LUCAS

Lucky.

That one little nickname was enough to give Lucas all the confidence he needed to walk up to the club room with his head held high. It was a little silly of him—to be so happy about a nickname literally everyone called him. But it wasn’t about the nickname; it was about Binks finally opening up a little.

He let himself accept that he was becoming Lucas’ friend.

As Lucas arrived at the door to his club, which was decorated with a little piece of paper that read “FIRST GSA MEETING TODAY @ LUNCH” in Cami’s swooping handwriting, anxiety bubbled back up in his stomach. Of course, he was happy he got the club. He fought for it, he won it, and it was his. Fair and square.

But that didn’t stop him from being nervous. What if he was a bad President? What if he stumbled over his words when he was trying to speak? What if they didn’t like him? What if they didn’t take him seriously because he was still figuring out his own identities and what they meant?

Lucas quickly shook the thought away, not allowing that train to go any further. Whenever it did, he spiraled, and the last thing he needed right before the most important club meeting of his life was to spiral.

So, he clutched his books to his chest, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

Cami and Jen were already there, with Cami sitting at one of the desks in the front row and Jen sitting on top of that desk, mindlessly swirling a strand of Cami’s brown hair with her fingers. Next to them was a nervous-looking boy whose eyes kept darting around the room. He was scrawny and had cropped copper hair, and Lucas didn’t recognize him. A few rows back, another kid was pulling at the sleeves of his sweater, looking down and murmuring to a girl sitting next to him.

And at the very back of the room was someone wearing a bright red hoodie, pulled over their head, with big headphones over their ears.

All eyes went to Lucas when he opened the door, except for that one sitting in the back of the room, but Lucas would get the guy to open up yet. Lucas squared his shoulders and plastered a huge smile on his face. “Hey, everyone! Are we all here for the meeting?”

Cami gave Lucas a large, goofy grin. “All accounted for, boss! Except for that guy taking a nap in the back row. We can’t seem to wake him up.”

Jen let Cami’s strand of hair fall from her fingers as she hopped off the desk. She went over to her backpack and pulled out a large binder labeled GSA, then sat next to Cami. Presumably, she planned on taking notes for the meeting, which only made Lucas more nervous.

But he wasn’t about to let it show on his face.

“That’s awesome! Well, I think we should go ahead and get started. I have some icebreakers planned for today—simple stuff to get to know each other! But I think we should start by going around with our names and pronouns. Remember, this is a safe space, so nothing you say leaves this room. Okay! I’ll start. I’m Lucas, but all my friends call me Lucky, and my pronouns are he/him. Cami, you wanna go next?” He/him left a sour taste in Lucas’ mouth, like something was missing.

Cami shrugged. “Sure.” She stood up and addressed the club. “Hey, everyone! I’m Camelia, but if you call me that, I’ll literally cut you. It’s Cami or no dice. I’m your VP, pronouns she/her/hers.” She passed the introductions off to Jen, who introduced herself as: Jen, short for Jenifer, but never Jenny, using she/her pronouns.

Lucas smiled, some of his nerves dissipating. So far, so good. After all, he had his friends to support him. “Thanks, Jen!” He turned to address the rest of the club. “Alright, anyone want to go next?”

The silence was deafening.

The boy in the pink sweater looked awkwardly at the girl he came with, and the nervous one in the front shrank down in his seat like it could make him disappear. They all stared at each other, the quiet in the room stretching for too long before the girl raised her hand.

That wasn’t really what Lucas was going for, but he called on her anyway.

She cleared her throat and tucked a strand of brown hair behind her ear. “Um, I’m Frankie Desoto. Pronouns she/her, but I guess I’m trying out they/them too.”

Lucas blinked. Was that an option? He shook the thought away before he could think about it too hard. “Awesome! Then we’ll use both sets for you in the club. Nice to meet you, Frankie.”

They smiled at Lucas, and Lucas smiled back.

This seemed to help the others open up as well. The boy in the pink sweater pulled the sleeves over his hands and cleared his throat. “Um… You said this is a safe space?”

Lucas tilted his head to the side. “Of course! If you don’t want something you say here to go beyond these walls, then we will do everything we can to respect that.”

He nodded, seemed to ponder what Lucas said for a moment, then took a shaky breath. “Okay, then… I… I’m Alice Church, and I use she/her.”

Lucas blinked in surprise. He was so glad he didn’t mess that up. He gave Alice the same wide, toothy smile he gave Frankie. “It’s so nice to meet you, Alice.”

Alice beamed, letting go of her sweater as a soft blush crept onto her pale cheeks.

Lucas turned to the nervous boy, who had slid back up in his seat. He seemed to know it was his turn because he shifted and ran an anxious hand through his hair. “I’m Connor Lavigne. Pronouns he/him, I guess.”

He didn’t seem to want to say anything more, so Lucas picked up after that. “So glad to have you here, Connor. Alright, now that we’re all acquainted, let’s get into the games…”

It was hard to get everyone to participate at first, but Lucas’ enthusiasm seemed to rub off on the crowd as the meeting went on. Even Connor was into the games by the end—although Lucas didn’t know what the guy in the back row had going on. He wouldn’t move no matter what, so eventually, they stopped trying and made conversation with themselves.

Connor talked about his current sexuality crisis—asexuality, and where he falls on the spectrum. Eventually, Lucas managed to help him land on grey-ace as an identity, and Connor seemed happy with that. Alice talked about her struggles being a lesbian who was in the closet as a lesbian, and Cami and Jen talked about what it’s been like at school since they told everyone they were dating.

Frankie talked about discovering non-binary identities and how they didn’t know what their specific label was, just that “girl” wasn’t the whole story. Lucas listened very carefully to that one—but there was a part of him, very deep down, that didn’t want to listen.

Lucas was very sure about his identity. He had always been the same person: a proud gay man, who supported all his siblings in the community.

Who was he, if not that?

The bell finally rang, signaling the end of lunch, and everyone had to scramble to get their things. The boy in the back didn’t move, but they left him there since no one could wake him anyway—not even the teacher.

Cami and Jen shot out the door first since their next class was on the other side of the building. Connor followed, clutching his many books to his chest. Alice and Frankie were the last to go—but Lucas caught Frankie on their way out. “Oh, hey, Frankie, one sec—”

Frankie turned, their questioning brown eyes looking into Lucas’, and before Lucas could think about it, he was speaking, “How—” He cut himself off, horror settling into his features as he realized what he caught on the tip of his tongue.

How did you know you were non-binary?

“How did you like the meeting? I appreciate you participating so enthusiastically, and I think it helped Alice and Connor out of their shells.”

Frankie’s confusion melted into a soft smile. “Oh! It was great, Lucky! Thanks for hosting, I’m so glad the school has something like this now.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Lucas shifted his bag off his shoulder so that he could set it down next to his actual desk. “Well, I-I’ll see you next time!” He waved goodbye, watching Frankie slip away, the question he almost asked repeating in his mind over and over. There were so many things he wanted to ask.

How did you know?

Do you have days where you feel wrong, too?

Is there something else—can I be something else?

How do I know what makes me… me?

Lucas paused in the doorway, staring at the tile floor like it had personally offended him, before finally shaking it off and stepping into the corridor so he could use the restroom before class.

If he didn’t think about it, maybe the feeling would go away.