My heart is racing so hard I can barely breathe. Sending him that “invoice” was probably the most nerve-wracking thing I have ever done in my entire life. If it wasn’t for Cynthia, I probably wouldn’t have done it at all. I had planned to just say there was no charge and leave it at that. But then, he might have insisted on sending me something. Harley Cox was not a man to let a debt stand, not back when we all hung out together. If he said he was going to repay you, he would.
“Ask him out!” Cynthia said, handing me a cup of coffee over the break room table. “You’ve been crushing on this guy for years, Dex. Just go for it!”
I sighed. “I don’t know,” I hedged. “It hasn’t been that long since Oliver, and I don’t think I’m really ready for another relationship right now.”
She plopped down in the seat in front of me. “So then just hang out, rekindle your lost friendship. Live a little, dammit.”
I sat back in my chair, twirling the coffee cup on the table. “What if it’s awkward though?” I said. “We only hung out because of Robin.”
She pointed at me. “Lies. You knew him before he and Robin met, remember?”
She had a point. I’d met Harley at a carnival a few months prior to that. He was with a group of friends and we were all near the stage watching a local band perform. Somehow we just got to talking and it went from there. I had planned on making a move at some point, to ask him out. I liked him almost immediately. Tall, dark, and handsome, just like a protagonist in a romance novel.
My hopes were shattered that day on the basketball court when he spotted Robin. From that point onward, he only had eyes for my best friend. We remained friends and I learned to bury my feelings and heal my own broken heart, but I don’t think my feelings ever really faded. We all hung out, we all got along. I was going to stand with Robin at their wedding.
Until that drunk bastard ran him over, ending our lives as we knew it.
I didn’t take Robin’s death well. I glossed over what I had done to Harley. I did go to San Francisco for a few months, ending up fucking and snorting my way through every Tom, Dick, and Harry who gave me the time of day and a line of coke. However, I couldn’t take living that way, knowing Robin would have been disappointed in me if he’d seen me like that. I returned to Redbrick, got sober, finished my degree and went down to Phoenix to begin my career as a designer for a large architectural firm.
Imagine my surprise when they transferred me back up here.
Then Hector’s retirement party happened…
And there he was…standing on the balcony looking worse than I had ever seen anyone look before. He was so miserable, so lost and gone in his grief. I hadn’t lied when I said he looked incredible; he really had. That suit…that corset vest…he was every dark fantasy lover’s dream. Every feeling I thought I’d lost for him came back full force in that moment and I was drowning in them.
When he talked about Windy, his best friend, that spark he once had in his eyes, the one he held for Robin, lit up those gorgeous dark brown eyes of his. I wanted to meet her, get to know the woman that was doing her best to keep him from falling too far into despair. When I saw her, saw how she behaved with Nikki Halsey and with Harley, I knew. It was in her eyes, in the way she carried herself.
She was a kid trapped in an adult’s body.
Just like Millie.
But there was more to her, more that reminded me of Robin in the way she moved and spoke. Her mind is like my sister’s. Her personality is my best friend’s.
I don’t want to be her friend out of pity or because it would make me seem like such a good person. I want to be her friend because she’s his friend. And I want to see him again, hang out with him again. However, there was a roadblock. A complication, I told them.
Oliver.
My ex-boyfriend.
The most controlling and mentally abusive man I have ever had the misfortune to tie myself to. If not for him, it wouldn’t have been another two years before I saw Harley again. And when I did, when Oliver was finally out of the picture, Harley had never looked more phenomenal. His eyes were brighter, his skin darker, his body more filled out, his smile wider.
He was alive again.
He’s still in love with Robin, that’s obvious. But he’s healing now. He’s sober and alive. That had to be Windy’s work, there’s no other explanation for it.
So when I told Cynthia about running into him at Starbucks last week, I shouldn’t have been surprised when she told me to ask him out.
So…in a roundabout way…I did.
And now, here I am, waiting at Tony’s Pizzeria for him and Windy, my hands shaking under the table, my leg bouncing uncontrollably, and my heart threatening to explode out of my chest. I know it’s only been a week give or take, but I’m so nervous. What will he look like? What will he say? Will Windy even like me? Will she want to leave and take him with her? It’s plain they’re close and he’ll follow her lead if it comes down to it.
If I don’t make a good impression on her, I won’t see Harley again, I know it. I won’t fake it, I won’t pretend to be someone I’m not just so she’ll approve of me. I know better than that.
The door opens and I glance up to see them both walk in. I sit up straight as they glance around the restaurant. I hesitate, so nervous I can’t speak. He looks…amazing…he’s in jeans and a tee shirt, his hair slicked back, but he’s just so incredibly handsome.
Windy is close at his side, her long brown hair in a ponytail, her own tee shirt hugging her slender frame, her jeans accentuating her curvy hips. She’s nervous, too, I can see it in her expression.
I exhale slowly. Just be calm…act naturally…don’t say anything stupid…
“H-hey,” I call out, standing up from the table. I’m surprised my voice is level given how every nerve in my body is lit up like a firework.
They turn to me and Harley’s eyes meet mine. He smiles and raises his hand in a small wave. I return it as he nudges Windy’s arm, guiding her in my direction. She’s just a step behind him, holding on to his elbow like a child holding on to her father for fear of getting lost.
Millie does the same exact thing with me. For whatever reason, that alone makes my nerves relax and my smile feels more natural.
“Hey,” Harley says. “Sorry we’re late.”
Three minutes. They’re three minutes late.
I shake my head. “It’s fine, I haven’t been here long.” Ten minutes. I’ve been here for ten minutes shaking like a teenager. I turn my gaze to Windy and give her a friendly smile. “It’s nice to see you again, Windy.”
