That rainy afternoon, two men were silently murdered. No one knew how and when and no one saw it happen, not even a trace of blood stains was left after the rain fell  again, it washed away. Not even their screams were heard amidst the thunder and now their lifeless bodies are being dragged in the mud by the very man whose wife they had insulted. He was a soldier after all, he was glad he still hadn’t lost his touch.

With how many the two men were and only his one good leg, whilst dragging them using a rope it took a while for him to dispose of them. If he were to simply leave their bodies where he killed them, it will cause a fuss in that gossipy village which he didn’t want. He had to take them all the way to the back of the temple’s hill where a cliff was. When he finally reached the destination, he took a moment to catch his breath and drank from the bottle of liquor before tossing the dead bodies away.

“Fucking idiots”, he muttered before leaving.

The weather was as conflicted as he was as it rains and suddenly stops. He went back to looking for his wife but he only ever found her to be dancing for the entertainment of strangers at a stage, in the middle of a crowd full of men. His wife, the center of attention, gleefully dancing and merely tossed at with coins while the disgusting echoes of the men cheering follows her every step, her beauty only ever glowing in midst of them all. Suddenly,in that particular moment, he lost the appetite for drinking and broke the bottle in his hand by a tight grip.

** *

Ever since I got back from the pavillion, my stomach hurt ever since.I threw up. I couldn’t get the picture out of my head. I saw it in perfect detail. I remember it in perfect detail. My memory is immortalized, it’s a blessing in useful instances but it’s more a curse than it benefits. Even when a day had passed, I still don’t feel well so I decided to skip work.

 I stared at the wall made of bamboos in front me. Somebody took my ladder again. This is where I had been escaping from, undetected by people. Without my ladder, I had to climb it bare hand.

I thought I had finally made my escape but as I walked further down the street, I spotted my mother in the distance--No, she spotted me first. My immediate response was to run away but I froze when she gestured to stay where I was with a blaring glare of her orchid pink orbs as I stared back with mine. She walks up to me and I’m taken aback with how she suddenly slapped me. My jaw gritted as I processed the stinging of my cheek while my mother sighed and massaged her temple.

“Good lords, Luma, must you keep being a prick?”, she rolled her eyes. I didn’t even get a word in before she started dragging be back to the entertainment house.I thought she'd lead me back to quarters but she led me to her room instead where she then threw me her bag of laundry.

“If you’re just going to skip work, you better make use of it. I need these by afternoon tomorrow”, she ordered which took me by surprise. I stood there hugging the laundry, staring. She looks tired, is she overworked? Mother didn’t even took another glance of me after that and simply walked away. Sluggish in her form but when she spotted the madame in the distance;

“Madame!”, she giggled before running off, instantly putting on her bubbly personality.

Despite the slap, I am relieved our interaction was short. She hadn’t bombarded me with her nagging like she always does whenever she disapproves of me. I continued on my walk joyfully, at last after a long while, although I still have a chore to complete, I finally have time for myself for the rest of the day. I can replenish my strength and be safe from possible threats once I’m back at my tent. And since I need to get the basket at home for these laundries, might as well check if I can now reach the top of the bookshelf where the personal documents of my family are kept. There’s something there that I’ll be needing for my next role.

Sigh. Occupying me with scenarios must be his way of making me forget the story’s progression. But I religiously read through my scrapbook without a day’s rest, I take it everywhere I go. If I do forget, I know how to remind myself. Fifteen months of waiting feels like fifty when I have to deal with all of these people.

With all of the things happening in my character’s life,everything I’ve experienced here isn’t even relevant to the story yet I still have to get through it for the sake of existence simply because I am in this world.  I know my god is presented with all the bad picks, he just loves to chose the worst one out of it for me to take. If I had found my trigger I would’ve been able to avoid all this trouble but I have yet to, so for now, I rely on my physical ability to survive until then.

The sun is setting so I must hurry with all of these laundry so they may dry by afternoon, mother doesn’t like it when I’m not doing a good job. After the long walk, I had finally reached home to get the basket but I instantly regretted not  sneaking in instead the moment I locked eyes with him.

