April 13th, 1912. (4:15 PM)
Nicholas checked his watch as he departed from the stern. He still had a few hours before the Irish party, enough time to eat and wash up, so he was ready, for he was uncertain of what to expect. But before all that, he had one thing in mind. He needed to find Sebastian, and so that was the goal he set out to achieve. More than ever, he was ready to clear the air and share his renewed confidence and determination to live more freely, irrespective of the daunting societal boundaries they faced. His heart pounded with anticipation and nervousness as he navigated the ship's bustling corridors. There was still the chance that Sebastian could reject him again, but Nicholas had been bolstered by his conversation with Lady Adelaide; he was ready to assert his feelings and desire for a real chance at something deeper with Sebastian. He had yet to figure out what that future could be in a world that saw them as sick, but right now, his mind was not thinking about the possibilities of what could go wrong. It could only think about setting things right after the morning's events.
As he navigated the intricate passageways of the ship, his mind raced with what he would say to Sebastian, how he would express his feelings without the burden of fear that had cloaked their previous encounters. One thing was sure: finding Sebastian was going to be difficult. The ship was a small city, with the stewards being its busiest inhabitants. He had checked the second-class library, once again bathed in the orange glow of the late afternoon, but had not found Sebastian there. He had exchanged a brief hello with Mr Hartley, but time was of the essence, so he could not stop. He checked over locations but soon found that no matter where he seemed to look. He could not find Sebastian; it seemed fate had decided to hand him some lousy luck for once on this voyage. After trying to find him and failing, Nicholas returned to his cabin dejected but still looking forward to the party later that night.
Nicholas returned to his cabin, slowly winding through the corridors and avoiding walking it to anyone else again. Hope struck him like lightning in a storm as he turned one corridor. It was not Sebastian; that would have been too easy, and Nicholas knew that, but it was someone who surely could help him find where Sebastian was. That man was Gawain Arthur Keith. He had never met the man before but overheard others talk and speak to Sebastian. Nicholas knew Gawain was a first-class bedroom steward. That would explain why he had never seen him before. He was also Sebastian's close friend, and if anyone knew where he had vanished, Gwain would. The look on his face must have betrayed him, for the steward stopped in front of Nicholas with a look of worry on his face. Like most other stewards he had come across, Gwain's outfit was pristine even at this late hour. "Excuse me, Mr Goodwin, right?" Gawain said, steadying Nicholas with a friendly hand on his shoulder. His tone was warm, and his smile was accessible and approachable. "Is there something you need? Can I help you?".
In a time before the Titanic, Nicholas would have wondered why someone was so keen to help, but the ship had changed that forever. Besides, it was their job to help, and it was a job they never seemed to fail at. He briefly wondered what training someone would undergo to become a steward before he snapped back to reality and Gawain's question. Nicholas smiled back. "Just looking for someone. But how are you, Gawain? Busy Day?" Gawain nodded, brushing a hand through his hair, which had become slightly dishevelled in the hustle of his duties. "Always busy, but good busy. The guests seem happy, and that's what counts, right?" "Yes, absolutely," Nicholas agreed, appreciating the brief respite from his swirling thoughts. They exchanged a few more pleasantries, discussing the ship's journey and the clear weather they had been enjoying. As Gawain made to continue, Nicholas felt a surge of urgency.
"Gawain, wait," he called out, stopping the steward in his tracks. Nicholas's mission resurfaced in his mind. "I was looking for Sebastian. Have you seen him around?". Gawain stopped and then turned to look at Nicholas again. A smile appeared on his face, and he seemed to understand somehow. "I see. Well, you might find him in the Maids' and Valets' Saloon Pantry. He's likely wrapping up his work," Gawain informed him, pointing to Sebastian's probable location. At least twice, Nicholas realised he had already passed the place Gwain was pointing to. "Thank you, Gawain," Nicholas said, his relief palpable. Before Gawain could move to continue on his way, Nicholas felt compelled to add, "And, um, thank you for being a good friend to him. I think he might need that." Gawain paused, his smile warming. "We all need good friends, don't we?" he replied, acknowledging the unspoken context of their conversation. With a respectful nod, he continued down the corridor, leaving Nicholas to proceed independently. Now he knew where Sebastian was; it was time to take that leap.
With fresh purpose, Nicholas quickly made his way to the Maids' and Valets' Saloon Pantry. The ship seemed quieter in this section, the usual hustle of passengers and crew subdued. The hum of the engines felt more prominent. Nicholas's steps echoed through the mostly deserted corridors of the Titanic as he made his way to the Maids' and Valets' Saloon Pantry, where he hoped to find Sebastian. The echo of his footsteps seemed to match the pounding of his heart, each step reinforcing his resolve. When he arrived, he hesitated briefly at the doorway, his nerves momentarily getting better. Yet the words Addie had said to him now reverberated through his mind. In matters of the heart, my dear, sometimes taking a risk is the only way to find true happiness. He took a deep breath and stepped into the cool room.
