Having a room just for yourself had its obvious perks, and one of them was playing video games at 6 in the morning without having to wear headphones. Hendrick had been one of the few who had applied for such a room and was lucky to have obtained it on account of his good grades and the few extra coins that he paid. Gaming was a pretty common Saturday morning activity for him, but now that they’d won the competition and had no exam to retake, the constant academic pressure that he felt was significantly lessened, allowing him to fully immerse himself in the game. Not all of them could say the same and he felt bad for them, but not bad enough to want to go back in time and purposefully lose. He was competitive by nature. He only felt ashamed that him and others that shared that trait easily fell into Kyle’s trap instead of showing solidarity.
The game he was playing was another one in a long line of dark medieval fantasy RPGs, which at first he got out of curiosity, wanting to mock the inaccuracies of the fictional wizards, warlocks and their kinds, but after a while, it oddly became almost an escape for him. He could live the life he was supposed to through these games, but which he ultimately chose not to, because he was still foolishly clinging on to humanity. Not for long, though, at least not if he didn’t do something about it. Sometimes he did wonder what the point of it was anyway, and that morning a voice other than his finally answered him.
When are you going to tell me the reason why you were able to get in my head?
Because he was too distracted by his own thoughts, he didn’t notice when the knight in shining armor that was currently explaining his next mission to him transformed into an animated version of Shiro, complete with his voice. He didn’t realize that was something Shiro could do, but it was high time he learned not to underestimate him.
I will soon. But not today.
He did plan on telling them, mostly because he believed he may not be able to hide it for long. But he had to try for them. They had been the reason for everything he had done. Shiro’s voice had reminded him of that.
I can wait, came his reply, then the game went back to normal.
“You won’t have to wait for long,” whispered Hendrick in the empty room while turning to finally watch the sunrise. “Not like I did.”
He still needed his humanity to love. Monsters can love, too, but that kind of love leaves scars.
***
It was the last day of fall and his melancholy would have been evident to any passer-by, that is, if there were any. But lately no one had even come close to his secret spot, which, on the bright side, allowed him to revel in what could be his last ‘cigarette’. If anyone came close, they might be able to tell by the smell that that was no usual death stick. They might mistake it for something stronger, but they would still have no idea just how strong his own herbal concoction was. Strong enough to be the only thing keeping him human. At the beginning he administered it differently, but once the trend had set in his home land ages ago, he found it easier to disguise it as such, especially if he happened to slip while in the company of others.
He was thinking of those old times when he heard the sound of laughter from a velvet-like voice, accompanied by a different dance-like cadence of steps that he’d come to recognize without much effort. He saw the two of them a second later, running towards the great opening opposite the forest, her dragging him by the hand. Not bothering to finish his cigarette, he followed them.
The chilly weather seemed to only now pay a visit to these secluded lands, hence the black coats that both Iv and Shiro were donning became the first thing he noticed upon getting closer to them. That and the fact that they were shedding them despite the weather. Once those hit the ground, their attention finally seemed to turn to him. They didn’t appear too surprised to see him.
“Oh, good, we actually needed someone to act as the referee.” With that, Shiro turned towards the nearest patch of trees. He made no reference to this morning.
“Are you alright?”
He watched Iv’s gaze as she seemed to inspect every inch of his face, finally stopping at his eyes. He wondered what she would find there. Judging by her genuine concern, he must have looked miserable.
“Yes. Although slightly confused.”
At that, her face seemed to light back up.
“I told Shiro once that despite my size, I am a pretty fast runner. He thinks I am no match for his fox, but I can at least give him a run for his money I think. Will you stay and watch us?”
Her eyes were wide, as if begging him to say yes, as if daring him to say no. He could never refuse. They both turned upon hearing the sound of crunched leaves to admire Shiro in his fox form making his way towards them. His fur seemed to shine under the morning sun.
“I’ll stay.”
With that, the two occupied their positions and on Hendrick’s mark they ran at full speed. Iv was right, she was surprisingly fast, overtaking Shiro and winning their impromptu race. They hadn’t gone too far away, but even if they had, Hendrick would still likely hear them.
“It’s not fair! You let me win!”
The only reply back was a hiss that sounded both alien and oddly human. He understood what it was supposed to means, sans telepathy, and it seemed like Iv did, too:
“Alright, we shall race back, but no cheating!”
He couldn’t bear to watch them for another round. His heart, whatever was left of it, was blue with memories of the past and what could have been. What could still be. It was time to get out of his melancholic stupor and get into action. As he walked back towards the manor, he pulled his phone out of his leather jacket’s pocket and sent a quick text.
Meet me at Tyler’s Cross. She’d know where to come.
