The next morning comes far too quickly. I feel like we've only just gone to bed when the birds start singing wildly outside our window. With their unmistakable chirping, they serve as a reliable alarm clock and ensure that no one oversleeps.

At the other end of the room, I hear Alivia grumbling in her bed. She turns away from the window and pulls the covers over her head.

I sigh quietly and sit up. My muscles begin to protest. If they knew what was to come today, what I was going to ask of them, they would probably refuse to serve me at all.

I throw back the covers and drag myself out of bed. The walk to the bathroom turns out to be more of a challenge than I initially suspect, but I manage it without disturbing Alivia in her attempt to ignore the birds. I close the door quietly behind me before leaning my back against it.

Breathe, Micah, take a deep breath.

My body begins to shake nervously.

My knees turn to jelly. They fail me and it is only with great effort that I manage not to collapse.

My chest tightens.

A large stone rests on them and I can hardly breathe.

Fear spreads through me.

Inhale, one, two, three, four, exhale, five, six, seven, eight, inhale.

I repeat my mother's mantra until I regain control of my limbs.

I used to have panic attacks like this a lot. They started shortly after the shadow warriors attacked and my sister disappeared. My mother taught me to avert them before they can gain the upper hand.

Since I've been at this school, I've only had them in absolute exceptional cases. Why one of them has attacked me now of all times is a mystery to me.

I go to the sink and let the tap run. I form a small bowl with my hands and fill it with water, which I splash on my face. The cold drops clear my mind. They help me organize my thoughts.

Today is my final practical exam. Apparently I'm more afraid of it than I want to admit to myself.

But why? There's a knock on the door.

»Are you still there, Micah?«

»Yes, you can come in.«

The doorknob turns.

»I'd like to, but you're locked.«

When did I lock the door?

I splash some water on my face before grabbing a towel and drying it with it. Then I go to the door and open it for Alivia. She's standing there, half asleep, half awake, looking at me with barely open eyes.

»Thanks,« she mumbles, walks past me and to the toilet.

I decide to leave her alone and let the door slam shut behind me.

Did she notice anything? Hopefully not. We don't really have any secrets from each other, but I never told her about my panic attacks because I thought I had them under control.

Focus on the essentials, Micah. You're going to fight today. No need to worry.

I go to my closet and take out two dresses. The first is a battle dress that I'll wear for my exam. I lay it on my bed.

The second is a simple magenta summer dress. A dark, solid fabric forms the main skirt, which reaches down to my knees. A thin, translucent silk layer flows over it, reaching just above the main skirt in the front and getting longer towards the back.

I adjust the two hand-width straps on my shoulders. Last night I forgot to undo my braid, so now it looks a bit messed up. Single strands have come loose overnight and are framing my face. I actually like it like that, but I decide to undo it and comb my hair anyway. At least it's dry now.

It falls down my back to my hips in silky waves caused by the braid. I love my long hair and have been wearing it like this for many lunar cycles. Even if they are sometimes difficult to care for, you can still create beautiful hairstyles with them, which is why I always reject Alivia's suggestions to shorten them.

I'm just letting the braided plait fall over my shoulder when Alivia comes out of the bathroom. The tiredness is still in her eyes, but thanks to the make-up, at least it's no longer on her face.

She notices my look and acknowledges it with a shrug. Now it's my turn to get prettier in the bathroom. I wash my face thoroughly, brush my teeth, use the toilet and don't wear any make-up at all. The fight will make it run anyway, so I might as well leave it off. That will make less work for me later.

The horrors of the last few days are no longer visible on my face. There are no black circles under my eyes to show the lack of sleep or exertion, no sunken cheeks to show the lack of food and no blemishes have arisen due to the lack of care.

I leave the bathroom and find Alivia standing in front of her wardrobe, puzzled, in just her underwear. Her persistent refusal to put on anything never ceases to impress me. She doesn't even notice me, so I decide to walk past her to pack my things for the competition.

With my schedule, I'm unlikely to be able to come back here and change before my fight. I'll have to use one of the tents provided for this purpose. But that's only possible if I take everything I need with me.