Her smile is hesitant, cautious.
“I’m…Declan,” I say, extending my hand. “We met at Hector’s retirement party?” If she doesn’t remember me, I’m not the least bit surprised.
She nods, taking my hand. “I remember. Hello.” Her voice is soft, measured. I’m a stranger, someone she doesn’t know and doesn’t trust. “H-Harley says you were friends for a long time.”
I nod. Remembering my manners, I motion to the table. “Please, sit down. I haven’t ordered anything yet.”
Harley pulls out a chair for Windy and she sits. He sits next to her, across from me. His knee bumps mine under the table and it’s all I can do not to fidget or blush.
“You look good,” he says. “I’m surprised you’re not in a suit this time.”
I let out a small, nervous chuckle. “Yeah, I thought that might be a bit much for pizza.”
There is a small twitch of a smile at the corner of her lips. Her light brown eyes are studying me, taking me in. “Unless you’re in the mob.”
Both me and Harley laugh at the unexpected remark.
“Unfortunately, I don’t have those kinds of connections,” I say. “Not really, anyway.”
Harley glances down at her. He dwarfs her by almost a full foot but he’s so gentle it’s endearing. “His family owns this place.”
Her eyes go wide. “Seriously?”
I nod. “My grandfather opened this place back in the early sixties. Anthony DeLuca. He emigrated here from Italy when he was a teenager.”
She furrows her brow and tilts her head and a sharp pain goes through my chest.
Robin.
“I thought your last name was Howell.”
I grin. “My mother’s family,” I say. “My dad is from Yorkshire, England.”
“You don’t have an accent,” she says. “Not one I can hear, anyway.”
I laugh. “I was born here. I met Robin in high school and when he found out where my family came from, we clicked.”
Harley’s eyes soften and I can almost sense Windy relax. She knows about Robin, probably more than anyone else outside of Harley or myself. Apparently my connection to him is making a good impression.
Thank god…
The waitress comes up then. “Hey, Dex,” she says with a grin. “What can I getcha?”
“Are you guys thirsty at all?” I ask. “Whatever you want, is fine.”
Harley grins and my heart flips. “We know what we want already.” He looks up at Maria, the waitress and my cousin. “Two root beers and the extra large supreme, onions on half.”
“You got it.” She pushes my shoulder. “I already know you want a Dr Pepper and breadsticks.” She grins at all of us. “I’ll be back shortly with your order.”
I glance between them, dumbfounded. “You come here a lot together?”
He shrugs. “They have good pizza.”
“The best pizza,” Windy clarifies, her grin widening. She thumbs at Harley. “I hate onions. He eats them on almost everything.”
I laugh. Just. Like. Robin. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Robin couldn’t stand it,” Harley said with a small smile. “He refused to kiss me after I ate them. He actually started carrying around gum for me to chew so I could get the taste and smell out of my mouth.”
“I’ll have to remember that,” she says, wrinkling her nose. “So,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest. “Declan Howell.”
I have to fight another chuckle as I feel myself relax further. She and Millie would get along famously.
“Tell me about yourself.”
I grin. “What would you like to know?”
She glances up at Harley who shrugs. Her eyes turn back to me. “Since ‘everything’ would probably take longer than dinner, how about your history with Harley.”
Both of us stiffen slightly. That was unexpected.
“Well,” I say slowly. “We were friends. Very good friends…” My voice trails off and I bite the inside of my bottom lip. “Robin was my best friend so we hung out a lot together.”
“What did you guys use to do?”
Me and Harley exchange a look. “We did a lot of stuff, mostly outdoors, I guess. Sports, concerts, parties. We were into the club scene a lot back then, too.”
Her expression is stony, her fingers flexing on her arm.
And then it hits me.
Something happened after that party, something bad, and she’s terrified I’ll drag him right back into it.
My smile is gentle, reassuring, and I sit back. “I know he’s sober,” I say softly. “So am I. I don’t drink or do drugs, not anymore. I know what that life is like, I know how it extends to those we love and who care about us. I know the pain and the anguish and the toll it takes.” I shake my head slightly. “I’m not into that. I hated who I was back then and I refuse to go back to it. I prefer to go hiking, running, biking, that sort of thing. I spend time with my family, go out with my friends, cook, even paint a little.”
Harley’s eyes drop to the table and he swallows hard. Windy doesn’t notice, her focus is solely on me.
“It isn’t easy,” I say. “Pretending that it is is a great way to slide back into that world and I’d prefer to stay right where I am. I have a great job and a great life now, and I’m not about to risk that over a glass of whiskey or a line of coke.” I shift in my seat and let my gaze linger on Harley a moment, a smile on my lips. “I would also like to restart a friendship that I lost when Robin died. And, if you’re willing, I’d like to be your friend too.”
Harley’s gaze is on me, warm and searching. There’s a flash of something, something I saw at the party. I thought it was my imagination back then. Seeing it again now…I can’t give in to the hope he might potentially like me, not the way I like him. He loves Robin…he’ll always love Robin. I’ll only be his friend. If that’s all he’ll ever want, then I can be okay with that.
But…what if…?
She sighs and glances up at Harley, holding his gaze. He looks almost pensive, waiting for an answer to a question he had put to her at some point.
“He can stay,” she says softly and I swear Harley sags with relief. She turns her gaze to me. “I’m not jogging.”
Harley and I look back at each other and laugh. “That’s fair,” I say. “I’m sure there are other things we can do together that you enjoy.”
“Be prepared, buddy,” she says, sitting forward and grinning. “It’s a long list.”
The pizza, drinks, and breadsticks arrive and the conversation flows smoothly onward. It’s only then that I realize Harley’s knee never once moved from mine.
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