The Flower Dances and the Wind Sings

Chapter 3

“Oh my, Your Grace, I… don’t know what I just saw… I-I can’t—” Lianne stuttered. Leaving her to her own devices, Ersella thought about the last few minutes. Her heart sank at how her son froze upon her touch.

Did it repulse him so much?

Though such a reaction upset her, she could not blame Vicente. After all, everything started with her own neglect. Ersella had no excuses—even if Vicente chose to turn her away again and again in the future.

She had to correct the bad habits she had developed, especially if she wanted to gain Vicente’s trust. Ersella then turned back to Lianne.

“Yes, Your Grace,” Lianne replied with a smile.

“I haven’t even asked my question.”

“What are you going to ask? I will do my best, Your Grace.”

Lianne, six years Ersella’s junior, had served Ersella even before she became the duchess. And though Lianne was well past marriageable age, she insisted that she would stay by Ersella’s side. With so much experience under her belt, she was quick to see her intentions.

Grumbling teasingly about how she kept Lianne for too long, Ersella began, “Uh…” Oh, why did I have to lose my tongue now? she thought.

“Yes, please go on,” Lianne replied.

“I think…”

“Yes, Your Grace. I am ready to listen.”

“I wonder if I should… try to get to know him…” What a half-hearted way to express my desire! I can’t even specify what I really want to know! But just as Ersella stuttered to add Vicente’s name, Lianne clapped with joy.

“You mean Lord Vicente?!”

Well, she’s a quick-witted one, isn’t she? Ersella gave Lianne a lighthearted glare, though she couldn’t deny that she was thankful for how quickly Lianne caught on to her. “As you know, Vicente and I…” she began.

“You do not get along with him.”

“Right. But at this rate…” Ersella trailed off.

“You’ll grow further apart.”

Ersella nodded. “Right, so…”

“So you want to get to know him now?”

It’s like she can read my mind… Ersella nodded twice. Thankfully, Lianne understood everything she wanted to say.

“Hmm…” Lianne murmured as she rested her chin on her hand thoughtfully. “You’re right. I can only describe what happened between you two as a silent war.”

Was it that bad?!

As Ersella looked shocked at Lianne’s remark, she continued, “I never imagined there would be peace between you and Lord Vicente, so to hear you say this makes me feel better.”

With her eyes closed like a thoughtful detective, Lianne began to pace around the room slowly, much to Ersella’s frustration. She anxiously sat waiting for Lianne to speak up, knowing that she would only take more time if rushed.

“Please excuse my bluntness, but I see you’ve now realized how uncaring you’ve been towards Lord Vicente,” she finally said.

“Right.”

Lianne’s eyes sparkled. “It’s a little late still, but I think it’s good that you finally—FINALLY—realized it.”

“You could’ve told me earlier...” Ersella grumbled, upset by the accusation in Lianne’s voice. Her maid never told her even once that she seemed indifferent towards the boy. But in the end, she knew that she was the problem. Lianne was not to be blamed.

“But you must’ve felt conflicted, Your Grace,” Lianne said calmly. Her expression turned gentle with compassion as she reminisced. There was a pause before Lianne spoke again. “You were pushed to marry when you were at the peak of your life, my lady. Everyone called you the star of the party and the greatest beauty of the Grania Kingdom.”

Not noticing that she started referring to Ersella not as “Your Grace” but “lady,” Lianne continued. “You loved meeting people, dancing, and going to parties. Everyone loved your presence. But when you had Lord Vicente, you lost all of that. So I understand how you feel, my lady—I mean, Your Grace.”

“Lianne…”

“You were young. What you did was not unexpected. I suppose what came out of that wasn’t good, though. He is your son, after all.”

“I didn’t know you thought so,” Ersella murmured. Many people tried to control her, emphasizing the virtue of motherhood. Each time they did so, she felt awful. Lianne must have seen it too. Her own shortcomings aside, she felt slightly comforted.

“Do you regret getting married?” Lianne asked, with sudden curiosity. Indeed, though Ersella had a hard time with the lack of freedom, she had never declared that she regretted her decision.

“I don’t,” Ersella replied, sounding calmer than she expected. “I think Harzen is a decent husband. Don’t you agree?”

Lianne nodded. “He might be a bit gruff, but I can definitely see that he cares for you. He used to be pretty popular too, being handsome, an heir to the house of a duke, and a member of the First Division of Royal Knights. He was perfect for you. Still, it was a pity that you got married young, without really enjoying your life to the fullest.”

“It couldn’t be helped.” Ersella sighed. “Father was ill.”

Back then, Marquess Pisarde, Ersella’s father, was ill and bedridden for most of his day. Unlike her brother and sister, who had already gotten married, Ersella was single.

Her father knew that his daughter, unlike his son, needed the help of his title as the marquess if she wanted to find a good family. So he picked the best candidate from the many proposals that Ersella had received and quickly sent her off.

Marquess Pisarde passed away just after Ersella had Vicente, leaving the title to Karlon who was only twenty years old at the time.

“I’m sorry for bringing this up,” Lianne apologized. But Ersella knew Lianne hadn’t done anything wrong. It happened a long time ago, and Ersella was no longer bothered by it.

