April

"Oh man, my knees are still killing me from that punishment. How can you scold me like that?" It was Hari on the phone, crying as usual. 

"I mean, you totally deserved it, babe," I said with a sarcastic laugh. I usually put on earphones when she calls me after any drama because her gossip goes on for hours. While she was going on about how terrible Professor Yuri is, I was organizing new stock on the shelves, Then she got to the topic I wanted to hear about. I don't know why I'm so desperate and uninterested at the same time in getting to know about him. I'm not attracted to him? am I? My mind is a mess, worse than Hari's wardrobe. i was in my web of thoughts when I heard Ha Ri exclaiming.

"He's my cousin... GOD!! I didn't know he got transferred here recently. I made a fool of myself." she said and I definitely heard her falling on the bed, rolling in embarrassment. But A Cousin??? that revelation shook me too though. 

"hey be glad he didn't know that you wanted to hit on him," I said and she again got up to her bed.

"yeah, but I bumped into seo joon and confessed because I thought it was him! What if seo joon tells him that?" her voice was full of fear and excitement. I bet she is biting her nails again.

"Don't bite your nails and Hey, not just you, but me too. And next time, if you're into some tall guy, do a quick check of your bloodline," I said as I took a bite of kimbap. my stomach growls and my back hurts from the 2 hours of straight sweeping, yet my dear aunt still left the new stock for me to organize. why can't she hire a Part-timer?

Ha Ri again opened her mouth to say something.

 "Actually..." she stretched the word, and this attempt gave me goosebumps every time she did. it means "New Drama".

"He's not exactly from my bloodline. Remember my Aunt Noel?" she explained, evoking memories of her sugar mommy, which led to shared laughter over a middle school memory, and I Nodded "Yes"

"So, he's her husband's son from his first wife. His first wife died while giving birth. My miserable, handsome baby," she joked with her famous aego expression, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Jeez... Stop drooling over your cousin, it's so creepy," I teased.

"Creepy? Not at all..."

"Yeah, but you gotta be cautious. I don't think your mother would appreciate you fantasizing about your cousin," I said, knowing her mother was a sensitive subject for her. I felt her voice shifting for a moment, her mother is one of those strict Asian parents who are all about status, and being the only daughter she never let her do what she wants, not even pursuing her dream of being a Model someday. I turned towards the counter. I had to change the subject but before I could start she continued, so I made my way to the back wall to put all the marketing stickers on the wall.

"When will she accept that I'm not a child anymore? I mean, why is it so hard for me to do anything I want? Even dating someone" she lamented.

"Because you don’t date, honey, you just hook up with them...she is only concerned about the legitimacy of her grandkids" I reminded her that she wasn't one for traditional dating. And we both fell into laughter.

"Well, whatever, dating is not my thing," she shrugged.

"Or maybe you haven't moved on from the middle school breakup," I suggested and immediately covered my mouth with regret. Why does this mouth run on its own sometimes? I shouldn’t have reminded her first and serious relationship that her mother ruined it, by exposing that he was cheating on her. Oh dear, that was one big drama. I hated when she fell silent, 

“Hey im sorry”

“No come on, I already moved on” she said, pretending the best. But I know.

so I quickly spoke up again and changed the subject.

"By the way, what is his name?" I asked, feeling an unusual surge of curiosity. Not knowing why I even have this curiosity. After all, he wasn't the only charming prince I'd seen in my life.

"It's Ray ..."

"Oh, I see ..."

The air shifted and I realized,This voice didn't come from the phone!

I turned immediately and flinched for a second. 

It was Him. Standing across the counter.

We had straight eye contact. Shit! Why didn't I hear him coming in? Is he a ninja or something?

The two minutes of silence traveled between us, that made me come to another realization, which was my FACE. It was getting awkward, anybody could be able to notice I was thinking about him.  I thought I should say something first.

But then he broke the momentum.

"You looked different in the uniform" He said, tilting his head a little with those striking eyes. This was the first thing he had to say? 

I stay silent because it's the best reaction I could give right now.

“You don't speak much huh?" He asked again. Well of course because it's the best reflex I could give. 

