Let me tell you about Sundays, kid.  Sunday is where I got my halfway brain.  See, my parents got married on a Sunday.  It’s crazy that Mom went through with it at all – pixies aren’t really the marrying type.  But she knew it meant a lot to my dad, so she went through with it.  And Dad knew that September was Mom’s favorite season, when the leaves on the aspen trees burned yellow in the mountains.

The problem was, this all happened in July.  Dad wanted to surprise Mom with an autumn wedding, but he couldn’t wait that long.  So, he invited a city clerk to join them on a skydiving trip.  That way, they could get married in the fall.

They paid the clerk a ton of money and squeezed him into a jumpsuit and a parachute.  Their hearts soared as they leapt from the plane.  The clerk tried to get through the ceremony as he fell, but he was overwhelmed by the gravity of the occasion.  They didn’t finish all the “I do’s” until they’d splashed down in a stream.  In the end, despite Dad’s best efforts to marry Mom in the fall, they ended up tying the knot, soaked, in the spring.

***

A few dozen Sundays later, Cordelia Soong came into the world, pink and wriggly and halfway-brained.  Dad didn’t tell me as much about that Sunday, except to say it was the happiest day of his life.  I’m sure my arrival changed their lives completely – moving from skydiving and adventures to poop and sleepless nights.  A few years later, Mom was gone, leaving nothing behind except a letter I didn’t find until much, much later, and a big, clunky computer that only Dad knew how to use.

***

And, speaking of that clunky computer, that brings us to the third Sunday, the weirdest Sunday of our lives.  Mom had been gone about a year at that point.  Then, one morning, that old computer starts beeping and dinging.  Dad hits a button, and a message appears on the screen:

[[You’ve got male.]]

Dad double-clicks the message, and suddenly I have a wriggly little brother, Cornelius.

If it was me, I’d have been so steamed at Mom for disappearing that I would have just deleted the message and forgotten about it.  But Dad didn’t do that.  Maybe he didn’t think of it until it was too late.  After all, He’d opened the file.  There was already an attachment.

***

Okay, kid, enough reminiscing.  It’s time to move on to the next stage of our heist.  Duck into that storage closet!  Flip on that light switch, and let’s see what we’ve got.

I heard that this is where the school keeps its “Lost and Found,” along with all the stuff the teachers confiscate from students.  So take a look around.  Do you see something neon orange, with black rubber stripes?  Maybe next to that filing cabinet?  Wait, there it is.  Peeking out from behind that box of printer paper.  Reach over there and grab it.

There we go!  You now hold in your hands… 

… a shoe.

No, don’t put it on, kid!  The shoe you’re holding is the third member of our team.  In heists, it’s important to be stealthy.  Luckily, that shoe is a first-rate sneaker.

I know, amazing, right?  I'll give you a second to pick your jaw up off the floor before we keep going.