I pull a white backpack with blue snowflakes out from under my bed and put my folded battle dress in the bottom. Then there are the reinforced boots, my gloves, a belt with a dagger sheath, and of course the weapons.

We're only allowed to take a maximum of three weapons into the ring, which only include daggers, knives, swords, staffs, and shields. Axes, hammers, bows, my personal favorite weapon, or anything similar are not allowed. After all, it's primarily about our close combat skills and our magic control.

I close my backpack and turn to my friend. She has chosen a green, strikingly short dress, which once again shines with a generous back neckline and a heart-shaped neckline that accentuates the décolleté. She wears black ballerina shoes with it.

I put on silver strap sandals. I tie the straps artfully around my lower legs, creating a small pattern of triangles. Alivia nods at me and we both agree that we are ready.

I shoulder my backpack and we leave our hut to go to breakfast. Some other students also make their way to the main building, while others are already coming back.

Breakfast times on competition days run from sunrise until the first fight. Since this starts in an hour, we are among the last to go to eat. I recognize a few second-graders who, like me, have a bag with them or have already changed into their clothes for the fight.

We know an approximate time frame for when we will compete, but not the exact time, as otherwise we might find out who we will be fighting against and that will remain a secret until the fight itself. I myself will be one of the last to enter the ring, as my fight was still considered canceled until yesterday. Nevertheless, I am no less excited than those who will compete this morning.

I cannot see Levi and Jaxon yet. They are either still in their hut or already sitting at the dinner table.

I cannot see Addison and Joyce anywhere either. I found out from Alivia that Wila and the fairy were the first to have to fight each other yesterday. The fight was apparently not particularly exciting. Addison surrendered after just two minutes because she didn't want to hurt Joyce. Alivia says that she was probably more afraid of being embarrassed by her friend in front of her family.

I had thought Addison was braver, but maybe there is more to it than meets the eye. I would like to ask her about that, but we haven't met since I woke up.

Are they avoiding me?

They probably just have too much to do and we'll see each other today. We reach the main building and follow the others into the cafeteria.

While dinner is served as a menu outside, a buffet is set up in the cafeteria for breakfast and lunch, so that everyone can help themselves to something if they're hungry. The smell of fresh bread, beaten eggs and all kinds of delicacies fills my nose. Excited conversations revolve around today's fights.

The results of yesterday's exams will not be published until this evening after the last fight, which means that everyone is still worried about their grade.

This is also discussed. They wonder how well they did, analyze their own fight and compare it with that of their friends and classmates. I take some scrambled eggs, a roll, jam and butter. I put an apple and a glass of orange juice on my tray.

Alivia chooses waffles with powdered sugar and strawberries with chocolate glaze. She puts a warm cocoa on the tray for both of us. We turn around and look for Levi and Jaxon.

From the back of the cafeteria I see Levi's red hair light up and point with my chin in her direction. Alivia winds her way through the many tables, I'm close on her heels.

»Good morning,« she greets Levi and Jaxon, and she and Jaxon lock eyes for a moment.

Levi had just put some of his cereal in his mouth and choked on it. I put down my tray and want to help him, but he manages to catch his breath on his own.

»You shouldn't always wolf down your food like that,« Alivia reproaches him. She sits down next to Jaxon.

»You scared me,« Levi defends himself.

»So now it's my fault that you can't eat properly?« Alivia replies and the exchange of blows begins.

Jaxon just rolls his eyes and leisurely continues eating his breakfast. I also start eating and follow their discussion without interfering. The warm cocoa warms me from the inside out and the jam melts on my tongue. The food at the academy is simply wonderful.

Alivia and Levi manage to eat breakfast and at the same time not miss an opportunity to respond skillfully. They talk to each other like this almost every morning and slowly we can write it off as practice makes perfect. Who emerges victorious from these discussions usually remains unclear.

I suspect that they are not trying to outdo the other, but rather to psych each other up and prepare for the day. I wash down the last bite of my apple with the rest of the orange juice and finish at the same time as the others.

