Roland’s POV

The shop was unbearably hot. Sweat stung my eyes and I tried my best to wipe it away with my shoulder while my hands were busy trying to take out the old fuel pump that was for so reason covered in oil. 

Rock music played softly in the background and Mary tapped her feet to it softly with a sad look in her eyes that I didn’t think was for me for once. 

I cursed loudly when I managed to get the fuel pump out but with the amount of oil covering it, I didn’t have time to catch it before it fell to the ground. A huge crack now split the part in two. I had hopes of rebuilding it and using it later down the road to save money but if it was that frail maybe it was for the best that it broke. 

“I think that’s the first word you’ve said all day,” Mary teased as I sat down beside her, taking my break early before I got in the middle of replacing the pump and couldn’t step away.

I shrugged off Mary’s comment and took a sip of water, not wanting her to find out it was the first word I had spoken since early yesterday after my session with Andrew. 

“You know, Town Day is coming up,” she said in an excited voice that I knew was going to turn sad when I declined whatever offer she was about to come up with. “You thinking about going this time?” I thought for a moment and forced my throat to work with me.

“Kit,” I asked because it was all my throat would allow me to say. The quick flash of a frown was enough for me to know that she understood the question. 

“You aren’t allowed to connect with anyone from your past on Town Day. You know that I told you in the rule announcement last time.” I frowned. I was hoping she had forgotten that rule.

I shook my head before taking another sip of water because holy fuck it was hot in here.

“I’m not trying to sway you one way or another but Andrew and I will both be gone looking after camper who do go so you won’t be able to work in here. And if you change your mind and you decide you want to go I can put you in a group or you and I can go alone like we did last time.”

I didn’t want to be alone in town with Mary if Kit wasn’t also with us. I shook my head again and she nodded. 

A new song came through the radio and my heart clenched. It had been one of Kit’s favorites. He would sing along to it every time it came on, starting out in a low whisper but as the song progressed he would always end up drowning out the song with his own voice.

Whenever he noticed I was watching he would start singing louder and off-key and I would laugh, knowing he was doing it just to act silly. When the song finally ended he would smile and shoot me a wink while I tried to not let my blush show.

My hand shot out and turned the radio off. 

“Not in a music mood,” Mary asked as I stood back up to get to work. I shook my head and she fell silent. 

The longer I worked the more I wanted to just go home. Working on cars didn’t feel the same without Kit. He had been annoying at first, sure but now that he was gone all I wanted was for him to be with me.

I wanted to go home. Not to the cabin because the cabin could never be home. I wanted my dad’s house. I wanted my dad’s shop. Even if Kit might not be with me when I get there, home sounded so much better than this place right now.

I sighed as I slid into the driver's seat and turned the key over. The car still didn’t start and I felt like slamming my hand against the steering wheel, just to see if I could abuse it into working. 

Home sounded perfect right now. If I were back in the shop Dad’s ghost would be staring over my shoulder, planting ideas in my head on what could possibly be wrong with this stupid thing like he had done when he was alive.

I turned the key again and listened closely for any small hint that could give me a place to start. I turned the key again and again and again, and each time my anger grew until I did in fact slam my hand on the wheel.

“Sound’s like it’s time for a break,” Mary soothed and the softness of her voice made my anger bubble over. 

I didn’t bother looking back at her as I got out of the car, slamming the door behind me and heading to the shop’s door.

“You’re leaving,” Mary asked. The concern in her voice only pissed me off more. “I only meant that maybe taking a second to sit down and relax might help you find something you missed.”

“Just shut up,” I hissed at her. She stared at me with wide eyes, moving to stand and follow me. “God! You are so fucking annoying! Can I not just have five minutes of anger without you telling me to take a break? Do you think I’m just too stupid to know when I need a break? Just leave me alone!” Her mouth had dropped open in surprise and my mother’s voice screamed at me ‘I am your mother Roland and you will not speak to me that way!’

I didn’t wait for the screaming to start or for the hit that she was likely getting ready to swing. I turned and walked out the door, slamming it behind me.

People ran through the camp without a care in the world. I dodged and weaved through the crowds. I wanted to be away from these people.

The cabin was the first place that came to mind but it was too small and empty and it would only make Kit a constant thought in my head. 

I turned and headed for the woods. 

I followed the worn-out path that I had made during my several trips out to my usual spot. 

Anger still welled up in my chest but the farther away I got from that camp and from that woman the better I felt.

I sighed to myself as I sat against the tree I had come to call mine. The sun was starting to set already so no birds or squirrels came to distract me. A few fish jumped out of the lake and some bats were beginning to wake up for the night but I missed the comfort of the daytime even if the sun was bright and far too hot.

I stayed there for hours. It was well past curfew and I sighed as I stood up and began walking back, taking the same path I had only used a few times yet I could follow it with my eyes closed.

 The main lawn was completely empty and I assumed my cabin would be too since it was always empty now that Kit was gone but Mary was sitting on the unmade bed closest to the door. Her arms were crossed and she looked royally pissed.

I froze.

My hand was still on the door handle, my eyes wide, probably looking like a deer in headlights, while my heart pounded in my chest.

“Do you have any idea what time it is,” she asked, still staring, arms still crossed, but her voice sounded calm. I couldn’t tell if she was actually angry or pretending to be so I didn’t answer. “It is 11:33 at night,” she said after a few minutes. “I know you know what time curfew is so I’m not even going to bother asking that. Where were you?”

My throat wasn’t working and it felt like my mouth was stuffed with cotton. I simply pointed in the direction of the woods because it was better than not giving an answer at all.

