Chapter 3

“Still, it’s good that you have more scenes now, and you have quite a number of lines. We don’t even have a script. We are just busy with having different makeup everyday and standing in the background to fill out the scenes,” one of the loan sharks said.

Director Moon might be well known for his impromptu script revision, but for the minor actors who were not lucky enough to have been given a chance, they were both envious of Woo-Jin and bitter about their situation.

“Which is why the first thing you must have is good looks,” he continued.

“He’s not just good-looking though? He’s tall too. And he’s rather good at acting,” commented another loan shark.

“Indeed, A doesn’t pale in comparison to Park Min in any way. I hate it whenever he grumbles every time there’s an action scene. So, it's good that we don’t have to hear him grumble tomorrow.”

“According to what I’ve heard, the script was modified because Park Min complained so much during the action scenes, they replaced the male lead with A.”

Dissatisfaction with the male lead, Park Min, did not only come from the director, but also the other actors. It was understandable that an actor who made a living off his face was careful when it came to filming action scenes. However, even though they had practiced many times beforehand under the instructions of the action choreographer and took extra care during the shoot, Park Min was still panicky, and flinching throughout. Thus, it was inevitable for everyone to be annoyed with him. Because of that, there were several bad takes, which prolonged the time that they were forced to hear Park Min’s complaints and grievances. The minor and supporting actors were the ones who ended up suffering as a result.

“You’re trying to tell me not to grumble tomorrow, right?” Chae Woo-Jin asked.

“You’re quick-witted,” replied one of the loan sharks.

Even though there was a lot of discontentment towards the male lead or, to be more precise, a famous actor, the minor actors could not continue their conversation about him. Hence, they laughed it off and wrapped up the conversation.

“Do a good job tomorrow. There are mask packs in the fridge over there, so use one in the evening before you go to sleep. You need to get your makeup done well in order to look good on screen,” one of them told Woo-Jin.

They were envious of how lucky Woo-Jin was, but they were not jealous. They had been working in this industry for a long time, so they were experienced. They did not resent the fact that they had not gotten their lucky break. Instead, they simply did their best, hoping to get lucky one day.

In order for that to happen, they knew very well that they would stand a better chance if the movie was successful. Apart from the leads, if any supporting or minor actors did a good job and became a topic of discussion, it would help the success of the movie. Even for small actors with minor roles, it was better for them to have a successful movie in their filmography than a flop.

As such, despite Woo-Jin having already met the passing criterion of being good looking, the three of them still helped Woo-Jin out in many ways to ensure that he would look good on the screen and perform well. With their help, Woo-Jin was able to study and prepare for the scene tomorrow in a conducive and silent environment off to one side.

Even though it seemed as though he had a lot to study, he was actually just trying to understand Loan Shark A’s character. Looking at A’s character alone, he was a selfish man who was brazen and impulsive. Someone like that, crazy, young and only looking to satisfy his own desires, would only display a very extreme sort of love. However, the assistant director said it was pure love. Woo-Jin did not know how to express it from such a character at all.

Woo-Jin himself had experienced love before. When he was an idol trainee, they had been banned from dating. Also, because he was young, he had to juggle between school and practice, and hardly had enough time for both. Because of that, he eventually got into a conflict with the members in his pre-debut group; around that time, he began dating his college classmate.

In his desolate state from over-exhaustion and also feeling rebellious about the dating ban, he couldn't reject the pretty girl who had confessed her feelings for him. He gave all of his first-times to her over the course of their relationship. At that time, the world seemed like a beautiful place for a brief moment, and it was a series of happy and exciting days that could not be described in words. He experienced ‘love’ for the first time, thanks to her. He would not die for her, but he had the desire to experience life with her.

Just when he thought they were going to be together forever, however, she dumped him hard. When his agency let him go, Woo-Jin had thought of her and given up on his dream of becoming a celebrity. It might have been ridiculous to talk about the future at only 21, but for her sake, he had been determined to succeed in another field instead of becoming a celebrity. He had been somewhat confident because he had faith in himself.

However, that had not been the case for her. She could not see a future with a college student from a poor family consisting of a divorced single mother and a younger sister, and had not even served in the military yet. Despite that, he kept clinging to her. When he drank late into the night, he would send her messages asking if she had slept. He did everything he could.

They had even argued bluntly about whether they could be in a relationship or not despite their young age, and even cried about how it was okay to break up with someone they were not going to end up marrying.

At that time, she said, “What do you think dating is?”

“What I’m doing now,” he replied.

“No, that’s love. I’m asking about relationships,” she said. Fortunately, she did not deny Woo-Jin’s feelings. Perhaps that was why her words made him feel even more bitter.

“As you said earlier, we’re still young and immature. It’s great to be in a relationship with someone we love. But right now, there are a lot of problems in our relationship. I want to be able to enjoy the beauty of youth today, instead of worrying about tomorrow and planning for the future. I hate how we have to worry about money when we eat out, and I’m tired of constantly worrying about tomorrow.

“My heart doesn't flutter anymore when I kiss you. I just want to be in a normal relationship like other people around my age,” she explained. Looking at her dry eyes as she said she was tired, Woo-Jin could not bring himself to tell her that his heart fluttered just by looking at her and felt like it would burst out of his ribcage when they held hands,

When I hug you, there are no words in this world that could express the bliss that coursed through every fiber of my body.

That was the only love Woo-Jin had ever known. Even though it had not been a happy ending, he had been happy at one point. At that time, Woo-Jin felt that she looked so sweet even when she was just breathing; he was grateful and happy that she was born into this world.

Would A be able to have such feelings? No.

