April 11th, 1912

Nicholas lay back on his narrow cabin bed, his arms folded behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. The bed may have been narrow, but it was still extremely comfortable. The gentle hum of the Titanic's engines vibrated softly through the room, a constant reminder that he was far from the static life he knew. His mind replayed the moment he and Sebastian had touched hands. It was a fleeting moment but felt like it lasted an eternity. To make things even more confusing, Sebastian had not pulled away, his reaction seeming different than what Nicholas had anticipated. Each replay brought a mix of exhilaration and confusion, stirring a whirlwind of emotions Nicholas struggled to understand. As far as Nicholas knew, men were supposed to love women because that was how god had made them. So why did he feel these intense, forbidden feelings towards Sebastian, and were they truly as immoral as some would make them out to be?

"What does this all mean?" he murmured, his heart racing. He had never expected to find such a connection on this voyage, and now, every glance, every touch seemed loaded with potential and peril. Titanic was supposed to be a simple, smooth voyage to a new life, but now, every day seemed to bring something new. things he had never experienced or seen. His entire world was coming undone, but in a way that left him feeling liberated. He sighed profoundly, knowing everything would return to normal shortly after the Titanic reached New York. The memories of these days linger forever. One thing was for sure, no matter what happened. Nothing could indeed be the same again. However, he was still set on trying to make the new world his own. He had heard that in america, every person had the freedom and opportunity to succeed and attain a better life; he was going to snatch this so-called American dream and make it his own. 

Lost in thought, he barely noticed the sound of a slip of paper being pushed under his cabin door. It wasn't until the quiet of his room was disturbed by the soft, final flick of paper settling on the floor that he was pulled from his thoughts. He darted up from his spot, thinking someone was coming in, his heart racing. He calmed himself when he saw nobody was there, but that calm was suddenly punctured again when he saw the note laid; they were on the floor, blitzing from the reflection of the afternoon sun.  He took a deep breath, walked over to the paper, and picked it up. 

 Nicholas turned the note over in his hands, his eyes scanning the simple message scrawled in a hasty hand: "Meet me at the stern after nightfall." What on earth could this mean? This was his first thought as a million, and one question ran through his mind simultaneously. The note was brief, lacking any signature or hint of the sender. The mysterious message sent a shiver down his spine. Was it from Sebastian? Or had someone noticed their closeness and now meant to confront him? The uncertainty gnawed at him as he tucked the note into his pocket, his previous curiosity now overwhelmed by worry and turmoil. This could not be happening; it just couldent. He sat on the edge of the bunk and borrowed his head into his hands. He looked up again as he checked his watch. It was hours before sunset. He had to keep his mind busy to avoid overthinking the situation. 

Despite the unease that shadowed his afternoon, Nicholas tried to keep to his routine. He attended a lecture on marine navigation, wandered through the second-class library again and took a stroll around the deck. However hard he wanted to forget it, the note never strayed far from his mind. Later, when the sun began its daily descent, he realised he had to go and try to eat despite the pit in his stomach. Despite his best efforts, Dinner that evening did little to ease his mind despite the spectacular meal served. The food was a delight—roast beef with a rich, dark gravy, golden roasted potatoes, and a vibrant array of steamed vegetables that added colour to the hearty meal. Dessert was a decadent apple pie, its sweet aroma mingling with the savoury scents of Dinner. Usually, such a meal would have lifted his spirits, but tonight, it passed under a shadow of his apprehensions about the impending meeting. Once the meal was finished, he lingered in the room. He was watching the clock tick by, an entire passing before he decided to go to his cabin to freshen up. As the meeting drew closer, his nerves climbed higher. He just prayed that his worries were for nothing.

As night fell and the stars began to line the night sky, Nicholas slowly made his way to the stern. The ship's powerful engines thrummed beneath his feet, a constant reminder of the unstoppable passage of time and distance. The air was chilly, so he tugged at his coat closer so it was closer to his body as he approached the designated spot, his heart pounding with fear and anticipation. He still had time to wait, to think it over. he could throw the note in the sea right now and pretend he never received it, and then he could go back to his cabin and relax. Yet he had seen the note, and if he left now without answers, the what-if questions would plague his mind over the coming days. Like it or not, he had to face this meeting.  Come what may.

As he stood waiting, shrouded in the dim light of the stern, his thoughts were abruptly interrupted by footsteps approaching. Nicholas tensed, his breath catching as a figure slowly emerged from the shadows. The figure stopped a short distance away, and Nicholas's heart leapt as the faint light revealed the person's features. It was Sebastian, his face partially obscured by the night yet unmistakably kind and familiar. Relief flooded through Nicholas, quickly followed by other, more complex emotions. Questions quickly arose as to why Sebastian had slid the note under his door, what he wanted and whether Nicholas was safe alone in the dead of night. "Sebastian," Nicholas breathed out, his voice a mixture of relief and confusion. "Was it you who sent the note? Why?" Nicholas had one hundred and one thoughts running through his mind as he looked at Sebastian, yet he could not force any more words out.

