My new friend, James, was acting extra British this morning. He’d insulted me for consuming the drink that created my coffee breath instead of a cuppa and teased me for not knowing what a tram was. I, in return, acted confused when he mentioned buying jumpers in preparation for moving to Canada. 

I could have and would have spent the whole morning comparing slang terms. If Rin wasn’t in the same room. His silence while he waited for me and James to stop talking was louder than anything we’d said.

He and James still haven’t warmed up to one another. So talking to one person required me to act like the other didn’t exist. 

It reminded me of visiting my grandma and having to juggle kitty play-time with dachshund cuddles because her pets were barely civil after 2 years of cohabitation. But that means I’ve compared Rin to another tiny dog species–which he would hate.

Their animal-like disagreement is why, when there was a lull in our lingo exchange, I turned to Rin. 

There’s a delicate art in teasing out information from somebody without the person ever realizing that you wanted to know it. The act required a great deal of subtlety and finesse, qualities I possessed in abundance.

“So, Stephanie . . . what’s it like dating her?”

Like I said. Subtle.

“It’s, uh, good,” Rin chuckled, tilting his head in confusion as he spoke. “Yeah, we get along really well.”

“I can tell,” I laughed dryly, mentally cursing myself. Giving Stephanie compliments was the direct opposite of Step 1. I swallowed harshly, trying to gather my words. “But even people who get along can have . . . hiccups. I mean you remember how long we fought last summer after that day at the fair.”

“Oh yeah,” Rin sat up, a nostalgic smile grew on his face. “You were getting all upset because I wouldn’t let you pay for the food.”

“Because you paid for the tickets.”

“And I was happy to do it.”

“But you’re always happy to pay even though I’m the one who has a job. See that’s why you-”

I stopped talking when I registered James’s posh, British laugh. Rin was similarly amused, smiling as my face went red.

And no, I wasn’t embarrassed. I was frustrated. 

Instead of making Rin think about the times he couldn’t stand his girlfriend, I’d accidentally gotten him to think about one of the few times we couldn’t stand each other. 

My eyes went to the ground, trying to find comfort in the random dried pieces of gum I found stuck to the floor.

“Nevermind, that was off topic,” I said.

“Really? Because I swear you told me you wanted to relive our last fight,” Rin joked, making me snort against my will. That’s when Mr Anderson started the long–not really–walk from his desk to the white board: the universal sign that class was starting. And I hadn’t gotten a thing from Rin. 

Rin had on a concerned expression, like he could tell I was anxious. Luckily, he couldn’t tell why. So when he placed a soothing hand on my arm and said, “don’t worry about me, El. Stephanie and I are great,” it didn’t help at all. 

All I could think was, Rin, that’s the problem.

—————

Once again, Rin informed me that he’d be unable to stop by Mooove Over tonight. I heard something about Stephanie and study date and my concentration drifted away like a leaf in the wind.

For a while, I let Rin prattle on about the joys and hardships of studying with such a beautiful woman without an audience. It was the sort of talk I completely ignored, so I used the time to prepare myself. 

For the first day of my break up plan, things had gone terribly. 

There were only a few minutes until we arrived at the cafeteria. So I had until then to get some Stephanie-themed flaws out of Rin’s mouth.

“ . . . I’m glad she understands the physics concepts so well but as she’s explaining, I kind of just want to kiss her instead of listening, you know?”

I glanced at Rin’s lips then back up to his face.

“I think I know what you mean,” I muttered. Someone slammed their locker door shut like they were trying to kill a fly in the process, snapping me back into focus. “Wait, are you saying you don’t like listening to her talk?”

“What? Where the hell did you get that idea?” Rin laughed, bumping into my shoulder playfully. 

“I mean, that’s sometimes the reason why I want to kiss someone instead of listening to them.”

That was a complete lie. There was no reason to say that other than to try to inspire some loathing from Rin for Stephanie. But my best friend only laughed harder and I pouted at seeing yet another failure.

“Stephanie’s awesome to talk to Elly,” he clarified, wearing a soft smile. “It’s been . . . unusually easy dating her.”

“I know she’s great but she can’t be perfect,” I pressed. “There must be something annoying that she does.”

