Chase,

Sitting here in my self-created prison, holding your precious phone has given me time to think about how lucky I am.

When I realized that I was gay, I always expected it to set me up for a lot of hurt. There are so many stories of queer kids being bullied, rejected, kicked out of their own homes, and far, far worse. For this reason, like so many others, I decided to say and do nothing.

Until a game of spin-the-bottle at Sarah’s house changed everything. Kyle considered himself open-minded enough to kiss me in front of everyone but it meant nothing to him. For me, on the other hand, it opened a door of possibility that I no longer wanted to close.

Then, I met you.

From the moment I heard your voice, I was enthralled. When you winked at me, I knew that I wanted to know everything about you and more. After my first glance at your cute bubble butt, I wanted to bite it (I can’t believe I’m confessing to that one).

Then, the gods allowed me to see your character, your kindness, your creativity, and your remarkable sense of humor. I knew that I was caught... hook, line, and sinker.

You are my first crush, my first kiss, and my first lover. That’s what we did last night, we made love. For me, it was neither carnal, cliche, nor empty. I felt so at home in your embrace that I slept like I belonged for the first time since I lost my mother.

I told my father a lie, so he wouldn’t find out about you; my little slice of paradise. That way, he couldn’t accidentally ruin what I have with you.

Even if I never get to see you again before I leave, please know that you’ve given me so much joy.

You irrevocably showed me that Duncan is very right, it truly is OK to be gay.

This gift can never be taken from me and I can only hope that our time together has also been meaningful for you.

If I carry on writing, I’ll start to cry.

Love,

Tanner.

Sent from YOUR iPhone.

Tanner,

I can honestly say that I’ve never received an email like this before. I’m tempted to let you keep the phone, so you’ll send more.

I could never do this message justice with a written reply, so I’m coming tonight. It’s all arranged with Duncan.

Sent from my Blackberry.

“I’m telling my mum and your dad that I’ve decided to drop out of college,” Duncan explained his plan. “That will keep them busy long enough to give you some time.”

“What if Dad decides to storm off?” I asked, knowing my father’s temper.

“I’ll call, so you can get Chase out of the room ASAP... or put him in the closet.” Duncan laughed.

I decided on the spot that he had gay joke privilege for life and said nothing.

“Duncan, why are you doing all this?” I asked.

“I guess I’m a hopeless romantic,” he said with a shrug.

“No, really,” I insisted.

He looked at me for a moment before finally giving me a serious reply.

“Dude, you needed to hide a fucking book. I figured if I was the gay brother, I’d appreciate someone having my back.”

My breath caught in my throat and without thinking I said, “I love you, bro.”

It looked like he was going to brush it off but instead, he smiled and replied, “Same here, shit stain.”

We had so little time together that the thought of it almost broke me. Chase had asked to change his day off so we could be together and now all we had was about half an hour.

When he snuck into my room, I wanted to let him have his way with me... but that was no longer an option. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry.

“I can’t take you to prom...”

He opened Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry” on his phone’s iTunes app.

“...but will you be my King and dance with me?”

I slowly danced with him and kissed him until I ran out of breath.

I never heard the keycard click the lock open.

Dad stormed in and the moment he saw me in Chase’s arms, he froze like he’d seen a ghost.

Then Duncan came running into the room yelling, “I’m so sorry! He escaped before I realized.”

“I thought you were trying to sneak out again,” Dad said in barely a whisper.

He sat down on the bed and stared as if seeing me for the first time. I was in shock and didn’t dare move or even breathe.

“So your mother was right,” Dad said, no anger in his tone. “She told me this day would come.”

“What?!” I demanded.

“This isn’t a choice and we aren’t to blame, she said. I promised her to let you be your true self.”

Suddenly, he was towering over Chase and said, “I hope you realize Tanner is all I have left of her...”

“Then she must have been exceptional!” Chase interrupted respectfully.

“That she certainly was,” my dad said, sizing Chase up further.

“He’s a really good guy, Dad,” Duncan said. “Please, don’t deny them the little time they have left together.”

Duncan had never called him Dad before.