"What..Do..I help you with?" Before it gets more awkward, I should just take him as a normal customer.

“I already owe you a thank you for first aid that day" he spoke softly yet, his voice was radically deep. So much consistency in the way he speaks or am I just feeling too much?

"It's... Fine, you don't owe me anything" my voice strangely came out on the high pitch, so i cleared my throat. Jesus why are you doing this to me? 

I stepped out from the counter immediately as I had some remaining stock to put over on shelves.

He walks behind me, why is he walking behind me? Not to mention he was wearing Gray sweatpants, the one girls obsessed over so much. 

"I am grateful though I want to say a proper thankyou" he said.

" I said already... We are cool" I opened the store room area,  but I wanted to ask him why we're in that situation?. It is just an unknown curiosity, to know who you are.

I put all the stock in the basket and before I could grab it, he picked up the basket himself. And tells me to move forward with a hand.

I started to put things on the shelves Silently then he said something that shook me.

“If you have questions about that day you can ask anything" Like, he read my mind. I stared at him and he also stared down at me, obviously he had to look down because I was barely coming at his solar plexus level.I felt that sudden urge to curse my height.

Should I ask him? Or not?

“What got you injured like that?" I must sound right.

“Trust"

His answer was quite short and simple.

"Trust on what?"

“Friends" again is short and simple.

I put the last packet of noodles on the shelf. My work here is done. So I immediately went back towards the counter.

"Keep asking me "

I hesitated and sat down on the chair.

“This is everything,” I said and quit the conversation.

“I am having a little birthday party at my place. I would love it if you come…”

“No, I can't come”

I rejected the invitation he was about to give me. And now I feel guilty as he got quit but I can't go I mean I don’t even know him except for his name and that, he is ha RI’s cousin. Plus Aunt Soo Hee would make a scene if she saw me hanging out with someone unknown besides Shin ha Ri.

"I don't go to parties thanks for inviting me" I explain to him but he still shows no sign of expression.

I never saw a man this calm.

I was about to get busy in my book again when a customer came in

"annyeonghaseyo!"

"Uh.. anneoung" I greeted the customer in my least-best Korean accent then he said something in Korean again and it was so fast that I couldn't understand a word.

Oh god, I don't want to look confused.

"He is asking for the sanitary pads for her girlfriend with the least chemicals" It was Ray who translated for me and I felt a little embarrassed but I had to act cool.

Damn, this is the worst day for me!

 I immediately handed the customer his product and then he said something again about something else and I've got no choice but to look towards Ray for help, Again, but he was silent this time. I squeezed my eyes to make it look obvious that “mister I need your help here” but he calmly put both his hands in his pocket and gave a smirk.

Oh now I get it, he is the devil’s right hand, teasing me for fun

"If you promise to come to the party then...." He chose to tease I knew he would do that.

Now what do I do? I looked confused and the customer kept asking something and looking at both of us staring at each other.

"Ok fine I'll come " He immediately replied to the customer for me and the customer thanked me I guess.I seriously need Korean language classes.I exhaled thankfully when the customer went off.

"How would you manage if I were not here?"

"Well they rarely ask something I usually do only billing but thanks for your help"

"No need to thank, you promised to come, remember to be on time," he said before speeding off on his bike, disappearing into the distance.

I returned home and buried myself in studying for my final exams. Despite being half Korean, I sometimes feel like I relate a lot to those miserable high school girls in K-dramas. However, I'm not miserable, thanks to my aunt Soo Hee, who took care of me after my parents' murder, though I still have blurry memories of that fateful night. I try to maintain my sanity with the therapies she makes me attend.

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts, and It was my aunt.

"Yes?" I answered as she entered with a glass of strawberry shake.

"You've been studying for an hour, darling. How about taking a break now?" She petted my head while handing me the glass, and I held onto her hand, cherishing the warmth.

"May I ask you something?" I inquired.

"Anything, baby. Go ahead," she encouraged, pulling up a chair to listen.

I gripped her hand tightly. "I wanted to know about that night."

Her expression shifted from sweetness to something I couldn't quite place. "Why?"