In A’s eyes, it would be meaningless if he didn't possess or conquer what he wanted, even if he had to give up his life to save that person. On the contrary, A would kill a woman with his own hands and take her body if he knew she would have a good life without him after his death. Except, A would never choose to die. That was the kind of person Woo-Jin pictured A to be.

This was where Woo-Jin started feeling troubled. Tomorrow, he, no, A would have to die saving the female lead, Ara. However, he had no idea how to act out A’s reluctance to accept death. Since he had to wake up at 5 a.m., he went to bed early and tried to get some sleep. However, his disorganized thoughts only kept him awake for longer.

Come to think about it, I hated people quite a bit in my past lives.

Woo-Jin started thinking about his feelings about love, and at a certain point, he started thinking about his past lives. From the beginning of his life, Woo-Jin had genuinely loathed human beings with all his heart, including his family. Thus, he had been lonely and miserable. Despite having lived quite a number of lives, he had not known that this phenomenon would change.

Then one day, in his 457th life, his soul had fallen in love for the first time. He had never loved or even liked anyone in his previous lives before. That was when he had fallen in love with a woman for the first time through all his lives, and it had ended in a horrible tragedy. As he had been unable to understand or acknowledge that he loved somebody, or another human being, he had eventually killed her with his own hands before committing suicide.

He had not acknowledged his love for her until the very end. Instead, he had camouflaged and disguised it as hatred. Thereafter, he fell apart, living in a world where the person he loved had disappeared. Since there had been no one to hide his feelings from, the aftermath had been too unbearable for him, and he was haunted by endless self-loathing.

However, what he had felt back then was slightly different compared to how A felt. A was clearly aware of his own feelings and knew exactly what he wanted. As someone who would rather kill the other party and continue living in bitterness than kill and commit suicide, what other inner thoughts and emotions did A have that made him choose death? Woo-Jin quickly scoured through the rest of his past lives. After experiencing love once, little by little, he had started to feel affection for human beings in his subsequent reincarnations. From that moment onward, he had naturally begun to develop love for his own families.

After looking through his memories for a long time, Woo-Jin was finally able to find an identity from his past that had experienced similar feelings to A. Throughout his entire life, music was the only thing he had known. He had nothing more than just basic affection for his family and a sense of duty. Music was the most important thing to him.

However, as he had been born as a noble, he had been unable to achieve his dream. Thus, he had become more alienated and arrogant.

One day, a woman appeared before him. He had been satisfied with his wealthy life and stable family as a middle-aged man, but the beautiful young woman who was as dazzling as the sun had been the muse of his dreams. The whirlwind of emotions he felt and his strong desire to have her were the same manic passion he felt about music.

At that time, he had wanted to have her even if it meant throwing music, family, and everything else away. He had become horrifyingly possessive of her, such that if he could not have her, he wanted to make sure that nobody else could, even if it meant he had to kill someone.

Upon hearing she had gotten engaged, he went nearly insane and eventually killed her fiancé. Since he could not tolerate anybody coming close to her, he had continued murdering them, to the point that she became isolated. At the time, he had the financial resources and power to achieve such an outcome. He had been rather satisfied with the results: An unlucky woman plagued by misfortune, such that a mysterious death befall on anyone who came close to her.

In the end, she had no choice but to choose him, the only person who loved her. Since it had been a forced decision and the only escape she had, there was no sincerity in her love. Having somebody physically was not all there was to love. Thus, the selfish man who was crazy about love could not be satisfied.

One day, he drank some poison and died in front of her, as if to tell her, ‘See, even the only person who ever loved you died in front of you. You are someone who brings so much misfortune to other people. There will never be anybody who will love you as much as I do. You have lost the one and only person who loves you.’

Since he could not receive her wholehearted love, he had wanted her to be unhappy for the rest of her life in a world without him. Even if she were to truly love somebody in the future, he wanted her to remember this very day and give up on love. His bitter imagination of her potential happiness in a world without him made him hesitate, but he still stuck to his decision. What he felt then was the joy of being able to hurt and destroy her, the person who did not reciprocate his love. That was the "sacrificial" love of a selfish person.

Ah… was this truly my past life?

Maybe that was the reason he had been so cruel and taken lives so lightly; possibly because of his strong hatred towards humanity, which had remained in him since his very first life. His incomprehensible hatred and feelings towards human beings had turned him into a monster.

Right now, Woo-Jin himself could not understand the desolateness and madness involved, but in any case, that was all in the past. He shook his head and tried not to dwell on it too much, before looking back at A’s feelings through the lens of his past life. Even though it might not have been the same, to roughly put A’s feelings in common parlance, A was giving ‘Ara’ the middle finger.

A knew that she would never love him, which was why he wanted her body. Because of that, he hoped that she would not be able to pay off her debt, and would thus be sold off as soon as possible. That was how he could have her for once, in the name of his one-sided love.

However, she could die. In fact, she was going to die. He would not be able to have anything, so what should he do? Regardless of how much he thought about it, he could not come to a conclusion. He could give up and forget about it, but that did not seem as though it would work out well. That hesitation stemmed from A’s pure love.

A world without ‘Ara’ would not be fun, but he hated the fact that she would lead a happy life without him. Thus, he had to make it such that she would not have the ability to be happy. As punishment for not loving him back, he wanted her to never forget about him while suffering in misery, and being haunted by nightmares. Since a world without Ara would be a sad one anyway, he wanted her to live a living hell in a world without him. Woo-Jin thought that could be a reason for A to choose death over Ara.

A cold smile crept across Woo-Jin’s face as he immersed himself in A’s feelings. Just imagining it alone made it so thrilling that his heart pounded hard. Even A’s love was able to make one’s heart race.