Hellana laid the books across the bed.

I hovered by the wall, chewing on my fingernails. No one had brought anything to my room except Astrid. This had to be against the rules.

“I found these.” She turned to me. “They’re from some science journal about nature. That’s all we can get in this place. It has to be educational.”

I scanned the covers. The images were pretty to look at. I wanted to look at them, but I knew better. “I can’t have them.”

“Why?” She picked one up and offered it to me.

I backed away. “Outside—” I stared at the corner of the room as I pressed against the wall. “I’ve tried to escape before.”

“Are you trying to escape currently?”

“No.” I scanned the room. “It never works. It just hurts.” I let out a sigh.

Someone was probably on their way here. They’d punish me and reprimand her.

“Will these make you want to escape?” She opened one up that had an image of an animal I had never seen.

I took it from her and slid to the floor. Turning to the front, I started to examine each of the pages one by one.

“All of those are native to Southern Pagora.” Hellana sat on the end bed. “This one is about Eastern. Western and Northern are somewhere in here as well. The North is kind of boring because most of it is snowy. I’ve never cared for the snow. There are some coastal locations as well.”

I remembered cats, but these ones were huge. The fur was different. My neighbor had a tan cat, but this one was giant. It wasn’t as fluffy, either. One image showed a cat growling, and its fangs were huge. The government wanted something to fight their war; they should invest in these cats. Did people keep these as pets, too?

“There are some on wild plants, tourist spots, and landscapes.” She stacked the books as she read off the topics. “I grabbed a little bit of everything. I’ve looked through some of these myself. I went to a zoo growing up, but a lot of these places are in different territories, so until the war is over, we’ll never be able to visit them in person.”

“I can’t go, even if the wars end.”

“I guess not.” She sighed. “Asters can’t move around freely. Even when the conflict ends, we’ll still be assets to the state. I’m simply a healer. I don’t pose any threat, yet I still have to get permission to go anywhere. The government worried about us being taken by other territories,” she sighed. “We’re just another resource to fight over.”

I grabbed the book, Northern Pagora Coastal Resorts. I opened to somewhere in the middle and ran my finger across the beach. My grandparents lived in a place like this. I wish I could feel the sand again. The water was freezing most of the year. I used to complain about it, but I’d do anything to see and feel the ocean again. Taro would build sandcastles with me. We hunted for seashells and played in the waves. I brushed my finger over the picture.

“Is that home?”

My head snapped up to see that Hellana was watching me. “No. My— my grandparents.”

She nodded. “Mine are from the mountains. I’ve never seen the ocean.”

“We’d go during the summer.”

“That’s fun. Our family vacation included going further into the mountains to go camping,” she laughed. “Not my idea of fun. I wish I had the chance to see the coast before I found out I was different. I turned myself in. The government started punishing people that tried to hide family members with abilities.” She sighed. “It wasn’t worth the risk.”

Turning the page, I smiled at the bright sun reflecting on the waves. It felt like the same view from my grandparents’ home. I wanted to see them again. Could I even remember their faces anymore?

“Do you like them?” she asked. “I could bring you more once you’re done with these. We have a huge library right next to the main building.”

“The ones with pictures.” I glanced at her.

She laughed. “Yes, you have plenty of the other kind.”

I scratched my neck, trying to force the words out. “He—Hellana, thank you.”

She perked up.

“For the books.” I looked straight down and focused on the images.

“You’re welcome.” She smiled and shrugged. “Well, I have a class soon, so I'd better go. If Astrid gets mad, I’ll take the blame.”

Just because we’re trapped within these cement walls doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy what the outside world has to offer. You’re not the only one living here who likes looking through old travel books. They’re quite popular.”

I brought the book closer to my face and ignored her. I was too busy memorizing how things looked. Maybe I’d be able to draw trees and cats better.

Hellana slipped to the door. “Bye, Eiko. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

***

I turned the page and smiled to myself. It was all about flowers and plants. I didn’t care much about flowers, but the colors were beautiful. I could spend all day looking at how nature mixed the different shades. The world seemed so vivid, while the institute had always been so gray. I wondered if the plants looked like this in person. Sometimes, it seemed like these places might be too good to be true. Hell, the army probably dropped bombs on them, and they were nothing more than craters.

The door opened.

My head snapped up. I shot to my feet and kicked the book out of sight. Astrid walked around the bed and picked it up. My heart was pounding. She wasn’t going to let me keep it. I’d get in trouble, and Hellana would get yelled at. I should have told her to take them back.

“So, this is what Hellana gave you.” She flipped through the pages. “The guard told me she had brought you a box of things.”

“It’s a book.” I motioned to it. “I’m allowed books.”

“Those”—she pointed at the bookshelf—“yes. But this.” She held it up. “This shows the outside world. It’s a temptation you don’t need. You’ve had one too many escape attempts on your record, and this will only add to it.”

“No, it won’t,” I said sharply. “I just want to see it. I want to know what it looks like.”

She flipped to a page and showed it to me. “This is fake. A computer altered these photos. This is not real. No place on this shitty planet looks like this.”

“Good to know,” I replied. “Now I have no reason to try and escape because they’re all fake.”

She scoffed. “Being a smartass today.”

I could feel the energy in my chest rising. “Why can’t I have it? I can’t leave. You’d find me if I did.” I clasped my neck. My muscles were seizing from the tension. I wanted them. I had never wanted something as badly as those stupid fucking books.

“Yes, after, who knows how many people will get hurt or even killed in the process of recapturing you. It’s not like you are obedient and will come back.”

“I don’t hurt people!” The seals flickered on my hands.

“Eiko, calm down.”

“Give it back.” I jerked the book from her hands. “Get out.”

“Eiko.”

“Get the fuck out of my room! I want to be alone.”

Astrid held out her hand. “Give it to me.”

“Get the hell out.” The book started to crinkle from my grip.

She moved closer. “You’re hurting yourself when you act like this. Listen to your body. Your anger is getting the best of you.”

“Because of you! It's always because of you!” I threw the book on the bed. “I don’t care. I don’t care anymore. Take it and get out. I want to be alone.” I turned away from her and pressed my clenched fists to my eyes. They were vibrating and glowing blue.

“Eiko—”

“Now!” I punched the wall, and a crack ran to the ceiling and down to the floor. The shock wave caused the window to splinter, but it stayed in one piece.

My arms snapped to my side, and I dropped to my knees as blood drained down my limbs. It was hard to breathe, not because of the pain but from the pulsing energy in my chest. My ribs felt like they were splintering. The seals on my body were on fire as they struggled to hold me.

The alarms were blaring down the hall. I messed up again. The seal on my right hand showed rivers of my skin through the black.

Falling onto my side, I stared at the pile of books Hellana had brought me hidden under the bed. It was sad I had only gotten through a couple of them, and they would all be gone when I got out of confinement.