A stormy night, thunder rumbles threatening the oncoming wave of darkness. The cave is damp and cold, only amplifying the terrifying echoes. A broken bone from the last unfortunate hiker impaled me through my lower calf. My screams for help are completely lost as the torrential rain finally hits and drowns out any possibility that I’d be heard until after the storm passes.
I close my eyes shivering with fear, adrenaline, the cold, I don’t really know. I reach very slowly around in the dark looking for anything to help me brushing my fingers against more jagged bones. A skull rolls, before I finally jerk my hand back, cringing no longer able to ignore the realization that I was touching human remains.
I know I need to move, I know I need to start treating the wound but I continue to just lay there. Am I in shock? I close my eyes and pass out for a minute. I wake with a scream as a loud crash of thunder jerks me awake. I’m sweating profusely. I look down at my leg in the dim lighting from flashes of lightning. Then back up at the crack I hadn’t seen while hiking over this cave, the rain water pours in. I'm soaked. It trickles down some escape route and miraculously gathers in a pool somewhere far away from me.
‘What was I doing again?’ I look around feeling dazed and sick. I flash back to the sun and wind and how good it smelled on the mountain just an hour ago. I scream as my muscles spasm in my leg reminding me. I need to treat this wound now!
Growling and crying I unclip my backpack and force myself upright. My heart is pounding in my ears and when I rub them to try to alleviate the pain, blood appears on my right hand. I did plummet pretty far and must have hit the side of my head. I clench my fist with the blood in it and look at where the wound would be. First I need light.
‘Talk out loud, stay focused.’ “First light, then bandage and disinfect the wound. Uh, uh they say not to remove something impaling you cause it’s keeping you from bleeding out, but.” I shake my head feeling huffy cries starting again.
“Focus!” I grab my head and empty out my backpack on the floor. I pat around feeling an extra set of clothes and a heavy jacket, my emergency kit and finally, it rolls a little away, a source of light. I flick on my flashlight and feel a jolt go up my body. I’m looking straight into a rotting corpse's face. It disappears the second I blink and I close my eyes to steady myself.
I look around slowly and see that I’m in some sort of den. A bear’s more than likely. I sniff the air but there’s no trace of bear. Abandoned. I look around again for an easy exit, if a bear got in then it’d be able to get out again. The skeleton’s of at least a dozen bodies are littered about and I feel a shiver, a man eating bear used to live here. Let’s hope it doesn’t decide to visit its old den. I try not to look at the bones I fell on. I look down my body and leg to my calf. I wasn’t sure if I would freak out or not but I feel strangely calm. All I know is that I want that bone out of my calf.
I prepare one of my shirts and open the emergency kit. I take the strongest painkiller in it, crunching one of the pills up to make sure it hits faster. My liver could take the stress. This was an emergency after all. I take a deep breath and scoot closer to my leg. I can only describe the sensation as if all my being was screaming at me to stop. I take my calf with both hands and lift it up. The bone lifts up with my leg.
I’m not bleeding as much as I thought I would be, surprisingly. Again in the back of my mind something tells me to leave the bone in. I look at the splintered bone, if I wanted to move I’d have to break off part of the leg. I pull on the leg out of curiosity and the pain that shoots up my leg makes me give up momentarily.
“Okay nope, nope, nope.” I shiver again and then decide to clean and disinfect the wound for now. I pour some water from my canteen over it to wash away the dust and dirt, then bite the inside of my cheek and pour disinfectant all over it. I gasp and let out a few sobbing cries as I realize the full extent of my situation.
Wrapping the clean shirt solidly around my wound, I pull on the warm coat and curl into a ball. I let myself cry and freak out now. But mostly I just start thinking. Of everything that led me up to this moment, a single glance down could have been the difference, or maybe if I had gone hiking a week earlier or later, anything… “How am I going to get out of here?”
I try not to think about it too much but it seems that I have two choices. Try to keep the bone in and the immense pain and suffering it would cause breaking the bone off then make my way slowly back to civilization, or take the bone out and hope I don’t bleed out before it’s too late. I lay there for a long minute, “Actually three options, I could wait for help.”
