To Bull Herman:

I don't know when you'll get these letters – by the time you do, you might already be out! But I guess that depends on how I did. I was offered a deal, to free-bird your lazy, drunken ass from the dog kennel. But a lot went wrong. You'll see what I mean.

* * *

July 2nd, 2008
Dear Dad,

I'm at Camp Killerdrop, a shitty desert village in the middle of nowhere. The only interesting thing about it is Killerdrop Chasm. You should see it, dad, when you get the chance. You'd like it.
I don't mean to brag, but I've grown up a bit, and I'm attractive as hell now to the ladies. Girls from my school were flocking to me... but, they were kinda boring. Plus, all of them are my cousins to some degree. That's the small town disadvantage. This other school though, y'know, they were pretty! The girls, I mean.

Today, we were packed into this forest clearing, getting ready to play hide and seek in the trails. I was making sure I had the important stuff in place...

- Hair: check (long and black, unlike your bald-eagle style).
- Zits: nada.
- Breath: minty fresh.
- Cool new necklace: yep, still two hawk talons.

I haven't told you yet, I caught a hawk!! All by myself, in fact. I accidentally blew his foot off with my first shot, but the next one landed in its heart. I was lucky I got it at all, but it was pretty big. What sucks is that it was a Ferruginous, which is a protected species, I guess. In Alberta, anyway. Kôhkom (pronounced Koogum. That's grandpa Bo, he asked me to call him that) covered for me, said he was there when it happened. But that made it his fault, and he had to take the thousand-dollar fine on the chin for me. Maybe if I'd stuffed the damn bird myself, instead of taking it to that snitch taxidermist. The court said it was my first offense, which was lucky. But Kôhkom ran out of cash for food and stuff, so I had to use my own savings (from selling my kills) to send myself here to this hot armpit full of sand called Killerdrop. I didn't want to leave him alone... you probably already heard, but Nôhkom (that's grandma Sandra) died. Just our luck, huh? Another mother bites the dust.

That, and I've got my own magnet for trouble. Like last year, when my "friend" turned an ordinary shift into a deadly showdown! I not only had to save his chubby butt, but kill his geriatric undead attacker, too! It didn't make me feel like a warrior, it made me feel like a janitor. Like I was cleaning up a mess left by some white family that they couldn't be bothered with. Or, mixed, I guess. If anyone should have killed Sid, it's Grim, but he was too cowardly to give that final push. I know the court said I'm innocent, but I'm still haunted by that memory of him falling into his meat grinder, and then just... not being there anymore. I know we did that to a lot of pigs, but it was different. Right?
I don't blame you for what happened at all. The doctors said you had a high fever at the time, you were completely delirious. Like always, you were just hiding that you were sick. That's what a man does, and you've always been the man I look up to. If it wasn't for that damn video, taking everything out of context... I know you weren't trying to hurt me, just scare me. Even at your craziest, you're still a good guy. You had to protect your job from those wackos, and you thought Sid was gonna can you for letting Grim run around like a pest. As far as I'm concerned, charging you as Sid's "accomplice" and giving you three years was bullshit. They just needed someone to go down for what happened cause Sid died, and all the investors and members of the Millwheel Board had fancy lawyers protecting them. They're the ones who let it all happen in the first place, they knew! How else would Sid get the money for an underground human farm? I might not be as paranoid as Grim is, but even I can smell a conspiracy. When you get out in three years, you and I should meet up every day and have a picnic, go for a hunt, and strangle Grim together until he passes out. He wants to be our white savior so bad, the least he can do is entertain.

Anyway, I was thinking about all this stuff while I was hiding in the bush. I must have hidden too well, cause a half-hour went by and nobody found me. That's when I heard this rustling in the bushes... they were like, "Hey." They crawled over like a lizard in the undergrowth, almost freakishly natural.
I was like, "How's it going?"
They hadn't been found either.
I said I had hunter senses, and they said they had animal instinct. Said everyone was else "deaf, blind, and noseless".
I thought it was a girl at first, cause 'she' looked really soft and small. But it was weird, cause 'she' was all energetic and she wasn't scared of the outdoors. They had on this dumb-looking cowboy hat, and under it I could see reddish-brown hair, hazel eyes, and a rust-colored face scarf. So I think you'll understand if, at first glance, I thought that this person might have been some cute wildling to answer my call for a girlfriend that wasn't related to me. More like a wild trickster! They asked if they knew me, and I gotta say, I have a reputation now. So I figured that was why, but then they called me "Flint" on the first guess, and man did that creep me out. Something was up. I asked how they knew, and I kid you not, they said...
"We went to the same school, and you eviscerated my grandfather. Or grand uncle, or whatever."
I could not believe it at first. I felt so betrayed, man. Nothing's worse than a bait and trap that snares your heart and stabs it with a bone dagger. This wasn't no girl, it was fucking GRIM! OHHH, but I forgooot, his name is "RUSTY" now. I guess some even bigger douchebag took the stupid "Grim" name from him, leaving him with an even dumber one. Doesn't anyone just use their actual name anymore? Why's everyone gotta be named "Sky" and "Rose-Thistle" and fuckin' "Honeycomb Jerry-Can Fumblesworth the Third"?!
Damn, I was pissed. I told him straight-up, "I hate you."
He was like, "why all of a sudden?"
"All the time, man."
He tried to be cute, like "aw, you think about me", but I'll never forget that he ruined my life, and yours. He even had the nerve to say he saved me from "le menu at Château Cadavre".
So, I punched him straight in the face without even thinking about it. He fell back from his dumb little Tarantula-Man squat, and hit his head on a tree. I was so mad I couldn't sit still, so I stood up and started choking him. His eyes went really wide, though, so I let him go. Right that second, some dumb kid playing seeker caught me and laughed like a second grader does at a first grader, pointing and going all "ha-ha, you're a loser" and whatever. I almost punched that little prick out too, but instead I just screamed as quietly and as hard as I possibly could into my elbow.
He was like, "Jeez, kid, it's just a game. You spaz."
I was seething with rage, dad. I just kept screaming.