Sitting in the bathroom stall, all I hear is the ringing in my ears. All I see is the ceiling because I don’t want to think of anything around me. All I feel is the pulse of my wrist as I hold it with my other hand. All I taste is, well, nothing. Just nothing. I regret it a lot, at least I think I do. I just reached seven days (yay me), but here I am. 

Welcome! To the shit show. Also known as, drumroll please, my life! Anyway, here’s the summary. I was born and loved, learned how to speak, and fucked everything up from then on. I can already hear you “Oh but how could you fuck things up when you were two?” okay, sure, I was cute for a good year and then started fucking shit up. Are you happy? I gave you a better timeline.

I guess I could tell you a little more. Like how I completely ruined all my friendships last year by being ‘the freak’. “How were you a freak?” I can already hear you asking, and the short answer is just being me I guess, but I can get into the longer answer later. Right now, I need to get to Mr. Anderson’s math class, he’ll be pissed if I’m late again. 

“Hello sir,” I say as politely as possible.

“Hello, Kirk, you’re lucky you made it on time.”

“Yes, I am sir.”

He’s calling me by my last name, again. I hate it. I just want to be called Orion. I guess I should be happy he’s not calling me my dead name. You are probably thinking “Oh, cool, a trans character.” And you’d be wrong. I was indeed born with this thing between my legs, it's not that I hate being a guy, but I also don’t necessarily enjoy it. We can unpack that later, though. I changed my name to escape him. Who is he? Well, one could call him, Dad, Father, or maybe Daddy, but for me, it's not like that, I just call him Konrad, if I ever happen to speak to or about him.

I get jolted out of my thoughts by the bell. It’s the beginning of the second semester, so we’ll get new schedules provided by our old first-period teachers. Mr.Anderson starts at the front of the class so I've got some time before he gets to me. 

All I can think about is what I’m gonna do when I get out of school. I don’t mean for good, though I should figure that out soon too, considering I’m a senior, but I meant after school. I don’t have anything planned as of right now. I ran away as soon as I turned eighteen, which was 3 days ago (happy birthday to me). I might find somewhere to crash for now, but who knows how I’m gonna achieve that (it’s definitely not me).

My new schedule gets slammed onto my desk:

It’s not too bad.