The Flower Dances and the Wind Sings

Chapter 6

Vicente could not say anything as the food was served immediately after Ersella threatened to fire his tutors.

Cream stew with lamb, Caesar salad, fried baguette with butter, and roast potatoes with melted cheese were placed on the table. Ersella glanced at Vicente nervously as the white, creamy foods filled the space, knowing that all the dishes were purely to her taste.

She knew that she had a strange appetite. Though Harzen had gotten well used to it by now, he balked at how much she loved greasy foods at first. Realizing that she must have missed telling Clifton to bring different dishes than usual, Ersella smiled awkwardly.

“I’ll have them bring in something different…” she began.

“I’ll just have these,” Vicente replied, raising his spoon without hesitation much to Ersella’s embarrassment.

Telling herself that she must inform Clifton to prepare a regular breakfast tomorrow, Ersella took a spoonful of her stew. The creamy stew was as delicious as ever. She observed her son while he tasted the stew, hoping that there could be a chance that he enjoyed it like her.

Unfortunately, Vicente seemed not to share her affinity because he only took a few spoonfuls before putting the utensil down. Judging from the fact that he hardly touched any of the other dishes, she figured he must have found all of them quite greasy. Ersella’s expression fell as guilt washed over her.

Why do I have to have such a strange appetite? she thought. For the first time in her life, she resented her own taste. Not having dealt with Vicente before, everything felt like a challenge.

“May I ask what your plan is after breakfast?” she asked, her voice devoid of any of the authority she had a moment before because of her guilt.

Vicente, however, also seemed to be thinking about the sudden freedom in his schedule. Not speaking, he stared at his mother.

“Um, if you don’t have any other plans, would you like to go to the garden with me?” Ersella suggested, thinking that it might be a good idea to spend some time with her son, though it was unplanned.

“Your garden, you mean…?” Vicente replied slowly. Ersella guessed that by “her garden,” he was asking if she was to accompany him. After all, it wasn’t as though they had more than one back garden.

Pretending not to notice his hesitation, Ersella nodded shamelessly. “Yes. The roses must be in full bloom right now. I imagine it must be very beautiful.”

It was May, so the garden should be full of roses. Thinking that looking at the beautiful flowers in full bloom would improve Vicente and her icy relationship, Ersella convinced herself that this was a good idea.

Vicente stared at her without accepting or rejecting her offer. He seemed to be trying to figure out what Ersella was thinking. Realizing that such an invitation might be too premature, Ersella held back a bitter laugh as she waved her hand.

“I won’t insist,” she said. Despite her words, her shoulders slumped. For some reason, she thought that Vicente would say yes.

Just as Ersella reached for her salad to hide her disappointment, the boy spoke. “No. I shall go.”

Ersella’s eyes widened at the unexpected response.

***

The garden was as beautiful as ever. Red roses bloomed on the green beds among patches of small wildflowers. May was here with a vivacity that would bring a smile to anyone’s face. Always having had an affinity for beauty, Ersella smiled as well. She wanted to go down and walk in the garden as soon as possible. A moment later, Vicente approached her. He was dressed in simple, everyday clothes.

“Shall we go?” she said, and a hand stretched out a moment later. Ersella stared before realizing that Vicente was offering to escort her.

She looked up in surprise at the courteous gesture, not having expected him to reach out when he had every right to avoid her, especially when they were in private like this. Lianne had told her that Vicente was perfect in all his lessons. Did his lessons include this too?

“Thank you,” Ersella said, placing her hand on his with a smile. After all, there was no reason for her to refuse his courtesy. Vicente stared at her pale hand before leading her gracefully.

The back garden was beautifully adorned, thanks to Ersella. However, Vicente seemed more oblivious than Ersella thought at what would have easily charmed other ladies. He stared straight ahead as if unimpressed by the luscious colors around him.

The conversation was almost non-existent with Ersella asking how it was and the boy replying that it was nice, until she fell silent, too embarrassed to praise her own garden. The two walked straight for a while until she glanced to his side.

How long has it been?

How long has it been since she walked side to side with her son or spent time together without a purpose? She realized that Vicente was already much taller than her. He would soon be an official knight as well. Though becoming a knight at a young age was difficult, her son was knighted at just fifteen years of age as if to prove that he was the heir of a military family.

