Micah

There are no words to describe the despair that is to lose one's mate.

You just can't fathom or bring yourself to imagine it, you couldn’t possibly figure out the pain that comes with such a heavy loss.

I was woken by the pain my mate felt at seeing her brother unconscious after he tried to commit suicide.

I couldn't catch a breath and I couldn't understand where that pain was coming from.

I just knew it was from her. That I was certain of. It had to be coming from Tisha, though I didn’t know why at the time.

Immediately, I called her and she told me that River had tried to take his own life after a horrible discussion with their parents - though that part I would only learn in a whispered voice. I knew her brother was struggling to accept his mating to Felix, but I would never have thought things were this bad for him.

I felt a gut punch like I’ve never felt before. And I wasn't even thinking of Felix at that moment.

I woke my parents up immediately, told them what happened and my dad drove me to their house. I had to see my mate right away, she needed me now more than ever.

When we arrived at the Westbrook residence, Luna John's mom was inside River’s bedroom working on him, his parents were by their side, in shambles. Daphne Ford Underwood is a doctor, that is why Alpha Rosalyn had her mate call his mother to meet them there. Quick thinking on her part.

Felix, Greg and Tisha were in the living room, as were Alpha Rosalyn and Luna John. They were keeping their son afloat while his grandmother tried to resuscitate his mate. He hasn't stopped crying from the moment he saw a lifeless River.

As I walked inside the house with my father, I darted to hug Tisha right away. My dad bowed his head to the Alpha. And so did I, naturally.

"Any news?" Dad asked the Huntingtons in a somber tone.

"Not yet, Daphne has been working on him since she arrived here, right after us. But the ambulance is already on its way." Alpha Rosalyn replied in a saddened tone.

"I am so sorry, brother. I really am. Did someone call you?" I spoke to Felix, concerned for him.

"No, I was the one who came here and told them about it. They had to break into his room and then..." He trailed off, being overpowered by emotions. I hugged him, feeling disheartened.

"Micah, I can't feel him anymore! The mate bond, I can't... feel him... anymore..." Felix stammered, sobbing. It was as if I could feel his heartbreak. I wish there was something I could do, anything for him not to feel this pain.

After a moment, the ambulance arrived. The paramedics came inside and left with River on a gurney. Dr. Underwood accompanied them as he was transported to the county hospital. His parents followed behind in their car, Tisha and I went along.

The Huntingtons had a car parked outside, so they followed too with Greg. They all went straight to the hospital where River was going to be tended to.

In case you couldn't tell, werewolves take dreams very seriously.

While most dreams bring messages about potential mates for ascending Alphas or their Lunas, it so rarely brings omens like what happened to River. That is indeed extremely rare to occur.

However, once you dream about something, take note. It will happen. Like clockwork.

Dreams may carry many different messages, but they are never wrong. Rumor has it Alpha Rosalyn once dreamed about having Felix long before she was mated to Luna John. It was a scandal at the time because it’d be an unmated pregnancy - they slept with each other before they were mated.

Ironically, it was then that she had learned that not only she wasn’t pregnant, she had a medical condition that made it very hard for her to get pregnant. It was a very difficult day for her and her family. Be that as it may, the proof is in the pudding. She did have Felix eventually, then she had the twins Nate and Carol, and stopped the ‘factory’.

When Felix woke up from his nightmare feeling terrified for his mate, he knew something was wrong. Even if he couldn't pinpoint what it actually was, he certainly couldn't ignore it. Not at all.

Tisha was inconsolable. She had just gotten one brother back. Now this happened. I couldn't leave her side. Neither my dad left mine, he stayed with us inside the hospital lounge.

All of us were waiting while doctors treated River. His parents were in shambles, wrecked by this. I would never say this out loud, but I’m sure they blame themselves for what happened. On the other hand, I wasn’t here last night. Goddess knows what was said among them.

A few hours later, Dr. Underwood walked out of the Intensive Care Unit, she came into the lounge and spoke with River’s parents, but of course we all could hear her.

"Mr. and Mrs. Westbrook, your son has suffered a severe blood loss from the attempted suicide. I managed to stop the bleeding when I arrived at your house, but there was a lot of damage. We transfused him blood, of course. We did the very best that we could." She started off in an ominous tone.

"Unfortunately, your son’s heart stopped beating from the tremendous stress. He went into asystole, so we tried to resuscitate him." She continued. Felix cried listening to her heartbreaking speech. Tisha and Greg were crying as well.