"I rarely remember anything. I was too young, maybe that's why. But you barely talk about my parents, you never even go to the police to find out who killed them. I want to know who killed them and…".

"April! We have had this conversation a million times, okay? You don't remember how I was raised with that trauma of that night, Therapies helped you get out of those nightmares" she replied, her tone tinged with annoyance.

“That was not my parents fault…I…”

“No…i think” she said and then paused for a second, her gulp triggered a strange frustration in me. “I think what you went through was actually your parent’s fault. Your mother was a fool! And I had to bear the burden…”

“burden?” my mind stopped on that word. Her eyes suddenly shifted from anger to regret. I slowly got up from the chair. 

“April!” She held my hand. “I'm sorry” but something was rising in me.

“No!” i turned around and pulled my hand from her soft grip, she fell in tears and regret but what about me? 

“If I were that burden to you…” my heart is wavering and so is my impulse.

I looked at her and she is continuously moving her head in decline. 

“Don't say that”

“You should have let me burn that house”. Words came out of me like small knives, and I bet it would hurt her deeply then that. I took my hoodie and ran out of the house, not listening to her call anymore.

I pulled my hood on my head, that might cover the voices, the memories. A tragedy happened to me when I was only six. Till that day to now, it has become like another soul in my body. Expensive therapies might have helped me gather my sanity but it can’t stop every battle I had to fight every night.

I don't know the murderer, don't know the reason, but what I can not forget was the sound of 6 bullets coming out of that Gun and splashing my mother’s brain. I had vivid memories, I remember I was peeking from a keyhole of a wardrobe, in which my mother hid me that night and told me to not make a sound. My aunt told me I didn't make a sound from that day till I was 8 years old. 

There are only traces left from that trauma, I lied many times in therapies saying I don't remember much, but I do.

A tattoo of a Crown on the hand of the Killer.

Eyes of my mother towards me. 

The smell of burning wood, as the killer burned our beloved home afterwards. I couldn't understand how to name the feeling of frustration, anger, worthlessness, and hopelessness swirling inside me. It was nothing—it was a feeling of absolute nothingness.

"I'm not insane...”

“I'm not insane... “

“I'm not insane." 

“I'm not insane” 

Suddenly a loud honk startled me. The next thing I realized was a bright light and noises. A loud scream came out of me and I buried my face in my hands.

A minute passed and everything stopped. I realized then i was walking in the middle of the road, another honk flinched me to the core, and a man starts yelling on me in Korean which I didn’t understand. I guess he stopped his truck when i was walking in the green light.

“shit” a breath came out of me as I was glad. i hesitantly bow and said sorry and moved on quickly.

I don’t know how far I cam from home, I looked here and there on streets and realized the direction. As soon as I figured out I was at front of the gate of Ha Ri’s house. A big mansion, made in a very modern way by keeping the traditional touch. The whole house is still litted up as if a party going on inside. I stepped forward and amusingly I forgot my phone, and so I ring the bell. They knew me as I grew up with her, I spend most times in her home more then her actually. Miss Shin only trust me among all of her friends. I stepped forward and reach her room and knock over.

The door opened the next second and I looked at her.

“aunt soo hee right?” she said without doubts and I laugh with some tears in my eyes. No one knew me better then her.

“what’s the reason for now? Or is it the same old topic of your past?” she inquired and I fell on her bed.

“same old” I said. She fell down with me and then didn’t ask again.

I was verge on falling asleep when I remember I should tell her about the invite. I slightly moved my head towards her to look. It was complete silence in the room.

“I am not sleeping so say what you want to say” she whispered and I uncontrollably smile.

“that convienance store guy I told you” I started and she opened her eyes and side gazed me.

“and?” she asked with curiousity.

“well turns out he was your cousin” I said and she sat up immedietly.

“seriously?” she said with excitement. Her eyes almost become round and I silently laugh with her.

“and guess what?” I said and added “he invited me to his birthday party tomorrow and I had to promise him to go” I whispered and then her inquiry goes on whole night. I didn’t remember sleeping that night, but I can’t go Aunt soo hee never let me get involved with any of the family from Ha Ri’s side. I don’t know why.