My seat in Mr Anderson’s history class was always a little lumpy. I think someone dropped a cigarette on it and melted the plastic because the curve of the butt just didn’t . . . curve right. And lumpy plastic meant my poor, bony ass was distinctly uncomfortable for a full 50 minutes. 

Still it was one of my favorite seats for the entire school day. It was in the back, near the vents because this class gets super musty. I had a clear view of the window to zone out during one of Mr Anderson’s political spiels. And most importantly, I sat right beside my bestest friend, Rin.

That’s where I was at 8:29 when Rin strolled in. 

I would bet a crisp, Canadian, $100 bill that he only cut it that close to smooch Stephanie. 

My eyes shot to the window. For some reason, I didn’t want him to know I saw the moment he walked in. Honestly, I’d been watching the door, waiting for him to get here. And now that he was, that felt like the most embarrassing fact in the world.

There was a creak from the desk beside me, the sound metal older than my parents struggling to stay together. It was also the sound of Rin predictably scooching his desk closer to mine because his seat was “way too far.”

“Who keeps moving this thing back?” he muttered, irritated that his daily routine was perpetuated by some other student who kept putting the desk back later in the day. 

Mr Anderson hadn’t started class yet and Rin was still muttering at his desk, annoyed. It was like he was begging to be teased. 

“You can’t blame them for moving it,” I said with a shrug. “The rest of the seats look like they were placed by a ruler.”

“You mean placed by someone using a ruler.”

“No, I mean an actual ruler came to life and organized these chairs, that's how straight they are,” I grinned, my smile widening when Rin laughed at the cheesy joke. I was way too petty to admit I’d made any type of mistake. “Yours sticks out like a sore thumb.”

After laughing, Rin scooched his desk in again, just for fun. The sound was extra obnoxious, ringing through the room like an alarm bell.

“Sorry for trying to be closer to you,” he drawled, a lazy grin making his boyish looks way more apparent. Mr Anderson stood up, heading to the whiteboard and starting his teaching rituals. Rin’s eyes stayed on our teacher as he leaned in, whispering “how can I cheat off you if our desks are so far?”

The concept was comical. Elliot Samuels cheating off Rin Hamada made less than sense. I tried–and the key word was tried–not to make it a habit. But there were several tests where I had to cheat off of Rin. Sometimes studying was ineffective or pointless or both. And Rin’s grades are impeccable. Like a doctor slash astrophysicist decided to go back to high school.

Except an astrophysicist wouldn’t get stumped by mental math but that’s besides the point.

Rin never cheated off me. But as our history class started and we had to look like we were paying attention, I couldn’t stop the smile spreading on my face. 

I don’t know, I guess it was nice. That Rin wanted a reason to be close to me. We both knew he was lying. Just like we both knew I’d been watching the classroom door, waiting for him to come. But that’s why our friendship was usually perfect. Some things didn’t need to be explained.

“That reminds me,” Rin put his hand on my desk, leaning into my space with practiced ease. “I have a surprise for you. You’ll see it at lunch.”

Our teacher’s monotone voice continued to drone on and I suddenly couldn’t hear a word. I swung my head around to stare at Rin but he seemed content to stare forward like he was actually learning a damn thing

I wanted to ask more. I could grill him with questions until I figured it out or he simply broke. But Mr Anderson was shooting daggers at the both of us. Rin’s whispering wasn’t quiet enough so we’d interrupted his political rant. If I didn’t want to stay behind after class to hear more of his sloth speech one-on-one, I’d have to stay silent.

That didn’t mean I couldn’t fantasize about what the surprise was. The possibilities were kind of endless. 

And the best part?

Rin knew me better than anyone. Whatever the surprise is, I’m sure I’d love it.

—————

Taking the 3 minute path from math class to the cafeteria was like heaven. I floated down the halls, my feet lightly grazing the floors as I went. If there were clouds in the hallways of Emmett High School, my head would have been in them. I was simply too excited about the surprise. 

I hadn’t been able to come up with a guess. Nothing that came to mind would explain him giving it to me in the middle of the day. 

But in the midst of his cheesy high school romance, my best friend, Rin, had thought of me. He remembered who listened to his boring science presentations so he could get over his stage fright. And he remembered who knew all his favorite condiments and ice cream flavors. 