"We kept at it for several minutes. But his heart wouldn't start." The medical professional continued, at which point all of us understood where she was going with this.

The more she spoke the more I cried. This is so unfair. How come Felix loses his mate even before he got mated to him? My mate, her family will never recover from this loss. Not ever.

Please, Goddess. Take anything from my best friend except for his mate. He doesn't deserve it! I beseech thee, for everything that is most sacred in the world. Don’t take River away from his family…

"After several minutes trying to resuscitate him, finally his heart started beating again. It was a close call. But with the proper medication and bed rest, your son should make a full recovery." She declared at last. Mrs. Westbrook hugged her and her mate thanked the doctor. They were both crying copiously, now feeling relieved.

"With that being said, if Felix hadn't warned us and had me brought into your house when he did, River would be dead in the morning. I'm positive about that. He's sedated now, but I can take you to see him." She concluded. Mrs. Westbrook gave one thankful glance at Felix before she and her husband went inside the I.C.U.

I hugged my mate so tightly after we heard those words. Alpha and Luna hugged Felix and Greg, all of us feeling so incredibly relieved over this news. River didn’t deserve to die, especially this brutally. It’s heartbreaking that he thought he had no other recourse.

As the hours were passing fast, the sun began to shine outside of the hospital. Tisha wouldn't leave her parents behind, neither would I leave her side. So I told my dad to go home. He had to rest and River was out of danger at this point.

Mr. and Mrs. Westbrook spent the night by their son’s side, taking turns keeping him company even while he slept. Meanwhile, Felix didn't sleep either. His dad stayed with him while his mom left, there was a warrior waiting for them and she couldn't keep him all night inside the car.

In the morning, Felix was finally able to visit River at last. When he entered the room, I was with my mate in the lounge. River’s parents had stepped out for a coffee.

"Good morning, sunshine!" He greeted River, who was awake in the hospital bed.

"Good morning, Felix." He replied, weakly.

"Fine, I'll do it. Don't need to kill yourself!" He joked. River laughed at this, even though his laughter is a pained one. He has long tried to convince Felix to service him, but he has resisted thus far. It has been a major plot point in their relationship.

"Hey, don't say that if you don't really mean it. I’ll hold you to it!" River challenged him in a playful tone. He looked demanding, despite the humorous undertone.

“I’m sure you will, but I’m dead serious now. Why would you do this to yourself, River? What were you thinking?” Felix chastised him, feeling bad about the situation.

Meanwhile, I was so relieved for my mate and best friend. Honestly, I don't think either of them would ever recover from this. Especially Felix, on account of his mating and subsequent ascension. I took Tisha for some air outside of the hospital where I kissed her for a long time. A chaste, pure kiss, to relieve us from some of this trauma.

River

"I heard you were the one who saved my life. Thanks for that." I declared, dodging Felix’s question. I am still in a lot of pain, but the medication helped.

"My grandmother saved you. I just alerted her and barged into your house like a crazy person. I mean, my parents and I did." He snickered, downplaying his role.

Felix came close to my side by the hospital bed. We were alone, if you don’t count all the machines monitoring my health.

"Why would you do this to yourself? I know I'm ugly but you didn't have to kill yourself to not be with me!" Felix snickered, trying to keep it playful though the subject was heavily dramatic. I laughed, painfully.

"Stop making me laugh! I'm in pain!" I barked at him, annoyed.

"I'm sorry. But really, why?" He insisted, just as I knew he would. There is no avoiding the issue, I’m afraid. I have a distinct feeling that I’ll be talking about this for a long time.

"I’m sorry too. I had just told my parents about me being your mate and their reaction was not so great. I was in a bad place. But mostly, I refused to accept it." I confessed, embarrassed about the whole thing.

"I am so sorry that your parents didn't support you." He squeezed my hand lightly. An electrifying current jolted into my body as he did, it was nothing like I have ever felt before. His touch was so soft though.

"I know. They kept saying it was impossible because we are not 18 yet. All that rhetoric was really pissing me off." I admitted, getting a rise in my level of discomfort.

"I understand. It's different for humans. My parents just took my dream at face value because the same thing happened to my mom, my grandfather and so on..." He explained, trying to empathize with my parents.

But my mom is a werewolf. She should be on my side.

"Yes, it was a battle to convince them, for sure. I left the kitchen after a heated argument with my parents and still not feeling they were convinced." I said in a joking tone. But that wasn't even remotely a joke.

