care about only one thing and not people anymore."

She had no answer because I knew there was nothing one could say now. If only I could think of things I could do for the ones I cared about while there was still time. 

~*~

The rest of the school day went much like yesterday. I tried to help Kyson with his homework when I could and tried not to look at Donavon…when I could. It seemed that the last class was always the worst. Unfortunately, I was stuck sitting by Donavon this time. When it was time to go, I waited in hopes that he would leave first, but he didn't.

Everyone finally cleared out, and it was just the two of us with the teacher. Slowly, I got up, and he soon followed. Once in the hallway, I knew he was still behind me, but I kept going at turtle speed.

Though I never turned around, I could sense him behind me. We continued this way until we made it to the exit where Kyson was waiting. I stopped. Though I looked at Kyson, my heart lagged behind. Kyson went outside, and I followed. Somehow, I had the will to not look back at Donavon.

In Kyson's car, I pulled out my phone to read a text from my aunt: For safety purposes, it might be a good idea for me to meet Kyson and get his contact information.

Kyson meet my aunt? It sounded so weird, but I understood her precautions. I just felt bad that he had to be dragged into all of this.

"Hey so…maybe we could work on your homework at my house."

"You almost make it sound like I'm your boyfriend," he half laughed.

"…Aren't you?" I said awkwardly.

"Half boyfriend. I only kiss you when you're intoxicated. So aren't you worried? I mean I don't exactly have the best past record of steady relationships."

"I can't worry about tomorrow. But if you ever decide you want to be with another girl, I would rather you have that freedom."

"So what? You would just die, so I could be with someone else?"

"I want my life to mean something, and if it doesn't, then yes, I would rather die."

"Dude… That's kind of intense. I don't think my life means anything."

I finally looked up at him with pity. "It could. You just have to care about the people around you. For years, I lost a lot of opportunity to do that, and I regret that the most. Life is a gift meant to be given to others." I almost felt like my aunt saying that.

His eyes remained downcast. "Well, no one is exactly thrilled with me right now. Okay, that's enough deep stuff for me in one day. Is your dad gonna meet me with a shotgun when we get there?"

"No, I live with my aunt, and she wants to meet you."

"That might be just as scary," he said sarcastically. 

I had forgotten that Kyson really didn't know anything about me. He wasn't like Donavon who took instant interest in who I was, my past, plus everything else random.

I really needed to stop thinking about him…

~*~

Walking to the porch, Kyson seemed extra fidgety as his hands went from his pockets to messing with his hair and back. Kyson got nervous?

I lead us inside, and my aunt greeted us warmly. Taking our seats at the couch, my aunt asked Kyson some basic questions, but he didn't seem to have much to say. His feet shuffled around as his arms seemed in search of a comfortable place to rest.

"We better start on homework now," I said, already feeling my mind getting foggy.

"I'll just be in the room over here painting," my aunt said, walking off. 

"You can relax. There's no one here you need to impress," I said to Kyson.

"Yeah, but more than that. I have someone else's life dependant on mine forever and that freakin terrifies me."

Lost for words, I looked down silently. It was indeed a large burden to put on someone.

"Forget I said that. Thanks for helping me with all this."

I nodded and tried to focus. Aside from helping Kyson with his homework, I had my own homework as well, which I was falling behind on. I would have to try not to have blood for as long as I could. What would happen once the effects of the blood totally took over? Would I fail my last year of school? I guess it didn't matter at that point.

My eyes were drawn to Kyson's phone as the screen lit up from a text. I recognized Donavon's phone number. Instantly, my curiosity buzzed inside of me—probably overly curious, but I couldn't help it. 

Kyson picked up his phone to read the text. His face gave no clues as he set it back down.

"So uh… How are you feeling? You doing alright?" He asked me a little too casually.

"Umm…I'm okay."

