Alice examined her reflection in the mirror, wiping away the thick layer of steam that clung to it tightly. The echoing drops of water was the only sound that permeated the space, plonk, drip, drip, plonk. The green tiles shimmered and reflected the moisture that had yet to dry. CC sat on the edge of the tub in silence watching Alice. As the conversation between the two came to a lull, Alice rolled the towel into her hair, watching as the yellow, soaked tendrils fell loose around it. Unsure of what to say, a wave of awkwardness filled the room as the silence began to wear a heavy suit of anxiety. Thick like the steam that clung to the mirror. Plink, plunk.

“Hey—” CC began—

“I’m so glad these clothes fit.” Alice interrupted, as she awkwardly turned around at the same moment, interjecting before CC could speak the thoughts on their mind. “It’s been a while since I last wore these, and I’m definitely not the same size as I was back then.” Alice playfully mentioned, closing the gap between CC and her. Alice’s feet now bandaged, disinfected, and cleaned; her old pants breezed between each leg as she gingerly walked on damaged toes. “You haven’t changed at all.” Alice finished with strange emotions clinging to the edge of her sentence.

“How do you feel?” CC quickly asked as Alice stood in front of them. Their cat-like feet dangled off the edge of the tub, legs too short to reach the floor.

“I’m doing better now,” Alice looked away. “Sorry I unloaded on you like that. It was—I just started talking and the tears wouldn’t stop coming. Its just—it’s a lot.”

“Oh yeah. It was a lot.” CC said jokingly, with words woven together by a chuckle and some sarcasm. “So, how long exactly has it been since you left?” CC managed to ask the thought that plagued their mind since their reunion.

But it was a complex question. Wonderland was a world made up of dreams, making it untouchable to the clutches of time. And time never made much sense in a dream, right? It was only logical. Alice had spent a lot of her early years exploring exactly how it worked. It was impossible to figure out, so she had stopped caring and just accepted it was some cosmic mishap. Something way above her mortal way of thinking.

The only thing capable of keeping time was Alice in her mortal body. The longer she stayed, the more her body grew and changed. That wasn’t the complicated part. People grew from childhood to adulthood in Wonderland as well. What made her different was a body that would continue to age. A mortal body that operated on its own clock; orchestrated without hands to guide it. She was an anomaly. A physical reminder that she didn’t belong with them.

And since time didn’t exist, well, neither did death. The people of Wonderland would hit maturity, stop aging, and could never die. Alice though, wasn’t made up of imagination and inspirations. She would age. She would continue to do so till she was wrinkled and old, hunched over, aching and in pain. Her hair would grey, her teeth would fall out, and eventually, death would call her time. She would die.

What an endeavor that would be for the people in Wonderland.

If age didn’t kill her, there was another way to be claimed by death. Her body was much more fragile than all of them and could die from anything. Stories she was told as a child began to drift in through the fog. She recalled details about CC’s daring, dangerous adventures. Stories where they were wounded by deep, life-threatening wounds, but always healed over like nothing happened. They were always fine, with bodies made of imagination, they were healed quickly and scar free. 

For CC, the concept was complex. There was a finality to Alice’s life that they weren’t accustomed to. Alice exists and at some point, she wouldn’t. Her body was fragile, her life span was short. Then what? Nothing was not a concept to the people of Wonderland. Finality wasn’t a belief they knew.

The people of Wonderland were born from imagination and their life was the inspiration for mortals. The only way to extract that imagination was to sever their head from their body, transforming imagination into inspiration. Transversing the universe, scattered segments became a creative force. Once inspiration ran its course in the mortal world, it returned to Wonderland. A land made of dreams, inspiration birthed imagination and the cycle started once more. But they always came back. Always. They would come back different. Different bodies. Different personalities. They would come back slightly altered here and there, but they were the same people.  Certified by memories of their past selves, personality traits, quirks, and a natural draw to their loved ones. Their re-imagination was elevated and celebrated by the people of Wonderland; their experiences abroad exemplified their status.

As all things in the universe are balance, celestial’s magic was imagination’s counterpart. When a creature extinguished, one that was birthed from nature's celestials; souls of the earth, air, water and fire, it would go back into the cycle of earth. Their bodies rotted, and their spirits returned to the ether only to be returned once more after resting. They didn’t retain as much of their previous life’s memories, and their existence was much shorter, but everyone in Wonderland came back regardless.

So, the question CC asked was complicated. Simplified, CC only wanted to know how many of life’s precious, finite moments had been missed. Alice paused, trying to think of any way to describe the time lost. Alice began with the facts, “It was sixteen birthdays.” Alice started, pausing, trying to find the best way to describe the years. “I left Wonderland as an adult and came back to the mortal world as a child. Sixteen years was long enough for me to grow back up again. I think I'm a little bit older now than when I left.” Alice paused and waited for CC’s reaction.

The silence hung in the air, thick like the steam that still lingered. The silence weighed heavier and heavier as the silence fell back into awkwardness. Plink plonk, the water still dripped.

“I’m sure that felt like forever for you guys, huh?” Alice chuckled, trying to use anything to fill that awkward, heavy silence. CC didn’t respond right away. Plink, plink.

“Why are you laughing?” CC finally asked with a dry voice, harsh and cold. Unmoved from their spot over the lip of the tub, CC leaned forward, their arms crossed against their chest, elbows against blushed knees. “It’s not funny. It was not fun for any of us. You know that right?”

Alice bit her lip and turned, unable to face her friend as she was lectured.

“Do you know how worried we were. You were here one moment, the next you were gone. We didn’t know what happened or where you went. We hoped that you’d gone back to the mortal world, but we didn’t even know. Mad was the most torn up over it.” Alice didn’t respond, she looked up into the mirror, and met CC’s hard, golden gaze. Unmoved and unbroken from hers. Alice lost the indirect staring contest. Her gaze faltered, finding relief from that indignant glare. Staring at her fingers as they dug into the unwavering porcelain sink. At least that provided her with the support she needed.