I can’t believe I fell asleep, that pain killer was no joke. Yeah, it was probably a little illegal for me to have but I assumed I’d need something stronger for painkillers than ibuprofen in an emergency. I’d heard enough stories of hikers having to cut off limbs. I blink sitting up a little. Hikers surviving cutting off limbs. I could survive removing the bone. I look at it and then curse as I realize I did two very stupid things. ‘1. Left the flashlight on overnight and 2. Used my painkiller to sleep basically and not actually do the most painful thing. F. my life.’
I have three pills left. I might still be under the effects of the medicine. I definitely didn’t sleep for 24 hours so I don’t feel like dying to overdose, though that could be my way out rather than succumbing to sepsis or dehydration. I curse it’s too soon to be having those kinds of thoughts. I sat up again, the storm had passed and my legs were icy cold. The little bit of sunlight that came in through the hole in the cave ceiling doesn’t tell me much but is appreciated.
I’ve decided, I’m going to rip that bone out and bind my calf tight enough that I’d have to worry about losing my toes and hike back home. I go through the rest of my backpack, carefully looking for my radio and see my notebook fall out. I hesitate and then quickly scribble down the first entry I’ve made in a long time. So if something goes wrong they’ll know my last words and thoughts. ‘This is depressing.’
“I don’t know who you were, but fuck you, I hope you suffered you bitch!” I scream as I pull the bone again.
It was becoming harder and harder with blood gushing out of my leg, wetting the bone and making my hands lose their hold, slipping before I could pull it all the way out. I screech and curse as I finally take a break to think about this. I look around for anything that can help me: clothes, rocks, bones… I wrap the bone in cloth and pull, it’s stuck in there surprisingly tight. I disassociate as I pull again and again, almost giving up but then it’d give a little and I’d start all over again.
'Am I lightheaded? I feel lightheaded.’ Panicking I grab a rock and bracing myself let out angry sobs as I force the bone the rest of the way out of my calf. I didn’t realize I was still cursing the dead person until I got the bone out and laughed, out of it.
“You thought you could keep me here, but I’m not like you, pathetic, I’m not dying here!” I grab the disinfectant again, pulling my mangled leg towards me to clean it again quickly before wrapping it in a new shirt. I struggle to turn it inside out and then finally I use the same stupid bone that caused the wound to twist the fabric tighter and tighter, cutting off the blood flow and binding the wound shut. I close my eyes, struggling to ride out the waves of pain until I can finally open my eyes again.
A very disgruntled boy is crouched face inches from mine.
I gasp back in fear even as he snorts, “Rude.” And disappears.
I feel the color drain from my face and scooch away from the bones very quickly. I know it’s just the stress of the situation and the effects of the medicine but I quickly apologize to the ghost. Needing a distraction and at the same time to stay survival focused I gulp down a few sips from my canteen and then force my extremely nauseous body to inhale a granola bar.
I updated my notebook with the things I saw whilst under the influence of pain meds and trauma knowing I should also assume I have a head wound. I can’t stop myself from imagining if I could see ghosts now since I had a close call with death.
“S, sorry again I didn’t think you’d actually be able to hear me, you know with you being dead and all. It hurt a lot and I was venting it into anger…” I listen and look around for a bit. “I know you didn’t actually impale me on purpose, right?” Silence. Hmm. I guess it is just the medicine.
I force myself upright once I no longer feel like a breath could knock me over. Supporting myself on the wall I head in a random direction to see if I could find the exit. I’d come back for my stuff, there was no point lugging around the heavy bag and exhausting myself. It’s slow exhausting work. Night is falling, and the temperature is dropping fast. I might need to set up camp. I turn to head back after an hour’s worth of searching, only to find it’s not going to be an easy climb up and out. An insanely intricate and treacherous terrain path to survival ahead of me.
I gather wood and dried stuff to build a fire. Keeping a respectful distance from the bones I use my tinderbox to get it started. Then messing with the radio try to get a signal. I finish my water and have never been so relieved that I always overpack. The water purification kit would be put to good use as soon as the sun comes up. I start feeling an angry throb in my calf and stare at it. I imagined I’d be trekking heroically down the mountain by now.