He knew that I was still important, more important than the girl he smooched between classes. And that made me happier than I’d ever admit.

The soles of my shoes were still an inch above the ground when I glided into the cafeteria. Out of pure habit, my eyes found our lunch table, filled with all my favorite people in the world. 

And Stephanie.

My feet hit the floor. My head left the clouds and crashed into linoleum tiles. The pleasant bubble of happiness carrying me through the last 2 periods popped into nothingness. My eyes wouldn’t leave her, couldn’t move from the temptress, the siren, the witch sitting at my table. 

I hadn’t taken a step in two minutes when Tyler saw me. 

“Elly!”

Tyler was tall, half a head taller than the rest of us. So when he raised his hand, his long dark arm swung like a blow up dummy at a tire store, so visible and floppy. When I still didn’t move, he stood up, as if I suddenly forgot where we’d sat for the past two years. The white teeth he flashed when he smiled popped against his dark brown skin and I noticed he had his dense curly hair pulled back into cornrows.

My body flinched, wanting to run to his side where comfort would immediately follow. But with Tyler’s yelling, Stephanie had turned around too, smiling brightly at my frozen form.

Then, Rin turned around. 

His reaction at seeing me was immediate: a bright smile, followed by a huge wave almost identical to Tyler’s a few seconds ago. My body and brain finally agreed so I resumed my walking, closing the distance between myself and my favorite person in the world.

“What’s going on?” I asked. I didn’t look at Stephanie directly, but three pairs of eyes turned to her. So we all knew that she wasn’t supposed to be here. Glad I got that confirmed.

“You looked a little lost there, buddy,” Coby cracked a smirk, eyes bright from the pleasure of teasing. “You need someone to start escorting you to lunch?”

I always thought of Coby as a smart aleck, a man ready to make a joke regardless of the circumstance. Even more so than me. But right now, I couldn’t even entertain the comment. 

My eyes never left Rin’s face. 

“What is going on?”

I saw when some of the happiness left him, draining like sand through an hourglass. Impossibly fast but not fast enough.

His eyes flickered to Stephanie, possibly a check-in, then back to me again.

“Surprise,” he chuckled, limp jazz hands appearing at the sides of his body. “Steph’s joining us for lunch.”

There was a long, long second where I considered just saying it. Screaming, yelling, screeching from the tops of my lungs that Stephanie didn’t belong and this was our space. Rin had never brought anybody into our space. All the girls he’d kissed and flirted with were never dragged to the lunch table. It was sacred, untouchable, a single fifty-minute block where the four of us acted like the rest of the school day would never come.  

Then, for the first time in a while, I looked at Stephanie. She seemed so happy. A happy glow warming her tan skin, her body light with the thought of possibilities and hope. Being here, eating with us gave her hope. 

The last thing I wanted was for her to be hopeful and imagine a future with Rin. But I couldn’t stomach crushing her day like her presence had crushed mine.

“What an awesome surprise!”

Stephanie squealed a little, launching out of her seat to give me a hug.

“You’re always so nice, Elly! It’s amazing that Rin has such cool friends.”

The tips of her manicured nails cut into my shirt like needles. They felt horribly sharp. Or maybe my body just knew she was a threat. Threat or not, I hugged her back and slapped a smile on my face before sitting down. 

I still needed to get my food and see what oily concoction those sweet old women made for us. But sitting across from Stephanie who was exchanging party nightmares with Coby felt surreal. A nightmare I tried and failed to escape from. My body needed time to process what was happening. So Rose would have to wait a little longer to make my plate.

I felt a stare setting the entire right half of my body on fire and was unsurprised when I turned and saw Rin. His eyes searched me, concern and confusion littered all over his face. But although I was being tolerant of the sea witch, I would not forgive him for thinking this–his girlfriend sitting with us–was a FUN surprise! 

His apparent inability to have predicted my reaction irked me beyond measure.

Best friends do not provide such horrible gifts to their best friends. It wasn’t even a gift, just something he decided to do and a reason to put me under useless suspense.

Nudging my shoulder, Tyler nudged a kool aid into my head. The chilled plastic could’ve melted under my hand, that’s how mad I was. But his silent gesture was received. I threw my head back and squeezed all the juice out in one, tremendously long go.

