Henrietta Sheridan, Regina’s favorite cousin, had both brawny arms and a formidable information network.

She also had the bad habit of asking questions Regina either could not or did not wish to answer.

Regina had hoped to hide from her after seeing Henrietta’s searching gaze at breakfast, but Henrietta had cornered Regina in the hallway. 

“Who died?” said Henrietta, arms crossed, as she blocked Regina’s only corridor of exit. 

“No one and nothing,” Regina muttered, “unless you count my last piece of faith in humanity and the universe.”

“We all lost that quite a while back,” Henrietta responded briskly. “Even so, you look especially terrible. If it was not because of someone’s murder… Were you harmed?”

Seeing Henrietta making a threatening movement towards a large vase, potentially with the intention to merge it with a Sheridan elder, Regina hastily waved her hand.

“No. No! No one has harmed me.”

Regina hoped that was sufficient to keep her cousin from a suicide mission against the powerful family members who kept them all in check, but Henrietta still stared at Regina with concern.

Finally, Henrietta cocked her head, still watching Regina’s face. “Were you not able to sleep?” 

It was as if some tiny, thin thread holding Regina together finally snapped.

“Well, would you be able to sleep with a frolicking blond everywhere you looked?!? On top of the crates? A frolicking blond! Hanging from the windowsill outside the cafe? A frolicking blond! Dancing by himself while my terrifying dreams are potentially confirmed to be real? A frolicking blond!!”

“What –” was all Henrietta had time to say before Regina grabbed her by her shoulders and asked her a desperate question.

“Hen,” Regina pleaded, “if someone sneezes at night in the dark of their locked room, you ask them the next morning how their cold is doing. Tell me, please, did you hear any news of an orphanage being sponsored by the Alpins in celebration of… of the crown prince’s possible engagement?”

Even as Henrietta stared blankly at Regina, Regina mentally pleaded, ‘It was just a dream. I was so dazed yesterday that I ate the bouquet on the table instead of my food and thus had nightmares about a shiny gyrating blond man hopping around the town square in the middle of a ridiculous proclamation. The Alpins hate commoners and orphans and probably kick puppies in their time spent not impaling people with spikes. They would never sponsor an orphanage. The universe would never play such a cruel joke.”

Unfortunately, Henrietta then spoke as the voice of a cruel, joke-playing universe. “How did you find out before me? Gina, how did you already know that the royal family has begun celebrating the crown prince’s probable engagement to you with a new orphanage? That is remarkable – I just read in this morning’s broadsheets that they plan an official announcement in the Capital square later this morning!”

Defeated, Regina slumped against the wall of the manor, even as Henrietta continued to stare at her.

“I thought you would be happy,” Henrietta pointed out, clearly confused. “I heard that you were about to marry into the royal family just a few days ago and you could do far worse for in-laws, considering our options.”

The worst part, Regina realized in something close to despair, was that Henrietta was not wrong.

If Regina was not having terrifying dreams, she probably would have been delighted to have been so thoroughly removed by marriage to a family the Sheridans could never touch. Henrietta must have used her uncanny information gathering abilities to find out about the engagement and been waiting for Regina to share her delight. 

It was unfortunate that Regina’s only thoughts were of mourning her lost country potato engagement.

As it was, she barely heard Henrietta’s continued thoughts. “Though I suppose you shall need to start being a little more… hmm…”

“Difficult to murder?” Regina tonelessly replied.

“I was going to say ‘more social and talkative’,” Henrietta said dryly. “Even so, this sudden Alpin generosity has made headlines all over Carcosa. The royal family is hardly known for their charity work, so it is obvious that they are preparing to win over the commoners in support of the succession. Everyone knows this is all leading to an engagement for one of their princes… though only we know that you are their chosen bride-to-be.”

Regina just sank further into her seat and groaned like a dying Sheridan cousin. 

“Please,” Henrietta said, as her eyebrow rose to incredible heights. “Try not to overwhelm me with your delight.”

Seeing that Henrietta was starting to get truly offended by Regina’s behavior, Regina weakly pleaded a headache and fled for the relative safety of her room.

Sitting at her desk, with a nice clean piece of paper in front of her, Regina tried to reassure herself that this meant nothing.

“I need to calm down and think rationally,” Regina told herself, scribbling frantically with her quill. “Last night, I just had a silly dream about a very shiny man that I obviously invented, experiencing an event that I knew would happen because… well, after all, I have been hearing much news of the Alpins and their… their… their passion for public works! 

“Obviously,” Regina decided, “my mind has a hidden fixation for both blonds and for tracking what the Alpins are doing. I am just on a very unfortunate journey of discovery! Truly, if the Alpins looked more like potatoes, none of this would have happened. Once I stop mourning my quiet potato baron and our quiet country life, I will be perfectly fine!”

Regina stared triumphantly down at the paper in front of her, convinced of her own ability to outplan her fate.

A large potato marked with “Blond wig?” stared back at her.

Regina calmly crumpled the paper and tossed it in the fireplace, her face serene and completely unbothered.

Regina stared at her face in the mirror on the fireplace mantle. “My dreams do not mean anything in particular. I am obviously rattled by my upcoming engagement and need to get better sleep!”

“In fact,” Regina added, “I am so unafraid of my dreams, that I am going to go to bed right now. When I wake up, I expect to be refreshed and to remember nothing of what happened while I was dreaming.”

There was one thing Regina’s extended sleep proved when she woke the next morning. 

It seemed that Regina had needed fourteen hours of sleep…

…in order to truly understand that the universe hated her.

~♦♥♦~