He stopped midway of eating roasted meat when he noticed me, he must have gotten them from his recent hunt although he never shares it with anyone. That’s the only way he is feeding himself whenever mother isn’t around. He looks sober for  change but still not well, his messy black hair looks like a murder of crows. When he continued on his meal only then had I went inside the house. I just needed to take the basket and leave but when I am on my way to the door, he suddenly took his gun which I didn’t know was hidden under my old crib that made me stop mid step. He carried his gun by the sling and got up on his crutches.

Father drank water from his cup. “Come with me”,and orders before turning his back. He didn’t even bother to clear the table and I doubt the plate he was using had been cleaned before it was used.

“I need to do mother’s laundry”,I fixed the laundry in the basket and attempted to leave.

“Leave it”, he ordered and quickly glanced at me with a glare. If I were to calculate which of my parents has the upper hand in command. In terms of wits my mother is skilled, persuasions is her only rage of intellect. While my father is a genius in terms of combat, his overall intellect and impulsivity is the most threatening to my existence. So I rest my case and dropped the basket as I quickly followed him upon existing the house.

I guess he already finished all of the liquor I’ve stolen for him. We continued on our walk, only behind him a few steps of the way as we both silently took the path to the riverside where he washed his hands and face in the river. I thought he would be hunting again and finally share the meal with me but instead he led me to a new track in the meadows that I wasn’t aware of that directly leads to the barn on the other side of the village which has the only few plains in this mountain.  This path was nearer and more secluded. I doubt anyone else uses it. Come to think of it, I don’t often see my father around the village.

When we got to the barn, it had finally turned dark. That’s when I also realized that the soldiers on post in this border had turned the barn into their own camp. There aren’t many farmers and horses here anyway so that must have been how they made use of it. My father greeted his friends along the way with cheerful small chatter until we proceeded inside where there’s only a few soldiers left. It appears that like I am only brought here to observe his mundane daily activities.

“Hey Eric! Thanks for polishing the guns for us”

“Not a problem. Do I still get the left over rum?”, my father gleefully cheered like a child awaiting grandiose rewards. The cheap guy with a scar on his face doesn’t seem to be around.

“Of course! It’s in the trunk”

“Appreciate it!”, my father clamoured while his friend waved his hand in acknowledgement.

“Woah, I didn’t know you had a kid”, a soldier said while stealing a glance at me.

“Just taking him out for a walk”, my father shook his head.

“Black hair. He does look like you. He really is your brat”, another one praised.

“Takes more after my wife than me!”, my father laughed with his friends as they continued on their business around the camp fire. Are those dormice they are roasting?

He went to the a more secluded area in the barn where the hays were stacked and behind it, trunks piled on top of each other. When he opened one, it’s where their guns are stored. I thought he would just go for the rum but he inspected the guns before opening a bottle.

“So, what’s your mother been up to?”, he suddenly asked.

“Working”, I was more fascinated with the guns. I’ve held them before in past lives but this new body is seeing them for the first time.

“Did she say anything about me?”, he gave me a glance before taking another bottle.

“Not that I know of”, he stopped for a moment when I said that.

“You useless kid. You don’t even know anything about your own parents”, I noticed his grip on the gun he is holding tighten when he said that.

‘Why should I?’

“All your lazy ass do is wander around the village waiting for your mother to feed you”. Well, she’s also feeding you.

“Is this where you work?”, I asked but he didn’t take my innocent question lightly.

“Why? It ain't enough?”,he answered roughly.

“No. I’m proud of you”. I was indeed at satisfied that he has a job. Although, Ihad an inner laugh because he seemed insulted but it also showed in my expression because he hit me with his crutches.

“Where’d you learn that sass-mouthing from? Huh?”

“Think you're all grown up?”, he took out a cigarette and lit it.

I didn’t need to answer that.

“Your mother must have slept around with a hundred men just to feed that impudent mouth of yours, are you proud of that?”

“She's never brought even me a single piece of bread”, I admitted. Servers are given food rations at the  house for 2 meals. If I hadn’t worked, I would’ve continued stealing just to eat. When I  learned to walk, she stopped feeding me.

For a moment, he turned silent and in a swift motion, he tightly grabbed my shoulder.