How long could you cut off blood to your body parts before they started dying? I loosen the bandage a little and wiggle my numb toes. Blood starts soaking through the bandage all too soon. I stare angrily into the fire. I’m going to have to do it huh? I gather every burnable object including the bloodied clothing and get the fire and more importantly a stick, as hot as possible.
I use my tactical knife to strip the bark off of it and struggle not to whimper as I tighten the bandage slowing my blood flow and unwrap the gaping wound. I’m not a doctor. The best thing I could think to do was fill the hole with the burning stick. I couldn’t just seal it and let it keep bleeding internally. Honestly none of my options seemed great.
I stare into the fire trying to mentally prepare myself. My disinfectant is almost gone. I’ll use it afterwards. I stare at the pain medication considering the risk of taking more. I could…take a small nibble…I close my eyes tightly, I’d rather die than experience the pain from before again. I bite a fourth of the medicine and wait for the results. I feel tipsy after about fifteen minutes.
My head is light and heavy at the same time. Swaying I align the stick, a little smaller than the hole and plunge it in. I curse and shriek as I make sure it seals the wound, probably leaving it in too long. Then I try to seal the top and bottom skin but I couldn't take it anymore. I drop the stick, job mostly done, and writhe in pain. Gasping as I stare at the guest sitting across from me.
My eyes open and close but the corpse stays there, turning their head as though they could feel me watching. The mutilated flesh looks like it’s been torn off in chunks and eaten…the bear. I watch them stand and then suddenly get knocked over by a bear. I gasp in horror thinking it’s real as the bear tears the human apart alive. I hear everything. Every scream. Every cry for help. Every single beg for mercy. Soon all that’s left is the the grating, gasping, wet wheeze of a torn open throat. He turns his head to the side, dying but still alive as the bear continues to eat off of him. I close my eyes, shuddering.
“I’m sorry! You had it way worse than me, I’m sorry!” I open my eyes and the horrifying scene is gone. I look around and think I see a figure squatting just out of sight. “Please,” I beg, trembling. Then I blink and they’re right in front of me. Thankfully no longer mutilated, they look like a normal boy again. But they seem angry or irritated.
I close my eyes and give in to the exhaustion caused by the medication. “Please don’t hurt me.” I whimper and pass out. To the boy it must have seemed like I passed out from fear. I wake up with a start wondering if it was a fever dream. I check on my leg. Bloody and blistered from the burn and…stitches. I go to touch the freshly treated, and stitched wound but stop myself seeing my filthy hands. It looks really well done. I look around,
“Hello?” I croak, “Is anybody here?” I blink away the last sleepy threads from the medicine. I know for a fact that I didn’t sow myself up, I don’t even have the supplies. I look around again and whisper, “Ghost boy?” I’m not surprised but also confused when he doesn’t appear. It’s only when I take the medicine. I force myself up and to a puddle. Filtering and cleaning the water I fill up my canteen. I eat another granola bar and jump out of my skin when the radio finally works.
I grab it and call for help. Listening in tension for a reply that I'd heard, the radio fizzes out and the signal disappears just as soon as it comes.
I stare at the stitches again and look for footprints, maybe a cave hermit lives here but is terrified of people. It’s possible but to appear and disappear without a trace was just as likely as a… I look over at the bones of the bear victim.
“Thank you,” I whisper, flushing, feeling like a fool. ‘I should try to help him find rest.’ I think despite not really believing in ghosts. I prepare my things and then use a stick as a crutch search for the exit. The exit didn’t exist. I tear at the obvious cave-in until my fingers are bloody, I scream for help but despite seeing daylight and the forest just outside, I can’t fit through the tiny gap. I lay there gasping, having wasted my energy and the whole day.
“Get up.” Someone else says. I know who it is. I turn my head. The ghost boy is standing there. He ripples between looking normal and being half-decomposed. “Get up.” He says again. His mouth is not moving. I move slowly, assuming I’m dying and that’s why I’m seeing him more and more. He leads me back the way we came.
I stop, “Wait, why? Isn’t there a way out?”
He half turns back, “No way out…” he continues walking for a while, “Cave in.”
I watch him disappear and reappear in random places around the cave, sometimes his memories of being alive and exploring, then getting mauled, thankfully without the vivid screams and then as a ghost or corpse. I know I’m losing it. I just need to survive the night. Then I’ll search again.
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