Roland’s POV

Life without the shop sucked. Like really fucking sucked.

I sighed to myself as I walked through the woods. The only good part about being grounded from the shop was the fact that I didn’t have to be near Mary for a while.

It had taken days for me to get my voice to work again and even when I did, I could only squeeze out a few words at a time, but the conversation hadn’t gone horribly.

“Are you ready to have this conversation,” Andrew asked. He was sitting behind his desk, my file was nowhere to be seen and Mary was sitting beside me.

I hadn’t wanted to sit down when I saw she was there but after a few minutes of Andrew trying to calm the storm in my chest, I managed to slip into my normal spot.

I could only nod with Mary staring at me and she frowned when I refused to look at her.

“Why did you storm out of the shop,” she asked. Her voice was soft and it reminded me of how she used to speak to me when I first came to camp.

“I was mad,” I said with a shrug, still looking at the floor.

“At me,” she said more than asked.

“The car mostly but also at you.”

“What did you do after you left?”

“I went to the woods. I like it there. It’s quiet.” She frowned and I assumed I said something wrong.

“How far did you go? You didn’t go past the fence did you?”

“No. Kit said I shouldn’t leave. I have a spot by the lake and that’s where I went.”

“And you were out there the entire time? You didn’t eat or drink anything? It was 90 degrees. You can’t just sit out there for that long without drinking water.” I didn’t answer but I assumed that was answer enough.

“Why did you stay out for that long? You know there’s a curfew. If any guards found you, you could have gotten hurt. They’ve all been through training courses on how to act around mute children but if something happened and you were to run they could have hurt you.”

“Lost track of time,” I said with a shrug, leaving out the part that I didn’t want to go back to that stupid, too-small cabin.

“You can’t do that again, Roland,” she said and her voice was too stern for my liking. I flinched and she frowned again. “It’s not safe to be out at night. We don’t know what animals are out there and beyond the fence is state-owned land. People could be hunting out there. If they shot something and missed you could have died and none of us would even know.”

I hadn’t even thought of that but the idea made me frown so I nodded.

“Considering the reasons,” Andrew said and smiled a bit when I looked up to meet his gaze. “I feel the grounding for the shop is fair. It’s only two more days at that. Do you think it’s still fair?” I nodded again and Mary stood up.

I hated that I flinched when she did.

“I’m sorry that I scared you the other night but you really scared me too. I get worried when my kids aren’t safe.” I didn’t answer and she left the office.

“Are you still mad at her,” Andrew asked after a few minutes. I thought for a moment before shaking my head. “Are you scared of her?”

“Yes,” I said barely above a whisper. Andrew, to my surprise, held in his frown.

“Can I ask why? It’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“She yelled at me. She doesn’t usually do that. And she was really mad and then she chased me all the way here. She wasn’t acting right. I don’t like when people don’t act the way they normally do. She doesn’t normally hit me but she could have then.”

“You said a while ago that your mom used to slap you sometimes. Did she ever do worse than that or have other people?”

“Mom used to him me. Some foster parents did. I tried to learn the signs but sometimes they just lashed out for no reason. I thought Mary was going to do that so I ran here. I thought you would stop her.”

“I would have,” Andrew said quickly. “Mary would never do that but I would have stopped her if she did.” I stored that away for later, just in case he was wrong. “Do you think that I would ever do that?” I looked him over for a minute before shaking my head. Andrew had always been too calm for that. If he wanted to do harm he would just say mean things and I could handle those. Andrew smiled when he saw the small movement of my head. “I’m glad you see me as a safe person.”

We sat in silence for a while before I looked up at him again. 

“I think I want to be done for the day.”

Realistically, I knew Mary probably wouldn’t hit me. Not with Andrew as my therapist. If I told him anything, he would no doubt tell the cops and the whole camp would get shut down. Mary might not care for me that much, I had been told plenty of times that I was a problem child so it would make sense if she didn’t, but she did care about camp. 

Still, I didn’t like the idea of being in the shop alone with her anymore.

My grounding had ended yesterday and I still hadn’t stepped foot in there. Mary had been there to greet me at the cabin door early the morning I was free but I had only shook my head and closed the door in her face.

She had tried again today but received the same answer.

After I was sure she was gone I went back out to my place in the woods. It was still hot and still too bright but I stayed there for hours.

I walked there now, listening to the birds in the tree and the fish jumping in the lake and thought about how nice it felt to not have to talk. Ever since Kit came to camp I had spoken at least a few sentences a day but now that he was gone and I wasn’t there with Mary, I remembered why I liked silence as much as I did.

It was nice to not have conversations and wonder if people were just being nice or if they actually cared. It was nice to not have to pretend to be interested in what people were saying. It was nice to not have to speak or overthink with every interaction that I had.

I sighed as I sat against my tree and stared up at the branches above me. Some were brown from lack of water but most were bright green and the sky was blue.