And there he was, stood hard at work. Sebastian. The soft glow from the overhead lamp illuminated Sebastian's figure, casting gentle shadows that traced the contours of his uniform. Sebastian was methodically arranging supplies, his back partially turned to the door, unaware of Nicholas's approach. Nicholas crossed his arms and rested on the door frame as he smiled, watching Sebastian methodically go about his work. There was a familiar comfort in seeing Sebastian in his element, which relaxed him despite knowing he was about to risk everything. His hair was slightly tousled, likely from running his hands through it during a long shift, adding a touch of disarray to his otherwise impeccable appearance. Nicholas thought it suited him, though he understood his need to look perfect; it was likely a part of his job to look immaculate. Nicholas expected he would have to be the same one day, but when did he become a lawyer? At that moment, Nicholas saw not just the steward, bound by the duties of his role aboard the Titanic, but the man he had come to know—kind, thoughtful, caught in a tumult of duty and desire.
Sebastian placed his clipboard on a table and then turned to see Nicholas, a surprise washing over his face. Their eyes met in a moment laden with unspoken words; time slowed down as neither dared to move nor speak. A mutual need for reassurance Drew them together as Sebastian Nicholas moved forward and embraced; the touch felt electric, sending shivers down Nicholas's spine. He did not want to let go; the hug confirmed his feelings about everything that had happened. Sebastian's voice was low, strained with conflict, as he whispered, "We can't do this, Nicholas. It's too risky." But Nicholas tightened his grip slightly, fuelled by the day's affirmations and burgeoning courage. To His surprise, Sebastian did not pull back; instead, he tightened his grip. "We can find a way; we Have to", Nicholas insisted gently, pulling back to look Sebastian in the eyes. "We must believe there's a way for us beyond all these rules and expectations. We can't just accept things as they are; we must fight for what could be." Nicholas's transformation from a shy, nervous boy neared completion; the Metamorphosis Titanic had pushed him through and filled him with confidence and a drive to take what he wanted.
And he knew exactly what he needed right now. The tension between them was palpable, charged with the suppressed emotions they had both been holding in. Nicholas reached out, gently touching Sebastian’s face, drawing him nearer. The distance between them closed, their breaths mingling. Sebastian’s eyes searched Nicholas’s, looking for reassurance that this was right, that this risk was worth taking. Nicholas gave a small, reassuring smile. Inside, Nicholas chuckled as he recalled some of their first encounters and how Sebastian had to reassure him—Times had changed so much since then. Confident that Sebastian was okay, he leaned in. Their lips met softly at first, but as the initial hesitation melted away, the kiss deepened, fuelled by the pent-up longing and the sheer relief of expression. Sebastian moved backwards as he collided with the table; Nicholas followed, not pulling away from the kiss.
The world around them seemed to fall away, leaving only the sensation of Sebastian's lips moving against his, the gentle pressure and the subtle movements that communicated more than words ever could. The kiss grew more confident, a mutual giving and taking that filled the small space with a profound intimacy. It was a silent promise, a testament to their feelings, transcending the boundaries of their roles and the ship's rigid structures. The pair finally pulled away before things went too far; both were breathless and a bit overwhelmed as they rested their foreheads together briefly. Nicholas could only imagine how far the kiss would have gone had they not been in a public place. Sebastian finally spoke as he recovered from the kiss. "We'll find a way to be together after reaching New York," Sebastian finally said, the commitment firm in his voice despite the lingering fear. Nicholas grasped his hand and smiled.
"It won't be easy, but we will find a way", Sebastian said as he held up their hands and looked at them with a smile. Nicholas felt like he would melt into the deck as he heard Sebastian agree to try. He knew it would not be easy for them, but life never was, so what was one more challenge for them? Feeling bold from the moment they shared, Nicholas took a deep breath and extended an unexpected invitation. "There's an Irish party tonight in third class. Connor and Lady Adelaide will be there... Let us go together." Sebastian looked at him, the conflict washing over his face again, his grip on Nicholas's hand tightened as he battled his thoughts. His job's responsibilities clash with his desire to be free, even if just for a few hours. Seeing his hesitation, Nicholas added softly, "This is the first time I've truly been brave. Be brave with me."
Something in Sebastian's stance softened, and he nodded, a small, tentative smile breaking through his apprehension; his grip loosened, but he did not let go Of Nicholas's hand. "Okay, I'll come. For you," he agreed, his decision marking a step toward the future Nicholas so fervently hoped for. "I Do have to finish up here,e so I will meet you there," Sebastian added as he leaned forward and kissed Nicholas again, a promise that he would meet him there. The pair finally let go. They would see each other tonight and be here sooner than he expected. Nicholas needed food and freshen up for the party, which promised to be a new experience for him and Sebastian.
As Nicholas stepped out of the pantry, his heartfelt expression was unusually light, buoyed by his recent exchange with Sebastian. Their conversation, though brief, had ignited a flicker of hope within him—a delicate but persistent flame that whispered of possibilities yet to be explored in New York. The decision to invite Sebastian to the Irish party and the affirmative response further solidified their sense of companionship and shared destiny.
Walking down the corridor, Nicholas replayed the moments of their meeting in his mind. Sebastian's initially guarded demeanour, the way his face softened, the quiet determination in his voice as he accepted the invitation—all these details etched themselves into Nicholas's memory. He felt a surge of affection and admiration for Sebastian, not just for his kindness and honesty but for his bravery in stepping into the uncertainty of their situation together. He was determined to live authentically and to pursue a future where he could be true to himself and his feelings for Sebastian. Fate would not get in the way again, that much he promised as he headed for food. The party was drawing ever closer.
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