V straightened his back, holding the katana like he was born with it.

-Kill them!- Screamed the vampire drug dealer holding her stump and retreating in the hallway. -Kill them all!- Three thugs threw themselves on V.

I knew they couldn’t technically kill us. Unless falling in the Dark Void or other rare circumstances, undead couldn’t really die. Unfortunately, our emotional system was still incredibly human and self-preserving, so believe me when I say I was definitely shitting in my pants at that moment.

I clumsily climbed up the bed, to distance myself from the fight as much as I could. No one got near me and L, though. V kept them blocked near the door, twirling the katana left and right so fast that I could barely track his movements. Violet, blue and black blood was splattering everywhere. A spurt of a ghoul’s blood went straight into my eye, and I accidentally hit my head with the pan in the attempt of scratching my eye. 

I gasped, when I saw with my only eye available V being stabbed in the chest a few times by a ghoul, then being hitten by a spiked club on his shoulder by another one. V slammed on the table, breaking it, and hitting violently on the ground. 

“it’s over” I thought. 

But in an instant, V was standing up again, ready to fight again even with a knife still in his chest. 

I couldn’t believe my eyes. I knew there were undeads with regeneration skills, but just powerful necromantic spells could give you a recovery so fast. “Who is this guy?!”

-YEAAAAAH! CUT THEIR DAMN LIMBS! SLICE THEM INTO TINY PIECES!- I was still rubbing the bump on my forehead when I heard the priestess next to me growling like she was at her favorite metal concert. 

I glanced at her, shocked, and she coughed, embarrassed. -I mean, violence is not the answer, we should all stop and reflect on our…OUCH!- Her unconvincing monologue was interrupted by a flying foot that hitted her straight in the face. 

V kicked the two-meters tall ghoul, who was the owner of the foot, beyond the door, pushing the thugs behind him in the hallway. He chased them, going out of our sight. Me and L were left alone in the apartment. 

“Why the fuck are we suddenly in a Tarantino Movie?!” I asked myself stupidly, while listening to the bedlam of screams and thuds coming from the hallway. I was still holding my pan so hard that my knuckles were white. My arms and my legs were shaking crazily. 

-Are you’re alright, Hana? hurt anywhere?- L asked, worried. Before I could answer, I heard the hurried steps and voices of the thugs fading away, down the stairs. Then it was all quiet. 

The gang was gone and the battle, or better, the massacre, was already over apparently.

We heard steps again in the hallway and I stared at the door, my eyes wide as eggs. I breathed out in relief, when V entered the room in a hurry, covered in blood and not even panting. He pulled the knife out of his chest, throwing it away like it was thorn in his finger. I realized he fought the entire time with slippers on his feet. 

-Are you ok, V?- The priestess asked, but the calmness of her voice suggested it was more of a rhetorical question.

V dismissed the question quickly with a gesture. -Yeah yeah, I’m fine. They all run away, even the ones missing a foot or two…- 

Then he hesitated, with the same expression he could have made by accidently breaking a jar of sugar on the floor. -Ehm.. ladies… I hate to tell you this but…-  He was holding a handful of cash in his hand, more money I ever saw in my entire life.  

L clapped her forehead with her hand, remembering suddenly something. -Oh my, I totally forgot I gave you cash before leaving home. We could just have paid them!- She sounded like she just forgot to tip a waiter. 

-Uhm…- V scratched his head, ashamed, looking down. -Yeah… I… put it in my socks because I was afraid be pickpocketed and then…I…uhm… totally forgot.-

L put a hand on his shoulder, nodding sympathetically. -It’s alright, V, I’m the last person that could to judge you for forgetting something.-

I couldn’t even process a line of thoughts. I looked at my poor studio apartment in disbelief, splattered in blood and the supplies scratched and cut by the katana. Few limbs were scattered on the floor. My heart was still pounding so much that I feared a seizure and my head was hurting as hell. I wanted to scream at the two morons in front of me, to punch them, to hit them with the pan I was still holding. I also fantasized for a second to steal his katana and to behead V. His dense, blond, handsome head turned out to be totally useless anyway. When he wasn't fighting, at least. 

Instead I started to pick up the hands, the fingers, feet and what was left of my brains burgers from the floor and then I threw them with all my strength out of the window, like I was competing for a shot-put championship. When I finished up the body parts, I even launched out the pan, screaming all the rage out. The last scream was so long that I fell on my knees breathless and, before I could even notice what was happening to me, I was shaken by an hysterical laugh mixed with an hysterical cry. Then my stomach decided that handling cut limbs was actually pretty disgusting and I threw up all the brain snacks I ate during the day on the already messed-up floor. I sat on a corner, exhausted, and I finally lifted my head at L and V. 

They watched my little performance in silence, like they were witnessing a foreign religious ritual and didn’t want to intrude. V was looking at me intensely like he was studying a weird animal, I could almost hear his only brain cell working hard in that blond head. 

-It’s ok, Hana, we understand your pain and we feel you.- L said formally, with a hand on her chest. -Everyone deals with stress in their own way.-

-Please, enough with the therapy crap.- I pleaded, completely drained. “I really, really, really need my brains right now. Anything.”

We stayed in silence for a few moments then V gave the katana to L. -you can take Drinker back, L-

Then he kneeled in front of me, taking off his glasses and looking straight into my eyes. I forced myself to ignore the butterflies in my stomach because I would have totally thrown up again.

-Hana, I owe you an apology.- He was serious, for once. -This mess is completely my fault. First, I stole drugs from a gang, second I totally forgot I could have actually just paid them. Third, I accidentally led them here. Fourth, I destroyed your apartment, and fifth, all of this caused you a lot of “emotional and physical pain”. Is that the right phrasing, L?- The priestess gave an encouraging nod to his awkwardly long apology. -I suppose that makes me a fifth fold dumb asshole, if my math is correct. I honestly don’t know how to excuse myself and maybe I shouldn’t, because my behavior is not forgivable right now…So, I'll just make myself accountable and do all my best to fix the situation. You can consider forgiving me then- I didn’t know I had an accountability kink until that moment.

He standed up, smiling again. -Shall I repent my sins by becoming your humble servant, m’lady?- He declared pompously. Just a fedora was missing. Then he chuckled, scratching his blond head and cringing at his own joke. 

“Seriously, this clown…” I gave up and, while accepting his hand when he reached out to help me standing-up, I couldn’t help but to smile back.

Some meet-cutes can be pretty weird and we can all agree that the one I had with Twilight Hobo Dilf was one of a kind.