I wondered when I would go back to the shop. I wondered if I ever would. It was nice out here, just me and my thoughts. Even if Mary never spoke, just her presence was enough to remind me I wasn’t home.

It was never like that with Kit. Kit was home. Even when he spoke for hours on end and it was the farthest feeling away from home, Kit made it feel like home in a way Mary would never be able to replicate.

I wondered if they would get worried if I never went back. I wondered if they would be right for worrying. I wondered if it would make Kit frown. I wondered how long it would take before Andrew questioned my absence there.

I probably wasn’t worth the hassle. Even if I didn’t want to be there, it was probably for the best that I went soon just to keep everyone from talking about it to me. Having the same conversation three different times with people who could never understand the reason was not something I wanted to do.

I would miss this. I would miss my alone time in the woods but if it kept everyone else from worrying it would be worth it. 

“Don’t be such a problem, Roland,” Mom scoffed in my head. I frowned but nodded. 

Tomorrow was call day and I never worked on call day but first thing on Monday, I would go back to the shop.

I sighed and soaked in my last few hours of freedom, pretending Kit was beside me and that this was a little date we were on. He wouldn’t speak because he would know I didn’t want to talk. He would hold my hand in his and fidget because sitting still was hard for him but it would be nice.

School would start back in a month. I wasn’t looking forward to it. My time out here and in the shop would dwindle and my time in the cabin would skyrocket.

I shook my head at the thought. I didn’t want to think about that place right now. I wanted to think about Kit.

I looked back up at the sky. 

Another summer storm was rolling in.

Kit’s POV

I bounced my leg up and down rapidly as I tried to focus on the TV in front of me.

Cody kept sending me concerned glances beside me Anthony openly frowned at me. Nathan tried not to look at me, already knowing the problem and trying not to bring attention to it.

It had been days since the late-night skate park excursion but I still couldn’t get the smell of weed out of my nose. 

All it took was a small whiff and I was already craving it. I hated myself for it even though I knew I shouldn’t. Addicts for life was the first thing rehab tried to drill into your head but the fact that I had been clean for two years and wanted to relapse so badly was a hard thing to come to terms with.

It didn’t help that I barely left the apartment since that night. I went straight to work and straight home since then. After weeks of skating every day for at least an hour made sitting still impossible. Every fiber of my being was jumping around and it made me feel like I was about to explode.

“Let’s go to the park,” Cody said after another hour of me trying and failing to pay attention to the show we were watching.

“No,” I said far too quickly.

“You never say no to the park,” Anthony noted with a frown. “Did something happen? More bad news about your boyfriend?”

“It’s not about him,” I sighed. “Just drop it, please?”

“You’re scaring us,” Cody said, putting a hand on my back. “Isn’t not taking an interest in past hobbies a sign of depression? If you’re getting depressed we want to help!”

“I’m not depressed,” I groaned.

“That’s what someone who was hiding depression would say,” Anthony pointed out with a frown as he sat on the floor in front of me. A worried expression was plastered on his face as he placed a hand on my knee to keep it from bouncing. “What’s going on?”

“I smelled weed and now I want to get higher than a fucking kite,” I scoffed. “Is that what you want to hear?”

Understanding crossed their faces.

“We knew it was a possibility,” Antony frowned. “Triggers are going to happen to all of us and it’s up to us as a support system to help each other through it. So what do you think would help? Because clearly staying inside all day isn’t helping.”

“I don’t know what would help,” I sighed and put my head in my hands.

“What about talking to that therapist that got us jobs,” Nathan said with a shrug. “You said he would do it for free and we’re flat broke. It could help. Or you start seeing a rehab counselor.”

“I hate those counselors,” I scoffed. “They treat you like a fucking criminal for trying to get clean.”

“So the camp therapist then,” Cody said.

“He’s too busy.”

“He told you that,” Nathan asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“Well, no but-,”

“You don’t know unless you ask him,” Cody scoffed. “There’s no point in struggling unless there is no other way around it and even then you shouldn’t struggle alone. We’re here for you and you know that.”

“So the therapist is a long-term option,” Anthony said as he took his hand off my knee. “What are we doing for right now because I can literally see that you are about to explode.”

“I want to go somewhere,” I sighed. “I want to go skate but now that I know people smoke there, I don’t want to risk it.”

“We’ve been there countless times already,” Nathan said with a frown. “And the only time we ran into that problem was at three in the morning. It’s the middle of the day now. Cops are out and no one would be stupid enough to light up in the middle of the day. If you want to go then we can go. Even if it’s not at the park, we can just skate around town. Anything to get this energy out.”

I bit my lip for a second before nodding. I didn’t have time to stand up before Cody was throwing my board at me and picking up his board.

“Let’s go then. I’ll even let you laugh as often as you want if I fall,” he said with a smile.

“I was going to do that anyway,” I teased as I followed him out the door. 

As we walked out of the building I pulled up Andrew’s name in my contacts and sent a quick text.