The juice finished, I dropped my head, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

“Wow, that’s intense,” Coby chuckled. A chorus of laughter rang across the table. But I didn’t join in. Neither did Rin. 

Licking my lips, I crushed the plastic within a single fist, my eyes fixated on another dark pair.

“You have no idea.”

—————

Rin was waiting for me by the steps when I got out of school. It wasn’t a surprise—we always walked home together. And I really didn’t want to hear about any more ‘Rin surprises’ for the next decade.

He’d pushed a wire headband onto his head, the long strands at the front of his face moved to reveal smooth skin slightly paler than the rest. I found it easier to look at that skin than his eyes. It helped me trot down the steps and jump right next to him like everything was alright. 

It wasn’t alright. 

I could still remember how for 50 long minutes, I had to pretend like I was fine with a stranger impeding on my precious relaxation.

Silently, the two of us started down the sidewalk. I could feel how hard Rin was looking at me. I didn’t get it. Strange to start paying attention now after completely ignoring my feelings about a foreign presence at our humble lunch table. It seemed a little bit too late to start caring.

“El.”

I folded so fast, it was embarrassing. When I looked at Rin, he seemed apologetic, full lips pursed. I forgive you was on the tip of my tongue, ready to come out as soon as he said the words.

“Why were you so upset?”

That was not ‘I’m sorry.’

“Why was I so upset?” I echoed twice as loud. “I thought I was going to show up and see a delightful gift. Maybe a pony or a personal hot air balloon. But instead, you just brought your girlfriend!”

“To meet you!” 

Both of us stopped, standing utterly still in the middle of the sidewalk. My eyes were wide, blown open to capacity and still not seeing enough. 

Usually, Rin was eternally patient, settled and content in the most stressful of situations. But at that moment, his eyes wouldn’t meet mine. He stared silently at the ground, dark eyes clouded by something I couldn’t name.

“I brought her to meet all of you,” he amended, cracking a smile. “You guys are a huge part of my life and I wanted you to see the newest huge part.”

Rin started walking again and I was glad to have something to do instead of replaying that expression in my mind over and over.

“It was a lot to spring on me,” I muttered. “You’re lucky Stephanie didn’t notice.”

“I’m sorry I blindsided you,” he said. The words took a while to come but like I imagined, the forgiveness was instant. “It’s just . . . ”

Once again, he looked conflicted. Once again, he made a face I’d never seen before and couldn’t possibly understand.

“I think I’m in love with her,” he admitted. The words brought a smile to his face, his relief as clear as day. “I want this to be for the long haul and for that to happen, I need you to like her.”

Everything fell into place with a resounding click. Of course he did all of this because he thinks he’s in love with her. There was a tugging feeling in my chest and I realized that I’d stopped breathing. 

In and out. In and out.

There was no need to freak out. Rin had told me early on so there was a chance I could fix this. Correct the crazy ideas he was getting in his head. 

I didn’t need to start imagining my life collapsing in front of me.

“Rin, we’ve talked about this. Why it’s a bad idea to waste time on relationships.”

“But that’s just the thing. It’s not a waste of time.”

Rin spun to me, grabbing both of my shoulders in his large hands. The warmth of his skin seeped through all the layers, intensity burning from his eyes to mine. 

“Being with her makes me happy. It gives me the energy to do the things I want even when we’re not together.”

The protests were bubbling up my throat. Too much was wrong about this. Rin couldn’t be in love. When had their sporadic makeout sessions turned into anything serious? How could less than two months of dating tell him that he could see forever with her? 

I physically recoiled at the idea. Stephanie was a great person for someone else. Anyone else.

Just not Rin.

He still had my biceps in his grip. Was still staring with too much intensity for me to bear. I thought the only person I’d have to lie to today was Stephanie. Turns out I’d have to add one more name to the list.

“If you care about her, then I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks, Elly,” he sighed. It sounded like the sound of acceptance, even though I hadn’t truly given him any. “I just hope that someday, you’ll meet someone who makes you feel the same way she makes me feel.”

My smile was so tight I’m surprised it didn’t crack.

“Me too.”