He nodded as if taking lecture notes and then picked his phone back up to text. I almost smiled, knowing that it had to have been Donavon who was really asking. The feeling then was soon followed by an empty gulf. Would I really never be able to talk to Donavon again? I could at school, but there was nothing to say. And it would only make things harder. It wasn't very helpful to long for the things that weren't good for me.

"Uh, anything I can do for you?" Kyson spoke up again.

"You can tell Donavon not to worry about me."

"Dude, what they say about girls is true, they really do know everything." He then shrugged. "I'm just the wrong guy for this job."

"Don't worry about it."

"Well, just know I'm not gonna ditch you, okay."

~*~

The next day, Kyson greeted me with an unusual look.

"I was thinking about what you said the other day," he started. "Something about life being a gift to give others." He paused with uncertainly. "Well…I have a grandma with bad heath. My parents pay for her housing and private care, but we never see her… So maybe…I could… But you have to come with me." 

I looked back at him a bit surprised. Kyson was almost a totally different person than he had been only a few days ago.

"That's thoughtful of you."

"You really think so? I thought it might be silly. I don't even know if she would want to see me, it's been awhile. But you're young and pretty so she might like you."

"I don't think older people care about how people look."

"Well, how would I know, I'm not old!"

"We better get to class. I'll see you at lunch."

Taking a deep defeated breath, I tried to brace my mind before entering first class. My eyes accidently met with Donavon's for a moment. Once at my desk, I rested my hand by my eyes to block him from my view. Looking at him was painful, but so was not looking.

Was it so wrong for me to care so much? Did I just need to try to forget about him and accept my future with Kyson and hope that he accepted it as well? It was all too much to figure out.

After school, I drove with Kyson to where his grandma lived.

My emotions had started to grow numb, but I didn't want to stop caring. I would have to push past how I felt and do this for Kyson. After all, it was a big step for him.

"Are we going?" I asked after we sat around in his car for a minute in silence.

"Eh…yeah sure sure. Just do most of the talking, okay?"

"But you're Kyson—out going, have all the friends, always know what to say."

"Ha, yeah well I'm low on the friend list now. But there's making jokes, being loud, and silly out of your mind, and then there's being with an old person who's slowly dying alone. Even I'm smart enough to know there's a difference."

"You know, I never had friends either," I said, reminded of my past and how I used to act.

Kyson had acted extreme to get attention, and I had to avoid attention. But here we both were in a normal life situation which was apart from thinking about ourselves, and we both were nervous. But shouldn't it feel more normal to act out of care for someone rather than self protection or self elevation? That's how my aunt was and how I knew Donavon would be. This was the part of my life that had been missing all those years and now that my life was coming to an end, how could I pass this up?

I knew I could give up on life and drown my sorrows away with blood or I could fight till I could and give what I had left. My life could still mean something, couldn't it? At least for now…

We finally walked up to the door. After a few knocks, an old lady answered. Her friendly yet confused eyes stared at us as her mouth hung open. No one said anything for a moment until I nudged Kyson.

"It's me, Kyson."

"Kyson? Oh my! You are such a tall lad now. Come in, come in." She spoke slowly as if her vocal chords might break at any moment.

Her frail body seemed to struggle to move as she led us to the living room. I sat by Kyson, leaving a foot of space between us.

"Your girl is very beautiful," his grandma spoke slowly. 

"Oh yeah, this is Avery."

"And you are growing up quite handsome just like your father."

"I'm not like him," I heard him say but probably too quiet for his grandma to hear.

"I just dusted yesterday. It's getting harder these days, but I manage to keep up. Your parents hired a house cleaner, but I said out with them. Unless I'm not breathing, I can clean my own house."

She then went on to talk about her cleaning projects. Relieved that she did most of the talking, we simply sat and listened. Slowly, over time, Kyson got closer to me till we were touching. The weight in my stomach got heavier as his arm cozied around my shoulders. Why did he have to be doing this now? Kyson wasn't horrible, but he wasn't…well he wasn't Donavon.

He didn't actually like me…did he?