“There really is no way for me to like you kiddo”, his eyes deemed with bloodshot and laughed. He's smiling but it was foolish of me to assume when he took out his cigarette and dug a burn on my skin. I winched in pain. I hadn’t retaliated but he dragged me to the exit of the barn and roughly shoved me to the ground.

“On the count of three, if you don’t start running, this bullet’s goin' straight through your head”, my eyes widened.

Suddenly, my heartbeat started ringing over my ears as my vision darkened and slowed down. I’m vividly seeing every movement he made with his hand as he grabbed unto the handle of his rifle. My legs shook as his index moved closer to the trigger and within a second, I desperately stood and ran for the tall grass field. A moment later, a shot fired. I stumbled on my knees thinking I had been shot so I quickly examined my body and thank god I was not! Another shot followed. My breathing turned to panting as I got up again and ran, my arms covering over my head desperately trying to find a place to hide but all I’m surrounded in is grass. I took a quick glance back and my father is already slowly making his way to me as he ranted about something I could no longer hear.

“Run, run, little misfit! ‘Cause you can’t hide from me!”, he yelled out laughing.

Shots followed one after the other and with every second, I hoped it didn’t hit its target. My legs were already shaking but I ran faster, I must. I knew this guy had the biggest probability of killing but I still let my guard down. I knew he didn’t want anything to do with me so why did he suddenly asked me to spend time with him? That should have been the fucking sign. How the hell did I miss that!?  I haven’t fulfilled my role yet and there’s no do over! I’ll lose my one and only chance.

After crawling up a mound, I can finally see the end of the tall grass and by the edge of it, a forest. I’m glad but when I ran further, I heard a sharp snap below me and when I looked down, goosebumps crept to my back and nape when I realized it was a bear trap. There’s a lot of them scattered all over the place. I panicked even more. I can’t see them very well, one wrong step and my foot’s torn to shreds.

“Shit!”

I’ll run back to the side, out maneuver him.With my heart leaping over my chest, I turned back but the moment I did, I was hit on the head. I wriggled painfully on the ground. My father had already caught up to me. I hadn’t got a word out and he pinned the heel of his rifle to my neck, I struggled to keep it from chocking me, my arms too weak to even budge it. He pushed harder and I continued to hold back.

“If it weren’t for you, she never would have resented me”. That moment,I saw the bloodlust in his eyes. I’ve only acknowledged then, how much he really despises me. How could I have forgotten? I am a child and I have parents, their burden lies with me.

He lifted his gun. It mustn’t end here, he’ll beat me half to death but I mustn’t die, I’ll have to withstand it. I closed my eyes as he started mercilessly beating me with the handle. I don’t know which part of my body he hit, all I know is that they all hurt. Cowered in a fatal position, I did my best to at least protect my head. He kept on yelling at me about something but my ears rang louder than I could hear. I don’t know what he’s saying anymore, he’ll get more upset if I don’t answer if he ever is asking me questions. I’m numbing myself up to the pain because  more than hatred for my father, I blame he who is watching.

If I could just grab that bear trap without triggering it and throw it at him, I can make my escape but my vision started getting blurry and I know I’m loosing strength. I only have enough energy to keep my arms up. But his hits are getting heavier, he is definitely getting tired. This weakness gave me hope, finally, a chance to escape. Keeping my eyes on him I awaited the opportunity. Despite my aching limbs, when he took a moment to breath and had his gun in the air, I gave it my all at quickly pushing him to the ground and hit his face with my head to distract him. “Ow!”, and took his gun as I got up and sprinted away even though I couldn’t see properly through the darkness of the night. I took a leap of faith and ran the horizontal side of the tall grass which luckily didn’t have any bear traps.

‘He won’t be able to catch up anymore, won’t he?’

I continued to run as long as my body was able. I only stopped when it got harder to breathe and my heartbeat felt strained and stabbing. I don’t know how much I ran but my legs wear out and when I tumbled over a log down to a steep slope, only then had I given up. My body trembling so much I can’t move anymore so I lay here still, heavily out of breath and aching. The mess of my hair sticking on my skin because of the sweat, I couldn’t be bothered with how grimy it felt. My vision panicked across the star lit sky until it got calm enough and I blacked out.