“Doing what? What could you have possibly been doing out there that lasted 4 hours? Without checking in with anyone, I might add. You can’t break rules like this and not expect consequences.” 

I began backing out the door.

Andrew would still be here. He stayed overnight several days a week now that the camp was getting full again. I bet I could run faster than her. Andrew would help me.

I took another step back.

Mary watched me closely, looking confused as I took another step back. 

“What are you doing,” she asked as she took a step forward. I don’t hesitate before turning and running. 

Mary called after me but I didn’t slow down to hear what she was saying. I’ve never been all that great at running but adrenaline was coursing through me in waves. I pumped my arms and legs as fast as I could even if my side protested in pain with every step I took.

I didn’t want to think about what Mary would do if she caught me. She always seemed so nice but after years of foster care and my own mother, I wasn’t going to be tricked by this again. She looked angry and anger was unpredictable.

I all but ran into Andrew’s door and immediately began knocking loudly. I could hear Mary quickly approaching and just prayed Andrew was a light sleeper.

“Roland what are you doing,” Mary screeched from behind me just as Andrew opened the door. I pushed past him and to my surprise, he stood in front of me without even knowing the danger I was hiding from.

“What’s going on,” Andrew asked with a glare in Mary’s direction.

“He just ran here,” Mary said, slightly out of breath, trying to squeeze past Andrew to stand in the office but Andrew only blocked her every attempt.

“You just stay out there for a second,” Andrew said, his voice was more stern than I had ever heard before. “Can you speak right now Roland or is everything too much right now.” His full attention was still on Mary but my lack of an answer told him enough. “What happened before he came here?”

“We were in the shop and he was getting frustrated so I suggested a break and he got more upset and left. I gave him a few hours to cool off and then went to go talk to him to make sure he was okay but he wasn’t in the cabin so I waited for him. He just now came back. The curfew is at 9. He was two hours late. I barely had a chance to say anything before he ran here.”

Andrew still looked a bit unsure but at least let her into the office and closed the door before turning the lights on. I stepped back into the farthest corner from Mary and thankfully she stayed by the door. If things came down to it I could break the window and run out that way.

“Okay well, let’s all try to just calm down,” Andrew said as he looked between me and Mary. He looked tired and I felt even more guilty. Mary seemed less mad now and more concerned so maybe I just misunderstood everything that was happening. “Roland has gone mute and I won’t be able to get his side of the story until he is calmed down and feels safe so for now I think the best option is putting a pause on this conversation for the night and checking in at noon tomorrow to see how everyone is feeling. If Roland is still mute at that time then we will reschedule to the next day. We will not be having this conversation until Roland is ready but there is the part of breaking curfew,” Andrew said with a sigh and looking at me.

I huddled farther into the corner and he frowned at me. Mary wasn’t even trying to hide her concern and it made me feel worse. I overreacted; it was official.

“There are still consequences to your actions,” Andrew started, Mary wisely choosing to keep her mouth shut. “But I want to ask before we decide what happens, did you have a valid reason to be out that late?”

Did I have a valid reason?  I was decompressing which Andrew said was a good thing but was that reason enough? Would they be made if I said that was valid? My hands shook. The cold wall on my back was grounding even as I shivered against it.

Andrew smiled at me before kneeling only a few feet away.

“We aren’t upset with you,” Andrew said gently and for once it did help but I was still shaking. “We just need you to know this was serious. Curfew is for your safety and your safety is all we care about. So we just have to come up with a punishment so you know this is serious.”

I shook my head then. Mostly because I didn’t think it was valid but also because it seemed like the only real answer. 

“Okay, thank you for being honest,” Andrew said with a smile. “So usually after a curfew break, we do a grounding where you are not allowed to leave your cabin.” I shrank farther into the wall. That sounded like torture right now. “But I don’t think that would help you right now.” I didn’t relax but it felt nice to know that it wasn’t on the table anymore. “I think taking the keys to the shop is the best option right now.”

I immediately started shaking my head. I didn’t want that. That didn’t seem like a fair punishment given the actions. This was stupid.

“I know you don’t like it but you aren’t supposed to,” Andrew said gently and the voice was back to not working. “Only for four days and on the first day I will personally be here the second you wake up to start if you want.” I still didn’t like it, especially with that car currently just sitting there, broken. I nodded even though I hated it because I didn’t want to make it worse.

“Okay then,” Andrew said with a sigh as he stood up. “How about I walk you back to the cabin and we’ll see if you’re up to talking tomorrow alright?” I nod but throw a quick glance at Mary. She didn’t look upset anymore but I still didn’t want to go near her. This could all be some trick to make me lower my guard.

“Mary, why don’t you head up to the office? I’ll meet you up there after I walk Roland back to the cabin.” Mary didn’t hesitate to start walking towards the door. I felt better now that she was gone but the numb feeling was already settling in.

I didn’t want to be away from the shop that long. I frowned as I followed Andrew to the cabin. 

We walked in silence and I was happy about it but now it just left me more time to think about everything.

“Do you want me to stay,” Andrew asked the second we got to the cabin. I shook my head and he left. 

I was going to hate myself for it in the morning but I laid in the bed without changing to sleep clothes.

I wanted my boyfriend. I wanted him more than anything. Kit would make this better. He could be my voice and make all of this go away.

But Kit wasn’t here and I messed up. My chest felt numb and the bed was too cold.

I was crying and I don’t even know why. I hated that I didn’t know why but I cried into my pillow, wishing I could just start the whole day over again.