"Yes, it was me," Sebastian admitted, standing beside him at the rail. "I... I hope you don't mind. I just thought we needed to talk away from everything and everyone else. And not during my shift," he added, his voice dropping to a more serious tone. The one thing Nicholas knew for sure about Sebastian was that he was truly dedicated to his job and would let nobody and no one get in the way of that. It was admirable, for it showed in his work and dedication to serving the people on the ship with a smile. He had yet to see Sebastian serve someone without a spring in his step. He truly loved this job. Nicholas nodded, his initial anxiety fading into the night. "I'm glad it's you. I've been worried all evening," he confessed, meeting Sebastian's gaze. "What did you want to talk about?"

Sebastian looked out over the sea, gathering his thoughts. "Well, I thought maybe we could talk, get to know each other some more", he explained. This certainly was not what Nicholas had expected in the slightest. Nicholas felt his heart beat faster, the confusion and anxiety replaced with excitement and curiosity. He wanted to know more about Sebastian, so he moved closer, and they stood shoulder to shoulder. "Well, Sebastian, tell me about yourself", Nicholas said, a small streak of confidence striking him. Sebastian folded his arms and sighed. His usual brisk, confident demeanour softened into something more vulnerable. "I haven't shared much about my past before," he began hesitantly, his eyes still fixed on the vast ocean. "I was raised in a Catholic orphanage in New Orleans. It was strict, but it was a roof over my head and food on the table, which was more than some had." Nicholas listened intently, his expression one of understanding and encouragement. He sensed the weight of Sebastian's memories and felt a deep urge to provide comfort, to show that he was there to listen without judgment. He knew all about being judged, so listening now was the least he could do.

"It wasn't easy," Sebastian continued, his voice growing firmer as he recounted his story. "Bad luck has followed me since I was young. Something always pulls the rug out from under me when things start to look up." He chuckled dryly, but there was no humour in his eyes. "I was forced to flee New Orleans following an altercation, and that's how I went to sea. The sea has been my life ever since," he added as he stared deep out at sea, where Sebastian truly felt at home. Nicholas placed his hands onto Sebastian's, hoping to reassure him that everything was okay. It was clear that life had not been kind to Sebastian. Yet, here he was, not only surviving but also carrying himself with a dignity and resilience that Nicholas found deeply compelling. "You're powerful, Sebastian".  Sebastian's gaze lifted, meeting Nicholas's, and a faint smile touched his lips—a smile tinged with gratitude. "Thank you, Nicholas," he replied softly. "I don't often hear that. Most see the uniform and the smile, not the struggles behind them.".

The feelings Nicholas had felt earlier now washed over him like a tidal wave, consuming his mind and body. He fought against them, but they were taking control. Trying to push them aside, Nicholas explained his past, Sebastian listening intently. His life was much more straightforward than Sebastian's, and now he has come to appreciate his stable past. Yet Sebastian listened and even commented on what Nicholas told him; he seemed interested, which shocked him greatly. After the in-depth conversations, the topics drifted into lighter areas, but their bond had undeniably deepened. Nicholas found himself increasingly drawn to Sebastian, not just for the kindness and joy he radiated but for his unyielding spirit and the openness he'd shown tonight. There was something there that wasn't there before.

As the conversation flowed, the night deepened, and the air grew colder, chilling their bodies despite the warmth of their budding connection. "We should probably head back," Sebastian suggested reluctantly, noticing Nicholas's shivers. "It's getting cold, and I don't want you to catch a chill because of me." Nicholas laughed as he responded, "It's strange to think someone could care about me" Sebastian turned to him again, a stern look on his face. "Of course, I care", Sebastian responded. Nicholas was taken fully off guard by this admission as Sebastian laughed at the look of pure shock upon his face. Nicholas laughed along with him; it was the only way he knew how to react after the admission.  This was new and alarming, but Nicholas could not resist the growing bond. 

They silently walked back to Nicholas's cabin, the ship steady and sure beneath their feet. As they reached his door, Nicholas turned to Sebastian, the light casting shadows across his face. "Thank you for tonight, Sebastian. I'm looking forward to tomorrow." Tomorrow was the second-class gala; dancing was expected, and Nicholas was sure Sebastian would be there. "Goodnight, Nicholas," Sebastian replied, his tone warm and hopeful. Sebastian looked around to make sure nobody was around, then he moved forward and hugged Nicholas tightly. Nicholas melted into the hug, a hug that felt warm and inviting after the chill of the deck. The hug was brief as Sebastian pulled away, fixed his shirt, and departed as Nicholas watched him slowly fade away.  

As Nicholas entered his cabin and closed the door behind him, the feelings stirred by their meeting swirled within him—a mix of excitement, anticipation, and a newfound joy. He knew that whatever lay ahead, the journey they had embarked upon together was one he wanted to continue, regardless of the destination. Nicholas admitted the truth for the first time since they had laid eyes on each other. He had feelings for Sebastian, immoral or not. The door had been opened, and now there was no going back. The only way now was forward into the unknown.