***
He had expected some sort of reaction to the code name he had chosen upon meeting her, something like ‘Really?’, accompanied perhaps by a glare, to which his reply would have been something along the lines of ‘Well, he was positioned like a cross’, but all he got from Svea was a dazzling smile and a quick ‘How may I help you?’. Suited him well enough, but as she inspected the page from an old botanical encyclopedia with the name and drawing of the plant he was looking for, it suddenly dawned on him that there were few reasons for Svea to be so joyous when just a day before, she seemed quite miserable at the prospect of taking another exam just to prove she deserved to be here. Still, he was glad to see the change and witness her in her element as she scoured the grounds for the last ingredient he needed.
He tried to look around as well, but he trusted Svea’s abilities more, even if this forest was still relatively new territory for her. Definitely not uncharted, though, judging by her familiarity with it. He was half absorbed in his task, half day-dreaming, but he was nonetheless able to hear quite early the tell-tale signs of someone approaching. He panicked for a brief second, before realizing that they weren’t doing anything suspicious. Svea hadn’t even asked him what he needed the plant for, so he hoped the newcomer would be equally uninterested.
Not even a minute later, he recognized Jacy’s silhouette among the tall trees.
“What are you doing here alone?”
“The nurse planned to keep me for a few more days even though my injury has clearly healed, so to prove her wrong, I sneaked out for a recovery walk in the forest.”
It did sound like something Jacy would do even if he was still injured. However, he seemed to walk just fine, without having any sort of support. Still, “You’re lying.”
“Think what you will. What are you two doing here?”
“Searching for a plant,” answered Svea, completely focused on her task. She didn’t seem willing to give another explanation – nor did she have one – and Hendrick was not about to divulge it unprompted. After a long silence, Jacy seemed to settle with that answer and joined Hendrick as they walked behind Svea, watching her happily dig through the mossy earth.
“You seem quite happy,” remarked Jacy. He was probably finding it as odd as Hendrick did that the usually sensitive girl was so radiant despite the looming second exam.
“Oh, do I?” There seemed to be fascination in her tone at finding herself so happy, but the giggle afterwards was even more out of place. It led Jacy to mutter ‘weird’ just loud enough for Hendrick to hear, making sure to show that he was only teasing. Tough exterior aside, he was somebody who deeply and quickly cared for those he deemed worthy.
“Are you going to tell me the real reason why you’re here?”
With a sigh Jacy relented, easier than expected.
“Shiro texted me. He said you looked quite unwell this morning and he didn’t think you’d share what’s bothering you with him. He believes I have a better shot, so he asked me to find you and check on you.”
It was a touching gesture, he had to admit, on both parts. Maybe touching enough for him to share at least a small part of his secret.
“I’m ill. There is nothing a normal doctor can do, and it’s getting worse.”
He gave Jacy enough time to process. He also checked on Svea, but she didn’t seem to have heard. He didn’t want to ruin her mood for now.
“Is that why you’re here?” Jacy ended up asking. “Are you collecting some sort of herbal, homeopathic medicine?”
“Precisely. You might think it’s foolish, though.”
“Not one bit. I know plenty about special remedies myself. I haven’t had the need for a doctor in a very long time.”
Hendrick was reminded then of Jacy’s injury. Even though he saw him walking well, he had to check again. The ankle didn’t look sprained. It was almost as if there was nothing wrong there to begin with.
“Did you use something of the sort to heal so fast or were you faking it?”
“I just naturally heal very fast. Besides, it was nothing serious to begin with. Iv was gentle enough when she hit me.”
That was news to him. He had his doubts about Jacy’s story of the accident, but what he had just heard was enough to leave him utterly stunned.
“We wanted Shiro to get into the team and we found a creative solution like we did for that football match. You see,” he went on, “I thought Iv was just another one of those ‘queen bee’ types. Slightly mean, but only to put up a front. But something told me she could be cruel when she wanted to, I mean truly cruel, which is strange, because she is not a ‘bad’ person by any means. I can see it in the way she cares about Shiro, Svea and all of us really. After she hit, she barely left my side and made sure I was tended for. I have to say, she’s an odd one.”
“There is no person that is just good or just bad. We are all merely choosing sides. Those who are worth it will never see the pain we are able to inflict.”
That was how Hendrick survived all these years. He had chosen at each moment if he should show kindness or be merciless.
“Yeah, I know that, but what I meant is…”
“I found it!”
They were interrupted by Svea’s excited scream. They rushed to where she was kneeling on the ground, holding up a handful of Valerian roots. Hendrick had known he would find it in these parts of the world if the need ever arrived and it did. His confirmation came seconds later, when upon feeling a stinging sensation in his palm, he found it to have returned to its inhuman form. He pulled his sleeve down, hoping that the two wouldn’t notice, and praying that the roots would lull his body to sleep during the transformation.
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