Tyler tried to calm himself, but no matter how hard he tried, the shaking that ran through his hands would not stop. He couldn't catch his breath, he felt like he was suffocating, like he was running out of air no matter how much air he inhaled, it wasn't enough. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears. Tyler could feel sweat dripping down his forehead, and dizziness suddenly overtook him. And he watched in horror as faint sobs came from his mouth, and then the whole situation hit him.

He was not at home, he was not alone. The fear that someone would catch him in this state turned his stomach. He couldn't afford to be caught in such a vulnerable state. He couldn't let someone else hurt him like that. Tyler wouldn't be able to defend himself. So he bit down hard on his fist, not caring about the pain and blood that came with it. He could still feel those tears flowing, however the faint sobs had stopped, swallowed by his fist.

Tyler tried to calm down but to no avail, he felt far too anxious and unsafe in someone else's house in this state. Tyler liked his seizures to be at home, in his room in privacy with no one to disturb him and without worrying that someone would see him in this state.

Tyler hated those moods, but hated even more those depressive episodes where he had no control over himself, his emotions, his thoughts and especially his appearance.

While he was deep in his panic, trying not to make any noise, he did not notice that he was no longer alone in the room. Hearing his name called, he couldn't help but flinch. Seeing his best friend crouched in front of him looking at him with a worried look, he felt the fear seeping in more.

The thing he hated even more than his panics was showing up so vulnerable. He hated being so vulnerable during his episodes. That's why he only allowed his parents to see him in that state. Even his brothers couldn't see him in that state because he refused to show himself, he found himself too pathetic in those moments. But mostly it was to prevent others from hurting him, as they had done before. He knew that anyone could take advantage of him in this state; he had already experienced it. and he had sworn to himself that he would never again show himself so vulnerable, weak to anyone else.

And now he had failed. He knew that Jonah would never hurt him, but that didn't stop the irrational fear that came with that realization. And before he could do anything to get out of the situation, Jonas beat him to it.

"It's okay, Tyler, it's just me, I'm not going to hurt you," Jonas said calmly, raising his hands in peace.

Seeing Jonas so worried about him, and who seemed so unwilling to hurt him, he couldn't help but relax slightly despite himself. Despite the irrational fear that was still present, he knew that Jonas was never going to hurt him, and that he was just really worried.

"What happened? Are you hurt?" Jonas asked worriedly.

Jonah's concern surprised him, Tyler wanted to tell him that he wasn't hurt, but no matter how much he wanted, the words wouldn't come out. And he refused to meet Jonas' eyes, he still felt ashamed that someone could see him in this state. He felt like he was going to be judged. Which was ridiculous because Jonah was not the type to judge.

"Tyler, please, can you just nod your head and tell me if you are hurt, I'm getting really worried," Jonas begged

It was the first time he had heard Jonah so desperate, and upon hearing Jonah's pleading tone he couldn't help but give in, before nodding weakly hoping Jonah would understand that he wasn't hurt.

"Can I?" asked Jonas, gesturing toward his fists.

He nodded weakly at the question, not knowing what to expect. He was surprised to feel Jonas' hands pull his fist out of his bruised mouth to gently wipe away the blood that had been spilled. And almost tenderly wiped his wet cheeks before gently but firmly taking his trembling hands between his own as if to keep them from trembling.

Tyler was overwhelmed by the gentleness and softness of Jonah's care for him. He had never let anyone take care of him in this state, not even his parents, and she had never tried to take care of him either. So to feel someone take such tender care of him in this state without ever hurting him or taking advantage of him shook him.

He had always thought that no one would want to take care of him in this state, that he would just be a burden. And to see Jonas take care of him like he wanted to, it didn't upset him. He didn't understand why Jonas would want to take care of him like that, when she never took care of him in one of his seizures, always preferring to run away at the time of his seizures to leave him alone to calm down.

"Now breathe at the same time as me, 1- 2- 3, breath in, 1-2-3, breathe out," calmly Jonas calmly guided by taking exaggerated breaths out to make Tyler understand.

As he repeated the exercise several times, Tyler was relieved that he had finally managed to resume normal, harmonious breathing.

"You're doing great Tyler, I know you're probably tired, but can you now try to point out 5 things you can see in the room?" asked Jonah without ever letting go of his hands that were still shaking.

Tyler hesitated for a moment, before forcing himself to answer so as not to worry Jonas any further, and to still be able to calm the crisis that persisted despite the progress.

"A table, your purple lamp, the green plant in front of your bed, the paint and the pictures hanging on the wall," Tyler murmured softly without ever meeting his eyes.

"Thank you. You must be tired, we'll put you to bed, it'll be more comfortable than the floor," Jonas said, helping him up. Tyler didn't want to talk any more so, he was relieved when he noticed that Jonas didn't expect any answers and didn't try to force him to talk.

Jonas put him comfortably on the bed, and he turned his back to Jonas, he didn't want his friend to be able to see his hands start shaking again and, his tears continue to flow. The panic had been going on for so long that he feared it would never stop. He felt the bed buckle under Jonah's weight, but he didn't try to turn over. He thought Jonah would fall asleep, leaving him to his own devices, as she had.

His heart skipped a beat and his body tensed as he felt arms wrap around his waist and fingers wrap tightly around his fingers without hurting him, which had the effect of calming the tremors. He relaxed as he realized that the embrace was actually helping him with his panic attack.

"I know it's hard for you right now, and I understand that you're scared, it's normal to be scared, and I'm here for you. I know it feels like it's never going to end and that it's taking forever, but it will end soon, and I'll be with you the whole time" Jonas reassured gently, not waiting for answers while unconsciously tightening his arms around Tyler.

Upon hearing the words of consolation, Tyler realized that the tears were no longer coming from his panic attack but were due to the care, and words of consolation offered to him by his best friend. He didn't ask him to stop crying, didn't leave him alone, didn't give in to his negative thoughts, didn't order him to calm down. Never yelled at him despite his refusal to respond, never tried to minimize what was going on or how he was feeling, never tried to force him to talk.

Tyler felt strangely so safe in his arms, as if none would be done to him as long as he remained in her arms. Which was strange because during his seizures, Tyler never felt safe or calm.

But Jonas made him feel safe and calm.

As Jonas hummed a song in a low, faint voice in his native tongue, he couldn't help but close his eyes to the calm, soothing voice that filled the silence and distracted his thoughts. The melody was soft and uplifting. As the panic finally subsided, Tyler finally fell asleep, feeling safe and calm for the first time in a long time.