"We are convinced now, son. There is no need to further explain it." Mom stated as she appeared at the door. Dad was by her side.

"Mr. and Mrs. Westbrook, good morning. I'll leave you to it." Felix said, moving to get out of the Intensive Care Unit. But mom stopped him in his tracks.

"Wait! Felix, thank you so much for saving my son's life. That's a debt that I can never repay." She hugged him where he stood. He was frozen in place, caught off guard by her affection.

"Please, Mrs. Westbrook, it was my honor to help in any way I could. I just couldn't breathe, I couldn't live in a world without your son in it." Felix spoke and I melted.

Tears came to my mom's eyes. I was emotional too hearing his words. Even my dad was.

"My husband and I have to go to our house for a minute, would you be a dear and keep my son company until we get back?" She asked him, smiling charmingly.

"Of course, ma'am. It'll be my pleasure." He replied with the kindest smile.

My dad shook Felix's hand in thanks - he isn't the hugging type - and they left together.

"At least, I think I won your parents over." Felix smirked after a moment, shocked by this turn of events.

"Yeah, I think so too. But then again, I'd be dead if it weren't for you." I spoke in a dark humor.

At this, Felix leaned over and kissed me. It was so fast I didn't know how to react, neither did I have time to object. Damn, his lips taste like paradise. So delicious…

After he parted his lips from me, he sat by my side. I was mesmerized by him.

"I'm sorry, it was stronger than me!" He confessed, blushing.

"No complaints here." I snickered.

"But seriously though, please don't do this to me ever again. I wouldn't survive without my mate. I don't care if you reject me, just please live." He spoke in a very serious, pleading voice. I felt every vowel and consonant he pronounced.

"I won’t, I promise. I just went to a dark place. I'm sorry. I know it was selfish of me." I admitted, painstakingly.

"I mean, poor Tisha. I was a wreck but so was she. And not to mention Greg, your twin brother." He tried to guilt trip me and of course it was working.

"Yes, I got it. OK? I promise I won’t do this again!" I pledged, mortified.

"Thank you. You don't have to go through such lengths to NOT be with me. I promise I'll leave you alone." He spoke with a sorrow I haven't heard before from him.

"No need. I didn't try to commit suicide because I didn't want to be with you. I think I did it because I was too scared to admit that I do." I said and I could almost hear his heart beat faster.

"Really?" He smiled wide at me.

"Yes, but I still want a..."

"I get it! Everybody knows what you want. What no one knows is what you’re willing to offer." He cut me off, staring me down.

"Good one. What do you want?" I asked him, raising my eyebrows in curiosity.

"Many things. But mainly, you have to start Luna training with my dad. And you have to show up at my ascension ceremony." He replied with a grin.

"What's Luna training?" I asked him, quizzically.

"When you learn how to be a Luna." He deadpans.

"I see. More learning. How fun." I snickered.

"Hey, there's no pleasure without pain. It's part of life." He schooled me.

"Yeah, I know. I guess I'm more focused on the pleasure part." I winked at him.

"Play your cards right and who knows... Have you heard that gay guys are the best at it?" He spoke suggestively, referring to fellatio.

"Yes, I have." I replied. My face was wide with a cheeky smile.

"Like I said, Luna training." He insisted, suggestively.

"You drive a hard bargain." I told him, lustfully.

"It's not even hard yet. But I can do that with a lick." He teased me, unabashedly.

"OK. If I weren't on a hospital bed..." I threatened, feeling my cheeks flush.

"Promises, promises..." He provoked me, teasingly.

We bantered for a good time, teasing each other with sexual innuendo. It's exactly what I needed at this point, to distract myself from my dire situation.

I'm done holding back now. I'm done denying myself what I want, what I crave, my deep desires.

No more Mr. Nice Guy! No more caring about what other people think of me!

It's time to take over my life and start living it. And I'll be damned if I let it get to me like this ever again.

No... not anymore. It's time for the dawn of a new day. A new River. And it's gonna flow like a motherfucker! Be prepared! I'm coming.... and I'm not gonna stop till I get what I want.

A|N: I had a serious internal debate over whether or not River would survive. Believe it or not!

I dwell on it. Ultimately though, I couldn't fuck him over.

To be honest, I'm tired of seeing LGBT+ people getting killed.

Not on my watch! Next is "Fools".

Love,

Léo.