I think art school was the first place where I first really had to confront my sexuality. 

I tried dating in between juggling homework and classes, but most people lost interest as soon as I explained to them that I literally wanted to Netflix and chill and not just raw dog on the sofa while a show played in the background. A few times, I actually did wake up in someone's bed the morning after, hoping that it would lead to some kind of mutual understanding, but one-night stands were about as substantial as toilet paper, and nothing ever came of it. 

I stopped dating before I dropped out, but it left me with the deep impression that I was flawed while the rest of the world wasn't. I knew that was the wrong way to think about it now, but back then, that was the only reasoning that made sense at the time. 

As soon as I step into the club after Felix, it's like being immersed in a psychedelic queer dream. There was another set of doors and a staircase leading to the second floor, with "Show Room" in bold neon letters beckoning in newcomers. The music was so loud that I couldn't make sense of the lyrics, it was just this deep, profound techno throbbing that went right through me.

"I'm going to go grab a drink!" Felix shouts at me from over the music, "You want anything?"

"Vodka!" I shout back.

"Vodka?" He shouts back, "That's it?"

"Don't judge me!" I yell, "I need a strong drink right now!"

I lose sight of him almost right away as he slips into the crowd of writhing people on the dance floor, his bright pink blazer and a tuft of cotton candy hair disappearing into the sparkly abyss. 

It felt like the chance to turn and walk away kept presenting itself to me in the most unexpected ways, but I didn't have anything to go back to, and I think Felix realized that as soon as he saw the prison cell that was my apartment. He didn't have to keep a close eye on me, because he knew there was no way I was going to go back to my boring as shit life.

I start winding my way through crowds of sweaty people, kind of in shock at how colorful and wild everyone seemed to be here. There were guys with nipple tassels and girls with buzzcuts and tattoos all over. On top of that, there were some people who I couldn't identify at all; they just seemed to exist in their own way, shape, and form. 

I'm halfway across the dance floor when the lights dim and flicker one shade of blue, casting everything in an aqua light. But as I stand there, somewhat stunned, I notice a couple across from me starting to make out in the middle of the crowd, and the music seems to get deeper and slower when I think I see a flash of long blonde hair and pretty blue eyes. 

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.

I start to imagine that it's Ender standing across from me and that instead of some random stranger, I'm the guy curled up in his arms. We don't kiss and tongue each other; we just rock back and forth to the music, holding each other, living in the moment. 

I'd never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I'd never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you
No, I don't wanna fall in love...

As I am staring at the couple like a huge creep, someone slams into me, and I fall backward into a couple of girls standing right behind me. One of them screams when her ice-cold drink splashes all over the front of her bra, and her other two friends, covered in piercings, start cursing at me. "You fucking jack-off!" "Piece of shit!"

"Sorry! My bad!" I blurt and disappear back into the crowd before one of them decides to shank me in the middle of the club.

My hands are shaking by the time I start looking for Felix. I'm covered in sweat, and my head feels like it's about to float right off my shoulders. I couldn't seem to make sense of what I was feeling for Ender or why I was hoping that I'd run into him here and strike up a conversation, just like in the parking lot the night before when we'd had our date.

There's a neon pink sign that says "bathroom" on one of the walls, so I quickly shuffle in that direction as the music picks up again and several giant disco balls slowly lower from the ceiling and begin to spin to the beat of the music.

"Hector!" Felix shouts from several feet away, "Hectorrrr!"

I turn around and I see just his head poking up from the crowd and two drinks in his hands.

"Hector?" From behind me comes a deeper, more unfamiliar voice, "Hector Navarro, right?"

Oh, shit.

"I'm Jace," The voice says, and I slowly turn around and come face-to-face with the most aesthetically pleasing man I'd ever laid eyes on in my entire life. He had a shock of beautiful, chocolate-brown hair and warm, cinnamon-colored eyes, so looking at him was basically like looking at a fucking chocolate-filled pastry being pulled straight out of the oven. 

"I'm Ender's boyfriend," Jace explains, and he flashes a perfect-toothed smile.

It doesn't register for a second.

"Ender Calloway?" Jace furrows his eyebrows when I don't respond right away. "He told me all about you."