This is also now unconsciously coordinated. Even if we don't always start at the same time and usually eat different amounts, we always finish at the same time so that no one has to wait for anyone. We stand up and put our empty trays with the others, then we leave the main building.

Alivia and Jaxon fall back a little so that they can talk to each other undisturbed.

»What do you have in that backpack?« Levi asks me suddenly.

»My things for the fight. With my schedule for the day, I'm unlikely to come back to the hut to change.«

He gives me a strange look and looks at me from the side.

»What's wrong, Levi?«

»So you really want to fight today?«

I stop. Alivia and Jaxon are so engrossed in their conversation that they run into us.

»Yes, Levi, I want to fight today.«

Alivia and Jaxon exchange a fleeting glance before taking a few steps back. They don't want to interfere and I appreciate this gesture. That's a matter between me and Levi.

»Do you mind?« I ask him, and there's a hint of threat in my tone.

I don't want to act like a princess to him, but if he doesn't trust me, I want to know why.

»What should I mind? You proved to me a long time ago that you have a mind of your own and that you get your way regardless of the consequences.«

»Regardless of the consequences? What does that mean?«

»Exactly what you think. You don't care at all who you push away or hurt with your behavior. You do what you think is right and don't pay any attention to the opinions and objections of others.«

»That's not true at all and you know it. The well-being of others is very important to me and I always try to do exactly what is best for my people.«

»Do you count your friends among your people?«

Now I'm confused.

»Yes, of course.«

»And have you ever asked them what they think of your decisions? Especially the decision to fight today?«

I look at Alivia and Jaxon, who lower their heads in embarrassment.

»Do you also think that I shouldn't compete?« I ask them uncertainly.

They take their time answering, but finally nod.

»You know, Micah, we're just worried that you might get hurt, that you're not fully fit yet,« Alivia explains.

That makes me think. If they all think the same thing, maybe they're right?

»But I'm really fine. I don't feel any aftereffects from the attack,« I defend myself weakly.

Their arguments have taken the wind out of my sails.

»That's hard to believe. After all, you were unconscious for two days. Do you actually know what it was like for us when we saw you? We hardly noticed anything under this spell and then suddenly there was your voice, ordering us to fight, ordering me to fight,« Levi starts to talk himself into action again.

»And then the spell was suddenly gone. I could see clearly again and the first thing I could see, what I wanted to see, was you. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I looked for you among all the others and then I found you. You stood there in front of us, as graceful and radiant as the star princess that you are. You radiated strength and hope and love. But suddenly it was all gone. I wanted to run to you and hug you, but you lost all color, any aura of power was swept away. You rolled your eyes and just fell over. If the guy who was just getting out of the lake hadn't caught you, you would have fallen to the ground like a stone. He laid you in his lap and called for help. I reached you before the teachers. I picked you up and begged you the whole time not to go, to stay awake. You were so light in my arms. I felt like I was carrying a feather and not my best friend. I was the one who put you in the bed in the hospital room and never left your side. I was scared. Scared that you would slip away if I left. Scared that you would never wake up again or that you would be someone else when you came back to us. I was scared of losing you, Micah. I'm scared of losing you.«

I can't say a word. I know Levi is worried about me and I thought that it was him who carried me away from the lake and that it was his voice that I heard while I was unconscious.

»Is that why you don't want me to fight? Because you don't want to lose me?«

He lowers his gaze. Alivia and Jaxon are still holding back.

»Do you feel the same?« I ask them.

They don't react. »I guess that means yes,« I say resignedly.

I walk up to Levi and put my hand on his cheek. I gently lift his chin so that he has to look me straight in the eyes.

»I can't even begin to imagine what you, what any of you,« I look over at Alivia and Jaxon, who are looking at me attentively, "had to go through, what fears you had to endure. I'm sorry, really."

Forgiveness flashes in Levi's eyes.

»I didn't mean to do this to you. At that moment, I really didn't think about what consequences my actions could have for me. I just didn't want you all to die. Because I couldn't have endured that. I couldn't have lived with that. I'm not asking you to forgive me. I'm not asking you to approve of my actions. I'm just asking you to try to accept and respect my decisions.«