“It’s fine. It’s in the past. I’d prefer to talk about the future. What do you think I should do?” she asked.

“Hmm… I think you should change your tone first!” Lianne replied.

Ersella nodded at the undeniable truth in that comment. Her emotionless tone definitely was an issue.

“You’re very warm and kind to others, Your Grace. You’re also nice to the servants. Yet you’re so aloof to Lord Vicente, your own son. I think the relationship could benefit a lot if you tried to speak more gently.”

“For example?”

“First of all, no imperatives or anything too authoritarian.”

“Okay.” Ersella nodded. She could do that.

Lianne raised an eyebrow. “Also, no stiff comments.”

“I see…”

“Try to speak softly and make suggestions instead of orders.” Lianne spoke like a level-headed businesswoman. Ersella was more than ready to take any and all of her advice. “Lord Vicente might be mature for his age, but he’s still only fifteen.”

Wait… “Fifteen?” Ersella echoed. My goodness… Ersella paled.

“I’d like to believe that you at least know how old Lord Vicente is, Your Grace,” Lianne muttered gloomily.

So everything wasn’t a dream?

When she died, Vicente was eighteen. Lianne looked at her incredulously as if she couldn’t believe that the duchess had forgotten her son’s age. Ersella, however, did not have time to pay any heed.

Fifteen? That meant today was three years before her death. She had truly gone back in time. This was no dream. Ersella felt goosebumps on her skin. She had unconsciously been thinking that she had dreamed everything, But now… Did I really just go back in time?

Did the heavens listen to her desperate cries? Trying to calm herself down, Ersella decided that she would believe in divine beings from now on. As someone who had never been religious, she was truly shocked by what happened.

Now that she thought about it, there were signs.

Vicente clearly looked younger when she saw him in the training hall. She just didn’t notice as she seldom saw the boy anyway. Lianne also said that Vicente just passed the apprentice knight examination. When he was eighteen, Vicente had long since been knighted properly.

She then recalled how she had been withering away. Right now, she was fine—just as she had been during this period. Her body was ordinary without any ailments. But did this mean that she would die again in three years?

Will I get sick again and… Ersella squeezed her eyes shut. She was scared. The feeling of needles digging into her lungs each time she took a breath and being unable to do anything but wait for her inevitable death frightened her. As she thought about how she would have to experience death again, unimaginable fear gripped her whole body.

“Your Grace?”

The curious voice tore Ersella from her reverie. She blinked once and stared at Lianne who looked concerned. “You’re trembling,” Lianne said as she cautiously took Ersella’s hand.

Funnily enough, Ersella found herself picturing Vicente when it was Lianne who was in front of her.

What am I doing… she thought, shaking her head as she chuckled wryly. This was not the time to fear death. She should fear repeating what happened before and remaining as a heartless mother for Vicente. She could not afford to waste time, wondering how she survived or if she would die again.

Even if she were to die in three years, the time she had should not be used for her own sake, but for Vicente. Perhaps this was the final grace from the heavens. It did not matter how or why she came back. What mattered was that she had a second chance. Ersella could not let go of what might be a divine miracle.

“I’m all right. But tell me,” she said. There was only one thing she had to do: love her son as much as possible. “What else do you think I have to change?”

Lianne smiled. Oh my, she’s really going to do this, she thought, feeling encouraged by Ersella’s seriousness. “You have to spend more time together,” she said.

“Time?”

“Yes. You live almost completely apart from Lord Vicente. You must go to the city together, do some shopping, or dine outside... Oh, I suppose you might start by eating together at home. You and Lord Vicente eat separately unless His Grace is around.”

Indeed, Ersella seldom dined with her son. Even Harzen, who was as nonchalant as ever, had suggested that they dine together. Usually, they ate their breakfast and lunch separately. They only dined together when Harzen was around. After all, it was more comfortable for both of them that way.

“All right. From tomorrow onward, I will dine with him,” Ersella declared.

“What about today’s lunch and dinner?” Lianne asked.

“I wish I could start today, but…”

Lianne chimed in understandingly, “I know. It’s difficult to change everything at once. Then let’s spend today thinking about how we would face Lord Vicente.”

Sometimes, Lianne seemed to read Ersella’s mind. Ersella supposed it was not too strange. After all, Lianne had served her for more than ten years. She took care of her faithfully until her death. Feeling a surge of gratitude towards Lianne, Ersella said, “Right. We should indeed spend some time together. How about we take a walk in the garden?”

Lianne nodded. “That’s a good idea. Your garden is incredibly beautiful. I’m sure it’s in full bloom right now.”

“Then we could go shopping—do boys like shopping though?”

Judging from observing her friends’ sons, they didn’t seem to enjoy it all that much. Normally, boys enjoyed cards or chess more. Ladies often chose to shop with their daughters rather than their sons.

She could not imagine shopping with Vicente, who was the epitome of reservedness, when even regular boys did not enjoy it. After a moment of consideration, Ersella decided to exclude the activity from the list. “I don’t think that would work.”

“Right. Not many boys enjoy shopping,” Lianne agreed. “But Your Grace, what matters is that you spend time together, not the shopping itself. You weren’t planning on just shopping, were you?”

She hadn’t thought of anything else, so Ersella fell silent.