“I must go now.” The flat voice snapped her back into reality.

Though disappointed that her son was already leaving when it felt like not even half an hour had passed, Ersella decided to hold it off here, telling herself that it was impressive enough that they had a walk in the garden at all. She knew Vicente had given his best.

Recalling what Lianne said about having to be patient, Ersella replied, “Yes. Off you go.”

Vincente bowed his head. “I will take my leave, then.”

“Oh, why don’t we go out tomorrow?”

Oops, Ersella thought, reminding herself that she had to speak more softly. Unfortunately, no matter how much she tried, it was not easy to get rid of the old habit. Feeling the need to change, Ersella waited for Vicente’s response.

“I have a politics lesson.”

It was a clear refusal. But it was not as though she—having memorized Vicente’s schedule—wasn’t aware. Since she fired many of the tutors, she knew that the boy was free after his politics lesson.

“How about we go after your lesson?” Ersella asked calmly.

“I’m going to be training.”

He’s probably going to say no again— Wait, again? Ersella was surprised by his reply. Was the boy truly saying he would train in his free time? That made what she did meaningless!

“Why not… take a break during your free time?” she asked.

“I have my knight examination soon. I cannot skip my training sessions.”

Though he said “soon,” he still had quite a bit of time left. But her son did not seem to take anything in his stride. Ersella suddenly wondered if the boy truly wanted to be a knight or if he was doing something against his will for the sake of his family.

“You don’t have to become a knight,” she said.

“What are you—”

“If there is something else you want to do, you can do that,” she said, cutting in.

Indeed, if there was something else, Ersella was more than willing to let him give up becoming a knight. After all, what was a knight but those who considered it an honor to die on the battleground?

Now that she thought about it, it was awful. Ersella felt like she would be thankful if Vicente gave up becoming one. Not only was it dangerous, but also she wished that Vicente would find his own path in life, doing what he wanted. She would not mind if he didn’t do anything and just stayed home. After all, they had more than enough money.

Ersella’s mind was full of such thoughts when Vicente asked coldly, “What has been up with you recently?”

“Vicente…?” she questioned.

“Do you know what you’re even saying? I am Father’s only son and an heir to the House of Bernhart. And you just told me that I should not be a knight.”

“I just…”

“Does Father know that you’re doing this? I hope not. If he did, he would be furious. I implore you to mind your words more.”

“You…”

Ersella felt like crying at seeing the contempt in Vicente’s eyes. She did not have any political motives. Rather, she was saying so for Vicente’s sake. It was only for his sake. She did not want him to go through any hardships. She wanted him to live in peace.

“I… I said that because I do not want you to live only for the family. Is that so wrong?” she asked.

“Mother...” His mouth opened and closed as he chose his next words carefully. “You know you’re not that kind of a person.” Ersella didn’t know how to respond. “Also, I know you’re not that kind of person,” he continued, coldly defining her. He wasn’t blaming her for living for her family. Rather, he was defining who Ersella was without any passion.

For the family… Yes, she lived for her family. She married for her family. She had a son for her family. Ersella’s eyes faltered. Looking up at Vicente in a daze, she asked, “Then let me ask you. Who am I?”

She wanted to know. She wanted to know who Ersella was to him. She wanted to know if she meant anything. She wanted to know… if he thought of her as his mother at all.

His dry gaze fell on her before he opened his mouth to declare flatly, “You’re the daughter of Pisarde, one of the founding members of the kingdom, and the wife of Duke Bernhart, His Majesty’s sword. You’re the noblest lady in this kingdom.”

Her heart began to race and constrict. Vicente looked at her without any emotion, as if she wasn’t his mother—as if she was a complete stranger. Vicente did not see her as his mother…

Finished, Vicente turned away without any hesitation.

As even his shadow disappeared completely, a tear rolled down Ersella’s cheeks.

***

“Ersella, I think… you could use being a bit kinder to your son,” said Eshahilde, her sister. “You don’t know,” she said as she slowly stroked Ersella’s head, “how much I envy you.”

Despite accepting the kind touch, Ersella could not understand her sister fully back then. When she began to realize what her sister meant, she had long since passed away.