For a second, I held my breath. I might have been way too obvious and given my whole plan away to the one person who couldn’t know. But then, Rin seemed to actually think about it. He crossed his arms, his dark brows furrowed as he stared at the ground.

“I guess she takes a while to text me back sometimes,” he mentioned, shrugging right after he said it. “I used to think she did it on purpose but when we’re in person, everything’s amazing. I think she’s just a bad texter.”

“Well you can’t be sure it wasn’t on purpose.”

“Okay man, what’s going on?” 

Rin stopped right in the center of the hallway. We were in the middle of class changes so the halls were packed. But I stopped with him.

“You haven’t asked this many questions about Steph since I started dating her.”

Kids pushed past us with annoyed frowns, sending us judging glances when we still didn’t move. I tried to ignore the numerous glares from all sides so I could focus on my suspicious friend.

“No reason,” I lied. Rin still wasn’t moving, staring stubbornly until I had an answer to give. So I made one up. “It’s just that if you’re seriously going to be dating her, I want to get to know her.”

“That’s sweet.” 

It really wasn’t. Rin was suddenly so pleased with me, I almost told him the truth. I didn’t deserve for him to look so proud when I just added two more lies to the ever growing pile of my deceit. Finally, he resumed walking and the hallway judgment ceased.

“I guess you can actually be sweet sometimes,” my friend quipped, reaching out to pinch my cheek. 

I knew the action would leave a red mark. My skin wasn’t that pale but it still went red at the drop of the hat. Then when Rin pulled away and still had that sweet, prideful look on his face, the rest of my face went red to match. 

It shouldn’t have been a big deal, seeing my friend happy with me. But I could feel when my heart picked up speed and my chest clenched a bit at the sight.

“Stephanie’s really sweet too, you know. Just the other day she made me this homemade bookmark with our initials on it . . . ”

And in those last minutes on our way to the cafeteria, Rin droned on and on about his girlfriend.

This time, I couldn’t zone out his love struck speech. He was just too passionate and constantly tapped my arm or asked questions to make sure I heard every word. Our conversation must have set him on a positivity tangent. Every nice thing he brought up about her reminded him of another nice thing she’d done. 

I realized, quite pitifully, that I just made Rin like Stephanie more, not less.

When we finally entered the huge room filled with a hoard of voices and greasy smells, I was ecstatic. Being away from puppy love Rin was something to look forward to. We grabbed our lunches together, a process which included more Rin and Stephanie anecdotes to rot my brain. 

The short Latina threw her arms around her boyfriend, almost making him drop his plastic tray. Pulling back from the hug, she lifted a fist that was holding up a paper bag.

“I made your favorite!”

Rin reached into the bag excitedly, gasping exaggeratedly when he pulled out a Snickerdoodle cookie the size of a Burger King Whopper. 

Rolling my eyes helped to cut off the visuals. But I could hear the smooches and words of thanks even if I couldn’t see them. Of course she could bake. Of course she needed to surprise her boyfriend with a baked surprise today of all days.

Slipping around the pair, I settled beside Colby. He was painfully single. There was no way he would remind me of my failing plan.

Except after we started talking, I noticed a Whopper sized oatmeal raisin resting on Colby’s tray where a fruit cup would usually be. And when I leaned over the table to look at Tyler’s lunch, I saw a classic chocolate chip, also ridiculously sized, being funneled into his mouth.

No, she didn’t . . .

“Don’t worry, El. I didn’t forget about you.”

With her lip gloss now smeared across her face, Stephanie gave me the paper bag so I could take out the last cookie. 

“You’re so sweet Steph,” Rin cooed.

Completely devoid of energy, I didn’t look away when Rin nuzzled a gloss covered mouth into his girlfriend’s neck. 

Staring at a white chocolate chip cookie (sans the macadamia nuts), I sagged into my seat. She’d gone through the effort of making each of us our favorite cookie. They looked amazing, they tasted delicious, and I couldn’t find anything wrong with that. 

This was just really nice of her.

Away from the eyes of my friends, I pulled out my little break up plan and wrote Failed next to the first step.

So, to answer the question, what’s wrong with Stephanie Huarez?

Absolutely nothing.