Chapter 8

A blob of purple swayed from within the deep black of the night. The purple light was bobbing and fluttering in front of me as if trying to draw me out of the pit of despair I’d allowed myself to sink into.

“A purple butterfly?” A butterfly in the middle of winter? The cold was so fierce that there were no flowers in bloom, yet somehow there was a butterfly fluttering about. I felt myself returning to reality. The fog in my mind cleared. The butterfly was fluttering around me as if it was waiting. When I came to my senses, it began flying ahead as if trying to lead me somewhere. I froze, eyes fixated on the butterfly. It flew back and seemed to be beckoning me. I gathered my strength and struggled to my feet. The butterfly moved slowly, as if it knew that I was injured.

I wonder if this is how Alice in Wonderland felt when she followed the rabbit. The anticipation of a new adventure rose within me. That color is familiar. The butterfly was perhaps a few shades darker than my brittle hair. Just like my mother’s. I hate that you had to die so tragically in that tower. I hope wherever you are, it’s a better place than the one you left.

Immersed in my thoughts I stopped once more, and the butterfly came back to me, urging me on.

“All right. I’m coming.” I just have to believe she’s somewhere better, I decided. I have to hope she is.

* * *

The butterfly eventually stopped.

“The moon.” It had guided me out of the dark forest. The bright moonlight was now visible above. The light felt like a sign that I was free from the black forest. Overwhelmed, I peered up at it for a while. “It’s so bright.” Indeed, it was so bright that the light pierced through the gloom of the forest. The darkness faded away around me, and I grew hopeful that I would be able to find a flower. I crouched down to examine the moonlit ground, searching.

Then the situation took an absurd turn. “I found one!” On the tip of a small cliff, there it was—a red blossom, fighting to survive the cold of rapidly approaching winter. The cliff seemed as high as a two-story building, but it didn’t look impossible to climb. “Okay, let’s go for it!” I started climbing, using the jutting rocks as footholds. Determination burned inside me.

My heart dropped every time the rocks crumbled away beneath my feet. “Phew.” For the most part, they seemed strong enough to support my weight. I’m going to need to be careful when I go back down. Climbing up wasn’t causing me too much trouble, but going back down was going to be the problem. I took a deep breath and continued to scale the small cliff face.

As I climbed further up, a faint red light began waving about in the corners of my vision. I clung to a stone jutting out at eye level and moved my foot carefully to the side, only to discover that the blossom was right in front of me.

I could not find words to describe the storm of emotions brewing inside me. It was an indescribable sensation to have successfully completed the first stage of writing my own story. Mother, I made it. I found the flower. I turned the impossible into the possible.

Taking the flower in my hand, I felt nothing but happiness as I smiled down at the red petals. I clutched it. “I just need to make my way down now.” Be careful. I positioned my feet carefully, hoping to avoid the worst. Maybe my anxiety being alleviated had drained me of all strength because my injured leg suddenly gave way, sending me tilting to the side. I lost my balance immediately and fell backward.

“Aagh!” My scream was loud and short as I plummeted to the ground. Between my injury and fatigue, I had no strength left in my body to break my fall. I crashed to the ground with a scream. “Aagh!” Fortunately, I didn’t fall unconscious as I had landed on my legs and not my head. “Ow.” But that didn’t stop the pain. Tears welled up in my eyes as agony shot through my entire body. I must have landed on my already injured foot because the pain was indescribable. The limb felt hot under my hand.

“Ah,” I had to keep quiet. The beast still roaming the woods might hear and come after me. I pressed a shaky hand over my mouth to stifle any noise. A beast or a monster could come upon me at any moment—a looming, prowling threat.

But it hurts so much. I could not believe that I had made such a foolish mistake. I didn’t know how I had come to find myself in this situation, nor why I had to endure such excruciating pain. I buried my face in my hands as anguish flooded me—doing so was the only way to stop myself from screaming or bursting into tears. The terrifying agony triggered all the sorrow I’d carefully tucked away to come pouring out.

Why is my father ignoring me? How could he abandon me like that?

Why did my mother ignore me? Why did she have to leave me all by myself?

Why won’t anyone look at me? Can’t someone just save me?

Mother, if only I could see you once more. No one has ever cared for me, but at least you looked after me.

Why did you have to leave me all alone? Why do we have to be sacrificed for the sake of the story?

Agonizing pain spiked throughout my body from my injured foot. The world had abandoned me, and the pain and seclusion were just too much for me. I held my tears in desperately. I wanted someone to take responsibility for how unfair my situation was.

At that moment, I remembered the flower. Where is my flower? Lifting my head, I found it right beside me. It was undamaged, unlike me, and I sighed deeply. I’ll have time to cry after I complete my mission.

I didn’t know how much time had passed, but I could see the bluish light of dawn beginning to appear in the black sky. Taking a deep breath, I lifted my head. I had to ascertain the severity of my injuries. Squeezing my eyes shut at the unimaginable pain, I quickly forced them open again. The worst of the pain was coming from my knee, and it seemed to be either broken or worse.

Trying to put the pain behind me, I reminded myself that I had to move and tried to put some weight on my foot. “Agh.” The pain was too overwhelming. I didn’t dare move.

“I will drag myself back if I have to.” I couldn’t waste this chance—not when I had found a flower. My harsh breaths appeared as white puffs in the cold. I couldn’t just lie here and wait for help. “It’ll be too late after sunrise by the time someone finds me.”

I knew that time would not wait for me. But I was determined to seize victory for myself. I’m going to survive this. I had found the mental strength I needed once again. Except there remained one problem—I didn’t know where I was. I had never been outside the gate, and I’d strayed from the road while fleeing from the beast in the forest. The butterfly is gone as well. How do I find my way back? A cold sweat ran down my back as pain overwhelmed me. I slowly turned my head to observe my surroundings and to try to find my way.

At that moment, the purple butterfly appeared once more, as if it had been waiting for me. “Are you going to guide me again?” The butterfly did not answer but showed me instead. It flapped its wings just as it had before. I dragged my unmoving leg and started to follow the butterfly. Passing under a tree that blocked the moonlight and then through thickets, I decided to put my faith in the butterfly and pushed aside all my doubts.

But there was no strength left in my body. It hurts. The pain was no longer within my ability to endure. My body began swaying, screaming at me that it was at its limits. Vision blurring, my leg began giving out under me. The butterfly. The only thing I could trust in this awful situation was the butterfly. I could still vaguely see the outline of its flapping wings. I wondered if my vision was failing, or if it was the butterfly that was disappearing. Stretching out a hand, I was desperate to keep up with it. Instead, I lost balance and tipped forward.

So this is it. It wasn’t the butterfly that was disappearing. My consciousness was slipping away. I felt as though I was falling for years, like death was crawling slowly toward me. I closed my eyes, anticipating the agony of my body hitting the ground.

Like a miracle, someone caught me. “Phew, that was close.”

I knew that voice. “Lenox?” I opened my eyes, feeling warm. Standing in the bright moonlight, I had emerged from the darkness at some point.

Lenox appeared out of nowhere, catching me before I could fall. His forehead was glistening with sweat, as if he had been running. His breathing was almost as ragged as mine. “Hey,” Lenox was about to say something but froze. His eyes examined me from head to toe, and he frowned when his gaze reached my feet. “Are you out of your mind?” he yelled angrily.

I couldn’t understand why he was suddenly so furious. I don’t know why he’s angry, but I hope he’ll still do me a favor. Desperately clinging to consciousness with all my might, I held the flower in my hand out to him.