“Did you make new friends? Is that why you never came back? Find someone else to love? Did you just forget all about us? Replaced us with someone better?” CC continued to spew the words of a broken heart. Words interwoven with thorns of worry; words warped by anger. CC couldn’t stop the onslaught, not when so many quiet nights jolted their soul awake. Stirred by unanswerable questions. Nights alone, reminding them of their abandonment, the fear of the unknown, and the pain of loss. CC paused. Their tone softened, and sadness escaped with a quieter question, “Were you happier?”

Alice turned to look at CC. A mixture of emotions painted her face. Sadness, confusion, uncertainty, making the message impossible for CC to decipher. “That’s not fair!” Alice pleaded. “Of course I had made friends. Of course I loved again.  Would you expect anyone to never move on? I left, and I didn’t know when I was coming back. I couldn’t linger the rest of my life on people I didn’t know if I’d ever see again. I’m not immortal like you.” The words were blunt but sharpened to a point poisoned with pain, but they were true. Alice tried her best to fit into the mortal world. She tried to love again. She searched to fill a void, a gaping wound from her life in Wonderland. She was addicted to the way Wonderland had felt, the way she had loved. She wanted it, desperately wished it was real, until she gave up and moved on.

“Then why did you leave us?” CC’s voice was cold, their legs had stopped kicking long ago. Clawed hands cupped together tightly, pocketing the skin.

Silence returned, crushing them with its pressure. CC’s eyes held direct contact, daring Alice to concede. Their golden eyes were so brave, so bold and filled with unwavering determination. Alice lost and looked away first, she couldn’t win this game. Not when she was so full of shame. Plink, plink. The droplets of water sung against the porcelain tub.

Alice held her left arm and played with a scar that was there. It was tucked away under the sleeve of her blue blouse, hidden from the world. She ran her finger over the bumpy tissue, the memory of how she got that scar assaulted her mind. “Something came up.” Alice responded. She hoped her eyes could articulate what was so clear in her head, the ones she couldn’t bring her tongue to mimic. The memory flashed again, flickering images of a night she really wished she had made up. Flickering, broken pieces from a movie projected from a reel that was damaged, scarred and tainted.

The desire to cry and crawl into CC’s lap for comfort became overwhelming. She wanted nothing more than to explain that it wasn’t her fault she left. She wanted to beg, plead for forgiveness. Because, at the end of it all, Alice wished she could have stayed. Despite the lingering need, Alice couldn’t bring herself to say those words. Locked away deep in a chest, chained and submerged, words to a secret that had never been spoken. A secret she never told anyone. The reason she left.

If CC didn’t know, then the other two involved never said anything.

Realizing that, it made the words fall back into her throat, swallowed by the thickness coating her voice. Feeling sick and nauseous, her stomach churned. Alice opened her mouth, she wanted to talk, but words were stuck, sticky in her voice box. Sickness kept the words locked with the secret.

The door to the bathroom opened, slamming harshly against its adjacent wall. Alice and CC jumped! Alice stepped back and CC bolted upright, straight into action, shielding their body in front of Alice.

“Alice!” The voice boomed from the door.

“No don’t!” Mad’s voice wavered. Two men entered the small space. “Don’t just rush in, they’re really upset right now! And what if they’re naked.” Mad finished saying, covering his eyes.

The intruder stood between CC and Mad. He was a tall, slender man dressed in high waisted slacks tailored to fit his thin legs. The man donned a professional style vest. Silk, stitched with elegant patterns that were accentuated by chains and golden buttons. Sinching his slender waist, his clothing fit perfectly like he was born into the fabric. Glasses adorned by gold rims were pierced through the bridge of his rabbit like nose. With non-existent temples they were unable to be affixed to his face any other way. His hair was a shade of pink, short and jagged, a buzzed fade that blended into long and reaching rabbit-like ears. He, like CC, was an animalesque species unique to Wonderland called a Bandersnatch.

“March!” Alice exclaimed happily at the reunion. 

“Oh, hey!” CC relaxed and welcomed their close friend.

Alice ran up to give the statuesque rabbit a hug. Her arms wrapped easily around his frame; he stiffened in her embrace.

“Don’t tell them anything,” The whisper of March’s river rock smooth voice warned against her ear. Low and threatening, the seriousness of the tone sent chills down her spine. March pulled away from the hug quickly, but he bore a smile fitted with dark eyes.

She looked away, unable to process the weight of those words. Her eyes found solace in Mad as he sheepishly followed behind his friend. He provided a little tap on the bathroom door, “Excuse us, we’re coming in,” he mumbled much too late, trying to follow a pinch of decorum. A smile tugged at her lips; he suddenly became a welcomed distraction from the coldness she felt from March.

She pulled away from the uncomfortable embrace. His eyes relaxed but his smile stayed in place. “I heard Mad took you on a bit of an adventure. It’s so good to see you back, safe and sound.”

Alice shook the words off her shoulders and sent the foreboding chills away to be dealt with later. Her mind screamed at her to play along, ask questions later. “It’s good to see you too!” Alice returned the smile, all fake. It felt wrong and straining as her heart wretched itself away from its walls. She had to tuck it away, she didn’t want to worry about the seriousness of that message. Not right now. But it did confirm what she was thinking. She now knew at least two of the three parties involved that night hadn’t ever talked about it. Two lips had been sealed, so what did that make of the third?  She looked at Mad, still sheepishly standing by the door, then to CC, who stood with arms crossed.

If only a moment longer, she would have told. Did March overhear? Did he know? Or was it just luck that he had barged in the moment he did?